issue93 大家帮忙看一下！

四月的迷迭香UID: 154552

issue93
"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making." “个人职责”是一种必要的虚构。尽管社会必须让个人对他们自己的行为负责，但人们的行为很大程度上是被迫的而并非个人意愿。

The individuals of human beings constitute the human society, which systematically organizes the single ones as an entirety. I agree with the speaker that societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, since the behaviors of an individual are related with, thus responsible to, the society he/she belongs to. However, the concept of “individual responsibility” is not a fiction, even though it is indisputable that the society as a whole may considerably influence and, to some extent, shape the behaviors of its people.

The concept of “society” is abstract, which is materialized by its individuals. As a whole, the society gradually forms mutual beliefs, interests and evaluation criteria, all of which are largely assimilated by the people living in. On the one hand, it is people’s psychological demands to achieve social identification that make persons’ behaviors conform to the environment. Most people tend to make themselves accepted and approved by others, and the group as a whole often exclude the aliens to maintain its conformity. On the other hand, considering the advancement of the whole society, sometimes people passively obey the rules of the game, compromising their own interests with the social aims. We can see from the two sides that the characteristics of individuals are significantly socialized, and people’s behaviors are largely determined by the social consciousness.

Nevertheless, it does not mean that the individuals’ conducts are directed merely by the societies rather than by themselves. When confronting certain choices, people have the subjective activity to make their selections. One can choose to be a rich man or lead a simple life; one can choose to dedicate oneself to the nation or ask for as many as one can from the nation; one can choose to be an honest official or be guilty of corruption. These choices are determined by people’s inherent nature or their psychological demands, with their own value preference. In 1995,
Mr. Leason who was accused of losing 1.3 billion dollars as a result of a risky derivative investment with the potential of a 27-billion gain, contributed to the collapse of Barings Bank. Standing on the crossroads, Leason chose the dangerous and culpable way rather than the safe and correct one. Hence it is partial to say that people conduct by the determinations of the societies instead of by themselves.

Everyone should be accountable to the societies, just as every member should be responsible to the family. Although an individual is a very small part of the whole society, his/her impact would be significant. A government official who commits corruption may make his country suffer great financial loses. A supervisor of the vehicle company who omits the potential problem of safety may be guilty for a traffic tragedy. Meanwhile, individual’s devotions to the society can benefit the publics significantly, especially when combining them together. It is such a tremendous power that gives invaluable impetus to the society. The advancement of the society, as a consequence, better improves people’s lives and furthers their interests. Hence, the strong sense of responsibility enables us to devote ourselves to, and finally benefit from, our societies.

In sum, “individual responsibility” is a necessary conception upon which the stability and prosperity of a society relies. The customs, beliefs and constrains of the societies do greatly influence people’s thoughts and decisions, it is nevertheless not the excuse for anyone to avoid one self’s responsibility.

so猫UID: 148633

issue93
"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making." “个人职责”是一种必要的虚构。尽管社会必须让个人对他们自己的行为负责，但人们的行为很大程度上是被迫的而并非个人意愿。

The individuals of human beings constitute the human society, which systematically organizes the single ones as an entirety. I agree with the speaker that societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, since the behaviors of an individual are related with（是to吧）, thus responsible to, the society he/she belongs to. However, the concept of “individual responsibility” is not a fiction, even though it is indisputable that the society as a whole may considerably influence and, to some extent, shape the behaviors of its people.不错 很漂亮的开头呀

The concept of “society” is abstract, which is materialized by its individuals. As a whole, the society gradually forms mutual beliefs, interests and evaluation criteria, all of which are largely（这里是用largely吗？你的意思是“很大程度上”吧~~~反正我的word里面有绿杠杠） assimilated by the people living in. On the（这个the不要吧） one hand, it is people’s psychological demands to achieve social identification that make persons’（这个复数加’感觉好怪） behaviors conform to the environment. Most people tend to make themselves accepted and approved by others, and the group as a whole often exclude（单数复数的问题） the aliens to maintain its conformity. On the other hand, considering the advancement of the whole society, sometimes people passively obey the rules of the game, compromising their own interests with the social aims. We can see from the two sides that the characteristics of individuals are significantly socialized, and people’s behaviors are largely determined by the social consciousness.

Nevertheless, it does not mean that the individuals’ conducts are directed merely by the societies rather than by themselves. When confronting certain choices, people have the subjective activity to make their selections. One can choose to be a rich man or lead a simple life; one can choose to dedicate oneself to the nation or ask for as many as one can from the nation; one can choose to be an honest official or be guilty of corruption. These choices are determined by people’s inherent nature or their psychological demands, with their own value preference. In 1995,
Mr. Leason who was accused of losing 1.3 billion dollars as a result of a risky derivative investment with the potential of a 27-billion gain, contributed to the collapse of Barings Bank. Standing on the crossroads, Leason chose the dangerous and culpable way rather than the safe and correct one. Hence it is partial to say that people conduct by the determinations of the societies instead of by themselves.这段的例子 我觉得很~ 虽然楼主说了derivative 但是感觉还是没有在例子中间提到任何有关society的东东 比如 没有提到当时社会的反对力量还有普遍的社会观什么的 失去对比 例子的力度就大大减轻 感觉就不是那么的好~~~呵呵 这个 不就是从ARGU里面学来的吗~~

Everyone should be accountable to the societies, just as every member should be responsible to the family. Although an individual is a very small part of the whole society, his/her impact would be significant. A government official who commits corruption may make his country suffer great financial loses. A supervisor of the vehicle company who omits the potential problem of safety may be guilty for a traffic tragedy.（是不是太片面了 一个是government official 一个是supervisor 都是很特殊的 有没有小老百姓的例子？） Meanwhile, individual’s devotions to the society can benefit the publics significantly, especially when combining them together. It is such a tremendous power that gives invaluable impetus to the society. The advancement of the society, as a（这个a是不是应该不要？） consequence, better improves people’s lives and furthers their interests. Hence, the strong sense of responsibility enables us to devote ourselves to, and finally benefit from, our societies.

In sum, “individual responsibility” is a necessary conception upon which the stability and prosperity of a society relies. The customs, beliefs and constrains of the societies do greatly influence people’s thoughts and decisions, it is nevertheless not the excuse for anyone to avoid one self’s responsibility.结尾 很不错

总的感觉 楼主的文章写的不错
逻辑方面 我只是感觉第一个body和第二，三个的关系不是那么的紧密~~~~
个人意见 欢迎讨论 谢谢~~~

四月的迷迭香UID: 154552

首选感谢so猫帮我改文章！！！

先说一下，On the one hand和On the other hand是没错的，我有一篇文章别人改的时候也说前者是不是应该去掉the，其实不应该的。上G班的时候修锐老师特意强调过的：）

largely我觉得可以用来表示很大程度吧，题目里不也这么说的吗？

关于body3的例子，你说的很对，确实没有说清楚。我是想说Leason不合法的风险投资导致Barings Bank破产，对社会造成危害。强调一下造成怎样的社会危害是很有必要的。比如银行破产最大的受害者就是银行的用户。

另外请教一下，“第一个body和第二，三个的关系不是那么的紧密~~~~”为什么呢？第一段说的是尽管社会对个人的思想、行为影响很大，但并不等于人们没有主动性，个人责任也是不容忽视的。第二段说的是社会对人的影响，第三段说个人责任的重要性，第四段是第三段的延伸。这是我的想法，请指正！

so猫UID: 148633

不谢的 呵呵
首先自己认识错误 因为改的第二天就看到了有the的用法~~~呵呵 修锐的课我没有听过~~
至于后面两个的body和第一个body 的关系 我个人是从全文的角度看的
觉得你一开始就把正反转折都说了个遍 然后再展开一点一点说
那你的第一个body不是应该放到最后做总结吗?
第一个body一转以后到人作用的重要 到第二个body却又回到社会的重要 不觉得很奇怪吗?
我个人是用演绎的方法来考虑问题的 觉得即使要将正反 都拿来一块说加升华
也应该在最后 要是一开始一个body讲那么漂亮 后面的两段不是都没有什么用了吗?
呵呵我的观点是这样的

四月的迷迭香UID: 154552

好几天没有上网，今天来看贴子已经被埋没了。。。
我觉得你说得很对，body的顺序确实应该调整一下，逻辑就清晰多了。很感谢啊!!! :D