- 最后登录
- 2007-7-3
- 在线时间
- 0 小时
- 寄托币
- 1647
- 声望
- 0
- 注册时间
- 2003-11-7
- 阅读权限
- 30
- 帖子
- 15
- 精华
- 3
- 积分
- 1404
- UID
- 149150
- 声望
- 0
- 寄托币
- 1647
- 注册时间
- 2003-11-7
- 精华
- 3
- 帖子
- 15
|
Issue151 "High-speed electronic communication media, such as electronic mail and television, tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication."
After careful and objective analysis about the issue that whether the high-speed electronic communication media prevents (单数,这里的语气还是不能省略tend)our communication from being meaningful and thoughtful, I find my view principally contradicting that of the author's. Indubitably, face-to-face communication is essential in our daily life. However, in my opinion, our communication through electronic communication media such as email and mobile phone can be not only convenient but also meaningful and thoughtful. In the following discussion, I will show my evidence to substantiate my view.
开头有点绕, 尽量简洁些更好
Firstly, the author fails to realize that high-speed electronic communication media is (are, media是复数)not a kind of emotion-oriented (emotion-oriented , 词霸查不到)product. In the modern society, our pace of life tends to be increasingly rapid. In the business world where profit and information are both valued a lot, who can acquire information more efficiently will be the final winner. Therefore people began to demand a more convenient way for their communication. Then the high-speed electronic communication media was invented and brought into use to ensure that we can get the information we want with upmost efficiency to deal with the always-changing environment. (However, whether it can allow us to contact meaningfully and thoughtfully was not took into account when such product was in research.) 这句话明显在打自己嘴巴嘛 :D .你应该尽量往meaningful and thoughtful上靠,能够让我们更好的收集信息,就可以说它meaningful嘛。
这段大概是说这种media能带给我们convience and efficience把。
直接说出来就好了,不要绕,ts 要简洁易懂
Secondly, the author unfairly suggests that high-speed electronic communication media tend to prevent meaningful and thoughtful communication. Although this kind of media is devised for efficiency, it is not always used for efficiency. We can find the falsity of the author's claim from our everyday experience. Email becomes prevalent as a result of the continual improvement of Internet for its high speed and low price. We all have ever sent emails to our friends living abroad or in another city to regard them and we all have ever seen lovers using telephone to tell each other how they feels. What we send to our friends and what we say to our lover through high-speed electronic communication media are all what we sincerely want to express, it is ridiculous (不要用这种极端词)to consider such things as meaningless and thoughtless.
Finally, we have to concede that despite the convenience high-speed electronic communication media bring to us, we cannot ignore the significance of face-to-face communication. Nowadays, less time is left to people for face-to-face communication as a result of need of busy work which is very common in the society with ever-increasing competition. Parents tend to have less time to take care of their children. It is cruel that if the children can only resort to the electronic media when they miss their parents. From this standpoint, no matter how meaningful and thoughtful the contact is through electronic media between children and parents, it cannot take the place of a face-to-face communication that gives the children assurance that their parents are always loving them.
怎么这里也让步阿?第一段也和主题没多大关系呢
那你的正文就第二段是主题了
To sum up, despite in some situation, high-speed electronic communication media cannot replace the face-to-face contact, through the discussion above, we can easily arrive at the conclusion that high-speed electronic media can also provide to us a meaningful and thoughtful contact.
重点太不突出了,结构规划得不好
语言还比较流畅 |
|