ISSUE95,我是新兵，第一篇习作，急盼牛人指教！！

snowcraneUID: 154278

95"People work more productively in teams than individually. Teamwork requires cooperation, which motivates people much more than individual competition does."

The debate between cooperation and competition is an old but profound controversial issue. Some people assert that collaboration is more important because people work more productively in teams than individually, while others believe that under the pressure of individual competition , people tend to burst out  much more motivation .As a matter of fact, different people hold different views due to their distinct backgrounds. Therefore there is not universal answer to this question, and whether one choice takes precedence over the other may quite rely on the specific situation. The decision, nevertheless ,is not easy to make. Actually, the final judgment should depend on a case-by-case analysis .Compared with above two opinions, however, to a large extent I agree the former opinion that cooperation brings more productivity than competition ,which can be greatly substantiated by the following discussion.

As a famous proverb goes ,the arm of cooperation is long enough to reach the other end of the world .Truly it does ,in numerous jobs, closer cooperation leads to more productivity. A good example may be found in the case of business. From  raw materials to products ,and to ultimately markets, this process needs a good number of co-workers to collaborate .Lack of any link of production and sale, just depending on the individual ability rather than the collective energy ,the business may not operate smoothly .Furthermore, to better illustrate this point, let us consider some sports sufficiently embodying the high importance of cooperative spirits ,such as football, volley ball ,basket ball and so on .Without good collaboration, neither the team or the members can enjoy the pleasure from the last success .In other words, cooperative interaction is essential in these examples above ,even though it seems that workers perform some jobs in relative isolation and teammates' individual abilities are rather significant.


In addition, there is another reason to support me, which is not far to seek the fact that one kind of people attracted and engaged in one type of jobs are most likely to be encouraged by a sense of common objective and enjoy the cooperative atmosphere which brings much more efficiency to work than individual competition does. According to a recent research named Q12 workplace evaluations conducted by the Gallup Organization in the United States ,close relationships between workers improve the commitment by staff to their company .The study of a random sample of American workers found that having friends at work can turn a moderately engaged worker-engage in sense of being fully involved -into someone highly engaged. Of the working Americans who were polled ,51 percent of those who agreed with having good relationships with others at work were engaged ,against 12 percent of those who disagreed. Engaged workers, of course, contribute far more to the bottom line. Admittedly cooperative interaction is not the only drive of company commitment, but at work ,it outshone what might be seen as more obvious work motivations-pay and benefits. “Across companies”, said Gallup senior research director Jame ,”profitability and customer loyalty are strongly associated with high incidence of best cooperative relationships at work rather than competitive relationships”.

Admittedly it may be true that individual's ambition, competence and competition are keys to  productivity. For example, in all kinds of matches, the rivals are needed, in another word, without them, no champions ,no progresses ,no success. Although the importance of competition should not be underestimated, we should also take into account the fact that competition can bring about jealousy ,back stabbing, and unethical behavior all of which are counterproductive. Therefore, on balance, the claim that cooperation is not only necessary but also important should be advocated firmly.

No doubted, there are still several other aspects relevant to the issue under discussion which, unfortunately ,I have no time to explore  in details here. But the above-discussed reasons here should  in a large sense justify my conclusion that collaborative interaction greases the wheels for better communication and higher productivity than individual competition.(657)

不知这样组织文章合适否，我总觉得持有保留的单一观点好把握些。但看了许多牛人的观点，多为中间型，不是很好写，能提提意见么。
牛人帮我评下分，这非常重要，关系我今后练笔的方向！不胜感激！！！

imongUID: 140258

如果想要让牛人掐你最好的办法就是先出去掐牛人。

第一篇的话写得不错了。至少语言方面底子不错。第一段的模版没必要搞得废话连篇，省省。第二段关于sports和more productively似乎没什么关系。第三段没必要花大笔墨在叙述上，大笔墨应该在论述上。除去这些问题，其他的都还过得去，用词的不规范有一些，但是比起其他一些文章已经不错了，我就不一一point out了。

想要得到别人的指教，同时考虑到你的语言底子，最好去指教指教别人吧。

噜噜熊UID: 155151

【预先申明】： 我不是 牛人，新手而已

第一段太长，不利于突出观点，省省笔墨。像The decision, nevertheless ,is not easy to make.这种废话该删就删，不值得心痛。

第二段用谚语开篇固然好，但应加上自己的话作为此段中心，否则没有观点。

关于imong提到的sports 与 more productively 没关系，赞同。
我想sports 的例子更适用与 发挥个人能力方面吧， 只有至于集体中，个人价值才能体现。

结尾删去which, unfortunately ,I have no time to explore in details here.此句无用，字数已够，不需凑，放在这里只会削弱论述。

感觉语言比较顺，就是第三段开头有点绕，其余还好。


【另说】：这种 more 型的文章，可以有单一观点，也可以中间派。
看你遇到什么，一般情况下，我也比较赞同单一，好论述，但也有的不好偏向一方呀。

以上个人愚见，如有不妥，请勿见怪。

麻烦也帮我改改文章，互相帮助，互相进步嘛！。欢迎转头。