issue2 已在此求砖数日，请大家狠狠的批

mingiUID: 152314

"Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society."

People in modern society can inevitably counter with competition; and is it a blessing or a curse to individual and to society? The speaker asserts our society would finally benefit from competition. In my observation, competition can contribute to, if not always, social benefits while it may also be harmful in certain cases.

The first beneficial result that can be brought about by competition is self-improvement for individuals, elements of a society. Schools and colleges began to inculcate competitive sense into students according to challenging situation of the society. Students gain high-grade or capable of innovation are rewarded and set up as models, because the most competitive individuals, in most cases, can achieve greater success than others. Also, students began to aware of the importance of competition in their life. Without rivals in personal life or in business, one cannot be intrigued to self-improvement. Once my best friend also my best opponent in the high school said:" Thank you for chasing and beating me in all of the three years. Sincerely, that is the biggest impulse for my study." "Me too." was my answer.

Not only can competition benefit individuals, but it can also impulse the whole society to upgrade. Ideally speaking, when every member of a society is engaged in a competition, which can help his or her progress; it is a consequential outcome that the society as a whole can gain a progress. Besides, there exists competition in a country level too. European courtiers such as Great British, France and Germany competed with each other during the Industrial Revolution; no country wants to be lagged behind the others. As a result, Western countries beat Eastern countries, not by chance, in the following conflicts; the latter, especially China was far stronger than the former before the Revolution.

It is true that competition can bring both individuals and countries to a higher level, however, people or societies that engaging heavily on competition can end up in an unexpected result. An individual, who trapped in a complex competitive relationship, can hardly concentrate on his own business. What is worse, an interpersonal competition may ultimately result in dangerous outcome because of human nature. I have heard of a graduate shot his mentor and adversities in the classroom just because his paper was judged to be an inferior one. Admittedly, this case is extremely and can rarely happen. But increasing suicide cases and revenge cases must attract our attention to resolve intense competition and the consequential pressure in our lives.

A paragon in international level such as Cold War can show us how damaging competition detriment the countries and the world. The competition in the field of economy and military encumber the two adverse groups of better communication and prosperity. During those years, many countries undergo another economic depression since 1930s, for the reason that both of them invest a large amount of money to military competition, which is useless for the public and the country in the long run.

In the final analysis, whether competition is more beneficial or detrimental to society must be analysis on a case-to-case basis. Competition can lead up to success, which benefit individual and the society as a whole a lot, rather than damage the harmony under most circumstances. However, overemphasis on competition may result it the opposite effect.


第四段是后来补上的，原文才470个字。
有一个问题：范文中所举的例子好像是多而短，大多笔墨花在逻辑推论上，而不是像我这样整段的描述。这样写是不是会影响作文的质量呢？

pemUID: 136456

People in modern society can inevitably counter with competition; and is it a blessing or a curse to individual and to society? The speaker asserts our society would finally benefit from competition. In my observation, competition can contribute to, if not always, social benefits while it may also be harmful in certain cases.
(看到很多人对写作的建议，其中一条印象比较深的就是避免对一个issue做正反两方面的阐述，不要想把所以可能的结果都论证一下，只要抓住其中一点说清楚了就可以了，除非你对语言把握的能力超强，是个牛人，否则别这么做。 )

......


A paragon(例子用这个词吗？) in international level such as Cold War can show us how damaging competition detriment the countries and the world. The competition in the field of economy and military encumber the two adverse groups of better communication and prosperity. During those years, many countries undergo another economic depression since 1930s, for the reason that both of them invest a large amount of money to military competition, (which is useless for the public and the country in the long run.  应该说 军事费用的投入影响了经济的繁荣吧，如果用argument的分析思路，我觉得现在的经济萧条的原因归结为军事投入也不合适吧)

mingiUID: 152314

pem,谢谢你的建议
今年寒假上了新东方,老师建议我们写作时为了避免偏颇不要把问题说绝对了.从字数方面考虑也比较上手.
此前我写的文章都是完全的赞成或反对. 如果持一种观点,论述应该怎样展开才合理?能给点建议吗?
另外,有没有确切的证据说明两种写法到底要取哪个呢?

对paragon,是从新东方范文里学习的.webster解释:a model of perfection: PATTERN. 不过我在这里用没把握,也似乎不妥.

pemUID: 136456

我觉得对很多问题的分析，不一定说绝对了，但可以有重点的强调某一侧面，有保留的提及另一面。关于对字数的考虑，我觉得可以从问题强调面的不同角度来考虑，多积累一些例子也可以多点字数。
上面提的意见主要针对这篇文章而言，我也是新手，意见仅供参考，说的不对的，别见笑呀。

apolloxpUID: 156355

最初由 pem 发布
[B]我觉得对很多问题的分析，不一定说绝对了，但可以有重点的强调某一侧面，有保留的提及另一面。关于对字数的考虑，我觉得可以从问题强调面的不同角度来考虑，多积累一些例子..

以下省略...... [/B]

同意，涉及面越广，越不容易把每个方面都说清楚

stormestUID: 144615

"Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society."

People in modern society can inevitably counter with competition; and is it a blessing or a curse to individual and to society? The speaker asserts our society would finally benefit from competition. In my observation, competition can contribute to, if not always (?), social benefits while it may also be harmful in certain cases.

The first beneficial result that can be brought about by competition is self-improvement for individuals, elements of a society. Schools and colleges began to inculcate competitive sense into students according to challenging situation of the society. Students gain high-grade or capable of innovation are rewarded and set up as models, because the most competitive individuals, in most cases, can achieve greater success than others. Also, students began to aware of the importance of competition in their life. Without rivals in personal life or in business, one cannot be intrigued to self-improvement. Once my best friend also my best opponent in the high school said:" Thank you for chasing and beating me in all of the three years. Sincerely, that is the biggest impulse for my study." "Me too." was my answer.

Not only can competition benefit individuals, but it can also impulse the whole society to upgrade. Ideally speaking, when every member of a society is engaged in a competition, which can help his or her progress; it is a consequential outcome that the society as a whole can gain a progress. Besides, there exists competition in a country level too. European courtiers such as Great British, France and Germany competed with each other during the Industrial Revolution; no country wants to be lagged behind the others. As a result, Western countries beat Eastern countries, not by chance, in the following conflicts; the latter, especially China was far stronger than the former before the Revolution.

It is true that competition can bring both individuals and countries to a higher level, however, people or societies that engaging heavily on competition can end up in an unexpected result. An individual, who (+ IS) trapped in a complex competitive relationship, can hardly concentrate on his own business( why ? maybe you should point out in detail, which make your argument more persuasive. ). What is worse, an interpersonal competition may ultimately result in dangerous outcome because of human nature. I have heard of a graduate shot his mentor and adversities in the classroom just because his paper was judged to be an inferior one. Admittedly, this case is extremely and can rarely happen. But increasing suicide cases and revenge cases must attract our attention to resolve intense competition and the consequential pressure in our lives.( why higher level competition end up in an unexpected result ? maybe it is the wrong attitude to the competition)

A paragon in international level such as Cold War can show us how damaging competition detriment the countries and the world. The competition in the field of economy and military encumber the two adverse groups of better communication and prosperity. During those years, many countries undergo another economic depression since 1930s, for the reason that both of them invest a large amount of money to military competition, which is useless for the public and the country in the long run.

In the final analysis, whether competition is more beneficial or detrimental to society must be analysis on a case-to-case basis. Competition can lead up to success, which benefit individual and the society as a whole a lot, rather than damage the harmony under most circumstances. However, overemphasis on competition may result it the opposite effect.

(I AM NOT CRITICAL OF TALK THINGS FROM TOW SIDES, BUT I THINK AT THE SAME TIME , WE SHOULD POINT OUT THE RELATIONSHIP OF THE TWO SIDE, WHICH MAKE YOUR ARGUMENT MORE PERFECT.  LIKE SOME IUSSE FROM ETS)

mingiUID: 152314

谢谢楼上所有的同志：

to pem: 同意你的观点，我开写的时候也是想着重beneficial，但是控制能力有限，写着写着就找不着北了。看来写作前把body paragraph 的topic sentence 列出来还是有必要的。

to stormest: I really appreciate your recommends, thanks a lot!
  The question is how to describe or develop a relationshiop between two contrary side? As in this argument,  relationship of beneficial and detremental is definitely opposite. In my opinion, the essential is to what extent people engaged in competition, and how do they resolve it.

有一个问题：ETS范文中所举的例子好像是多而短，大多笔墨花在逻辑推论上，而不是像我这样整段的描述。这样大段的写是不是会影响作文的质量呢？

imongUID: 140258

自己控制一下
举例子不是讲故事
关键是例子要正点