ISSUE 121 写过的朋友进来瞧一瞧哦（本人第四篇）

aerozxyUID：142241

ISSUE 121
"At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species."
1.        Human beings’ activities have accelerated extinction of many species since industrial revolution. 人类工业化进程加速了物种的灭绝，近代很多物种灭绝不是自然原因；
2.        Protecting creatures at the edge of extinction, in some way, is to protect ourselves. 保护物种对人类也有好处；
3.        Many people and government still completely realized the importance of protection. In fact, more fund should be offered to save endangered species. 有些人还没有意识到问题的严重性。

I disagree with the opinion expressed in the issue. Many people come to realize that saving endangered species is very important work in the world. In fact, Protecting endangered creatures is of the same importance as industry and economy.

Admittedly, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. That is the rule of natural selection. Human beings have cohabited with other creatures for thousands of centuries, and surely during that period many species died out, which was natural process. However, since industrial revolution, human beings, at the motive of profit, have been snatching the wealth of the earth and endangered many species. Apparently, human beings’ activities have accelerated extinction of many species, otherwise those creatures may continue to live for centuries. Let us turn on the books of history of nature. Charles R. Darwin, the founder of evolutionism, once found a kind of duck in a little island in south Pacific. But now no one has ever seen it. It died out. Documents show that some Europeans reached that island and brought pigs onto it, and those pigs killed all the ducks on the land. But the real murders were human beings rather than pigs. Similar catastrophes happened all over the world during last centuries and human should be blamed in most cases.

Since we have made many blunders, the only thing we could do is protecting creatures at the edge of extinction. To keep the equilibrium of ecosystem, in some way, is to protect ourselves. For a long time, we have enlarged the capability of human beings to control the nature, and finally we got what we want, the revenge of the nature. Many examples show that efforts to undermine the frame of ecosystem will cause disaster. Wolfs were once prosperous in Canada, but they nearly died out because of a edict of local government. Local dwellers complained wolfs often attacked their herds, or even human, and thereafter the government start all the hunters to kill them. Finally dwellers got what they want, no one has ever seen a wolf. Wolfs disappeared, and disasters came immediately. Plague started and soon infected thousands of herds. Without wolfs, sick animals could not be deleted soon and the illness passed to the herds of farmers. Wolf, now a kind of  endangered animal around the world, as can be seen from the example above, needs protection for good of ourselves.

Although the protection of creatures is a serious problem, there are still some people, even some governments do not realize the importance, especially in some undeveloped areas. In Africa, where purity is the first problem in many countries, people still madly kill various animals such as elephants, deer, lions, etc, for little reward of selling them or just for food. Many species will be extinct in a few decades if such behaviors are not effectively prohibited..

According to the argument above, more fund, in fact, should be offer in protection other than decreasing the financial support from governments. And developed countries should help people in undeveloped areas to hold the equilibrium of ecosystem, since the problem is the worldwide one that human beings now face. (528)

teachercaomingUID：152124

"At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species."
理由不是很充分啊 要成成深入啊

crusadeUID：149710

I disagree with the opinion expressed in the issue. Many people come to realize that saving endangered species is （a）very important work in the world. In fact, Protecting endangered creatures is of the same importance as （漏了什么，如development of）industry and economy.

Admittedly, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, [U]rather than human, [/U]  （rather than不要，隔开）processes. That（指代什么？要写清楚，另外要加表原因的状语） is the rule of natural selection. Human beings have cohabited with other creatures for thousands of centuries, and surely during that period many species died out, which was natural process（人类和动物共存了几千年，其间很多灭绝了，这是自然的过程。这讲的通嘛？）. However, since industrial revolution, human beings, at the motive of profit, have been snatching the wealth of the earth and endangered many species. Apparently, human beings’ activities have accelerated extinction of many species, otherwise those creatures may continue to live for centuries.
[U]Let us turn on the books of history of nature. [/U]  （感觉这句中文味道很浓）Charles R. Darwin, the founder of evolutionism, once found a kind of duck in a little island in south Pacific. But now no one has ever seen it. It died out. Documents show that some Europeans reached that island and brought pigs onto it, and those pigs killed all the ducks on the land. （讲了一大堆，觉得有必要嘛？例子有时举得详细但每一句都是要为文章的论述服务的，我觉得这个例子很多语句只是叙述而没什么价值。）But the real murders were human beings rather than pigs. Similar catastrophes happened all over the world during last centuries and human should be blamed in most cases.

Since we have made many blunders, the only thing we could do is protecting creatures at the edge of extinction. To keep the equilibrium of ecosystem, in some way, is to protect ourselves. For a long time, we have enlarged （strengthen）the capability of human beings to control the nature, and finally we got what we want, the revenge of the nature. Many examples show that efforts to undermine the frame of ecosystem will cause disaster. Wolfs were once prosperous in Canada, but they nearly died out because of a edict of local government. Local dwellers complained wolfs often attacked their herds, or even human, and thereafter the [U]government start all the hunters to kill them[/U] .（不地道） Finally dwellers got what they want, no one has ever seen a wolf. Wolfs disappeared, and disasters came immediately. Plague started and soon infected thousands of herds. Without wolfs, sick animals could not be [U]deleted[/U] （不恰当） soon and the illness passed to the herds of farmers. Wolf, now a kind of endangered animal around the world, as can be seen from the example above, needs protection for good of ourselves.（感觉这个例子不是很贴切，瘟疫要来即使有狼也是无法拯救得，另外最后这个结论下的武断，最好限定在某些情况下）

Although the protection of creatures is a serious problem, there are still some people, even some governments do not realize the importance, especially in some undeveloped areas. In Africa, where purity （poverty吧？）is the first problem in many countries, people still madly kill various animals such as elephants, deer, lions, etc, for little reward of selling them or just for food. Many species will be extinct in a few decades if such behaviors are not effectively prohibited..

According to the argument above, [U]more fund, in fact, should be offer in protection other than decreasing the financial support from governments[/U] （看看主谓一致嘛？fund decreasing the xx?）. And developed countries should help people in undeveloped areas to hold the equilibrium of ecosystem, since the problem is the worldwide one that human beings now face（with）. (528)
感觉还可以，论点比较清楚，论证也有一定深度。没什么时间细看，觉得你的语言上多点变化就好了。另外按照以前有些大牛的说法，and前不要加“，“还有像process等词尽量少用。

aerozxyUID：142241

最初由 teachercaoming 发布
[B]"At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification..

以下省略...... [/B]

这是ISSUE121的题目，呵呵，不是我的论述

aerozxyUID：142241

谢谢crusade的建议，大家共同努力