issue28

dashuiniuUID: 142361

issue28"Students should memorize facts only after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts. Students who have learned only facts have learned very little."


What is the right approach for instructing and is there any general method
applicable to the different students who are raised and influenced by the family in
different kinds of "culture" shaping the way children consider and understand?
The proposition that students can only learn much through having studied the
the ideas, trends, and concepts, contributing to the students' comprehension is
based on the false assumption that all the students are identical in the level
Inherently without considering the individual disparity differentiating one from
another, and that all the level of teaching is the same. That is compromising.

As to the different level of education, the factor of age signifies much that
is a generally(certainly there are few exceptions)  patent sign to define the
education phase such as primary school, high school and university. Considering a
pupil of eight years or so. The one is typifies the character of the pupils alike
who prefers the lovely stories and facts, which help them understand and memorize,
to the abstract concepts and trends forbidding beyond them. With a college students
more experienced and trained mentally , however, the abstract ideas, trends, and
concepts learned prior may facilitate the mastery of the facts as a whole, historically and profoundly. As we know, the two significant differences of memory between them just mostly arise from the age factor.

Besides, the content of the specifically designed courses certainly including the
facts they take implies much distinction of the  education purpose. For the pupils
mentioned above, who are naive just beginning the first step of the life and
know little about the absolute border between bad and good,  teaching means
arousing and leading. It is through not the profound, vague concept but  the facts and
stories, told and shown directly or indirectly  that they know such good basic,
immortal virtues  as bravery, fidelity, and patriotism etc. Imagine we may have
completely forgotten most of the abstract concepts  we memorized ,however,
the basic values acquired from the story and the facts stay! Without the basic values, they are just playing with fire. On the other hand, for the relatively more sophisticated
college students, the education purpose  is to develop and sharpen their
abilities, based on the basic values still needing emphasis, more comprehensive and
critical, with which they not only can understand  in depth the world we face but step
further to find out the way that may  help solve the existing problem we made.
It follows that there is no simple contrast  and conclusion about the fact
memorizing for the different individuals having the distinct nature.

In sum, there is no method generally applicable to all the learners ignoring
their individuality mentally and physically; there is no absolute demarcation of
value between the simple facts and abstract concepts for learning with the
distinctive personal entity. Only to the extent it take into account diversity, education  
counts!

crusadeUID: 149710

发贴注意格式啊。
28"Students should memorize facts only after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts. Students who have learned only facts have learned very little."


What is the right approach for instructing and is there any general method
applicable to the different students who are raised and influenced by the family in different kinds of "culture" shaping the way children consider and understand? The proposition that students can only learn much through [U]having studied the the ideas, trends, and concepts, contributing to [/U] （这句的结构我真是搞不清楚，其实我觉得可以简洁点，就是the proposition that ideas,trends,xxx contribute to xxx is based on xxx） the students' comprehension is based on the false assumption that all the students are identical in the level Inherently without [U]considering [/U]  （这个consider的主语是谁啊？想想用的without前后主谓一致吗？）the [U]individual disparity differentiating one from another[/U] （完全是重复，个人的差别把人彼此区分开了，罗索）, and that all the level of teaching is the same. [U]That is compromising[/U] .（为什么是compromsing搞不懂的说）开头感觉就是绕，觉得作者刻意的追求长句，表受误导，开头简洁说明问题为首要。

As to the different level of education, the factor of age signifies much that
is a generally(certainly there are few exceptions) patent sign to define the
education phase such as primary school, high school and university. （年龄是区分教育阶段的一个显著标志？未必吧）Considering a pupil of eight years or so. The one is [U]typifies[/U] （这个事动词啊，representative ？） the character of the pupils alike who prefers the lovely stories and facts, which help them understand and memorize[U], to [/U]（去掉）  the abstract concepts and trends [U]forbidding beyond them. [/U] （去掉） With a college students more experienced and trained mentally ,（前后又不一致了） however, the abstract ideas, trends, and concepts learned prior may facilitate the mastery of the facts as a whole, [U]historically [/U] （为什么要这个词？） and profoundly. As we know, the two significant differences of memory between them just mostly arise from the age factor. 用年龄来论证显得有点牵强。你自己也写了，college student更加experienced，这种趋势的原因难道只是因为他年纪大了？说服力不够。

Besides, the content of the specifically designed courses certainly including （include）the facts they take [U]implies [/U] （词性？？） much distinction of the education purpose. For the pupils mentioned above, who [U]are naive just beginning [/U]  （通吗？）the first step of the life and know little about the absolute border between  [U]bad and good[/U] （词性！）, teaching means arousing and leading[ （这句头重脚轻的利害）. It is through not the profound, vague concept but the facts and stories,（不要逗号） told and shown directly or indirectly that they know such good basic, immortal virtues as bravery, fidelity, and patriotism etc. （怎么know的？最好有例子，否则唐突，听个故事就懂爱国了？）Imagine we may have completely forgotten most of the abstract concepts we memorized ,however, the basic values acquired from the story and the facts stay! Without the basic values, they （谁？指代要清楚，另外为什么是在玩火？不懂的说）are just playing with fire. On the other hand, for the relatively more sophisticated college students（汗，大学生可以说是sophisticated？）, the education purpose is to develop and sharpen their abilities, based （是不是提到purpose后面，否则指代不清）on the basic values still needing emphasis, [U]more comprehensive and critical[/U] （提到emphasis前面去“，“？否则实在看不懂）, with which（从句也不是随便可以跟的，这个which是什么？basic value?还是别的什么？这种情况下还是另起一句吧） they not only can understand in depth the world we face but step further to find out the way that may help solve the existing problem we made. It follows that there is no simple contrast and conclusion about the fact memorizing for the different individuals having the distinct nature.

In sum, there is no method generally applicable to all the learners ignoring
their individuality mentally and physically; there is no absolute demarcation of value between the simple facts and abstract concepts for learning with the distinctive personal entity. Only to the extent [U]it [/U]  （这个it形式主语指代什么？后面没了？）take into account diversity, education counts!
很遗憾我没法鼓励你了 :p
问题还真不少，首段 thesis 不明确要吃亏的
整篇长句太多又造的错误百出，包括很多前辈大牛的经验来说，长句是不推荐的，因为大多数人的水平还不能驾驭这样的句式，简洁更是美。而且你有些句子只是‘，‘连一下，逻辑上不紧密，更没必要写长句。
论证上也有问题，body1用年龄来反驳显得十分weak，不是说不可以，问题是要有说服力。body2似乎和题目本身没什么关系，你一直努力试图区分concept等和fact，但问题题目中有个help explain ，有了这个，你再把concept和fact分离开来就有问题了。
当然也有值得鼓励的，这篇文章我相信大多数人是会赞同的，你反其道而行之，本身很有创新精神，当然论证起来难度也大很多，+U!

dashuiniuUID: 142361

首先非常感谢crusade！！！
这是在考虑crusade的建议之后，我作的初步修改。
文章中可能出现问题的地方用红色字体标出，并标上数字；对问题的解答，用如【1】、【2】此类标出。
C：crusade  D：表示dashuiniu

28"Students should memorize facts only after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts. Students who have learned only facts have learned very little."

《《PARAGRAPH 1》》

What is the right approach for instructing and is there any general method
applicable to the different students who are raised and influenced by the family in different kinds of "culture" shaping the way children consider and understand? The proposition that students can only learn much through having studied the the ideas, trends, and concepts, contributing to【1】 the students' comprehension is based on the false assumption that all the students are identical in the level Inherently , without considering 【2】the individual disparity differentiating one from another【3】 , and that all the level of teaching is the same. That is compromising【4】 .

【1】
C：crusade的建议（下面同）
这句的结构我真是搞不清楚，其实我觉得可以简洁点，就是the proposition that ideas,trends,xxx contribute to xxx is based on xxx
D：dashuiniu我自己的粗浅观点
（1）The proposition：是主语；
（2）tha students can only learn much through having studied the the ideas, trends, and concepts：是同位语  
（3）contributing to the students' comprehension：这个分句原来意图修饰through having studied the the ideas, trends, and concepts但现在想想却是存在问题，容我考虑
【2】
C：这个consider的主语是谁啊？想想用的without前后主谓一致吗？
D：原先我以为without前面没有逗号不会引起误会，不影响阅读，现在想想还是在without前面加上逗号
【3】
C：the individual disparity differentiating one from another：完全是重复，个人的差别把人彼此区分开了，罗索
D：真是非常有道理，这一点当时没想到，说明语言不够具体
【4】
C：为什么是compromising搞不懂的说
D：但是我写的时候想把它作为过渡，并且心存侥幸，以为不会这么较真吧；确实，任何观点如果不能被论证，就不要放进去！这样只会自讨苦吃。
【此段总体评价】
C：开头感觉就是绕，觉得作者刻意的追求长句，表受误导，开头简洁说明问题为首要。
D：
（1）因为是第一次些issue，又不想用一些太套的模板，所以为了这个开头，还愣了半天！想想，也许在准备的时候，还是尽可能地给每个issue写一个开头的思路，或者用个小模板。否则，开头就弄死自己了。不过我确实没有可以追求长句，只不过没有到家，特别是在对长句的标点的处理上，有点困难，比如，逗号用在什么地方可以不引起对分句的误解（我不知道老外是不是能够理解，amen！？）
（2）我现在的感觉是最好不用提问式开头；因为必须对此做出回答，即使不再第一段；并且在45分钟之内，基本上没有办法完全说明你提出的问题。另一方面，第一段确实要力求简洁，因为如果不简洁，意图面面俱到，只会给commentator留下攻击你弱点的把柄，比如that is compromising。其实我想到过，这句话可能会产生问题，但事实上，我根本不可能对此做出具体的表述；另外这一点也说明，过渡句也得用的得体，简洁，有针对性；当时我想不到用什么样的形容词来表述我谈到的内容。其实这句话不用的效果可能比用了要好，虽然不用会显得有点abrupt。

《《《PARAGRAPH 2》》》

As to the different level of education, the factor of age signifies much that
is a generally(certainly there are few exceptions) patent sign 【5】to define the education phase such as primary school, high school and university. Considering a pupil of eight years or so. The one is typifies 【6】 the character of the pupils alike who prefers the lovely stories and facts, which help them understand and memorize, to the abstract concepts and trends forbidding beyond them. 【7】 With  a college students more experienced and trained mentally 【8】, however, the abstract ideas, trends, and concepts learned prior may facilitate the mastery of the facts as a whole, historically 【9】and profoundly. As we know, the two significant differences of memory between them just mostly arise from the age factor. 【10】

【问题5】
C：（年龄是区分教育阶段的一个显著标志？未必吧）
D：我原先的看法是，通常教育阶段的划分都是按照年龄来的；另外在句中我也说了也有例外的划分方式;没想到会有引起crusade这么大的反映，我非常郁闷！
【6】
C：（这个是动词啊，representative ？）
D：单是写作文的时候开了QQ，所以动了鼠标没法决，然后就继续写；文章写完就传上来了，也没有修改；下次一定注意修改，并且端正态度，要不然对不起大家的辛苦。下面好像还有类似的错误。这里的is应该qudiao
【7】
C：去掉to the abstract concepts and trends forbidding beyond them.
D：这个容我再想想，可能是不够简洁；原先是作为一个prefer… to …的搭配出现的。
【8】
C：（前后又不一致了）
D：我对crusade建议的理解是，可能因为with这个介词让人产生了误解；其实，我要表达的意思是，对于大学生来说。With在这里作“as to”解，关于这个用法，我核对一下。
【9】
C：（为什么要historically这个词？）
D：我想表达的是，他们在理解这个概念的时候具有整体感，历史感。
【10】段落评价
C：用年龄来论证显得有点牵强。你自己也写了，college student更加experienced，这种趋势的原因难道只是因为他年纪大了？说服力不够。
D：crusade的反映，我意料到了。我当时的想法是，通常一个人的能力受生理上的限制，往往年龄越小，理解力越差；即使阅历通常也是伴随年龄的增大而增加。但是，这一点我知道我没有表达清楚；并且当时的感受很矛盾，如果展开写，这一段就可以占去后面文章的篇幅了；但不写一定有问题。唉，真是失败！


《《《PARAGRAPH 3》》

Besides, the content of the specifically designed courses certainly including （include）the facts they take implies【11】 much distinction of the education purpose. For the pupils mentioned above, who are naive just beginning  the first step of the life and knowing【12】 little about the absolute border between bad and good 【13】, teaching means arousing and leading【14】. It is through not the profound, vague concept but the facts and stories, 【15】 told and shown directly or indirectly that they know【16】 such good basic, immortal virtues as bravery, fidelity, and patriotism etc. Imagine we may have completely forgotten most of the abstract concepts we memorized ,however, the basic values acquired from the story and the facts stay! Without the basic values, they are just playing with fire.【17】 On the other hand, for the relatively more sophisticated college students 【18】, the education purpose is to develop and sharpen their abilities based【19】 on the basic values still needing emphasis, more comprehensive and critical 【20】, with which【21】 they not only can understand in depth the world we face but step further to find out the way that may help solve the existing problem we made. It follows that there is no simple contrast and conclusion about the fact memorizing for the different individuals having the distinct nature.

【11】
C：（词性？？）
D：这个implies的主语是content，我不知道，是不是在implies前面加逗号，会消除这个误解
【12】
C：（通吗？）
D：我原先想把just beginning  the first step of the life and knowing放在pupils后面，但是考虑到这样句子会很难看，所以放在这里；语法上应该可行；另外文章中的know应该是knowing，太大意了。
【13】
C：词性？
D：因为我曾经看到过对一些抽象价值的表达，可以省略the，并且用形容词表示；为了安全起见，还是保守一点，用badness and goodness，从容也许不地道，但至少不会错
【14】
C：（这句头重脚轻的利害）
D：我也想过这个问题，所以我在处理上才用了【12】提到的方法。我斟酌斟酌。
【15】
C：（不要逗号）
D：这个都好可能放在后面的that前面相对好一些。我在处理的时候考虑如果不用都好，可能会让人读的非常费劲；所以——。我还得注意标点符号的位置的处理。
【16】
C：（怎么know的？最好有例子，否则唐突，听个故事就懂爱国了？）
D：有理，我现在最痛苦的就是明知道要举例才能详细具体，可是举中国的例子怕老外不懂；举外国的例子又比较容易出错；所以我现在在狂背狂读课外资料。希望有改善。
【17】
C：（谁？指代要清楚，另外为什么是在玩火？不懂的说）
D：they指代pupils；另外其实这个句子表达了双重意思，但是没有表达出来，有欠考虑。Fire后应该跟一个从句。所要表达的意思是fire能照亮they；同时如果Without the basic values，fire也会伤害到他们
【18】
C：（汗，大学生可以说是sophisticated？）
D：我知道，sophisticated有相对的贬义；所以前面用了relatively more来减轻这种语气，但是还是被你汗了，没办法，我再想想其他词语。
【19】
C：（是不是将based提到purpose后面，否则指代不清）
D：based其实是修饰abilities的，因为能力同样要用价值观，品德作基础；并且将based前面原先的逗号去掉。
【20】
C：将more comprehensive and critical提到emphasis前面去“，“？否则实在看不懂
D：more comprehensive and critical事实是修饰abilities的，可能距离确实远了一点
【21】
C：从句也不是随便可以跟的，这个which是什么？basic value?还是别的什么？这种情况下还是另起一句吧
D：with which中which的对象还是abilities；唉完了，连这样的句子都让人看不懂，郁闷啊！
不过crusade的意见值得考虑。


《《《PARAGRAPH 4》》

In sum, there is no method generally applicable to all the learners ignoring
their individuality mentally and physically; there is no absolute demarcation of value between the simple facts and abstract concepts for learning with the distinctive personal entity. Only to the extent it【22】 takes into account diversity, education counts!

【22】
C：（这个it形式主语指代什么？后面没了？）
D：it指代education；另外粗心，take应该是takes；

―――――――――――――
【整体评价】
C：很遗憾我没法鼓励你了  
问题还真不少，首段 thesis 不明确要吃亏的
整篇长句太多又造的错误百出，包括很多前辈大牛的经验来说，长句是不推荐的，因为大多数人的水平还不能驾驭这样的句式，简洁更是美。而且你有些句子只是‘，‘连一下，逻辑上不紧密，更没必要写长句。
论证上也有问题，body1用年龄来反驳显得十分weak，不是说不可以，问题是要有说服力。body2似乎和题目本身没什么关系，你一直努力试图区分concept等和fact，但问题题目中有个help explain ，有了这个，你再把concept和fact分离开来就有问题了。
当然也有值得鼓励的，这篇文章我相信大多数人是会赞同的，你反其道而行之，本身很有创新精神，当然论证起来难度也大很多，+U!

D：总体上来说，现在我的问题还比较多，文章最大的问题是写不具体，也就是说论据实在不够充分（比如该有例子的地方没有）；我在努力的充实，以其改善！crusade对文章中长句出现的问题的建议，使我受益匪浅！感激感激再感激！不过，希望再4.16考试之前，能够把论据的问题以及提纲的问题解决好。我现在的issue提纲全部列完，但回头看看，许多提纲是非常难以展开写的，太过抽象，有待改进；我不知道在这一方面其他gter是怎么作的，大家共同交流！

dashuiniuUID: 142361

上面的整理使文章整体性被打乱，现在的文章标出可能出现错误的地方；保留crusade的整体评价；并将所有修改意见放到最后
（自己改了一个下午，累死了，没想到自己这么弱，郁闷！）。

28"Students should memorize facts only after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts. Students who have learned only facts have learned very little."

What is the right approach for instructing and is there any general method
applicable to the different students who are raised and influenced by the family in different kinds of "culture" shaping the way children consider and understand? The proposition that students can only learn much through having studied the ideas, trends, and concepts, contributing to【1】 the students' comprehension is based on the false assumption that all the students are identical in the level Inherently, without considering 【2】the individual disparity differentiating one from another【3】, and that all the level of teaching is the same. That is compromising【4】.

As to the different level of education, the factor of age signifies much that
is a generally(certainly there are few exceptions) patent sign 【5】to define the education phase such as primary school, high school and university. Considering a pupil of eight years or so. The one is typifies 【6】 the character of the pupils alike who prefers the lovely stories and facts, which help them understand and memorize, to the abstract concepts and trends forbidding beyond them【7】.With  a college students more experienced and trained mentally 【8】, however, the abstract ideas, trends, and concepts learned prior may facilitate the mastery of the facts as a whole, historically【9】and profoundly. As we know, the two significant differences of memory between them just mostly arise from the age factor. 【10】

Besides, the content of the specifically designed courses certainly including （include）the facts they take implies【11】 much distinction of the education purpose. For the pupils mentioned above, who  are naive just beginning  the first step of the life and knowing【12】little about the absolute border between  bad and good 【13】, teaching means arousing and leading【14】. It is through not the profound, vague concept but the facts and stories,【15】told and shown directly or indirectly that they know【16】such good basic, immortal virtues as bravery, fidelity, and patriotism etc. Imagine we may have completely forgotten most of the abstract concepts we memorized, however, the basic values acquired from the story and the facts stay! Without the basic values, they are just playing with fire.【17】On the other hand, for the relatively more sophisticated college students 【18】, the education purpose is to develop and sharpen their abilities based【19】on the basic values still needing emphasis, more comprehensive and critical 【20】, with which【21】they not only can understand in depth the world we face but step further to find out the way that may help solve the existing problem we made. It follows that there is no simple contrast and conclusion about the fact memorizing for the different individuals having the distinct nature.

In sum, there is no method generally applicable to all the learners ignoring
their individuality mentally and physically; there is no absolute demarcation of value between the simple facts and abstract concepts for learning with the distinctive personal entity. Only to the extent it takes into account diversity, education counts!


【整体评价】
C：很遗憾我没法鼓励你了  
问题还真不少，首段 thesis 不明确要吃亏的
整篇长句太多又造的错误百出，包括很多前辈大牛的经验来说，长句是不推荐的，因为大多数人的水平还不能驾驭这样的句式，简洁更是美。而且你有些句子只是‘，‘连一下，逻辑上不紧密，更没必要写长句。
论证上也有问题，body1用年龄来反驳显得十分weak，不是说不可以，问题是要有说服力。body2似乎和题目本身没什么关系，你一直努力试图区分concept等和fact，但问题题目中有个help explain ，有了这个，你再把concept和fact分离开来就有问题了。
当然也有值得鼓励的，这篇文章我相信大多数人是会赞同的，你反其道而行之，本身很有创新精神，当然论证起来难度也大很多，+U!

＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
【1】
C：crusade的建议（下面同）
这句的结构我真是搞不清楚，其实我觉得可以简洁点，就是the proposition that ideas,trends,xxx contribute to xxx is based on xxx
D：dashuiniu我自己的粗浅观点
（1）The proposition：是主语；
（2）tha students can only learn much through having studied the the ideas, trends, and concepts：是同位语
（3）contributing to the students' comprehension：这个分句原来意图修饰through having studied the the ideas, trends, and concepts但现在想想却是存在问题，容我考虑
【2】
C：这个consider的主语是谁啊？想想用的without前后主谓一致吗？
D：原先我以为without前面没有逗号不会引起误会，不影响阅读，现在想想还是在without前面加上逗号
【3】
C：the individual disparity differentiating one from another：完全是重复，个人的差别把人彼此区分开了，罗索
D：真是非常有道理，这一点当时没想到，说明语言不够具体
【4】
C：为什么是compromising搞不懂的说
D：但是我写的时候想把它作为过渡，并且心存侥幸，以为不会这么较真吧；确实，任何观点如果不能被论证，就不要放进去！这样只会自讨苦吃。
【此段总体评价】
C：开头感觉就是绕，觉得作者刻意的追求长句，表受误导，开头简洁说明问题为首要。
D：
（1）因为是第一次些issue，又不想用一些太套的模板，所以为了这个开头，还愣了半天！想想，也许在准备的时候，还是尽可能地给每个issue写一个开头的思路，或者用个小模板。否则，开头就弄死自己了。不过我确实没有可以追求长句，只不过没有到家，特别是在对长句的标点的处理上，有点困难，比如，逗号用在什么地方可以不引起对分句的误解（我不知道老外是不是能够理解，amen！？）
（2）我现在的感觉是最好不用提问式开头；因为必须对此做出回答，即使不再第一段；并且在45分钟之内，基本上没有办法完全说明你提出的问题。另一方面，第一段确实要力求简洁，因为如果不简洁，意图面面俱到，只会给commentator留下攻击你弱点的把柄，比如that is compromising。其实我想到过，这句话可能会产生问题，但事实上，我根本不可能对此做出具体的表述；另外这一点也说明，过渡句也得用的得体，简洁，有针对性；当时我想不到用什么样的形容词来表述我谈到的内容。其实这句话不用的效果可能比用了要好，虽然不用会显得有点abrupt。

【问题5】
C：（年龄是区分教育阶段的一个显著标志？未必吧）
D：我原先的看法是，通常教育阶段的划分都是按照年龄来的；另外在句中我也说了也有例外的划分方式;没想到会有引起crusade这么大的反映，我非常郁闷！
【6】
C：（这个是动词啊，representative ？）
D：单是写作文的时候开了QQ，所以动了鼠标没法决，然后就继续写；文章写完就传上来了，也没有修改；下次一定注意修改，并且端正态度，要不然对不起大家的辛苦。下面好像还有类似的错误。这里的is应该qudiao
【7】
C：去掉to the abstract concepts and trends forbidding beyond them.
D：这个容我再想想，可能是不够简洁；原先是作为一个prefer… to …的搭配出现的。
【8】
C：（前后又不一致了）
D：我对crusade建议的理解是，可能因为with这个介词让人产生了误解；其实，我要表达的意思是，对于大学生来说。With在这里作“as to”解，关于这个用法，我核对一下。
【9】
C：（为什么要historically这个词？）
D：我想表达的是，他们在理解这个概念的时候具有整体感，历史感。
【10】段落评价
C：用年龄来论证显得有点牵强。你自己也写了，college student更加experienced，这种趋势的原因难道只是因为他年纪大了？说服力不够。
D：crusade的反映，我意料到了。我当时的想法是，通常一个人的能力受生理上的限制，往往年龄越小，理解力越差；即使阅历通常也是伴随年龄的增大而增加。但是，这一点我知道我没有表达清楚；并且当时的感受很矛盾，如果展开写，这一段就可以占去后面文章的篇幅了；但不写一定有问题。唉，真是失败！

【11】
C：（词性？？）
D：这个implies的主语是content，我不知道，是不是在implies前面加逗号，会消除这个误解
【12】
C：（通吗？）
D：我原先想把just beginning the first step of the life and knowing放在pupils后面，但是考虑到这样句子会很难看，所以放在这里；语法上应该可行；另外文章中的know应该是knowing，太大意了。
【13】
C：词性？
D：因为我曾经看到过对一些抽象价值的表达，可以省略the，并且用形容词表示；为了安全起见，还是保守一点，用badness and goodness，从容也许不地道，但至少不会错
【14】
C：（这句头重脚轻的利害）
D：我也想过这个问题，所以我在处理上才用了【12】提到的方法。我斟酌斟酌。
【15】
C：（不要逗号）
D：这个都好可能放在后面的that前面相对好一些。我在处理的时候考虑如果不用都好，可能会让人读的非常费劲；所以——。我还得注意标点符号的位置的处理。
【16】
C：（怎么know的？最好有例子，否则唐突，听个故事就懂爱国了？）
D：有理，我现在最痛苦的就是明知道要举例才能详细具体，可是举中国的例子怕老外不懂；举外国的例子又比较容易出错；所以我现在在狂背狂读课外资料。希望有改善。
【17】
C：（谁？指代要清楚，另外为什么是在玩火？不懂的说）
D：they指代pupils；另外其实这个句子表达了双重意思，但是没有表达出来，有欠考虑。Fire后应该跟一个从句。所要表达的意思是fire能照亮they；同时如果Without the basic values，fire也会伤害到他们
【18】
C：（汗，大学生可以说是sophisticated？）
D：我知道，sophisticated有相对的贬义；所以前面用了relatively more来减轻这种语气，但是还是被你汗了，没办法，我再想想其他词语。
【19】
C：（是不是将based提到purpose后面，否则指代不清）
D：based其实是修饰abilities的，因为能力同样要用价值观，品德作基础；并且将based前面原先的逗号去掉。
【20】
C：将more comprehensive and critical提到emphasis前面去“，“？否则实在看不懂
D：more comprehensive and critical事实是修饰abilities的，可能距离确实远了一点
【21】
C：从句也不是随便可以跟的，这个which是什么？basic value?还是别的什么？这种情况下还是另起一句吧
D：with which中which的对象还是abilities；唉完了，连这样的句子都让人看不懂，郁闷啊！
不过crusade的意见值得考虑。
【22】
C：（这个it形式主语指代什么？后面没了？）
D：it指代education；另外粗心，take应该是takes；
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文章最大的问题，就是没有审好体，如crusade说得，没有看到help explain的作用，事实上沿着这一思路的文章会更顺畅！

crusadeUID: 149710

大水牛真是认真啊，呵呵，我的建议只是个人意见，仅供参考，没必要那么当真的 :D 下面说一下我的意见：
【2】consider 如果主语是student，那最好提到前面，离的太远不仅让人误解，而且也违反英语的就近原则。
【问题5】年龄的划分教育只是表象，本质是建立在随着年龄的增长学识也增长的基础上的，更何况到了大学，大学生年纪差的很多的情况也有的，所以我觉得这个说服力不是很够的。
【7】我的意思指去掉forbidding beyond them吧？因为觉得不够地道，个人感觉。
【8】with作为as to解是通的，但我也不知道是否有这种解释。
【9】有历史感单用historically似乎不行吧？至少也要加个sense什么的。
【10】同样的意见，试想一个生活在原始部落的20岁的人理解力比不上一个现代社会10多岁的人吧？归根到底还是学习到的知识决定的。
【11】看的时候没很注意，现在看来是通的，they take是作为修饰content的从句吧？这样看就对了，但觉得把they take改成taken提到facts前面似乎更简洁些。
【12】跟在pupil后面是对的，放在这里是不行的，毕竟这个beginning等于who begin，拿到后面就不行了。
【13】我当初也觉得该加the
【15】我的理解是told是跟story and facts的，相当于which are told xxx，如果用，就不通了。
  【16】例子还是有很多的，比如Homer epic ，一句代过就行。
  【17】我觉得这是你的一个通病，并不是我不知道你的意思，问题是你的指代离主语本身太远，容易让人误解，太远的话应该还是重新用原来的主语。
  【18】即使你用了比较程度的副词，这个词还是贬义，而且用来形容学生还是不恰当的。
  【20】那就该提到ability前面，离得太远，而且没这种写法。
   【21】同样的问题，这个which离指代太远，我要理解为emphasis, value什么的都可以而且似乎都通，让人混淆。我觉得像这种长句还是拆开的好，毕竟指代的基本原则是就近。这个问题有前辈大牛指出过，你可以看看以前的贴子，好像是wglxh的（不知是不是这样拼，汗）
【22】it作为形式主语后面不跟具体的主语从句似乎是让人看不懂的，而且only句首也该倒装。
  
不好意思，我改的时候也不是很仔细，而且手头也没什么工具书，个人水平也是有限的，的确有些建议不一定对。你的时间很充分，还有很大空间提高，总的来说，aw的语言问题是次要的，逻辑论证才是最主要的。个人觉得真正要花功夫的倒是论证。
大水牛也可多改改别人的多讨论，加油 :D

dashuiniuUID: 142361

今天我在机房带了一天，找到点门路。我得现走了，明天开始，我也给其他gter提供我自己的意见，只要不嫌弃：）