issue33，最近总帮别人改，怎么没人改我的啊，郁闷！

xqmelissaUID: 140370

Issue 33
Creating an appealing image has become more important in contemporary society than is the reality or truth behind that image.
在当今社会，引人的表面现象比现象背后的本质重要得多。


With the development of the society, more and more people find it is important to create an appealing appearance. Along with this trend, there is a debate about which one is more important, an attractive image or the reality behind the image? As far as I am concerned, an appealing image is more important in contemporary society.

Admittedly, the reality behind the image, as a basic element which supports the outside of one thing, is important. There is a fundamental principle in economics telling us that the price of commodity should be as near as possible to adhere to the real value of it. It means the price of a commodity, as an image, should be based on its value, which is the truth behind the image. Otherwise, the meretricious skins are being recognized easily.

However, an appealing image also plays an indispensable role, which could be considered as one of the significant factors to one’s success. In the way of applying for a job, job seekers always make up themselves with tidy suits, exquisite resumes and so on. Why do they do this? The obvious answer is they want to give the person who takes charge of choosing applicants a good and deep impression, which is an important precondition to get the job. As we know, the first impression is so important that it could decide whether there is opportunity for others to do deeper investigate on you. The same situation also happens in the election for a president. All the candidates should make various efforts to create a prefect figure in front of the constituencies in order to gain more votes, regardless whether it is true. This is one reason of why there are so many scandals happened before the general election. Hence, image becomes a main criterion to estimate one thing, in that people could not recognize the reality of it fully and have to merely rely on the appearance.

Comparing the appealing image with the truth behind it, I think the former is more important in contemporary society. With the increasing frequency in information’s updating, the time for people to discover the essence behind one thing reduces. So it is inevitable of people being led by the image. The purpose of advertisement, which is one of primary strategies in business, is giving a basic recognition to consumers and persuading them to purchase. A survey shows that consumers are affected greatly by advertisements when they make a purchase decision among various products. A recent study in a newspaper is a report regarding to the sales of two brands of cellphone. One brand of cellphone took advertisements for two years. Although some consumers still suspect the advantages advocated in the advertisement, the sales of this brand of cellphone is indeed tripled. On the contrary, the sales of another model, with nearly the same quality and functions as the former one, did not increased. Since it did not advertise, the consequence of this behavior is that only a few consumers have the consciousness to choose it when they wanted to buy a cellphone. Hence, no matter how prefect the reality or truth behind the image, without the attractive appearance, it is still difficult to get people’s attention.

To sum up, in contemporary society, although we should pay attention to the reality of one thing, which is the base supporting the image, the appealing image is crucial, because it is a main factor for people’s decision, especially when they have no chance to know the reality behind it.  (589 words)

song123456UID: 133578

With the development of the society, more and more people find it is important to create an appealing appearance. Along with this trend, there is a debate about which one is more important, an attractive image or the reality behind the image? As far as I am concerned, an appealing image is more important in contemporary society.

Admittedly, the reality behind the image, as a basic element which supports the outside of one thing, is important. There is a fundamental principle in economics telling us that the price of commodity should be as near as possible to adhere to the real value of it. It means the price of a commodity, as an image, should be based on its value, which is the truth behind the image. Otherwise, the meretricious skins are being recognized easily.

However, an appealing image also plays an indispensable role, which could be considered as one of the significant factors to one’s success. In the way of applying for a job, job seekers always make up themselves with tidy suits, exquisite resumes and so on. Why do they do this? The obvious answer is they want to give the person who takes charge of choosing applicants a good and deep impression, which is an important precondition to get the job. As we know, the first impression is so important that it could decide whether there is opportunity for others to do deeper investigate on you. The same situation also happens in the election for a president. All the candidates should make various efforts to create a prefect figure in front of the constituencies in order to gain more votes, regardless whether it is true. This is one reason of why there are so many scandals happened before the general election. Hence, image becomes a main criterion to estimate one thing, in that people could not recognize the reality of it fully and have to merely rely on the appearance.

Comparing the appealing image with the truth behind it, I think the former is more important in contemporary society. With the increasing frequency in information’s updating, the time for people to discover the essence behind one thing reduces. So it is inevitable of people being led by the image. The purpose of advertisement, which is one of primary strategies in business, is giving a basic recognition to consumers and persuading them to purchase. A survey shows that consumers are affected greatly by advertisements when they make a purchase decision among various products. A recent study in a newspaper is a report regarding to the sales of two brands of cellphone. One brand of cellphone took advertisements for two years. Although some consumers still suspect the advantages advocated in the advertisement, the sales of this brand of cellphone is indeed tripled. On the contrary, the sales of another model, with nearly the same quality and functions as the former one, did not increased. Since it did not advertise, the consequence of this behavior is that only a few consumers have the consciousness to choose it when they wanted to buy a cellphone. Hence, no matter how prefect the reality or truth behind the image, without the attractive appearance, it is still difficult to get people’s attention.

To sum up, in contemporary society, although we should pay attention to the reality of one thing, which is the base supporting the image, the appealing image is crucial, because it is a main factor for people’s decision, especially when they have no chance to know the reality behind it. (589 words)
我觉得你写的很好，很有层次感
但我有一个问题，你在前面两段（2，3）说了两者都重要，为什么非要在第四段比出个高低来呢，解释以下两者的内在联系不好吗？
这个例子能说明 image is more important than the truth and reality behind 吗？我觉得只能说明在truth 相当的情况下，image是很重要的。 :p
语言我是外行 :)  :o

xqmelissaUID: 140370

非常感谢！

可能是我的习惯吧，喜欢把more这类比较的题目写成两者都分析，然后比较突出一点

其实第二、三个分论点写完了我自己也觉得有点乱

有什么好的建议吗？

322612UID: 157648

With the development of the society, more and more people find it is （is 应该去掉）important to create an appealing appearance. Along with this trend, there is a debate about which one is more important, an attractive image or the reality behind the image? As far as I am concerned, an appealing image is more important in contemporary society.

Admittedly, the reality behind the image, as a basic element which supports the outside of one thing, is important. There is a fundamental principle in economics telling us that the price of commodity should be as near as possible to adhere to the real value of it. It means the price of a commodity, as an image, should be based on its value, which is the truth behind the image. Otherwise, the meretricious skins are being recognized easily.（个人觉得这一段还应该适当扩展一下，TS句子之后直接接例子，显得有些不够有力）

However, an appealing image also plays an indispensable role, which could be considered as one of the significant factors to one’s success. In the way of applying for a job, job seekers always make up （make up是组成的意思吧？！）themselves with tidy suits, exquisite resumes and so on. Why do they do this? The obvious answer is they want to give the person who takes charge of choosing applicants a good and deep impression, （第一面怎么能是deep？可以改为印象深刻的、难忘记的，更恰当一些）which is an important precondition to get the job. As we know, the first impression is so important that it could decide whether there is opportunity for others to do deeper investigate on you. The same situation also happens in the election for a president. All the candidates should make various efforts to create a prefect figure in front of the constituencies in order to gain more votes, regardless whether it is true.（？regardless ……这一句是不是与老美追求的诚实相违背？） This is one reason of why there are so many scandals happened before the general election（丑闻和前面所论述的没有因果关系）. Hence, image becomes a main criterion to estimate one thing, in that people could not recognize the reality of it fully and have to merely rely on the appearance.

Comparing the appealing image with the truth behind it, I think the former is more important in contemporary society. With the increasing frequency in information’s updating, the time for people to discover the essence behind one thing reduces. So it is inevitable of people being led by the image. The purpose of advertisement, which is one of primary strategies in business, is giving a basic recognition to consumers and persuading them to purchase. A survey shows that consumers are affected greatly by advertisements when they make a purchase decision among various products. A recent study in a newspaper is a report regarding to the sales of two brands of cellphone. One brand of cellphone took advertisements for two years. Although some consumers still suspect the advantages advocated in the advertisement, the sales of this brand of cellphone is indeed tripled. On the contrary, the sales of another model, with nearly the same quality and functions as the former one, did not increased. Since it did not advertise, the consequence of this behavior is that only a few consumers have the consciousness to choose it when they wanted to buy a cellphone. Hence, no matter how prefect the reality or truth behind the image, without the attractive appearance, it is still difficult to get people’s attention.

To sum up, in contemporary society, although we should pay attention to the reality of one thing, which is the base supporting the image, the appealing image is crucial, because it is a main factor for people’s decision, especially when they have no chance to know the reality behind it. (589 words)

语法和词汇方面的错误很少啊，比我强啊！
就是一些小方面稍加注意就好了！

我觉得搂主的这种写法可以，不过就是要在最后加上一定的限制条件，如2楼说的在内在条件相同的情况下表象更重要 之类。显得文章无懈可击。

以上都是个人意见，如有不妥还望海涵啊

nmlyUID: 109487

破题不错,层次比较明显,特别是body1和body2完全从两个角度来说两个的重要,对偶有些启发
但是有个比较明显的问题,hence用的太多了,换个词啊:D
每段的论述....body2,3的确有些问题

body2

All the candidates [B]should[/B] make various efforts to create a prefect figure in front of the constituencies in order to gain more votes, regardless whether it is true. This is one reason of why there are so many scandals happened before the general election.

should...换个词吧,always什么的
我觉得scandals的事就不要专门列出一个句子强调一下了,和TS偏离的有些远,比较你的结尾

Hence, image becomes a main criterion to estimate one thing, in that people could not recognize the reality of it fully and have to merely rely on the appearance.

我觉得,在"candidates的表现"上需要重点突出 选民只能看到他表现出的那部分就好.scandal再单强调一句的话,画蛇填足影响整体的论述结构.实在想说可以和前面合成一个句子,scandal只是做出一个让步的修辞稍微提一下就好.

body3的问题比较重

Comparing the appealing image with the truth behind it, I think the former is more important in contemporary society. With the increasing frequency in information’s updating, the time for people to discover the essence behind one thing reduces. So it is inevitable of people being led by the image.

看首句TS,说image好,再看第二句就有点想吐血了....打了自己一个嘴巴:D
这是一个方面问题,再,信息更新的频率的增长和发现事物本质需要的时间的减少 ,和 时间减少和人们不可避免的被表象引导....这两个因果关系不太明白是怎么存在的.

On the contrary, the sales of another model, with nearly the same quality and functions as the former one, did not increased.

这个例子看到这,2个手机是具有相同的质量和功能,问题是:TS是表象比内在[B]更[/B]重要,这个例子却是相同内在不同表象引起的不同,只能说明表象起作用,但是没有表象和内在的对比.例子不恰当
整段没太把握好自己想说什么

关于body3我觉得,TS不要这么宽泛,body2的TS就很好,具体到[B]对一个人的成功有用[/B](对此TS偶很是一番YY啊).既然body2提到了选民只能看到总统表现给他们的那部分的例子,body3定TS:"事物的如何表现是它是否能吸引人进入去理解它的内涵的先决条件"以此展开论述,能比较哪个重要,又是对body2的深入

倒,今晚偶脑子比较乱....又精力不集中...思路整理了N久

xqmelissaUID: 140370

谢谢各位的意见，今天又看了一看，的确scandals的例子好象有所偏离了   :(

322612：
deep impression/ impressive都是印象深刻的意思
:D

小新：

比较明显的问题,hence用的太多了,换个词啊

噢，知道了，哪天有空总结出来给你啊，懒鬼！
:mad:

body3的问题比较重：看首句TS,说image好,再看第二句就有点想吐血了....打了自己一个嘴巴

没明白，就是先说image更重要，然后说因为现在人们没时间经历了解更多本质的东西，所以经常被外在的引导了啊？
我现在有点晕，再讨论讨论吧
:D

至于BODY3 呢，可能说的是有点不清楚，我自己也觉得乱，可能改成“相同质量下外表更重要”要好些？

dashuiniuUID: 142361

Melissa，不要怪我啊，我提了很多我的意见，当我瞎说，要是提的不好。
Issue 33
Creating an appealing image has become more important in contemporary society than is the reality or truth behind that image.
在当今社会，引人的表面现象比现象背后的本质重要得多。


[U]With the development of the society[/U] （我觉得这个用的很怪）, more and more people find it is important to create an appealing appearance. Along with this trend, there is a debate about which one is more important, an attractive image or the reality behind the image? As far as I am concerned, an appealing image is more important in contemporary society.

[U]Admittedly[/U] , the reality behind the image, as a basic element which supports [U]the outside[/U] （还是感觉有点怪，至少用点东西表明一下啊，outside与image有什么区别） of one thing, is important. There is a fundamental principle in economics telling us that the price of commodity should be as near as possible to adhere to the real value of it. It means the price of a commodity, as an image, should be based on its value, which is the truth behind the image. Otherwise, the [U]meretricious[/U] （这个此有点怪了用的，好像味道太大了） skins are being recognized easily（最后一句话我读不懂）.

此段试图表明truth的重要性，但是，我很疑惑，第一段中的image与truth之间的关系；通过什么样的方式可以表现为第二段中的image与truth之间的关系；并且，从经济学上来说，价格与价值之间的关系，不如用现象与本质来解释。Image与phenomenon到底可不可以完全等同，让人费解。从句子上来看，虽然简洁，感觉节奏非常缓慢；连接上有点abrupt

[U]However,([/U] 前面的admittedly不如用it is true之类的，然后在这里用however引出更顺畅；并且admittedly，有比较让步的意思；) an appealing image also plays an i[U]ndispensable[/U] （似乎太过绝对） role, which could be considered as one of the significant factors to one’s（不要） success. [U]In the way of [/U]  （再考虑一下这词组的意思）applying for a job, job seekers always [U]make up[/U]  （与后面的resume是否顺畅，我不敢肯定，我手头没词典）themselves with tidy suits, exquisite [U]resumes[/U]  and so on. Why do they do this? The obvious answer is they want to give the person who takes charge of choosing applicants a good and deep impression, which is an important precondition[U]（for XXX）[/U]  to get the job. As we know, the first impression is so important that it could decide whether there is opportunity for others to do deeper investigate on you. The same situation also happens in the election for a president. All the candidates should make various efforts to create a prefect figure in front of the constituencies in order to gain more votes, [U]regardless whether it is true[/U] （看不懂）. This is one reason [U]of [/U]  （不要）why there are so many scandals [U]happened[/U] （happened用法我不明白） before the general election. Hence, image becomes a main criterion to estimate one thing, in that people could not recognize the reality of it fully and have to merely rely on the appearance.

（此段意图突出image的作用，但是，反过来似乎反而在说明truth的重要性；通过常识就可以驳倒你的论点。不过，最后半句用的比较出彩，有点起死回生的作用！）

Comparing the appealing image with the truth behind it, I think the former is more important in contemporary society. With the increasing frequency in information[U]’s [/U]  （似乎不要用）updating, the time for people to discover the essence behind one thing reduces. So it is inevitable of people being led by the image. The purpose of advertisement, which is one of primary strategies in business, is giving a basic recognition to consumers and persuading them to purchase. A survey shows that consumers are affected greatly by advertisements when they make a purchase decision among various products. A recent study in a newspaper is a report regarding to the sales of two brands of cellphone. One brand of cellphone took advertisements for two years. Although some consumers still suspect the advantages advocated in the advertisement, the sales of this brand of cellphone is indeed t[U]ripled [/U]  （用主动triple是不是会更好？）. On the contrary, the sales of another model, with nearly the same quality and functions as the former one, did not increased. Since it did not advertise, the consequence of this behavior is that only a few consumers have the consciousness to choose it when they [U]wanted[/U] （这里的谓语与have是否对应） to buy a cellphone. Hence, no matter how prefect the reality or truth behind the image, without the attractive appearance, it is still difficult to get people’s attention.

这一段对image作用的说明要比上一断有力；但是比较可惜。仍然不够说服力。

To sum up, in contemporary society, although we should pay attention to the reality of one thing, which is the base supporting the image, the appealing image is crucial, because it is a main factor for people’s decision, especially when they have no chance to know the reality behind it. (589 words)

全文其实可以说明image重要，但却无法说明more important in contemporary society than is the reality or truth behind that image比truth重要的多。

对image重要性论证只是通过现实的要求（现象）来说明，这一点是致命伤。在第三断非常出彩的那一后半句，其实可以作为后面文章的重点展开，可惜这点没有做好。
还有一点，我感觉，文章想在口述，而不是在作论证。
不过文章优点也有：都能够用例子展开论证，这一点比我要强很多。
要是伤到Melissa   mm，都是我得错！

鱼的宝贝UID: 150861

This is one reason of why there are so many scandals happened before the general election
哈哈哈，太有趣了