Issue150,上个月的高频题，大家帮忙看看

sydUID: 151948

Issue150.Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.


There is a very planet we call "EARTH", and being its residents, it is something like a natural impulse that has been innate with us since our born. To better cater for this natural impulse, the modern technologies have done a lot to offer the virtual journeys around the world. While some people may think this actually has negative effect on the tourism industry to the places of wonders, I strongly hold that this advancement benefit more, to both the tourists and the wonderlands.

The first point I am trying to make is that by watching television or through world wide computer connections, modern citizens who are bandaged up with busy schedule and endless work could enjoy a short relax by watching tourism television programs or surfing the internet sites that features in tourism. This relax, by which can make the program viewers or site user feel actually in the places they want to go and enjoy a happy trip, can benefit tourism by stimulating them to set about for a real trip. Attracted by the beautiful pictures and videos shown on the TV or internet pages, the overworked people who watch the program for fun are quite likely to develop a travel plan that they will try their best to carry out in the future. The former CEO of the most famous Chinese internet site SINA.COM, Daolin Mao, "retired" at the age of 45, he said that he had made enough accomplishments and all the money he need to live his rest life, and the next thing he is going to do, is to fulfill his plan, which was made during his busiest days. The plan, which surprised his former coworkers, is to travel around the world. He explained that the initial idea was made when he was watching a television program that was about the miracles of Egypt, the pyramids. The story of Mao illustrates that the television programs and net sites featuring tourism and related place of wonders stimulate their users to generate their travel plan, which can actually benefit the development of tourism.

Secondly, although these programs and sites can sometimes offer its user a very mimic picture of the places they are interested in, the true spirit of tourism, prevent these programs and pictures from the replacement of actually putting their viewer's foot on the very earth of the places shown. This spirit is the real relaxation from the roaring world. Being at the real place can never be the same as viewing the programs. Each step of preparation for a journey is filled with motion and every place that one goes pass on the way to the destination is accompanied with passion. Such feelings can never be acquired through stubborn machines. Thus, tourism will not be affected by these modern means to know about the places of wonders, as it offers real feelings that cannot be acquired by the former.

In addition, these modern means can be good company with tourism by advertising the wonderlands to more people. As advertising has become a most important factor for modern companies to survive and to thrive, the tourism companies should also implement their propaganda plans to attract more tourists. The phenomenon that television programs are always broken by these tourism companies and the tourism sites have such "pop ads" when their internet pages are first opened can be typical examples.

To sum up, as the modern technologies have provided more means for the populace to get to know about the wonderlands, while at the same time help the tourism companies to better market themselves, the tourism industry, unlike the speaker claimed, is believed to thrive.
610words 47mins. inpp3. :rolleyes: 快考了，还有20天。

runnerioUID: 152251

Issue150.Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.


There is a very planet we call "EARTH", and being its residents, it is something like a natural impulse that has been innate with us(natural 和innate 是否有些重复呢?) since our(we)born. To better cater for this natural impulse, the modern technologies have done a lot to offer the (去掉the)virtual journeys around the world. While some people may think this actually has (a)negative effect on the tourism industry(可以这样说么?) to the places of wonders, I strongly hold that this advancement benefit(注意单复数) more, to(benefit好象直接接宾语) both the tourists and the wonderlands.

The first point I am trying to make is that by watching television or through world wide computer connections, modern citizens who are bandaged up with busy schedule and endless work could enjoy a short relax by watching tourism television programs or surfing the internet sites that features in tourism. This relax, by(去掉by) which can make the program viewers or site user feel actually in the places they want to go and enjoy a happy trip, can benefit tourism by stimulating them to set about for a real trip. Attracted by the beautiful pictures and videos shown on the TV or internet pages, the overworked people who watch the program for fun are quite likely to develop a travel plan that they will try their best to carry out in the future. The former CEO of the most famous Chinese internet site SINA.COM, Daolin Mao, "retired" at the age of 45, he said that he had made enough accomplishments and all the money he need to live his rest life, and the next thing he is going to do, is to fulfill his plan, which was made during his busiest days. The plan, which surprised his former coworkers, is to travel around the world. He explained that the initial idea was made when he was watching a television program that was about the miracles of Egypt, the pyramids. The story of Mao illustrates that the television programs and net sites featuring tourism and related place of wonders stimulate their users to generate their travel plan, which can actually benefit the development of tourism.
这个例子举的好!J

Secondly, although these programs and sites can sometimes offer its user a very mimic picture of the places they are interested in, the true spirit of tourism, prevent these programs and pictures from the replacement of actually putting their viewer's foot on the very earth of the places shown. This spirit is the real relaxation from the roaring world. Being at the real place can never be the same as viewing the programs. Each step of preparation for a journey is filled with motion and every place that one goes pass on the way to the destination is accompanied with passion. Such feelings can never be acquired through stubborn machines. Thus, tourism will not be affected by these modern means to know about the places of wonders, as it offers real feelings that cannot be acquired by the former.
感觉这段都是assert,不过也可能是我理解不到位,呵呵

In addition, these modern means can be good company with tourism by advertising the wonderlands to more people. As advertising has become a most important factor for modern companies to survive and to thrive, the tourism companies should also implement their propaganda plans to attract more tourists. The phenomenon that television programs are always broken by these tourism companies and the tourism sites have such "pop ads" when their internet pages are first opened can be typical examples.
这段是不是有些跑提呢?而且你的论证能支持论点吗?

To sum up, as the modern technologies have provided more means for the populace to get to know about the wonderlands, while at the same time(meanwhile) help the tourism companies to better market themselves, the tourism industry, unlike the speaker claimed, is believed to thrive.
610words 47mins. inpp3.  快考了，还有20天。
总体感觉你的句式不错,但后两段论证似乎都不能很好的支持论点,而且语法错误过多,建议帖上来前先到word  里查一下.我是新手,J个人意见,可能有许多不对的地方,仅供参考啦,J 加油

gdhdannyUID: 125843

There is a very planet we call "EARTH", and being its residents, it is something like a natural impulse that has been innate（词态） with us since our born（our born?不大爽）. To better cater for this natural impulse, the modern technologies have done a lot to offer the（不需要这个the） virtual journeys around the world. While some people may think this actually has negative effect on the tourism industry to the places of wonders, I strongly hold that this advancement benefit（benefits） more, to both the tourists and the wonderlands（童话故事？呵呵）.

The first point I am trying to make is that by watching television or through world wide computer connections, modern citizens who are bandaged（bondage?） up with busy schedule and endless work could enjoy a short relax by watching tourism television programs or surfing the internet sites（web sites不过和surfing在一起不大爽的说） that features in tourism. This relax, by which can make the program viewers or site user（visitors） feel actually in the places they want to go and enjoy a happy trip, can benefit tourism by stimulating them to set about for a real trip. Attracted by the beautiful pictures and videos shown on the TV or internet pages（web pages）, the overworked people who watch the program for fun are quite likely to develop a travel plan that they will try their best to carry out in the future.（上面两句感觉意思上是重复的） The former CEO of the most famous Chinese internet site SINA.COM, Daolin Mao, "retired" at the age of 45, he said that he had made enough accomplishments and all the money he need to live his rest life, and the next thing he is going to do, is to fulfill his plan, which was made during his busiest days. The plan, which surprised his former coworkers, is to travel around the world.（这两句连接的好） He explained that the initial idea was made when he was watching a television program that was about the miracles of Egypt, the pyramids. The story of Mao illustrates that the television programs and net sites featuring tourism and related place of wonders stimulate their users to generate their travel plan, which can actually benefit the development of tourism.

Secondly, although these programs and sites can sometimes offer its user a very mimic（？） picture of the places they are interested in, the true spirit of tourism, prevent（prevents） these programs and pictures from the replacement of actually putting their viewer's foot on the very earth of the places shown.（这句有点费解） This spirit is the real relaxation from the roaring world. Being at the real place can never be the same as viewing the programs. Each step of preparation for a journey is filled with motion and every place that one goes pass（词态） on the way to the destination is accompanied with passion. Such feelings can never be acquired through stubborn machines. Thus, tourism will not be affected by these modern means to know about the places of wonders, as it offers real feelings that cannot be acquired by the former.
这段是让步吧。放在中间怎么觉得不爽呢？

In addition, these modern means can be good company with tourism by advertising the wonderlands to more people. As advertising has become a most important factor for modern companies to survive and to thrive, the tourism companies（travel agency?） should also implement their propaganda plans to attract more tourists. The phenomenon that television programs are always broken by these tourism companies and the tourism sites have such "pop ads" when their internet pages are first opened can be typical examples.

To sum up, as the modern technologies have provided more means for the populace to get to know about the wonderlands, while at the same time help the tourism companies to better market themselves, the tourism industry, unlike the speaker claimed, is believed to thrive.

我就不客气了。
这篇感觉没有以前的好。
首先是论证上的层次不是太清楚。+-+的写法让人看完觉得比较乱。而且第一部分和第三部分的角度又重叠的地方。我理解你是想从看电视的和电视领域的人两个角度去分析同一个现象，不知对不对。
而且说到电视的好处，除了激发人们的旅游兴趣外，还有很多其他方面啊。比如通过媒体了解到旅游信息可能为该地带来大量资金的注入，从另一方面也促进了旅游的发展；再比如生态有的宣传同样可以唤醒人们的旅游意识……

感觉这篇在语言上尝试一种新的思路，因该说读起来很自然但比较费劲，长句太多了，不过还在摸索中，期待下文ing.

adachiUID: 157433

Each step of preparation for a journey is filled with motion and every place that one goes pass on the way to the destination is accompanied with passion. Such feelings can never be acquired through stubborn machines.
最喜欢这句：）
长句真的很多，

sydUID: 151948

哎，因为以前的作文全是半夜写的，而只是第一次早上7点写（因为快考了，到时候是8点进去，所以要调整一下），思路很乱的，长句的过多运用的确是一种尝试，另外也是最近几天赶着写ARGU的提纲，所以看了一些ARGU里的题目的长句，有些心得，所以试一下，感觉向DANNY哥说的，1，3论点有重复的地方，而且+-+的结构太失败了，还要抓紧努力才是啊！！
谢谢另两位同志的修改和评价，如果你们需要我改你们的，请悄悄话留言，这几天的网络不稳定，时常断网。 :mad:

eutsingUID: 149611

感觉整篇文章没有长短句结合，所以读起来像是在啃干面包，而且就我个人而言，你整篇文章有些跑题，他说旅游有没有过时，你的观点是对旅游者和景点都有利，偏不？

sydUID: 151948

如果旅游对旅游者和景点都有利，旅游会过时吗？？
：）