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College students should be encouraged to pursue subjects that interest them rather than seek programs that promise entry into the job market.
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The speaker asserts that college students should be encouraged to pursue subjects that interest them rather than seek programs that promise entry into the job market.(开头最好不要照超题目吧,我觉得) As far as I am concerned, I partly agree (这里是否重复了呢?)with the speaker, while(我觉得用but或however 好一些,你觉得呢?曾经看到一篇文章说while不能乱用,除非可以和although 互换) I have to point out that the programs designed to satisfy the needs of the job market should not be overlooked.
At first, I concede that it is wise for students to learn lessons they are interested in. On the one hand, interest inspires one's desire to learn without the pressure from outside. As the saying goes, interest is the best teacher. Teachers needn't tell students what to do and when to finish it, for the simple reason that he/she likes what he/she is learning(这句是不是没有causal relationship 呀,即使喜欢有时也需要指导呀). Take Lincoln for example. When he was just a young man, he became interested in law, and learned it all by himself at home, which seems beyond imagination nowadays. It is his very interest in law that led to his later success as a lawyer, and finally a famous president in the U.S. history. Without the great(换成fantastic 是否要好一些?) interest, he would not have got such achievements(这可不一定哦,没有论据,毕竟你没证明兴趣是他成功的唯一或最关键的动力). On the other hand, in the long run, interest can last longer, even throughout one's life, which makes one's success possible. Take the richest millionaire in the world, Bill Gates, for example. He enjoyed computer techniques since he was young, and maintains his interest until today. It is just his everlasting interest in computer that resulted in his creation of the famous corporation Microsoft, which later becomes the greatest software company in the world.(跟上一个例子一样的问题,是不是把他们成功的一个必要条件当成充分条件了呢?) In a word, interest is what students should pay attention to first.
优点是每个观点都有例证,但是个人觉得你的例子不能很好的支持论点,后者你说的不够深入,而且例子本身好象也有问题,再改以改看,J
Although learning lessons that interest students is beneficial, the ultimate purpose of many students is not just interest, which makes subjects satisfying the need of the job market significant.(这句话不通,你再仔细看看) It is common that students go to colleges just to learn enough knowledge and skill to survive and live a comfortable life in the society after graduation. Interest is weak in the job market, for few employers would ask one what he/her likes, but to ask him/her what he/she can do and whether he/she can do a certain job well(还是不能支持论点,不问就表明不受重视吗,而且现在的招平很多都问的). As a result, they have to seek programs that promise entry into the job market, and learn it well. Without knowledge and skills in need in the job market, one can not live a comfortable life after graduation.
这一段论证比较失败,不能很好的支持论点.
In addition, colleges are responsible for lending (?)students to the society who are in gread need in the job market. The goal of colleges is to cultivate society-needed graduates who can serve the society well. Society is a complicated system, in need of different types of people all the time(这句有点别扭). Without certain types of well-trained citizens, its development may be slowed down. Just assume that the country needs electrical engineers to build poles in order to make electricity travel through the whole country. However, there are no such lessons at school, which result in the rarity of such qualified graduates. The result is obvious, which makes the country a funny one without electricity. As a result, colleges should encourage their students to select lessons that satisfy the need in the job market.
这一段的论证要好一些,:)
In sum, the interest of college students should be paid great attention to, while the lessons that promise entry into the job market should not be neglected. If one can find (a) balance between these two subjects(换成facets, respects, aspects, sides,etc), he or she would surely become a lucky and competent one after graduation.(又来一句assert,你原文有论证吗,没有的话就不要加这句)
我觉得你的论点都比较到位,:)而且用词语法很少有错
遗憾的是句子,词汇都比较简单,而且论证不是很好的说,:)
加油哦,:) |
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