处女ISSUE求指点

crucifyblueUID: 3521349

离考试前2周终于动笔，1个多小时磨出来的><.......突然整个人都不好了，半个小时感觉自己只能写一半。
OG上的例题，感觉自己写的和给的例文很不一样- -自成一派不知道怎么估分了，求各位经验人士建议啦，谢谢

题
Some people believe that corporations have a responsibility to promote the well-being of the
societies and environments in which they operate. Others believe that the only responsibility
of corporations, provided they operate within the law, is to make as much money as possible.

文
I still clearly remember the impressive interview I had with a business company about 4 years ago. When I was asked about my viewpoint on the utmost important criteria in setting the strategy for that company, I emphasized the importance on whether it would contribute to both the employees and the whole society. Thanks to the relaxed atmosphere, I immediately got a reply: Well, that is true. But my answer is: Make money.

Though finally I didn’t pass that interview, that short answer left a deep impression on me. And in the following 2,3 years, I took it as gospel. The interviewer did not explain that answer in details that day but on my way home, I could not help thinking how simple and how true that answer is and I could not stop trying to find my own explanations. Making money should be the goal that is on the top of the pyramid since if a company does not make money, how can it survive? As long as the company can keep their business, it surely will contribute to the society with the job opportunities it offers and the product, whatever it is, that can benefit the people who purchase it. So to run a company, we only need to focus on whether the new strategy will bring benefit to the company and there is no need to worry if we contribute to the world or not. Want to promote the well-being of the society? Leave it to charity and government.

However, I gradually find that this is not the whole story. In these four years, I start to rethink about this question in my own way on the basis of my own experience and my wider field of vision. Some automotive manufacturers provide us with cars that are less safe because of the shortened development process aiming at decrement in the whole budget. Air is seriously contaminated in some area where companies are not willing to spend money on environment-friendly devices or even ignore the environmental protection law. The whole volume of the forest is shrinking in an appalling speed. It is foreseeable that more and more problems will rise when companies only focus on their wars for a larger market share and profit, which will lead to an irreversible aftermath someday in the near future.

So in conclusion, my answer to this statement is: since now the whole world is closely connected and we are never alone, corporations should take into consideration their responsibility to promote the well-being of the society rather than giving themselves over to the number on their account book. And I believe if every company contributes themselves to make a better, some day or in some places we may not notice, the world will requite them in return.

flearUID: 2533174

看了第一段
got a reply 是得到别人答复。reply 内容加引号
第一句强调一下命题，
例如： "Should corporations promote the well-being of society and environment, or should they focus only on making money?", I was asked the same question in an interview a few years ago.

crucifyblueUID: 3521349

flear 发表于 2014-6-23 05:32
看了第一段
got a reply 是得到别人答复。reply 内容加引号
第一句强调一下命题，

谢谢指点

小海洋UID: 3530868

1. As long as the company can keep their business, it surely will contribute to the society with the job opportunities it offers and the product, whatever it is, that can benefit the people who purchase it.

"whatever it is, that can benefit" seems a little awkward to me. Why don't you try "the product which can benefit the people who purchase it"

2. Your second paragraph looks too long. It's all about the interview and your thought about it but I don't see how this description help your reasoning.

3. You addressed some current problems caused by corporate commercial activities in the third paragraph, it would be even better to provide solution suggestions right there.

4. Conclusion is a little weak. "since now the whole world is closely connected and we are never alone" comes of nowhere and is hard to connect with the sentence after it.