Issue104新出炉的一篇，超时较多，欢迎板砖！

发呆的小熊UID: 139071

Issue104"It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears."

In every culture, the formal education acts an essential role in perpetuating the ideas it favors and discrediting the ideas if fears, but it is not the primarily way. Except it, the propaganda, the rituals and ceremonies, etc. also contribute much in shaping the citizens’ ethos and thoughts that the culture preferring.

In the first place, the formal education is the fundamental tool for a culture to inculcate its ideology to the people. The formal education, namely the education we accept in the schools, colleges, universities, is offered by the mainstream of the society. To cultivate its people from the childhood, it has to inculcate the values it approves and dispel the thoughts it thinks dangerous to the society. In the modern nation-state countries, this trend is especially apparent because the mainstream culture has transfer to the benefits of the certain government. In Japan, we can find an exact example to illuminate this point of view. In the World War II Nazi Japan invaded China and other Asian countries for several years and did tremendous cruelty, especially the Nan Jing Holocaust. But now, the government of Japan, in order to cover this phase of history and create a new image of the Japan, described the brutal invasion as a war between Japan and China in the history textbooks of the schools. Why they did this regardless of other countries' feelings in such an official way? Because the formal education is an easy access to perpetuate their ideology-- the pupils, at the age forming their value systems, can be easily handled.

However, the other approaches perform the same role in perpetuating the ideas a culture likes and discrediting the ideas it fears. In the ancient time, the rituals and ceremonies played a crucial part in the culture because they were the vehicles carrying on the accepted conventions and morals. Through the rituals and ceremonies, the accepted ideas were taught and unpopular ideas were punished. The American novel Scarlet Letters by Howthorn revealed the religious rituals the church punishing the sin that a woman was not chaste to her husband. In the modern time, there are various tools that the culture can use as their facilities to teach their ideology: the mass media, the publication, and now the Internet. Although we are calling for the freedom of the press, all of us know that the mass media is the apparatus of certain groups, associations or institutions. And the main fields of the propaganda, is still in the hands of the government, and now the government is the representative of the culture. George Orwell’s great novel 1984 is a good point in case to show us how a government, a totalitarian government led by Big Brother, censors everyone and controls the thoughts of its citizens through the propaganda.

Admittedly, the ways given above are the main approaches with which the culture perpetuate their favorite ideas and discredit the unpopular ideas, but they cannot occupy all the way that the people forming their ideas. In a word, most people maybe absorb the ideas through the channels the government offers, but there are a lot of people have their own way, such as the family education, a group regulation, etc. Only these kinds of situations exist, can the thoughts of the society be various. Only the various thoughts exist, can the society develop in a health way. Before the France Revolution in 1848, the France was under the control of the conservative Bourbon. The thoughts of freedom were dangerous to the court and they were discredited in the formal education and the official propaganda. But the thoughts of liberty still spread in France and eventually the Revolution broke out.

To summarize, the formal education is the important part for a culture to pass its ideology, traditions, conventions, moral, and so forth, but it is not the primarily way. The other approaches such as the propaganda, the rituals and ceremonies, act the parallel part to set the criteria of valuing in a culture. We cannot overemphasis either of them.

icyscorpioUID: 146659

In every culture,（好像有点生硬） the formal education acts an essential role in perpetuating the ideas it favors and discrediting the ideas if fears, but it is not the primarily way. Except it, the propaganda, the rituals and ceremonies, etc. also contribute much in shaping the citizens’ ethos and thoughts that the culture preferring.
这段就两句啊，够简练，是不是少点？？
看看我的，都说我开头段写的多，肯定超过100字。

In the first place, the formal education is the fundamental tool for a culture to inculcate its ideology to the people. The formal education, namely the education we accept in the schools, colleges, universities, is offered by the mainstream of the society. To cultivate its people from the childhood, it has to inculcate the values it approves and dispel the thoughts it thinks dangerous to the society. In the modern nation-state countries, this trend is especially apparent because the mainstream culture has transfer to the benefits of the certain government. In Japan, we can find an exact example to illuminate this point of view. In the World War II Nazi Japan invaded China and other Asian countries for several years and did tremendous cruelty, especially the Nan Jing Holocaust. But now, the government of Japan, in order to cover this phase of history and create a new image of the Japan, described the brutal invasion as a war between Japan and China in the history textbooks of the schools. Why they did this regardless of other countries' feelings in such an official way? Because the formal education is an easy access to perpetuate their ideology-- the pupils, at the age forming their value systems, can be easily handled.
这个例子？？敏感吗？我说不好。假如是中国人阅卷就肯定行了。
这段是让步段吧，怎么写这来了？应该是admittedly开头的那一段才对吧。

However, the other approaches perform the same role in perpetuating the ideas a culture likes and discrediting the ideas it fears. In the ancient time, the rituals and ceremonies played a crucial part in the culture because they were the vehicles carrying on the accepted conventions and morals. Through the rituals and ceremonies, the accepted ideas were taught and unpopular ideas were punished. The American novel Scarlet Letters by Howthorn revealed the religious rituals the church punishing the sin that a woman was not chaste to her husband.（强，这个也写得出来。） In the modern time, there are various tools that the culture can use as their facilities to teach their ideology: the mass media, the publication, and now the Internet. Although we are calling for the freedom of the press, all of us know that the mass media is the apparatus of certain groups, associations or institutions. And the main fields of the propaganda, is still in the hands of the government, and now the government is the representative of the culture. George Orwell’s great novel 1984 is a good point in case to show us how a government, a totalitarian government led by Big Brother, censors everyone and controls the thoughts of its citizens through the propaganda.
感觉这两个例子不错，值得学习。
这段应该放在开头段后，因为这是你的重要的观点。

Admittedly, the ways given above are the main approaches with which the culture perpetuate their favorite ideas and discredit the unpopular ideas, but they cannot occupy all the way that the people forming their ideas. In a word, most people maybe absorb the ideas through the channels the government offers, but there are a lot of people have their own way, such as the family education, a group regulation, etc. Only these kinds of situations exist, can the thoughts of the society be various. Only the various thoughts exist, can the society develop in a health way. Before the France Revolution in 1848, the France was under the control of the conservative Bourbon.（我发现你写的全是我不知道的东西，很难看懂。。。。　） The thoughts of freedom were dangerous to the court and they were discredited in the formal education and the official propaganda. But the thoughts of liberty still spread in France and eventually the Revolution broke out.
这段的观点和上面一段应该说你写出来是平行的，反正我感觉是这样，那你开头段中的观点好像只说了前一段的内容，没提第二段的东西啊。

To summarize, the formal education is the important part for a culture to pass its ideology, traditions, conventions, moral, and so forth, but it is not the primarily（这个好像论证的不够，逻辑上好像不太完整，如果加一些反面内容说正规教育也有不能完成的内容，肯定更好一点） way. The other approaches such as the propaganda, the rituals and ceremonies, act the parallel part to set the criteria of valuing in a culture. We cannot overemphasis either of them.（最后一句显得有点不合群，要不然就并到上面去写个复杂句，要不就再多写点什么。）


你确实是文科的，看出来了。
和我的思路感觉都不一样。
我觉得你的例子都不错，语言也不错。
结构可能不好，反正不是我喜欢的。
主体三段的安排我觉得肯定要改。
两段支持的观点之间应该有一个递进的关系才好。
最后再写一段让步的观点。
我觉得这是美国人喜欢的结构和逻辑关系。

个人观点。
我的等你砍。
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=174562

ymluUID: 158151

In every culture, the formal education acts an essential role in perpetuating the ideas it favors and discrediting the ideas if fears, but it is not the primarily(primary) way. Except it(Besides that), the propaganda, the rituals and ceremonies, etc. also contribute much in shaping the citizens’ ethos and thoughts that the culture preferring.(that 后面去掉)

In the first place, the formal education is the fundamental tool for a culture to inculcate its ideology to the people. The formal education, namely the education we accept in the schools, colleges, universities, is offered by the mainstream of the society. To cultivate its people from the childhood, it has to inculcate the values it approves and dispel the thoughts it thinks dangerous to the society. In the modern nation-state countries, this trend is especially apparent because the mainstream culture has transfer to(has transfer to改为represents) the benefits of the certain government. In Japan, we can find an exact example to illuminate this point of view. In the World War II Nazi Japan invaded China and other Asian countries for several years and did tremendous cruelty, especially the Nan Jing Holocaust. But now, the government of Japan, in order to cover this phase of history and create a new image of the Japan, described the brutal invasion as a war between Japan and China in the history textbooks of the schools. Why they did this regardless of other countries' feelings in such an official way?(Whay did they do this ..) Because the formal education is an easy access to perpetuate their ideology-- the pupils, at the age forming their value systems, can be easily handled.

However, the other approaches perform the same role in perpetuating the ideas a culture likes and discrediting the ideas it fears. In the ancient time, the rituals and ceremonies played a crucial part in the culture because they were the vehicles carrying on the accepted conventions and morals. Through the rituals and ceremonies, the accepted ideas were taught and unpopular ideas were punished. The American novel Scarlet Letters by Howthorn revealed the religious rituals the church punishing the sin that a woman was not chaste to her husband. In the modern time, there are various tools that the culture can use as their facilities to teach their ideology: the mass media, the publication, and now the Internet. Although we are calling for the freedom of the press, all of us know that the mass media is the apparatus of certain groups, associations or institutions. And the main fields of the propaganda, is still in the hands of the government, and now the government is the representative of the culture. George Orwell’s great novel 1984 is a good point in case to show us how a government, a totalitarian government led by Big Brother, censors everyone and controls the thoughts of its citizens through the propaganda.

Admittedly, the ways given above are the main approaches with which the culture perpetuate their favorite ideas and discredit the unpopular ideas, but they cannot occupy all the way that the people forming their ideas. In a word, most people maybe absorb the ideas through the channels the government offers, but there are a lot of people have their own way, such as the family education, a group regulation, etc. Only these kinds of situations exist, can the thoughts of the society be various. Only the various thoughts exist, can the society develop in a health way. Before the France Revolution in 1848, the France was under the control of the conservative Bourbon. The thoughts of freedom were dangerous to the court and they were discredited in the formal education and the official propaganda. But the thoughts of liberty still spread in France and eventually the Revolution broke out. (这一段的topic很新颖，但是感觉后面的Bourbon的例子这样阐述有点像是要论证"the culture cannot control the people's ideology through either fomal education or unformal")

To summarize, the formal education is the important part for a culture to pass its ideology, traditions, conventions, moral, and so forth, but it is not the primarily way. The other approaches such as the propaganda, the rituals and ceremonies, act the parallel part to set the criteria of valuing in a culture. We cannot overemphasis(overemphasize) either of them.

感觉例子举的还是不错的，有些例子闻所未闻，从哪看来得，希望以后你能多给我些灵感。：）
B.T.W,我是学计算机的，可以互补。

发呆的小熊UID: 139071

先多谢。
你算是说对了：）逻辑结构问题一直是我写的时候觉得很痛苦的东西，不只是这一篇。结构问题我回头再好好考虑考虑。
第三段的展开和问题，而且并没有说清楚想要表达的东西。反醒~~~~
至于开头段嘛，我的观点还是要简练些好，不过俺底这个是太简练了：）

发呆的小熊UID: 139071

谢谢ymlu
我昨天写完自己很不满意，一来超时很多，二来结构安排自己觉得很不爽。尤其是第三个主题段说得不明不白，最后的结语也草草收场：（
那些例子嘛，不都是俺学的嘛！俺是学中文的，所以这方面就知道的多一些：）
对了，楼上的icyscorpio是互改组的，你们也要相互多批改呀：）一起进步