Issue167 让我心碎的政治类（galaxysong点评）

fishergirlUID：152325

我想还是列一下提纲吧：）

观点：政治家只要能够有利于国家和人民就好，不一定要永远诚实。但是条件允许时，还是说实话吧。
1．政治家的主要职能－推动国家建设，保障人民利益。所以必要时可以说谎或者隐瞒一些事情。
2．政治家发挥作用的前提是能在政坛立足，为了应付竞争对手和残酷的竞争，他们不得不变得狡猾。
3．但是政治家们要尽可能的诚实，因为诚实可以让他们得到更多的拥护和尊敬，以便政令的通畅，另一方面，长期说谎会给他们自己造成精神压力。

Honesty is a respectful virtue for ordinary people, but is a puzzle for political leaders, because that it conflicts to their professional duty — to ensure the nation’s economic, political and cultural progress and stability. So in my point of view, an effective political leader cannot tell the truth all the time, but he/she should also keep honest when possible. [开头简化了，删了一些绕来绕去的口水话]

To begin with, as far as everyone know, one of the unavoidable duties of politicians is to run the monster country machine [“庞大的国家机器”，可不可以这样表达呢？] work normally, and then benefit the public utimately, thus it is impossible and unnecessary for them to tell the truth all the time. That is, politicians are not born as liars, but the environment forces them to learn that ploy. In many occasions, a politician has to lie or take something as secrets for the behalf of his/her nation and people. For example, the politicians can never leak the military secrets to any irrelevant person for fear of menacing safety of the country, or disseminate any immature policy to the public to avoid unnecessary anarchy, or tell the real aims of some actions before they achieve their goals, and so on. Hence, it is sure that an effective political leader cannot tell the truth all the time, and the public should not ask them to do so.

Additionally, for ones who devote themselves to the politics, [to sniper613：这里的结构我看不出来问题啊，你帮我改一下？] the premise to do something for the nation and public is the status they hold in political struggles. Therefore politicians often play as different personages in different needs to surpass their antagonists and climb to the highest power apex, and then run the country systematically and smoothly with their great ambitions, intelligent minds and all passions. No one can ensure to make no mistake, yet for a politician, even a little mistake may be a sharp sword handed by his/her antagonist to defeat him/her. In fact, it is the complicated and relentless political struggles that compel politicians to become cunning, prudent and even fraudulent.

On the other hand, honesty is a definite virtue deserving respect. Politicians should also be as honest as possible. For one thing, an honest leader can gain more trust, respect and espousal, which will help him/her carry out the policies more smoothly. For another, because too many pesudology will make politicians feel burdensome, whereas honesty may make them fell happy and relax, so it is a good way for them to lessen their psychological pressure through telling the truth as much as possible. Maybe this can explain that why so many politicians would like to write autobiographies after retirement.

To sum up, admittedly, honesty is a respectful virtue in spite of its little flaw in some specific occasions. But for a political leader, it is of more importance to be effective than to be a moral personification, thus although honesty is a traditional virtue, a politician should dear to lie or close the mouth if it is necessary in some special situations. And the most appropriate attitude towards honesty that politicians should take is that being shrewd enough when it is necessary, and then honest when possible.

几点疑问：
1.有所保留的赞成题目，重心在but后面吗？
2.nevertheless是用来反对其前面的观点，强调后面观点的吗？
3.thus应该可以作为表示推理的连接词吧？

fishergirlUID：152325

最初由 eaglezhou 发布
[B]我倒觉得应该作为展开的基点 [/B]

是一个不错的想法，不过会不会让文章显得很复杂啊？

fishergirlUID：152325

最初由 etech 发布
[B]另：一个例子

WW2时候，邱吉尔得到消息，德国要轰炸一个城市（寒，名字忘了，谁知道？？？），

但是，消息的来源是从刚刚破译的德军密码，为了不让德军知道他们已经?.

以下省略...... [/B]

我以前好像也见过这个例子 :) 不过确实记不住那个城市的名字了 :mad:

eaglezhouUID：156651

应该就好像定义一个不清晰的词语一样，给它限定一个框框

galaxysongUID：152834

fishergirl 作品很受欢迎嘛。
我改的是你的原始版本，应当还有参考价值吧。

No.1 Issue167，让我心碎的政治类
167. "It is impossible for an effective political leader to tell the truth all the time. Complete honesty is not a useful virtue for a politician."

一位卓有成效的政治领导人是不可能一直都讲真话的。对于政治家来说，绝对的诚实是无用的美德。

道德；政治 － 相对的诚实 － 涉及到评价、判断的原则、标准

To be or not to be, as an ambiguous [应当是难以回答吧。] question, it has puzzleed many people for a long time [for a long time? 你的意思其实是从古到今吧？]. For political leaders, there is a similar problem badgers [这句话的谓语是什么呢？] [badger是为了某一目的而缠着某人不放的意思吧。] them deeply -- [用冒号可能更好。] to be honest or not. In my point of view, a political leader’[你练笔时用的是Word吗？这恐怕不是什么好习惯。]s achievement should be evaluated mainly by his/her attribution [contribution] to the nation’s economic, political and cultural progress, and[中国人常用的不适宜的and；意思不同又不相连，就应该分成两句话。] if honesty should also be considered[不要also。用虚拟语态。Were honesty taken into consideration。或者干脆用短语As to honesty], it has less importance[it is of less importance]. Furthermore[你这表示前面说的honesty不重要的话也是独立的论点吗？但你的第一个body并非如此。], it is impossible for everyone[anyone] to be honest absolutely[absolutely或者completely honest], not to mention politicians, [这句插入语应当紧接着anyone之后。]but it is also undeniable that honesty is definitely a necessary virtue in the appropriate degree[你是想说appropriate honesty是一种美德吗？].

To begin with, as far [-as far]as everyone know[knows], one of the unavoidable duties of politicians is to run the monster[??] country machine work[谁是谓语？] normally[normally就可以了？], and then benefit the public actually[奇怪的actually。], thus[第一，thus不是连词；第二，这里的因果关系有严重的断层！] it is impossible and unnecessary[注意：这两个词应当分开论述。] for them to tell the truth all the time. That is, politicians are not born as[-as，让born作形容词。] liars, but the [+political] environment forces them to learn that ploy[ploy本身已经有说谎的潜在含义，所以不必用that]. In many occasions, a politician has to lie or take something as secrets[就是keep some secrets嘛。] for the behalf[interests，没有for the behalf的用法。而on behalf of是代表某人利益的意思。] of his/her nation and people. For example, the politicians can never leakage[名词？let out] the militery[military] secrets to any irrelevant person for[never...for...让我想起not...because...（做某事，但并非因为某种原因。）] fear of menacing[谁？而且威胁一词太狭窄，不如用endanger。] [少冠词]safety of the country, or explore[？] any immature policy to the public to[又是一个奇怪的因果表达：到底是为了avoid而做某事还是不做某事？] avoid unncessary anarchy[政府都没了，过于严重。用disorder就可以了，至多来个panic。], or[两个or？] tell the real aims[purposes比较好。你体会一下。] of some actions before they achieve their goals, and so on. [这个example超长且超常，内容太多，每一项又没能表述清楚。]Hence, it is sure[这样的绝对词语（还有it is obvious之类）都是argument中必然批驳的，基本可谓是强词夺理的特征词，最好别再用了。] that an effective political leader cannot tell the truth all the time, and the public should not ask them to do so[用neither...nor...不是更好吗？].

Additionally[我只见过in addition], for ones[those] who devote themselves to politics, the premise to do something for the nation and public is the status they hold in political struggles[不如说through political contests and conflicts，或者说survive...]. Therefore politicians often play as different personages[？] in different needs[occasions？] to surpass[或者beat] their antagonists and climb to the highest power apex[你只在讨论总统吗？或许你该把to改成toward。], and then run the country systematically and smoothly with their great ambitions, intelligent minds and all passions. No one can ensure to make no[是avoid any吧？] mistake, yet for a politician, even a little[a little 有固定用法哦。建议改为a seemingly minor] mistake may be [turn out to be/become] a sharp sword handed by his/her antagonist to defeat him/her[用a sharp knife in his/her antagonist's hand即可。]. In fact, it is the complicated and relentless political struggles that compel politicians to become cunning, prudent and even fraudulent. [终于说到点子上了，还需要进一步深入分析，为什么说政治是复杂无情的。]求例子！

On the other hand, [+however/nevertheless转折一下。]honesty is a definite[有一个绝对词。] virtue deserving respect. Politicians should also be as honest as possible[不如说if possible。]. For one thing, an honest leader[政治家等于leader吗？有逻辑跳跃。] can gain more trust, respect and espousal[到底是什么样的拥护呢？], which will help him/her carry out the policies more smoothly[关键是看结果吧。successfully]. For another[有这种用法吗？], because too many pesudology[拼写错误，而且好像过于专业化。另外究竟是单数还是复数？] will make politicians feel burdensome[will burden the politicians], it[指代什么？] is a good way for them to lessen their psychological pressure[stress更好。]. Maybe this can explain that why so many politicians would like to write autobiographies after retirement[逻辑再次跳跃。]. 再求！
[这一段转得不好，有弄巧成拙之嫌。或许我要求高了些，但你再写前文的时候就应当考虑到这里的转折，留个伏笔。换言之，就是在前面不要把话说得太绝对，而要明确指出在什么前提下应当（或者说不得不）不说真话。]

To sum up, for a political leader, it is of more importance to be effective than to be a moral personification[？前后相对吗？], thus although honesty is a traditional virtue, if it be useless or even harmful in some special situations, a politician should dear[拼写] to lie or close the mouth[应当是cover/cloak the truth。]. Nevertheless, honesty is surely a respectful virtue in spite of its little flaw in some specific occasions. Thus the most appropriate[correct] attitude towards honesty that[指代的是什么呢？honesty还是attitude？以后最好不要这样写。] politicians should take is that[?] being shrewd enough when it is necessary, and then honest in the remaining[倒计时？是other吧？] time.

[总的印象是：思路普通，基调正确，但不够深入。死穴则谈不上吧。大概拿个4.5分是没什么问题的。
有几个问题值得考虑：
1.political leader的基本职责是什么？
2.什么样的political leader称得上是effecitve？
3.群众的特点是什么？
4.政治斗争的特点又是什么？
5.哪些类型的情报不应当tell the truth？为什么？
6.哪些类型应当tell the truth？又为什么？

另外，对于语言表达，鉴于你的时间比较充裕，建议你先向邱吉尔学习，尽量说简短有力的话（“每句话不超过七个字。”）。
至于例子，千万不要太依赖。AW是Analytical Writing，不是Story Writing，关键还是逻辑分析说理。]

fishergirlUID：152325

感谢galaxysong为我这么详细的修改作文，好感动！我需要时间来好好消化一下：）

迟一点会有第三版的修改稿问世：）