issue100,现在开始找不是那么BT的东西写了,不过限时1小时

xqmelissaUID：140370

Issue 100
The pressure to achieve high grades in school seriously limits the quality of learning. An educational environment without grades would promote more genuine intellectual development.
学校中追求高分的压力严重限制了学习的质量。没有分数的教育环境将会促进更多人的智力潜能的开发。


In modern educational system, the function of grade system, a standard of measuring students' study quality, becomes more important than ever. However, there are really some defects existing in this system, which induce many controversies about whether it is good for the improvement of educational quality if there is an educational environment without grades. As far as I am concerned, the pressure of pursuing high scores blindly is harmful, but this system, existing for many years, has some positive effects on in process of study.

The pressure of pursuing high scores blindly is an impediment to the quality of learning. As we know, the design of the examination system has some inevitable limitations. For example, the reflection of the examination is only the ability of holding knowledge in textbooks, but the capacity of other aspects could not being discovered. This defect always results in the phenomenon that a student who does well in examinations but not pays attention to study other knowledge outside notebooks has difficulties in the society, since the basic abilities for survival, such as how to communicate with others, are absent. In recent years, many companies complain that some students owning high scores in school could not adapt jobs which require them to exert their own ideas. The main reason is that these students unilaterally pursue grades in the school but do not attentively cultivate own abilities of analyzing and solving problems. When they meet problems not being taught by notebooks and teachers, they do not know how to deal with. Therefore, pursuing high scores blindly limits the quality of learning.

The educational environment without grades could promote the development of students' genuine intellectual to some extent. In China, a popular topic these years is that schools should adopt educational system which is inclined to the training of students' general development including not only imparting knowledge, but also attaching importance to the moral construction and other basic technologies in the society. As a consequence, many elementary schools begin to practice "happy education", which means that the pressure to achieve high grades is replaced by an approach which permits students developing their habits and genius with freedom on the basis of teachers' leading. The result of this new educational system in recent years shows that the comprehensive abilities of students in Chinese elementary school are obviously increasing. For instance, students in these schools received many national awards for excellent children invention, since the happy education system provides the soil to inspire their imagination.

However, grades also have some positive effects in the process of study. If there were no pressure of the examination, many students would not spend their most time on study, which is harm for the development of them. The grade system, existing for many years, has its rationalities, such as grades being considered as a standard to measure the result of study, and the knowledge could be increased through the preparation for the examination. Take CET 4 test, which is a test in China to measure students’ English level, as an example. Students improve their capability of mastering and using English in a short time by preparing for the test, which requires a lot of intensive exercises and then forces students memorizing much knowledge.

To sum up, although there are some positive effects of grades in modern education systems, pursuing high score blindly to some extent is a resistance to education. Reducing the influence of scores in the education system could promote more genuine intellectual development.  (581 words)


又一次限时1小时,不过这还是修改版,原稿还是见不得人啊,郁闷!
大家批吧!

九月爱上乒乓球UID：151821

In modern educational system, the function of grade system, a standard of measuring students' study quality, becomes more important than ever. However, there are really some defects existing in this system, which induce [U]many controversies [/U] (a controversy) about whether it is good for the improvement of educational quality if there is an educational environment without grades. As far as I am concerned, the pressure of pursuing high scores blindly is harmful, but this system, existing for many years, has some positive effects on(what?) in process of study.

The pressure of pursuing high scores blindly is an impediment to the quality of learning. As we know, the design of the examination system has some inevitable limitations. For example, [U]the reflection of the examination[/U] (明白你的意思 但是看起来有点像中文翻译的: examination can only test the ability...) is only the ability of holding knowledge in textbooks, but the capacity of other aspects could not being discovered. This defect always results in the phenomenon that a student who does well in examinations but not pays attention to study(ing) other knowledge outside notebooks [U]has difficulties [/U](doesn't perform well)  in the society, since the basic abilities for survival, such as how to communicate with others, are absent. (这个地方引出 communicate 我以为你后面开始讲这个, 但你又谈到其他能力,论证火力被分散了)In recent years, many companies complain that some students owning high scores in school could not adapt (to) jobs which require them to exert their own ideas. The main reason is that these students unilaterally pursue grades in the school but do not attentively cultivate own abilities of analyzing and solving problems. When they meet problems not being taught by notebooks and teachers, they do not know how to deal with. Therefore, pursuing high scores blindly limits the quality of learning.  分析挺有道理的 不错

The educational environment without grades could promote the development of students' genuine intellectual to some extent. In China, a popular topic these years is that schools should adopt educational system which is inclined to the training of students' general development including not only imparting knowledge, but also attaching importance to the moral construction and other basic technologies in the society. As a consequence, many elementary schools begin to practice "happy education", which means that the pressure to achieve high grades is replaced by an approach which permits students developing their habits and genius with freedom on the basis of teachers' leading. The result of this new educational system in recent years shows that the comprehensive abilities of students in Chinese elementary school are obviously increasing. For instance, students in these schools received many national awards for excellent children invention, since the happy education system provides the soil to inspire their imagination.(例证加论证 挺好的 来点分析更好)

However, grades also have some positive effects in the process of study. If there were no pressure of the examination, many students would not spend their most time on study, which is harm for the development of them. 看到这 感觉你的which从句用的太多(能不能换换,比如这句:The absence of pressure of the examination would do harm to the development of students for .....)The grade system, existing for many years, has its rationalities, such as [U]grades being considered as a standard to measure the result of study, and the [/U] (可以不要) knowledge could be increased through the preparation for the examination. Take CET 4 test, [U]which is a test in China to measure students’ English level, [/U](an English test)  as an example. Students improve their capability of mastering and using English in a short time by preparing for the test, which requires a lot of intensive exercises and then forces students memorizing much knowledge.

To sum up, although there are some positive effects of grades in modern education systems, pursuing high score blindly to some extent is a resistance to education. Reducing the influence of scores in the education system could promote more genuine intellectual development. (581 words)

文章脉络很清晰,论证起来也不含糊,不错了 要是限时写就更好了

当然我认为 文章还是简单的罗列优缺点 还是缺乏对两者之间的比较 到底哪一个更值得提倡 有没有什么样的解决办法 为什么?末尾提出的观点Reducing the influence of scores in the education system could promote more genuine intellectual development 在文章中没有体现

楼主加油!

xqmelissaUID：140370

谢谢九月爱上乒乓球！

不过，说实话，我觉得限时写，脑子里根本就反映不出来太多的合适与不合适，就是一味的在写，能保证我逻辑上的清楚已经不容易了，呵呵，这就是这两天限时给我的最大感受。

这篇是我限制在1小时中写的，文章的大体狂架就是这个样子了，但是着重修改了一下语言问题。不过好象有些还是有中文的痕迹，唉！

至于你后面说到的两者的比较问题呢，我觉得不是很需要，题目中就是指的一个现象，而没有谈及比较。而且在规定的时间内，也不见得能写好这个比较啊。

末尾提出的观点Reducing the influence of scores in the education system could promote more genuine intellectual development 在文章中没有体现

这个不就是我body2的内容吗？

(这个地方引出 communicate 我以为你后面开始讲这个, 但你又谈到其他能力,论证火力被分散了)

仅仅是一个such as，后面也谈到了一点点啊？

不过你帮我修改的一些句子的表达很好，谢谢！

sniper613UID：147372

先占个座，一会来帮你看看

sniper613UID：147372

Issue 100
The pressure to achieve high grades in school seriously limits the quality of learning. An educational environment without grades would promote more genuine intellectual development.
学校中追求高分的压力严重限制了学习的质量。没有分数的教育环境将会促进更多人的智力潜能的开发。


In modern educational system, the function of grade system, a standard of measuring students' study quality, becomes more important than ever. However, there are really some defects existing in this system, which induce many controversies about whether it is good for the improvement of educational quality if there is an educational environment without grades. As far as I am concerned, the pressure of pursuing high scores blindly is harmful, but this system, existing for many years, has some positive effects on in process of study.

The pressure of pursuing high scores blindly is an impediment to the quality of learning. As we know, the design of the examination system has some inevitable limitations. For example, the reflection of the examination is only the ability of holding knowledge in textbooks, but the capacity of other aspects could not being discovered(这个词不太好，examined). This defect always results in the phenomenon that a student who does well in examinations but not pays attention to study other knowledge outside notebooks has difficulties in the society, since(even) the basic abilities for survival, such as how to communicate with others, are absent. In recent years, many companies complain that some students owning high scores in school could not adapt jobs which require them to exert their own ideas. The main reason is that these students unilaterally pursue grades in the school but do not attentively cultivate own abilities of analyzing and solving problems. When they meet problems not being taught by notebooks and teachers, they do not know how to deal with. Therefore, pursuing high scores blindly limits the quality of learning.( This paragraph is excellent!)

The educational environment without grades could promote the development of students' genuine intellectual to some extent. In China, a popular topic these years is that schools should adopt educational system which is inclined to the training of students' general development including not only imparting knowledge, but also attaching importance to the moral construction and other basic technologies in the society.(不等于没有grades啊，应该是减少grades) As a consequence, many elementary schools begin to practice "happy education", which means that the pressure to achieve high grades is replaced by an approach which permits students developing their habits and genius with freedom on the basis of teachers' leading. The result of this new educational system in recent years shows that the comprehensive abilities of students in Chinese elementary school are obviously increasing. For instance, students in these schools received many national awards for excellent children invention, since the happy education system provides the soil to inspire their imagination.(TS里面的without有点过于偏激了)

However, grades also have some positive effects in the process of study. If there were no pressure of the examination, many students would not spend their most(much) time on study, which is harm(harmful) for the development of them. The grade system, existing for many years, has its rationalities, such as grades being considered as a standard to measure the result of study, and the knowledge could be increased through the preparation for the examination. Take CET 4 test, which is a test in China to measure students’ English level, as an example. Students improve their capability of mastering and using English in a short time by preparing for the test, which requires a lot of intensive exercises and then forces students memorizing much knowledge.

To sum up, although there are some positive effects of grades in modern education systems, pursuing high score blindly to some extent is a resistance to education. Reducing the influence of scores in the education system could promote more genuine intellectual development. (581 words)


Good！写得很好，但是感觉上觉得第三段和第四段有些矛盾，加上一些限定词就好了。
另外：能帮我看看我写的issue93吗？谢谢！

xqmelissaUID：140370

最初由 sniper613 发布
[B]discovered(这个词不太好，examined) [/B]

我认为是discover是发掘，就是说其他方面的能力被发掘出来
examine是说检验，和我的想法不是很一样
呵呵

但是感觉上觉得第三段和第四段有些矛盾，加上一些限定词就好了

是吗？
我第三段写的主要是减少分数的好处
第四段写的是分数也是存在好处的
我觉得不是很矛盾

谢谢鼓励！
一会去改你的文章啊

九月爱上乒乓球UID：151821

早上改的,脑子不清,见谅!

sniper613UID：147372

主要是你的第三段说没有grade，教育质量会改进。 而第四段又说grade还是有好处的。
我觉得第三段改成适当减少grade的重要性，教育会改进。
你觉得呢？

xqmelissaUID：140370

最初由 九月爱上乒乓球 发布
[B]早上改的,脑子不清,见谅! [/B]

呵呵，没有没有
你帮我改的句子真的很不错！
谢谢！

好几天没见你贴作文了啊？

PS：起的那么早啊！PFPF！

xqmelissaUID：140370

最初由 sniper613 发布
[B]主要是你的第三段说没有grade，教育质量会改进。 而第四段又说grade还是有好处的。
我觉得第三段改成适当减少grade的重要性，教育会改进。
你觉得呢？ [/B]

我第三段的TS是：The educational environment without grades could promote the development of students' genuine intellectual to some extent.
就是说没有成绩的教育环境有好处，开发潜能。

第四段的TS是：grades also have some positive effects in the process of study.
就是分数也有其正面作用

想想啊？

可能是有点不合适，恩，再想想去

谢谢！

九月爱上乒乓球UID：151821

作文这几天限时写了几篇 实在是烂 修改中......  我现在觉得限时写大不同 你写的相当好了 什么时候考啊?
to sniper613: 我觉得你说得有道理
to xqmelissa: 不是抬杠,但是我觉得这篇文章的构思还是有指的商榷的地方 思考中......

xqmelissaUID：140370

我现在也是开始限时了，不过是一个小时，这是限时后的第二篇，不过原稿太烂，不好意思贴，呵呵

我4月14号考试

思路呢？我觉得没问题啊，再讨论一下吧：
这个题目说：学校中追求高分的压力严重限制了学习的质量。没有分数的教育环境将会促进更多人的智力潜能的开发。
我的理解就是：分数对学习质量的影响。
于是我的观点就是：有保留的同意。
分数限制了一些学习的质量，如高分低能现象的产生，能力低本身也属于教学质量的范畴嘛。减少分数的压力可能有助于开发潜能。但是，不可否认的是，分数确实有其积极作用。

你觉得哪里不合适呢？

至于BODY2嘛，我回头把例子修改一下吧，加点限定就行了，比如说，快乐教育就是减少分数在学习中的影响等等。

你们觉得如何？

谢谢！

九月爱上乒乓球UID：151821

1 The pressure of pursuing high scores blindly is an impediment to the quality of learning 盲目追求高分不好
2 The educational environment without grades could promote the development of students' genuine intellectual to some extent. 没有分数的教育有利于智力开发
3 However, grades also have some positive effects in the process of study. 但是成绩体制在教育过程中是有积极作用的

你是disagree作者的, 但是你这样写一是观点不够明显 两边都说好
应该明确你的态度 提出明确的的解决方法(就是你认为最好的状态应该是什么样的)
二是对于没有分数的教育环境应该批判一点 说出它的缺点(对应了分数教育的优点) 从而引出比较折中的方法

xqmelissaUID：140370

我觉得，题目就是说明了一个现象，没有要求做比较啊？
所以我就是论述一下题目说的这个观点

再看我的POSITION：As far as I am concerned, the pressure of pursuing high scores blindly is harmful, but this system, existing for many years, has some positive effects on in process of study.
就是说，盲目追求高分不好，但是分数确实有其重要作用。
这个就是我的总论点，然后各段分别展开的。

九月爱上乒乓球UID：151821

可能是我很大的一个误区: 我们对issue的观点是不是一定要有表明同意还是不同意(或者是不完全同意)啊?
就你这篇文章来说 speaker很明显认为没有分数会更好, 那么我们是不是应该也有一个立场呢?(就是说采取什么样的形式会更好)