issue114 又一次限时失败，受挫折中

xqmelissaUID: 140370

谢谢papajohns！

Humanity, defined as the quality of being human which is marked by compassion, (sympathy or consideration for humans or animals), 人性的特征是这些吗

是吧
我是按MW中的解释写的

这段没什么说服力，你的主题句是科技革新改善了人性，主题句定的太大了，应该缩小范围。而且较空洞和抽象

怎么说呢，这个段落我就是想说明一个现象，而且是围绕到题目中举的War, violence and poverty 分别说明罢了

ameliorated

恩，好词，不认识，是GRE词汇吧？
收之谢谢！

这段主题句不好，而且请问这段你想论述什么呢

这个段落我就是想说如果没有humanity，会是怎样
不过写的时候我也觉得不是很好
郁闷！

你可以从人类的状态下手可能好写一点。一个建议如果状态不好，不要逼自己写，可以看看范文或其他的文章，会好很多。

不是很明白，你指的是什么状态呢？
而且如果按MW的解释，huaminty就是我开头段定义的东西啊，如果写成状态，我认为跑题了
你觉得呢？

谢谢指教！

xqmelissaUID: 140370

最初由 lovebrian 发布
[B]melissa 不要着急哦~~~
我都两天没写了~~~写不出来~~
不要强逼自己写~~~调整一下~~ [/B]

咋话说的都这么象我家人和GG呢？？？
:confused: :confused: :confused:

lionelUID: 51199

题目认为：战争，暴力，贫穷的存在，就是因为人类的的humanity还不够好。我想，这个也能够扩展到饥饿。在现代社会里，还存在大量的饥饿，恐怖活动，也是因为人类的humanity不好。

lovebrianUID: 157127

最初由 xqmelissa 发布
[B]咋话说的都这么象我家人和..

以下省略...... [/B]

亲戚？ :D  :D  :p

lovebrianUID: 157127

最初由 lionel 发布
[B]题目认为：战争，暴力，贫穷的存在，就是因为人类的的humanity还不够好。我想，这个也能够扩展到饥饿。在现代社会里，还存在大量的饥饿，恐怖活动，也是因为人类的humanity..

以下省略...... [/B]

我也认同~~
我觉得已经可以把麦克米伦的解释和饥饿挂钩了~~~
呵呵
suffering in some way当然可以指饥饿~~~~~~
也就是说题目更广泛了~~~~题目的意思是只要有人suffering，科技就没能改变人性，这样就太好驳了 :cool:

xqmelissaUID: 140370

最初由 lovebrian 发布
[B]亲戚？ :D  :D  :p [/B]

讨厌!
烂狒狒!!!!
:mad:  :mad:  :mad:

心情不好!

sniper613UID: 147372

Issue 114
Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. War, violence and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity.
人性在上个世纪并没有给社会的发展带来多大帮助。技术取得了革命性的发展，但是整个世界的人性并没有得到改善。战争、暴力、贫穷一直困扰着我们。技术的发展并不能带动人性的发展。


Humanity, defined as the quality of being human which is marked by compassion, sympathy or consideration for humans or animals, has improved with the development of technological innovations. Although, war, violence and poverty are still around us, these defects in humanity could be gradually amended through ceaseless conscious efforts.   
（前面说Humanity has improved with the development of technological innovations. 后面又说humanity could be gradually amended through ceaseless conscious efforts。  Technology和conscious基本是对立的啊）

With the social developments and technological innovations, humanity has improved as well. There are less war and violence nowadays comparing with old days, since more and more people long for peace and disgust with war and violence.（我怎么觉得现代的战争和冲突到处都是啊，你没有证明现在的战争一定就比古代少啊） Since war and violence, symbols of brutality to some extent, kill so many immaculate（不无辜的就该死啊！） beings in an instantaneous time, bring social turbulences, and hold back the development of economy（美国在一战和二战发大财了，日本在朝鲜战争中崛起的）, war and violence are exposed to drastic revolts in recent times, as the rallies happened before the war between America and Iraq. Although the gap between affluence and poverty still exists, more and more people begin to pay attention to this problem and make use of various approaches to solve it, as the numerous sustentation funds from developed countries to developing countries every year. All these improvements show evidence that humanity is improving.（科技怎么没有提到？）

The main reason of the improvement of humanity is that people have more time to consider questions and defects existing in the humanity, and then continuously review these defects in order to make them better than ever. Especially after the Second Industry Revolution, technological innovations brought productivity increased in a large extent, general educations became popular and ordinary people have rights to be educated. With the increasing of productivity, which is one reason for the improvement of humanity, people gain more leisure time to consider problems in humanity.（现代人比古代的忙多了，看看周围的白领们，特别是在外企打工的人） However, considering humanity is hard to realize in ancient times since people took care of how to solve problems about survival, rather than humanity. The popularization of education is another reason for the improvement of humanity. Education, especially modern education, emphasizes on the moral construction. In China, students have lessons about philosophy, an important lesson imparting humanity and helping students to establish correct worldviews, from elementary schools to universities. Both the increasing of productivity and popularization of education are results of technological innovations. Therefore, technology development is a crucial reason promoting the improvement of humanity.
（完全跑题，题目中心是科技，你扯到教育上去了！）

If there were no improvement of humanity, the world would have been hard to imagine. （人性没有进步，这个世界是很难想象的。 这怎么和你后面的clone联系起来？）A drastic discussion about whether government should admit the research of human clone is ended with the winning of restriction of this technology. Why does this conclusion draw though the technology of clone surely could solve many problems? It is humanity that requires the natural order（人性要求自然的次序,觉得很别扭阿） about the human multiplication which has been threaten by clone in that some evil scientists could use it to produce human and make many troubles in the society. As a result, the society is advancing with the improvement of technologies and humanity.（TS和论据联系不大。 还不如把TS改成 the development of technology needs the improvement of humanity together.）

Although there are still some immoral conducts in ordinary lives, such as the existing wars, violence and poverty, through our ceaseless conscious efforts as well as our firm belief in mutual respect and tolerance can we essentially improve human conditions, bringing about a world of mutual compassion, sympathy and consideration for humans and animals. (528 words)

觉得跑题很厉害，中心是technology和humanity, 你的重心完全在humanity上，对于科技的影响之类的只字未提，我把我写的114一起贴上来，比较一下，我的比你的更差，不好意思。




Issue114 "Humanity has made little real progress over the past century or so. Technological innovations have taken place, but the overall condition of humanity is no better. War, violence, and poverty are still with us. Technology cannot change the condition of humanity."



Since the ancient time, people have been developing the technology. From the Renaissance in the western countries, many people devoted their whole lives to the technology. People's material conditions have been greatly changed, but the war, violence, and poverty are still with them. It is the fact that the development of the technology has not changed the humanity. In order to making real progress in the field of humanity, it is necessary to pay enough attention to the education.


In the first place, the development of the technological innovations have ameliorated the conditions of people's lives and increased the productivity. In the old times, people lived in a constrained place, had a little food, and had little things for the amusement. In the modern society, with the development of the technology, people's living is much better than before. For example, the invention of mobile phone, which came to the world in the 20th century, makes people much more convenient. A person in the North American wants to contact with another, who lives in the Europe, only needs to press the buttons on his phone and wait for a few seconds. Then he can talk to the person who he wants to contact with. Another instance is the gene technology. In the modern world, many foods are produced with the help of the gene technology. The quality of the food is much better and amount increases largely. Under this situation, people have more and more food and other material things than the ones in the past time. Therefore, technology has greatly changed the conditions of people's living and made people have more food than in the past.

However, some technological achievements, which were used in some other purposes, bring great pains to human beings. Though human beings can benefit from the technology, the technology also can harm people. The atom bomb is a good example in case. On August 6th and 9th, 1945, the USA dropped two atom bombs on the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in Japan. The two bombs killed over 200 thousand Japanese. Though the purpose of using the atom bombs was to make Japan surrender, it brought debates whether it was worthy at the cost of the 200 thousand people. Another instance is the 911 attacking to America in 2001. Terrorists used two planes, which were the famous technological innovations in human history, to destroy the World Trade Center and kill a large number of ordinary people. From the two examples, it is clear to see that some persons use the technology to harm other persons. As a consequence, technology does not change the humanity; otherwise human would not be hurt by the technological innovations.


Moreover, it is important to realize that education plays an essential role in changing the humanity. Though the technology does not change the humanity, education can tell people what is right and what is wrong. Take Singapore for example. Singaporean always pays much attention to the effect of education and it is not deniable that their morality is good. When people are children in Singapore, they have to be sent to school to receive education. In the education, teachers and other people tell the children that the honesty and keeping one's promise are good behaviors and the persons who break the laws would be punished. To the adults, Singapore also educates them in the public place. People know that smoking in the public place is bad for themselves and others and they usually help each other. From the example mentioned above, it is not difficult to see that education plays a vital role in changing people’s humanity in the society of Singapore. Thus, people should pay enough attention to the effect of education and change their humanity in the educational process.


To sum up, the technology lets persons live in a better conditions and increases the productivity to produce more food and other things. But some individuals use the technology to harm other persons. Consequently, though the humanity has not been changed by the technology, education can play an important role in the field of educating people to change the humanity.


这是Word2003的翻译：
Issue114 "人类做了一点真正的进展过去世纪或如此。 技术革新发生了， 但人类的整体情况是没有更好。 战争， 暴力， 并且贫穷仍然是以我们。 技术无法改变人类的情况。"



从古老时间， 人们开发技术。 从新生在西方国家， 许多居于致力了他们的一生于技术。 人的物质情况很大地被改变了， 但战争， 暴力， 并且贫穷仍然是与他们。 这是事实技术的发展未改变人类。 为了获得真正的进展在人类领域， 它是必要给予足够的注意对教育。


首先， 技术革新的发展改良了人的生活的条件和增加了生产力。 在老时代， 人们居住在一个拘束的地方， 饮用少许食物， 并且有小的事为娱乐。 在现代社会， 以技术的发展， 人的生活是好比以前。 例如， 流动电话的发明， 哪些来了到世界在20 世纪， 牌子居于更加方便。 一个人用北美想要与另接触， 谁住在欧洲， 唯一需要按按钮通他的电话和等几秒钟。 然后他能与他想要接触与的人谈话。 其它事例是基因技术。 在现代世界， 许多食物被生产在基因技术帮助下。 食物的质量主要是好和数额增量。 在这个情况之下， 人们有越来越食物和其它物质事比那个在过去时间。 所以， 技术很大地改变了人的生活的条件并且被制作的人民食用更多食物比从前。

但是， 一些技术成就， 哪些被使用了在其它目的， 带来巨大痛苦给人。 虽然人能受益于技术， 技术可能还危害人。 原子弹是一个好例子如果。 在6 日和8月第9 ， 1945 年， 美国投下了二个原子弹在广岛市和长崎在日本。 二个炸弹被杀害200 一千日语。 使用原子弹的目的虽则将做日本投降， 它带来了辩论是否它是值得的在200 一千人民的费用。 2001 年其它事例是911 攻击对美国。 恐怖分子使用了二架飞机， 哪些是著名技术革新在人类历史上， 毁坏世界贸易中心和杀害很大数量的普通人。 从二个例子， 它是确切看, 一些人使用技术危害其它人。 结果， 技术不改变人类; 否则人由技术革新不会受伤。


而且， 它重要意识到, 教育充当在改变人类的一个根本角色。 虽然技术不改变人类， 教育可能告诉人们什么是不错并且什么是错误的。 作为新加坡例如。 新加坡总给予注意对教育的作用并且它不是可否认的他们的道德是好的。 当人们是孩子在新加坡， 他们必须被送到学校接受教育。 在教育， 老师和人民告诉孩子, 诚实和保留某人的诺言是好行为并且违反法律的人会被惩罚。 对成人， 新加坡并且教育他们在公共场所。 人们知道, 抽烟在公共场所是坏为他们自己并且其他人和他们通常互相帮助。 从例子以上提到， 它不难看, 教育充当在改变people6A'4A.6A'4A.s 人类的一个重要角色在新加坡的社会。 因而， 人们应该给予足够的注意对教育的作用和改变他们的人类在教育过程中。


总结， 技术让人活在更好的情况和增加生产力导致更多食物和其它事。 但一些个体使用技术危害其它人。 结果， 虽然人类被技术未改变， 教育可能充当一个重要角色在教育领域人改变人类。

xqmelissaUID: 140370

最初由 sniper613 发布
[B]觉得跑题很厉害，中心是technology和humanity, 你的重心完全在humanity上，对于科技的影响之类的只字未提，我把我写的114一起贴上来，比较一下，我的比你的更差，不好意思。
[/B]

这一点，我非常不同意
咱们再来看一下题目：
人性在上个世纪并没有给社会的发展带来多大帮助。技术取得了革命性的发展，但是整个世界的人性并没有得到改善。战争、暴力、贫穷一直困扰着我们。技术的发展并不能带动人性的发展。

因为有一个but转折，那么根据GRE阅读中的基本规则，but前面的话基本就不用看了，而这句话的重心在后面。
于是，我得出的观点就是，题目是在讨论技术进步是否带来了人性的发展，而主要讨论的是人性的问题，非技术进步这个现象。

不过，我这篇的确写的非常不成功
反省ing

xqmelissaUID: 140370

sniper613：
看你的中文翻译，基本就是在说技术进步，而这并不是文章要讨论的内容啊？？？

sniper613UID: 147372

中心句：技术的发展并不能带动人性的发展。
立足于humanity,但是科技不能被忽略啊，另外GRE阅读可以这样，作文就行吗？False analogy
只有两句话，你直接就把前面一句给pass，那ETS白痴写前面一句啊
ps：我第一段在谈科技，后面就重点在谈humanity了

imongUID: 140258

题目是在讨论技术进步是否带来了人性的发展-->而主要讨论的是人性的问题，非技术进步这个现象。

？！！

“带来了”上哪里去了？你自己说“讨论技术进步是否带来了人性的发展”，怎么自己给改成“人性是否发展”了？

你的文章说起来其实Thesis和sniper的一样。都是否定technology的作用，而提出Education. It is education, not technology, that... 两个人的TS写得都并不算好，但是以melissa的第二body的conclusion尤其为无厘头。上面根本没提到tech结尾就生扯过去了。如果说，因为技术进步，我们现在有了多媒体教室，然后humanity进步云云（ps. 该内容能成立才有鬼），那还能构成tech, edu, humanity的联系。通篇edu vs humanity然后结尾生扯一个tech，谁相信？

两篇文章的语言都一般般，我不挑错了。sniper的little food最好写成limited之类的。little基本等同于没有了。

melissa的文章，内容不变的话，组织结构和叙述顺序必须大调。

imongUID: 140258

[B]饥饿算人性的缺陷吗？
[/B]

未免不符合中文表达习惯。很别扭的英文直译。

xqmelissaUID: 140370

恩,谢谢IMONG的指点
这篇的确写的极为混乱,但是现在我的思路还是比较乱,估计还是处于这个瓶颈期之中徘徊呢

决定这两天休息一下,整理一下思路,修改一下我以前的文章,再充实一下自己,好象总是这么埋头写是没什么意义的

另外,老板的项目又下来了,周四交活,30多页的英文资料翻译,FT死了!
唉!
郁闷至极啊!

下去干活了

sniper613UID: 147372

谢谢imong
还想挑美丽莎的错，结果被评了一个一般般
唉，还是很感谢，我现在同时赶三篇论文，其中一篇是英文的，极度郁闷。
晚上又得熬夜了

fishergirlUID: 152325

无语！

怎么大家都这么强？我现在基本上只作这一件事，尚且觉得时间不够，你们居然能够身兼数职，佩服！