GRE作文6分教学博客

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tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-21 08:37
昨天和小绿版主谈到经济学的理论对GRE写作教学的帮助。比如外部性这个概念，是指某人或机构的行为对其他人所 ...

谢谢老师的讲解~

语言表达欠缺的人表示如果有英文的资料就更好了~学习的时候用英文的方式输入，好像写作的时候更容易用地道的英文输出！

Lori0509UID: 3621121

谢谢 楼主大力分享

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tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-21 08:37
昨天和小绿版主谈到经济学的理论对GRE写作教学的帮助。比如外部性这个概念，是指某人或机构的行为对其他人所 ...

老师可以把曼昆的经济学十大原理贴上来，哈哈哈~~~

qbuUID: 3612188

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-19 13:38
我接触的部分G友在写作时会遇到写了一半写不下去的情况，这主要是因为在写之前缺少计划和安排。理想的情 ...

老师您好。我又写了一篇Argu 81，而且先去学校改了改。觉得还是老师更专业。望老师再拍
原文在10楼。改后在11楼。
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1831970-1-1.html
谢谢！！

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Argument 81 食物中毒谁是真凶 示范

81) The following appeared in a business magazine.
As a result of numerous complaints of dizziness and nausea on the part of consumers of Promofoods tuna, the company requested that eight million cans of its tuna be returned for testing. Promofoods concluded that the canned tuna did not, after all, pose a health risk. This conclusion is based on tests performed on samples of the recalled cans by chemists from Promofoods; the chemists found that of the eight food chemicals most commonly blamed for causing symptoms of dizziness and nausea, five were not found in any of the tested cans. The chemists did find small amounts of the three remaining suspected chemicals but pointed out that these occur naturally in all canned foods.


Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be addressed in order to decide whether the conclusion and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to the questions would help to evaluate the conclusion.


conclusion:  canned tuna did not pose a health risk
evidence: samples of the recalled cans
8 food chemicals blamed for dizziness and nausea  (5 not found)
3 chemicals found in small amount (naturally ; natural level)  

The company argued that the tuna in question was safe based on the results of chemical analysis of the sample.  While the conclusion is what the company wished for, there are a number of questions about the impartiality of the chemists, the sampling method, the amount of the 3 chemicals and other possible causes of symptoms that we need to investigate before we could accept the conclusion.  

To begin with, we need to know if the chemists from the company were able to conduct the tests independently and professionally.  Since the company’s reputation is at stake, it is important to look into whether the chemists conducting the tests may have the incentives to manipulate the tests to help produce results that are in favor of the company. It is important to check, for example, if the chemists had received any pecuniary benefits from the company.  Or maybe they are under the pressure from the top management to release a report that would relieve the company from any liability.

We also need to know more about the sampling methodology to evaluate the validity of the result.  The key issue here is each can recalled must have the equal opportunity to be sampled.  If certain groups of cans are more likely than other groups to be selected for testing, the results would not accurately reflect the condition of all cans.  Various sampling methods could be chosen to ensure the validity of the test, e.g. systematic sampling.  But we need to know the proper measures have been taken to collect the samples in a professional way.  

Another question we need to ask is whether there are chemicals other than the group of 8 that might lead to the symptoms of dizziness and nausea.  There might be some chemicals that are less well known but will cause the said symptoms.  Focusing on the 8 chemicals alone, the chemists may overlook the other potential causes of the symptoms.  In addition, the symptoms of dizziness and nausea may be a result of some more serious medical conditions, e.g. Hepatitis A, which might be caused by some contaminated cans.  If this is the case, it would be inadequate to focus on the chemicals known for causing the symptoms directly. A more thorough medical check-up would help better understand the conditions of the victims and help pinpoint the source of the problems.  

The final question to ask is about the amount of the 3 chemicals found in the samples. It may be true that such chemicals “occur naturally in all canned foods”.  But what really matters is whether the amount of the chemicals have exceeded the threshold of safety.  Even if the amount of each individual chemical may be within the safe zone, we need to know whether the cumulative harm caused by all three chemicals may reach a tipping point leading to the symptoms.  More in-depth analyses of the 3 chemicals, both quantitative and qualitative, are necessary to determine if they are related to the accidents.  

In conclusion, it is probably more reasonable to commission a group of independent analyst to study the canned food in question following the proper measures of random sampling. The questions discussed above will have to be answered to determine if the conclusion is reasonable.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

argument写作中作者和读者之间的某种互动往往通过对作者自己和读者及原论证提出者的称谓和指代来完成。比如，要不要出现I或者we？要不要用you？对于原论证的作者应该用什么词指代？这虽然不是什么大问题，但还是值得我们关注。

要不要用I或者we？you?

一般来说用I可能不太好，给人比较主观的感觉；但是用we似乎没问题，将笔者和读者都包括在同一视角下。相反，you一般是不用的，这样容易造成与读者的某种隔阂。例子晚点补充。

如何指代原论证的作者？

看到有些同学用arguer这个词，我看得很不顺眼。在谷歌里搜”according to the arguer"只有18个结果而且大部分都是网友GRE习作！其实这里用什么词关键要看题目提供的背景信息。如果是一封信就说the author of the letter，再次提及直接说the author，如果是the manager就直接提具体身份。另外也可以用According to the letter, In the memo it is argued that 这类句型。

时态、情态动词、虚拟语气的使用

在argument写作中，时态的使用首先要考虑原argument里的时态。一般来说是一般过去时和一般现在时的混搭，谈到过去发生的事情用过去时，谈到将来的事情或者计划的事情用现在时。因此，我们的时态也不可避免的会混搭。这个需要通过研读范文来总结更多规律。我自己写作时对这个问题重视得不够，因此请更多的观察ETS范文。

由于argument的核心步骤是探索其他可能性，很多的讨论都不是讲过去或将来的事情，而是如果发生什么事就会怎样的情况。这个时候我们会在条件状语从句中使用过去时，而在主句中用would或者could,might等。

今天早上在看习作时想到这些问题在本楼开展讨论。还没有完全写清楚，要找时间对范文进行分析总结出更明确的指引。请大家提醒我更新。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

91) The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that they have more leisure time.


Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.  

In today’s world, the economic development has been constantly driven by the advances of new technologies and the ways we live our lives are regularly transformed by new shifts in technological paradigms.  It is important for us to reflect on the goal of technological development and its consequences.  I agree that the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency in a variety of activities.  But whether or not people will have and enjoy more leisure time depends on the roles different people play in the society and the goals they have in their life.   

When developing technologies used by students and researchers in higher education, the goal should be to help them work on their academic studies and research projects more efficiently.  One of the major challenges of students and scholars is to keep pace with the increasing amount of scholarships that are now available in digital forms.  Search engines such as Google Scholar and Citation management softwares such as Zotero have enabled the students and researchers to access and manage a large number of research articles efficiently.  Yet, with the blessings of such advanced technologies, students and scholars will not enjoy more leisure time.  With the increasing competition among students and scholars worldwide for places of further education and research funding, expectations are high for better academic performance and research output.  Therefore, it is likely that students and researchers have to work long hours to meet such expectations.  

Likewise, the primary concern of advancing technologies for white-collar workers and business managers should also be efficiency, especially when it comets to team work.   For example, through teleconferencing enabled by the Internet, people can now work from home by staying in touch with colleagues through microphone and camera, thereby saving the commuting time and increasing the overall work efficiency.  This is, in fact, the primary goal of developing new telecommunication technologies. But this new development, instead of offering more time for people to enjoy their leisure activities, threatens to take away the time they should spend with their families. After all, the boundary between workplace and home has been blurred, with the demand of more work eating away our family time.  

The only group of people that actually can enjoy more leisure time as a result of technological innovation is the retired elderly people.  The technological solutions designed for them should have efficiency as the top priority so that more time can be saved for leisure.  By shopping online via stores such as Amazon.com and eBay, the elderly can stay at home and get everything they need by delivery.  Smart refrigerators can help them keep track of the grocery items they need automatically and facilitate the ordering in a much more efficient way. In addition, latest mobile technologies also make it possible for them to do certain body checkup via smart wristwatches, making it unnecessary to even visit the doctor under certain circumstances. The time they saved will go to their favorite leisure activities as they have retired and do not have any commitment to jobs.

In conclusion, it is reasonable to argue that the main goal of technological development is to increase people’s efficiency in doing different things and save our precious time. But for most people who have to work and make a living, they would not be able to enjoy more leisure time but often find themselves working long hours to keep up with the pace of modern life. Yet, for the retired elderly, to live in today’s world full of technological innovation is a true blessing as they can enjoy a great amount of leisure time.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Issue 24 The best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.  

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


I think this statement is true for teaching children who are emotionally sensitive and can learn more from encouragement and positive reinforcement. For students in high schools and colleges, it is important for them to recognise their weaknesses manifested in their mistakes.  For employees in industries such as manufacturing, negative actions should be corrected immediately and punished to ensure the safety and quality.   

这篇没有写背景引入，直接提观点。这种写法适合只需要4-4.5分的同学，可以节省一些时间写后面的内容及修改。

For young children, offering positive feedback on desirable behaviors will lead to more of such behaviors.  On the other hand, since they are not emotionally mature enough to receive criticism or punishment, it is reasonable to ignore their negative behaviors.  For example, when a 3 year-old is learning to deal with the problem of bedwetting, parents should praise the child every time when s/he manages to stay dry the whole night.  Through such positive feedback, the child will gain more confidence over his/her ability on this issue over time and will eventually overcome the problem.  On the other hand, if the child occasionally wets the bed, it is not a good idea for parents to scold him/her for doing that as this may hurt the child and destroy his/her confidence and self-esteem.  

举了一个尿床的例子 前面的观点分两部分 后面的例子解释也是两部分 一一对应 一般不鼓励写太多例子 一个例子讲清楚就很好了

For older schoolchildren, while it is still important to praise good behaviors, handling negative actions more directly and firmly is also necessary.  For example, in a math classroom, children should be praised and perhaps rewarded when they performed arithmetic operations accurately.  Doing so, as in the case of the baby with bedwetting problem, will help them build confidence and develop interests in the subject.  On the other hand, when they make mistakes, the teacher will have to provide corrective feedback and work with the students to figure out the causes of the problems.  Only through such feedback and problem solving can the students learn more effectively.  

同样只有一个例子，但分正反两方面来写  


In the context of employee training, more attention should be focused on fixing the negative behaviors rather than positive ones in order to maximize the training efficiency.  As the employees are mature adults who receive compensation for their work, there is no need to praise them for following instructions correctly.  They will get awarded in the form of their salary and maybe bonus if they meet the expectations of the boss.  Prasing them for all the positive actions would be a waste of time and money.  On the other hand, it is essential for them to receive feedback and further training if they do not perform well enough in certain aspects of their jobs.  After all, helping them to learn how to do the job correctly and efficiently is the main purpose of their training.  

这里有一个干货就是以效率作为价值判断的标准。题目中提到best其实是需要判断何为好。teach的好与不好要考虑学生能否接受、信心会不会建立（尿床），能否有效的学习（算数）以及培训教学的效率（员工培训）。遇到涉及价值判断的题目，立论的基础是价值判断的依据和标准。

In conclusion, there is no such thing as a universally applicable “best way of teaching”.  Teachers and trainers have to decide when and how to provide feedback to students according to the ages of students and the learning contexts.  

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Issue 26

The luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

The modern society has been blessed and cursed at the same time by a wide range of luxuries and conveniences made possible by advanced technologies.  Whether people can remain strong and independent, physically and spiritually, while enjoying the luxurious and convenient goods or services depends on the attitudes we hold towards them.  More specifically, it depends on whether we would allow the luxuries and conveniences to take over our lives.  I would like to illustrate my point with the example of automobiles.   

Automobiles can help us become strong and independent individuals as the technology significantly extend the physical space that we can reach in a small amount of time, thereby offering us a greater number of opportunities to explore the world and realize our potential.  Consider a single mother of three children living in a poor neighborhood in the inner city.  Without a car, she can barely find a job within walking distance.  In the neighborhood filled with muggers and meth labs, she could not even walk safely on the street, not to mention bring along her children.  But with a car, she can commute to a decent-paid job in a town 20 kilometers away and drop her children to a kindergarten along the way.  The car not only provides her convenience of travelling around. It also empowers her economically and socially.  

On the other hand, the widespread use of automobiles also has the potential to deprive the modern people of the opportunities of regular physical exercises and becoming physically strong and independent.  As more people enjoy the convenience of riding cars, we adopt a sedentary lifestyle for travelling and commuting, causing a lack of physical exercises.  Researches on people’s lifestyle have confirmed that the use of vehicles has significant impact on the amount of exercises, which in turn lead to medical problems such as obesity and high blood pressure.  More worrisome is the tendency that, once we get used to travelling by cars, we become so lazy that we drive to places within walking distance.  Such laziness, or the lack of willpower to exercise our physical bodies, is a major consequence of modern conveniences and automobiles are merely a tip of the iceberg.  

Finally, people from upper-middle classes often rely on luxuries to tell others they are rich, thereby confusing the extrinsic value of material goods from the intrinsic value of their own lives.  The entire market of luxurious vehicles, for example, is based on the premise that owning luxurious cars is a symbol of wealth and power.  By driving such cars, the car owners can easily tell the world that they can afford such luxuries and attract other people who are interested in such wealth and power to connect with them.  But as people devote themselves to their careers in order to earn luxurious cars or other expensive but not always necessary items, they may fail to pursue the things in life that really make them strong and independent such as good friends and quality family relationships.  Researches have found that a proper work-life balance is crucial for healthy family relationships, which in turn are vital for personal development of strength and independence at societal and spiritual levels.  

In conclusion, as my extended example of automobiles suggests, luxuries and conveniences can help us become economically strong and independent if we use them to gain more opportunities for empowerment.  On the other hand, they may prevent us from developing our physical strength and spiritual independence.  

艾小卉UID: 3484633

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-21 08:37
昨天和小绿版主谈到经济学的理论对GRE写作教学的帮助。比如外部性这个概念，是指某人或机构的行为对其他人所 ...

老师，我觉得这个想法很好啊。可能因为我是经济专业的，所以我觉得从最简单的供求理论到外部性、博弈论（纳什均衡在很多领域里有，不知道是否可以引入GRE写作）、效用、竞争市场也许都可以作为一部分素材。期待老师的的更新。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

在寄托上点评版友的GRE作文已经有一段日子，一直希望能够使反馈更加体系化。昨天开始的同主题写作对更加体系化的点评有了新的需求。看到不少同学都在积极的互评，这让我很开心。因此也希望能尽快总结出一套点评的体系，这样大家在互评时也可以参考。

我把昨天点评的7篇issue以及之前的几篇点评记录放在MaxQDA里对我自己做的点评进行了编码，尝试找到一些常见的问题和点评，然后再进行分类。初步结果显示，我的点评可以分为三大类：

1. 按照1+3模型对开头段、主旨句及主题句的点评。

1.1 背景铺垫太长或内容不合适：这个问题目前出现的频率并不高。但是由于背景句是给考官的第一印象，一定要写得比较靠谱。
1.2 主旨句与主题句未能互相呼应：这是1+3模型的核心所在，不仅主旨句要有层次，而且主旨句与主题句之间要能呼应。
1.3 主旨句偏题或不清晰：往往是由于误解题目或其他原因导致。这是很严重的问题。如果连主旨句都不知道在说啥或者不符合题目意思，这篇文章就废掉了。  
1.4 未能回应题目要求：最典型的就是题目要求address challenge；而有的题目要求讨论consequence或者address both side 都是需要严格遵循的。
1.5.主题句的内容不合适或不清晰：这里针对每个中间段的开头主题句，检查内容是否合适、清晰。有些同学写的主题句根本就没有立场没有point，这就很难往下看了。  

2. 中间段的展开

2.1 没有具体例子或者例子不适用：这是最常见的问题。举例支持中间段的观点是中间段展开的核心所在。如果全段只说理不举例子或者举的例子不合适，这段话就废掉了。
2.2 没有充分的展开讨论例子或解释例子如何支持观点：这也是常见问题。有些同学尝试举很多例子，一段写好几个point，但是却没有深入讨论，结果事倍功半。
2.3 句子之间不连贯：一般来说前一个句子的内容在后一个句子里会继续讲，这样两个句子才有理由放在一起。如果前一个句子和后一个句子讲的内容完全不相关，读者就会很困惑。通常句子连贯的根本原因还是作者在写之前没有想清楚这段该如何展开，硬着头皮写，写到后来没话说了，就开始憋，然后就呵呵呵呵了。
2.4 中间段的讨论没有回应原题的关键概念：这往往是偏题的征兆，一定要警惕。原issue里的关键词，到了中间段要么已经转化为更具体的概念，要么就得直接回应。

3. 其他直接的点评

3.1 提供新的论点或想法：有时候作者的论点不太合适或表达的不好，我会直接提出一些其他的论点或想法。或者建议作者去读我的范文。
3.2 提供新的例子：同上，作者的例子不合适时，提出其他的例子。
（以上这样做是有争议的，因为老师应该给学生独立思考的机会而不是代替学生思考或者将自己的想法强加给学生。因此希望大家考虑一下我这样做是否合适，以及尝试在我提出的想法或例子的基础上举一反三，最终学会独立思考。）
3.3 针对学生的练习记录，提出一些写作或学习上的策略建议：这些建议往往不是针对具体的文章的段落、句子，而是更一般性的建议。在这里也希望同学们能不断的总结自己的练习，思考需要在今后的练习中做哪些策略性的调整。这方面最好能由同学主动的思考、提出问题，我提供辅助。  

从明天开始我的issue内容点评就会按这个框架来进行，在实践中，还会不断反思和调整。欢迎大家多提宝贵意见。（2015年5月26日）

一般一般UID: 3349000

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-26 16:25
在寄托上点评版友的GRE作文已经有一段日子，一直希望能够使反馈更加体系化。昨天开始的同主题写作对更加体系 ...

最近一直在看老师的博客。深感中国有这么好的老师真是太难得了！
不过，寄托的作文帖子很散很乱，老师的博客看起来很累，很没有头绪。期待老师的GRE作文指导书的面世！

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

argument 71 build new road or encourage ride sharing

71. The following is a letter to the editor of the Waymarsh Times.

"Traffic here in Waymarsh is becoming a problem. Although just three years ago a state traffic survey showed that the typical driving commuter took 20 minutes to get to work, the commute now takes closer to 40 minutes, according to the survey just completed. Members of the town council already have suggested more road building to address the problem, but as well as being expensive, the new construction will surely disrupt some of our residential neighborhoods. It would be better to follow the example of the nearby city of Garville. Last year Garville implemented a policy that rewards people who share rides to work, giving them coupons for free gas. Pollution levels in Garville have dropped since the policy was implemented, and people from Garville tell me that commuting times have fallen considerably. There is no reason why a policy like Garville's shouldn't work equally well in Waymarsh."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


全文示范  

部分同学写这篇的时候问题较多。有同学希望我讲一下argument的中间段如何展开。我在这里试下分析这篇示范。  

According to the letter, Waymarsh should introduce a policy similar to that of Garville to encourage more drivers to share rides with others to solve a perceived traffic problem.  This policy will be better than the road building project proposed by the city council.  To evaluate this argument, we need more evidence about the surveys indicating the traffic problem, the policy implemented in Garville that is now proposed for Waymarsh, as well as its strengths and weaknesses relative to the road construction plan.  

首先主旨句用 we need more evidence about A, B as well as C的句型 分别呼应中间三段  


To begin with, we need to examine the surveys more critically to decide if there is indeed a traffic problem in Waymarsh. We need to know more about how participants were recruited in the two respective surveys to determine if the results are comparable.  Maybe one survey focused more on one group of people who go to work at 6 am and the other on those travelling at 8am.  Under such circumtances, the difference in commute time does not mean the traffic in Waymarsh had turned worse.  Also, it is important to look into how reliable the self-reported data about commute time was in both surveys.  Drivers do not necessarily recall how much time they spent commuting accurately and their estimation can deviate considerably from the reality. If the survey authors did not collect other data to verify the results, the conclusion based on the surveys would be questionable.  If Waymarsh traffic has no problem, there is no need to introduce the proposed policy.  

主题句这里提出关注的重点在于究竟交通有没有问题

We need to know more about how participants were recruited in the two respective surveys to determine if the results are comparable. 这句话是回应题目的要求 需要什么证据 其实就是需要什么信息
Maybe one survey focused more on one group of people who go to work at 6 am and the other on those travelling at 8am.  接下来提出某种可能性  
Under such circumtances, the difference in commute time does not mean the traffic in Waymarsh had turned worse.  然后指出这种情况下 会发生什么 往往是和原题相反或矛盾的情况  
Also, it is important to look into how reliable the self-reported data about commute time was in both surveys. 再回应题目 另一种需要的信息  
Drivers do not necessarily recall how much time they spent commuting accurately and their estimation can deviate considerably from the reality. 再提出其他可能性  
If the survey authors did not collect other data to verify the results, the conclusion based on the surveys would be questionable.  指出这种可能性下 结论不成立 If Waymarsh traffic has no problem, there is no need to introduce the proposed policy.  最后呼应主题句，指出这个点和原文论证某个基础的关系

由此可见本段基本上就是

1 提出需要的证据
2 提出其他可能性
3 指出这种可能性成立对原论证的影响

这样一个三步循环

我想我大部分的argument都是依照这个套路的  具体还要再找些文章来验证一下  


In addition, we need to collect more information about how the policy has changed the traffic in Garville and how a similar policy will affect people’s behaviors in Waymarsh.  The fact that pollution levels dropped does not necessarily imply that the policy had reduced the traffic and the amount of exhaust in Garville.  Maybe when the policy was introduced more draconian measures were also taken to reduce pollution caused by factories in Garville.  Also, it was not clear that the commuting time have decreased for most of Garville drivers and passengers based on the anecdotal evidence that the author of the letter collected through casual conversation with some people in Garville.  More systematic data collection is necessary to evaluate the effectiveness of the policy in Garville.  Meanwhile, we do not know how attractive the coupons would seem to the Waymarsh drivers.  Maybe the income level is much higher among Waymarsh residents that the small amount of saving from the coupons would not create enough incentives for them to give up their privacy and share rides with strangers.  Likewise, maybe Waymarsh drivers and passengers are more concerned with safety and reluctant to share rides despite the financial rewards.  Unless we know more about Waymarsh drivers and commuters’ attitudes towards the policy, we cannot be sure whether the policy will work in Waymarsh.  

In addition, we need to collect more information about how the policy has changed the traffic in Garville and how a similar policy will affect people’s behaviors in Waymarsh.  这句还是回应题目要求指出需要哪方面的证据或信息  
注意主旨句中说的是 the policy implemented in Garville that is now proposed for Waymarsh  
这里就更细致的展开  但是还是围绕policy来说的  


The fact that pollution levels dropped does not necessarily imply that the policy had reduced the traffic and the amount of exhaust in Garville. 这句话有同学觉得读起来有些复杂 主要是主语和宾语都是从句 然后imply这个词可能不太熟悉  
但这个 The fact that ... does not necessarily imply that ... 的句型还是挺有用的   
这里是质疑原题对某个事实潜在的诠释

Maybe when the policy was introduced more draconian measures were also taken to reduce pollution caused by factories in Garville.  
这句提出其他可能性  

Also, it was not clear that the commuting time have decreased for most of Garville drivers and passengers based on the anecdotal evidence that the author of the letter collected through casual conversation with some people in Garville.  
这里质疑原题中的证据的可靠性

More systematic data collection is necessary to evaluate the effectiveness of the policy in Garville.
提出需要更多的数据

Meanwhile, we do not know how attractive the coupons would seem to the Waymarsh drivers.  
提出另一个问题  开始回应主题句中how a similar policy will affect people’s behaviors in Waymarsh.

Maybe the income level is much higher among Waymarsh residents that the small amount of saving from the coupons would not create enough incentives for them to give up their privacy and share rides with strangers.  
提出其他可能性  

Likewise, maybe Waymarsh drivers and passengers are more concerned with safety and reluctant to share rides despite the financial rewards.  
再提出其他可能性
Unless we know more about Waymarsh drivers and commuters’ attitudes towards the policy, we cannot be sure whether the policy will work in Waymarsh.  
总结第二点  

Finally, we need to compare the cost and benefits of the ride sharing policy with the proposed road construction project.  It is true that some neighborhood will have to live with noise and disruption for a few months when the road is built.  But this disruption can be measured quantitatively by offering the affected residents some monetary compensation.  On the other hand, the gas coupons will also cost money, not to mention the extra police forces that might be necessary to ensure the safety of people who share rides with strangers. Ultimately, we need to calculate the total costs of both proposals and compared them with the benefits of each in terms of time that can be saved for commuting. Unless we have more quantitative data about the cost and benefit of both solutions, it is difficult for us to decide which one is more desirable.

Finally, we need to compare the cost and benefits of the ride sharing policy with the proposed road construction project.  
这里已经看不到 we need more information about的句型 但是提出要比较其实也需要收集数据或证据  

It is true that some neighborhood will have to live with noise and disruption for a few months when the road is built.
先对原题的事实作出回应和让步
But this disruption can be measured quantitatively by offering the affected residents some monetary compensation.  
这里是经济学的思考方式 所有的东西都换算成货币  
这个写法可能稍微有点难 不过argument有不少内容和经济学还是有关系的

On the other hand, the gas coupons will also cost money, not to mention the extra police forces that might be necessary to ensure the safety of people who share rides with strangers.
指出另一个方案的成本 除了明显的成本 还有隐形成本 呼应前面提到的安全问题  

Ultimately, we need to calculate the total costs of both proposals and compared them with the benefits of each in terms of time that can be saved for commuting.  
基于前面对两种方案成本的分析 提出需要计算总的成本进行比较


Unless we have more quantitative data about the cost and benefit of both solutions, it is difficult for us to decide which one is more desirable.
最后总结 提出需要定量数据
（其实这也是文科越来越不值钱的原因 大数据时代 磨嘴皮已经没什么意思 建模 写代码才是王道）
我的提纲里提到50年 但实际示范中并没有写这个点  具体怎么写大家自己决定

In conclusion, while the proposed policy seems useful, we need to collect more information to address the issues discussed above to evaluate the soundness of the argument.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

tesolchina 发表于 2015-4-9 22:50
7) Some people believe that government funding of the arts is necessary to ensure that the arts can  ...

小绿版主选了issue 7作为下周一的练习 于是我连夜写了一篇示范

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

一般一般 发表于 2015-5-26 18:11
最近一直在看老师的博客。深感中国有这么好的老师真是太难得了！
不过，寄托的作文帖子很散很乱，老师的 ...

谢谢
估计2017年可以面世