GRE作文6分教学博客

cpsencyclopediaUID??3608312

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-3 09:50
好久没更新了  
互改平台估计短期内很难实现 略感失望 不过还是会坚持在这里做辅导  

王老师，您现在还可以改作文吗？

谢谢！

tesolchinaUID??2191404

cpsencyclopedia 发表于 2015-5-3 13:58
王老师，您现在还可以改作文吗？

谢谢！

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1826310-1-1.html

tesolchinaUID??2191404

30) Teachers' salaries should be based on their students' academic performance.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

As the modern society becomes increasingly dependent on a skilled and knowledgeable workforce, it is proposed that, to encourage teachers to pursue teaching excellence, their salaries should be determined according to the academic performance of their students.  I strongly disagree with this proposal as this policy will lead to serious washback effects on teaching and prevent the students from developing in a well-rounded manner.  In addition, the policy is not unfair to teachers who cannot control all the factors that influence students’ academic performance.  

开篇先讲背景 指出有人提出这个意见以及背后可能的理念或目的 这是一个很成熟的套路  
接下来全面否定 指出两个理由 然后提出第三个理由为驳斥挑战埋下伏笔  


If the teachers receive their salaries based on their students’ scores in the exams, it is likely that teachers will focus primarily on preparing students for the high-stake exams.  It is well-known that test preparation often has negative washback effects on learning and teaching.  For example, language teachers who are under pressure to help students pass certain tests stipulated by governments often focus narrowly on the skills and techniques that are important for doing well in the tests but ignore students’ needs to learn the language in a more creative and enjoyable way.  Maybe in the short term, such policy can improve students’ performance to some extent. But in the long term, students will lose interest in learning due to the exam-oriented pedagogical approaches.  

本段主要讲这个政策会带来的一个具体的后果 就是应试教育 举了例子 但没有具体人 算是一个假设性的例子  
分short-term long term进一步阐述   全部在讲同一个point
（其实我是支持应试教育的，不过考场上要看怎么好写，而不是个人真实的想法）

Another problem with the proposed policy is that it forces teachers to promote academic excellence among students as the only goal for education. While doing well academically is certainly a worthy objective for students to pursue, education is more than performing well academically.  There are other important goals that teachers and students should try to achieve in schools.  Among other things, students should try to develop their leadership skills and build a strong sense of citizenship through a wide range of extracurricular activities.  If teachers are paid according to students’ academic performance, all learning and teaching activities will inevitably be driven by academic studies, leading to the lack of attention to other important aspects of development of students.  

指出另一个问题 教育会过于强调学业
指出教育的其他目标以及全面发展的理念   



Some people may argue that this policy will create financial incentives for teachers to work harder to help students do well in school and tests.  While this may be true for some teachers and some students, it is important to bear in mind that students’ academic performance is often affected by a wide range of factors. For example, studies have shown that students from middle-class families tend to perform better than those from lower socioeconomic classes. The income and education level of parents, while certainly influencing students’ academic performance, are not something that teachers can control.  Therefore, it is not fair to penalize teachers who may make a lot of efforts teaching the students who cannot do well in schools for other reasons.  

看清楚be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.怎么写啦  

先假设性的提出别人可能提出的挑战  
然后让步加驳斥一句完成
接下来展开讨论  


In conclusion, I do not think students and teachers will benefit from a salary scheme primarily based on academic performance of students as the policy will produce negative washback effects on teaching and learning and harm the overall, balanced development of students. It is also not clear that this policy will motivate teachers to work harder as there are many factors influencing academic performance are beyond the control of teachers.  

最后基本上是将前面的几个点串起来复述一遍  


另外写了一个提纲可供参考

TS: I do not believe that teachers’ compensation should be based on the performance of their students because the policy would destablize the income of the teachers and force the teachers to leave the profession.  To address these two concerns, the teachers should be paid based on their workload and the market price of their talents and skills.  To promote the quality of teaching, teachers may be awarded bonus and promoted to more senior ranks based on the academic performance of their students.  


ts1: Teachers should be paid their salaries based on their workload rather than students’ performance so that they can expect a relatively stable income which is essential for their morale and dignity.
- students’ academic performance is influenced by many factors that are beyond the control of the teachers
(parents, inelligence, attitude, difficulty of the exams)
- as a result, the performance often fluctuates over the semesters  
- it is not fair to punish teachers with lower salaries when the performance is poor due to other factors or reward the teachers the other way around
- teachers are professionals who need to raise their families with stable income
- therefore, they should be paid based on their workload


ts2: The compensation schemes for teachers should also take into account what the teachers may get paid if they take jobs in a different industry in order to attract and keep talents in education.  
- if their salaries are subject to the performance that they could not fully control, they may consider other careers in other fields
- in fact, the competition for talents from other industries is always real
- language teachers may be hired by newspaper and publishing companies
- math and science teachers may take up jobs in technology companies
- therefore, they should be paid based on the market prices of their talents and skills
- otherwise, the teaching profession may suffer from brain drain  



ts3: To motivate the teachers, extra bonus and promotion opportunities should be linked to the academic performance of the students.  
- some people may argue that teachers should be provided incentive to improve students’ academic performance
- it is true that teachers can somehow influence their students’ performance by improving the quality of their teaching
- some other financial rewards such as bonus and promotion opportunities may be offered
- the extra benefits could be useful for teachers to make the extra efforts without hurting the turnover of teachers  

tesolchinaUID??2191404

很多同学苦于作文写不出内容，达不到字数的要求。其实写作的终极秘诀就是一个字“抄”。为什么老外这么紧张剽窃这件事，说白了，就是因为抄的诱惑太大，不能让你抄的太容易。写文章必须抄，但是要抄的合理合法，抄出一个境界、一片属于自己的天地，却是需要下功夫学习的。  

最低级的抄是crtl-a ctrl-v ctrl-c，这种事情计算机的效率高出我们一万倍，我们来做肯定是不行的。

略高明一点的抄是关注一些句子的模板和词语的搭配，比如我比较喜欢用it is ... for ... to ... 这类的句型  至于搭配，通过平时读书的积累，知道哪些词可以在一起用，其实也是一种抄。

我所讲的1+3模型是在文章结构层面上的抄，或者可以算是一种内容和思路的模板，用熟了也可以节省一些气力，也是一种抄。到了这个层面，抄就不再是机械的复制，而需要利用这个框架来引导自己思考。

比起结构框架的再利用更高级的是对概念、思路、视角的利用。其实真正意义上的原创是很少有的，我们对很多问题的思考都需要借鉴或借用前人的思考方式和角度，具体来说就是要借用一些概念工具。比如我在很多文章里都会用到incentive这个概念。我拿6分的issue89就用了。如果你仔细读我博客里的文章，几乎每篇issue都会有一些原题题干没有涉及的概念和角度，而这些其实也是来自于我平时的积累。

很多同学备考喜欢准备例子尤其是名人的故事或者一些历史事件，总觉得这种东西准备多了就能胸有成竹。其实一篇文章要写好，首先在立论，就是要有一个切合题目的复杂的观点。而准备了各种例子的同学往往以例子出发去套题目，而不是从题目出发想观点再想例子，这样做就是本末倒置、缘木求鱼。要形成好的观点，关键还是要有好的概念和视角作为引导。以我最近写的issue 30为例。  

111) In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in power should step down after five years.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  


09:19

这道题的题干已经将profession分作几个不同的类型，完全符合我所说的分情况讨论。但是要注意写作指引中要address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position  如果分情况讨论的话 如何回应这个要求是需要提前想清楚的  

Leadership is vital for the success of any enterprises, whether it is in the field of business, education or public administration. It is argued that, in order to prevent power abuse and revitalize the organizations, those in the leadership positions should quit their jobs after a certain number of years.  I think this proposal will not benefit businesses and educational institutions as leaders in these fields need many years to build their reputation and earn trust from the stakeholders.  Nevertheless, it is important for government officials to serve for a limited number of years only.  

像reputation和trust就是我说的概念 这是干货  题目中没有的 但是很切题的内容


Consider the leadership in business world first. With the separation of ownership and management in modern corporations, it is important for the stockholders to trust the managers of the businesses.  But to earn the trust of the stockholders often takes a relatively long period of time.  The managers will need to demonstrate their competence as leaders through years of services and accumulate more experience while working with the staff to develop the best strategic plans for the long-term development of a company.  Once the manager reaches the top management, s/he will become a valuable asset that the company cannot afford to lose.  If s/he has to leave the position in five years, the company will have to start over the process of cultivating a leader all over again.  Therefore, to save money for the investors of the company, this rule should not apply.  

本段一开始讲的其实公司制的核心 在资本主义发展初期 这种制度为很多需要资本的企业提供了资本 这其实是新制度经济学里的思想 说到底就是专业的人做专业的事   
后面将manager比作asset 这也是一种metaphor  将人力资源当做资产也是一种很常见的思维

你会问我想不到这些干货肿么办 其实我在博客里不断的更新issue和argument的范文 给干货不够的同学提供了很好的机会  

这些范文你完全可以拿去“抄”啊。

当然不是ctrl-c ctrl-v那么低端的抄或者机械的背诵

而是可以学习里面的句型、用词、概念、思路以及例证

看到有些同学花很大的力气写的东西 被我看了两眼就认定偏题了或者例子不合适 这其实是很浪费时间的  

与其这样 不如老老实实的“抄”我的文章

这里再次不厌其烦的抄录guoguo同学的4分经验 （见博客214楼）

离考试很近的时候才发现这个论坛。当看到论坛上王老师贴的整篇范文的时候我几乎泪流满面啊。我虔诚地把所有的范文都贴到我的excel里，提炼观点，模仿写作套路。看王老师和同学们的讨论很有启发，有几个关键词被不断提到，就是分类讨论，细化问题，思想实验。于是到了没话可说的时候我就试着分类，比如教育方面分成小学初中大学类简直对任何题目都适用。

我做的就是按照王老师的分类做了一个excel表格，每个类别占一页，然后把每类里的题目都列出来，旁边一栏写上自己的观点和论点，再一栏贴上别人的范文。自己没有观点的从别人的范文里借鉴观点。有的时候受范文启发可以自己想出些类似的例子，比如关于政府是否应该重点资助大城市，王老师的范文中用了纽约的自由女神做例子。我就把这个替换成巴黎的埃弗尔铁塔，这样也勉强过关。

最近看的几篇习作，基本都要推倒重来。建议大家还是多“抄”一下吧。  

==========================================
再说两句题外话，其实抄或者复制在我们的日常生活和大千世界里也是无所不在的。
自然界万物的生长、繁衍其实都是根据基因的不断复制。工业文明也是基于对技术和设计的不断复制而构建的。我们每个人的生活不也是按照我们为自己设定的各种规则不断的重复。而每个人所扮演的角色所做的事情其实在地球的各个角落都有差不多的人用差不多的方式演绎着差不多的故事。小到红绿灯大到政治体制，其实都是一种复制行为的规范。

我说这些并不是说世界因为复制而变得无趣。相反，正是因为有了无穷无尽的大规模的复制，为我们节省了大量的时间、精力的同时，也为创新和进步提供了巨大的空间。因此，要写好自己的文章，首先要学会复制别人的。  

tesolchinaUID??2191404

9) In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

这道题还是分领域来写，主要写我最熟悉的学术研究和论文写作，其中细分为博士导师指导和文献综述两部分来阐述过往贡献的影响。最后谈到了法律的领域，分普通法和大陆法系分别讨论过往成就的重要性。全篇没有具体例子，但有一些概念作为干货来支撑论证。

I agree that in most fields significant contribution is often made by people under the influence of the achievements in the past.  I’ll first discuss this issue by considering two important aspects in academic researches: PhD supervision and literature review. I’ll then explain why this statement also holds true in the field of laws.  It is argued that the principles illustrated through these cases can also be applied to other fields as well.  

In academic researches, it has become a common practice for scholars to receive systematic training through a PhD program during which the scholars will work closely under the supervision of a more senior member of the research community.  The PhD supervisors are often leading scholars in the fields having published extensively and developed a body of scholarship that is important in the field.  The PhD students can then choose a field of study that is somewhat related to the supervisors’ expertise and receive their advice and guidance during the research processes.  As a result, the students will no doubt be influenced by the particular methodological approaches adopted by the supervisors and the research interests that the supervisors had developed over the years.  Sometimes, the PhD students will also co-author journal articles and book chapters with the supervisors and their writing styles will also be somewhat influenced by the supervisors who are usually also accomplished academic writers.  

In addition to the influence of PhD supervisors, junior scholars will also receive significant influence from scholars who had published in a particular field.  In almost all the academic disciplines, authors often begin their research articles with a section known as literature review. In the literature review section, the authors will discuss the studies that have been done and identify a literature gap they intend to fill. Usually the authors will also explain how the previous studies inspired them to conduct the present study.  In the method and result sections, the authors also need to refer to the  earlier studies as they may re-use similar methods and confirmed or challenged previous findings.  Therefore, the practices of literature review also suggest that scholars almost always contributed to their fields under the influence of previous research works.  

In the practice of laws, lawyers and judges also rely on the past achievements of their colleagues.  In the common law tradition, judges frequently referred to the earlier rulings made by their colleagues in the past to inform and justify their own decisions.  Lawyers also cite the previous cases similar to the present ones to make arguments and counterarguments.  In the civil law jurisdictions, the codified laws and rules are the past achievements of the legislators, lawyers, judges and legal scholars which the legal practitioners need to rely on for their daily practices.  When designing new laws and rules, the legislators and legal scholars will also need to review the legal principles and doctrines that have been established in the past as well as the research studies on the issues by experts in the fields of law, economics and political science.  Therefore, it is clear that contributions to the law in the broadest sense always rely on the past achievements in the field.  

As the discussion of academic research and legal practices clearly shows, to make contribution to most fields, one has to work with more senior and experienced members of the community as shown in the case of PhD supervision, review the previous studies and publication in the field similar to literature review, and rely on the cases and institutions that have been established in the past.  Therefore, overall speaking, I agree with the statement.  

tesolchinaUID??2191404

Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free. [claim/comparison]

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

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更新：
这道题按下面的思路写可能更容易展开 例子方面可以考虑思想实验 或者个人经历

可以从formal education的几个特点来支持原命题
第一正式教育是一种大规模的标准化教育 不同于home schooling 因此面临不同的背景、兴趣、特质的学生接受同样的训练的问题  这不利于个人的发展  

第二正式教育尤其是到了大学之后是一种专业的训练 导致分工过细 见树不见森林 将人异化为工具   

第三正式教育往往反映主流意识形态 是统治阶级巩固和合法化其政权的工具  对人的独立思考是一种威胁  

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Two possible approaches

Consider the cases of primary/ secondary school education, college education and professional education.  

When students receive formal education at primary and secondary level, most of the subject matters are rather rigid and intend to provide training in basic verbal and quantitative skills and help students accumulate knowledge about the world.  Restraining the minds and spirits to some extent is necessary for students to focus on their studies and acquire the basic skills and knowledge they need for further education.  

At universities, students are free to choose different courses and explore their own interests.  They can think more liberally and do their own original researches to create new knowledge.  They can also think critically about the different theories. But these intellectual activities are not possible without the solid foundation laid at earlier stages.

At professional schools such as law schools, medical schools and business schools, students again have to narrow their minds and focus on knowledge and subject matters in specific disciplines.  To serve as a medical professional, one has to follow certain protocols and cannot think too creatively when taking care of the patients. … (same for lawyers and accountants)  

So the bottom line is that formal education limits people’s minds at some stages in order to accomplish the specific educational goals while at university level students get a chance to think creatively and critically.  

To focus on some specific features of formal education
1. professional teachers who can encourage students to think creatively
2. a learning community in which students can learn from one another
3. train basic literacies effectively through well-tested common curriculum

All contribute to the liberation of minds and spirit

Then talk about the danger of government control over formal education
funding of the government may compromise the political neutrality of teachers
so we have to value academic freedom in order to encourage critical and creative thinking

掙扎dē糖菓UID??3545706

华科居然还有这么好的英语老师。。我怎么没有遇到。。

tesolchinaUID??2191404

每位作者都应该通过阅读和模仿逐步形成自己的风格。在自己的风格尚未形成前，一定要有意识地模仿，切忌随意瞎写，以致不明觉弱。   


这里先分析一下我自己写的issue 111

111) In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in power should step down after five years.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.  

Leadership is vital for the success of any enterprises, whether it is in the field of business, education or public administration.

这个句子的基本结构是 主语+系动词+表语 然后后面跟一个介宾结构 逗号之后是whether引出的从句
通过一个逗号把主从句分开了 句子的结构比较清晰  
其实要把一个句子写长并不一定要写很复杂，一个主句一个从句足够了，有时候简单句也可以
但是在这个主系表或主谓宾的框架下 可以通过一些介宾结构以及平行结构来扩展句子的内容 这样即达到丰富内容的效果 又不必太担心语法错误  

从功能的角度来讲 这个句子是在说某件事很重要 用了vital这个词 而我们说某件事重要的时候 往往要说清楚针对什么来说很重要 这样你说重要才比较清楚明白 也是一种支撑
而后面whether的从句是对涉及的领域和范围的某种刻画和限定  
因此这里的介宾结构在句子中所起的作用就是通过增加信息将要表达的内容放在一个具体的语境中去  这也是我们写作的一个基本原则 就是要具体 实现具体的方法就是用介宾结构和从句来进行限定  



It is argued that, in order to prevent power abuse and revitalize the organizations, those in the leadership positions should quit their jobs after a certain number of years.

用it is 开头的句子也称作slot filler或者it作形式主语 你们可以去看看自己写的文章 最好每段都有一个这种开头的句子  
这里真正的主语是后面that引出的从句  这个句型用来复述题干中别人的观点是很合适的  建议大家多练习一下  

另一个值得注意的是我在that的从句引出之前用一个双逗号加了一个插入语 而这个插入语又是用in order to 引出的一个动宾并列结构 这样一来 我没有从句却把句子一下子拉长了  对于那些憋字数的同学这种句型很好用有木有  
注意这个in order to是怎么来的呢 其实就是揣测出题人的意图 提出这个观点 说领导到时间要下课 这是出于什么目的呢 这道题没说 相当于留下了一个空由我们来填  
接下来的主语从句 也有一个介宾结构 然后对step down做了同意转 用了quit the job  原题说的是5年 其实比较难说这么具体 于是我含糊了一下  

这个句子值得学习的地方包括
1. it 引出从句
2. 双逗号引出的插入语
3. 对题干进行同意转换  


I think this proposal will not benefit businesses and educational institutions as leaders in these fields need many years to build their reputation and earn trust from the stakeholders.

这里提出自己的观点 用了一个很稀松平常的I think  类似的表达也有很多
In my opinion, I believe, As far as I am concerned, it is my belief that, From my point of view, I tend to believe that  
接下来一个很普通的主谓宾结构 但是在宾语里出现了并列结构 （这个并列结构其实为中间段分述建立了框架） 并列结构是最容易使句子丰满起来的 因为你不必另外想语法结构 and前后的语法结构必然是平行和同类的  
那么提出观点之后自然要解释观点 顺势就是一个原因状语从句
你也可以用because since 想fancy一点可以用 for the reason that
如果你前面观点很复杂的话 你可以另起一句写原因 I hold this viewpoint for three reasons: first, ...; second, ...; finally, ...

很多同学觉得句型要怎么花哨用词要如何高大上 我个人比较喜欢简洁、朴实的文字 尤其是英语这种非母语的写作   
注意我的原因从句as leaders in these fields need many years to build their reputation and earn trust from the stakeholders.  里面也是一个主谓宾的结构 但是在后面加了一个不定式 指出目的 而不定式本身又是一个并列结构
当然并列结构虽然语法上不难 但是对干货是有要求的   


Nevertheless, it is important for government officials to serve for a limited number of years.  

这也是一个it is 开头的句子 不过这里it指代的是后面的不定式 同样的 说重要要说清楚对谁重要 于是有了这个介宾结构  


Consider the leadership in business world first.

举例子的句型可以有很多。有些同学看了北美范文喜欢用 To support this point we need to look no further than ... 可能写出这样的句子还会觉得很得意 很爽 哇 好多字啊 占了大半行呢  其实有意思么 我觉得挺无趣的  
像我这样一个简洁的祈使句引出后面的论述也挺好嘛  如果你要靠范文的复杂句型模板来撑字数的话 我就只能呵呵了  


With the separation between ownership and management in modern corporations, it is important for the stockholders to trust the managers of the businesses.  
我就是喜欢用it is 开头 感觉这样比较客观吧 虽然用得太多也有点黔驴技穷的感觉 但是对于很多同学来说还是值得借鉴的  
注意前面有一个with开头的介宾结构 这个结构可以用来引出这个句子的前提或者背景  甚至带有一点解释或理由的意思
另一个相关的介词是without 也很好用 后面会遇到  




But to earn the trust of the stockholders often takes a relatively long period of time.  
这里不得不说一下连贯的问题
何谓连贯？很多同学以为连贯就是要用In addition, on the other hand, nevertheless, first ,second, third 这类词组 这些词组偶尔用下也是可以的 但这不是连贯的关键所在
连贯的关键在于前后两句之间的指代或者重复 比如这里前句用了trust 接下来还是说earn the trust需要很多时间 这样的连贯没有用任何短语 却很自然  
这句话的结构也是简单的主谓宾 但是主语有点不同是一个不定式  
所以说要想句式变换不一定要写从句套从句 同样的主谓宾 偶尔把不定式放在主语的位置上会让人耳目一新
同样的 我偶尔还会把不定式放在表语的位置上 效果也不错  


The managers will need to demonstrate their competence as leaders through years of services and accumulate more experience while working with the staff to develop the best strategic plans for the long-term development of a company.  

这个句子算比较长的了 但是结构还是主谓宾而已  
只是在need后面的不定式用了一个并列结构 需要两件事 而前面一个结构又加了介宾结构 后面加了while+ doing + 介宾+ 不定式+ 介宾
这种句子谈不上很精彩吧 但是 简单明了还是做到了 内容也挺丰富




Once the manager reaches the top management, s/he will become a valuable asset that the company cannot afford to lose.
接着一个从句、主句的结构 比简单句略复杂 字数反而短了 这就是所谓长短句的交替，写了一个长句，再写一个短句给读者给自己一点休息  


If s/he has to leave the position in five years, the company will have to start over the process of cultivating a leader all over again.  Therefore, to save money for the investors of the company, this rule should not apply.  

接下来的两句嘛 其实也是灌水的秘诀 就是把一件事正着说完后再反着说一遍

正着说某人或某件事好 反着说就是如果没有这个人或者不做这件事会产生如何负面的后果  
反着说完了再做一个总结 点出这里的核心是省钱嘛  
另外注意这里the rule这个词是指代题干中提出的这个规则 在语言学里叫做signaling noun 我的导师和师兄去年出了一本专著讲的就是这个
Flowerdew, J., & Forest, R. (2014). Signalling nouns in English: A corpus-based discourse approach. New York: Cambridge University Press.

我有空再专门讨论吧  



With the increasing corporatization of higher education, the same logic also applied to the leadership of universities.
这里又是一个介宾结构指定了这里的语境、背景和前提 当然干活也是很重要的  你不能只知道 with the development of modern society 吧
这句话将重心转移到大学领导  
logic apply这个搭配是需要知道的  


As a president of a university, one has to spend years to develop intimate knowledge about the industry of higher education and build his/her network with the key people in the circle.
作为大学教授 指定身份的短语用as引出 大家都会吧 没有说具体是谁 所以用one 接下来还是不定式指出目的 然后不定式还是并列结构
是的我很喜欢并列结构  不过前提是有干货  

  S/he will need to promote the university aggressively at a global scale and raise money for different projects and programs that can help the university to stay competitive.  

这里句子的主干又是一个并列结构   
后一个加了一个介宾短语 而介宾后面又跟了一个定语从句 算是略为复杂的句子吧  

This is a very challenging job and if a university is lucky enough to find someone who can do the job well, it makes little sense to let him/her go in 5 years. This is why the leaders of universities often hold their positions for years.  

接下来的这句是一个独立句子的并列结构 前一个句子用了this指代上句的内容 通过指代实现了连贯 而后面先用条件状语从句引出前提 主句又是用it开头  
分析完了 指出某个现象来呼应和印证前一句的结论   


Nevertheless, the proposed rule may apply to government officials who do need to leave their jobs after certain years.
Nevertheless偶尔用作转折过渡   

这里用proposed rule指代题干中的观点 这类signalling noun 要多累积一些  
后面用who引出的从句实际上复述了自己的立场和观点  



One may argue that, just like corporate CEOs and university presidents, it also take years for a government official to learn to do his/her job well and build his/her reputation.  
这个句子用来提出别人可能挑战自己的观点 引出必须在写完自己观点后再写
这里的句型包括插入语、it开头和并列结构前面都说过了 这里不赘述  


This is true to some extent. But it is important to bear in mind that “government, even in its best form, is a necessary evil” as it takes away certain amount of freedom from the citizens in order to preserve peace and order.

先做一个简单让步  然后反驳 it is important to bear in mind that 这个算灌水短语吧
顺便印了Paine的名言 并用一个原因状语从句来解释 这个句子也是it 开头 这是我个人的偏好吧  后面加一个in order to的目的状语  


As a result, the power of the government officials have to be limited through the institutional arrangement that any officials, no matter how competent or reputable they are, have to step down after a certain number of years.   

这句话开头的As a result算是一个固定搭配引出因果关系里的果 类似的表达还有 Consequently, therefore, it follows that ...

之后是一个简单的被动语态结构 背后的理念对权力的限制也是现代社会常见的理念  接下来的介宾结构 through ... 是引出一个实现某个目的的手段 我们在讨论问题的时候经常会先说要达到的效果或目的 然后再讨论达到这个目的的手段 用through...就很合适 也可以用by + -ing  
另外值得注意的是 arrangement后面跟的从句 好像是叫同位语从句 或者简单当做noun clause 是对arrangement这个词的某种补充  
而在这个从句中又有一个双逗号引出的插入语 对前面提到的能力和声誉等问题做了回应  

The risk of having a dictator justifies the cost of reducing the tenure of a capable leader.
这句话只是一个简单的主谓宾结构  但是主语和宾语都由of引出一个动名词
而这里指出某种风险justify了某种成本 也是一种经济学的思维方式




In conclusion, I believe that the proposed rule should not be applied to the fields of business and higher education. But for the government leaders, they should definitely leave their positions after a certain number of years.

最后的结论其实是将主要观点复述一遍 由于观点是分层次的，这个层次在结尾处也再次体现。  


其实写了这么多文章之后 我也开始感到自己句型的多样性还有待进一步提高。晚些时候我打算把我的这些文章拿给系里的大牛们看看，请他们指点一下。不过在这里分析指出的一些句型希望大家有意识地练习、模仿，相信对作文会很有帮助。  

tesolchinaUID??2191404

昨晚分析句型的时候也穿插着讨论了句子结构在文章中的修辞功能，这正是 linguisitic feature和rhetorical move 相结合的分析思路。我可以多分析几篇我自己的文章、ETS范文及高分版友的习作，以move为纲，以句型为目，提出一套练习写句子的方案。  

diehardUID??2547783

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-9 01:07
每位作者都应该通过阅读和模仿逐步形成自己的风格。在自己的风格尚未形成前，一定要有意识地模仿，切忌随意 ...

这一篇感觉大有收获。王老师讲解的很细致，几乎相当于手把手教学了。另外，你设计的那个关于句子在篇章或段落的逻辑结构中所起到的作用的练习我觉得也非常有启发。还有就是那个最为核心使用1+3模型来为issue 和argument题目列提纲的练习。
我有一个问题：当你写作这些句子的时候，是否有意逐句的思考句型的结构及其在段落行为中所起到的作用？还是说已经是习惯成自然不需过多思索，而这些讲解是事后分析给出的？
我昨天问你的问题是关于如何从那个博客中获得更多的收获，我猜我至少可以从三方面加以学习，一是句型及篇章的句法多样性，二是漂亮地道的搭配，三就是分析句子在维系段落及篇章的逻辑结构中所起到的作用。不过也许更为直接的参考文章，是你写的一些范例及另外几位高分G友的习作。
整体而言，目前我最大的感触是你关于GRE作文的讲授比较具有可操作性，作为follower我能看到前行的方向。另外自己虽然目前功力不足，但是感觉如果能沿路跟上，不掉队，最后真能走到自己想去的地方。
你昨天建议我尽早开始限时练习，但是当下的我觉得思路还是打不开，写起来阻力非常大。我打算先用两周左右的时间，每天写提纲，同时通读这个博客及相关的文章，做些你提到的分析练习。

daybreakhanUID??3504804

王老师您好！我有个issue的思路想问一下您是否可行。
issue 78 人们的态度是由即时环境决定，还是由整个社会决定？哪个因素更大？
看到您的范文是全支持，由整个社会决定。

我想到您说过用身边的例子是一个巧妙的思路。
我就想到了另一个思路，也是全支持观点，没有正反观点，只是变成支持另一方：周围环境决定。

1. 人们对危险行为的态度可能会受到周围同龄人的影响。一个青年知道吸大麻不好，但周围的人都吸，且好像也没什么危险，他就改变了对大麻的看法。

2. 人们对的政治态度可能会受到身边父母的影响。一个人支持A候选人，因为XXX，但他父母认为A候选人的承诺不可靠，因为XXX。他觉得他的父母更有道理，所以改变了他对A候选人的看法。

3. 人们对大众生活设施的态度可能受到同事的影响。一个人看了杂志发现A餐厅很不错，决定去那里吃饭，但很多去过A餐厅的同事跟他说A餐厅不好，因为XXX。最后他决定不去A餐厅吃饭。

但这么写有个问题，就是不能证明more（周围环境>社会  对我们的态度的影响），因为这些都只是特例。

就需要再加强一下来证明 周围环境>社会整体。可以说：我不否认社会对我们态度的影响，例如我们受的教育、大众媒体、风俗习惯等（都会影响我们的态度），但是相对于社会的因素，我们身边的人离我们更近，与我们的交流互动更为密切，我们与他们接触的时间更长，他们的言行举止对我们对不同事物的看法、态度的影响其实也是非常巨大的。

这样好像也能说圆，想听听您的看法o(∩_∩)o

=========================================
哦，我好像又不确定了，上面的例子能算immediate situation or surroundings吗？不确定唉........求教啦.........T_T

附上题目：

78) People’s attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

tesolchinaUID??2191404

diehard 发表于 2015-5-9 10:48
这一篇感觉大有收获。王老师讲解的很细致，几乎相当于手把手教学了。另外，你设计的那个关于句子在篇章 ...

写作的时候不会先想用哪个句型，写好以后再回过头来分析的。但是作一种训练有意识地学一些句型还是会有帮助的。你提到的几点学习的方面都是不错的。我想加一点就是对issue分析的一些思路。我在274楼谈到天下文章一大抄，在这里也建议你可以从抄开始。所谓抄并不是原封不动的抄，而是可以借用我的思路换成自己的文字、自己的例子。现在很多同学练习的时候按自己的思路去写，往往不能抓住题目的重点，一旦写偏题，整篇就废掉了。

很多思路的东西不是说仅仅想几个点，听起来还不错就可以了，关键还在于能不能找到把每个点都说清楚的例子和概念。初学者要想到合适的观点已不容易、再找到合适的例子就更难了。所以，我觉得应该从借鉴别人的文章开始，包括ETS的范文、版面上5分或以上的版友的习作（包括我的习作）。  

另外，你如果有微信可以加我-tesolchina  

diehardUID??2547783

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-9 20:09
写作的时候不会先想用哪个句型，写好以后再回过头来分析的。但是作一种训练有意识地学一些句型还是会有帮 ...

嗯，你说的这一点我实际上已经在做了，前期的写作训练我就打算借鉴你和其他高分G友的范文开始着手。非常同意思路并非几个展开的点，还要有适当的配套服务来支撑。
我有微信，一会儿加你。

tesolchinaUID??2191404

daybreakhan 发表于 2015-5-9 15:28
王老师您好！我有个issue的思路想问一下您是否可行。
issue 78 人们的态度是由即时环境决定，还是由整个社 ...

首先你将attitude这个概念具体化为对不同时期的attitude我觉得是很好的做法 这样写出来的文章就不会name空洞了  
但是你选的这几件具体的事情让我觉得有些费解 比如一开始讲危险行为不知从何说起 第二个政治态度或者对选举中候选人的态度倒是不错 可以作为政治这个方面的具体例子  至于大众生活设施 又显得有些突兀  

所以在具体化attitude的时候不能随便选几个事情 而是要有一定的体系和框架  

另外，正如你所说，这样写偏重讲周围环境，却没有解释为什么周围环境比社会影响更大  
我倒觉得你可以考虑将人分作不同的阶段来写
小时候对社会接触有限 态度受周围环境影响更大 可以用你的吸毒的例子  peer pressure 等等
长大以后 受到媒体的影响 接受了一些主流的价值观 可能态度受社会整体影响比较大  比如对金钱的态度 对消费的态度  

再往后受了更多的教育有了更多的阅历 对世事有了自己的见解 不再受大环境社会的影响 也不受周围的影响  
比如 用你的选举的例子 当然能做到这样的人是很少的  或许可以作为一种理想吧   

可能在比较两者影响的时候 需要考虑为什么其中一种影响较大吧
我刚才的思路中提到一个阅历眼界的因素  

年幼时眼界有限 当然是受周围的环境
长大了 接触的范围大了 就会受社会影响较大
最终若能学会独立思考 内心足够强大 自然可以超越这两种影响  

diehardUID??2547783

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-9 20:30
首先你将attitude这个概念具体化为对不同时期的attitude我觉得是很好的做法 这样写出来的文章就不会name空 ...

Simon, 你们在指称题目的序号时用的是那个题库文档啊？我之前从官网整理过题库，但是不带序号。为了和大家on the same page，我觉得我也应该用你们的版本。