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发表于 2004-3-28 20:54:52
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2004爱让我舍得为你放弃（续三）——GRE作文之王者归来（SADENDESS PART I）
（序曲——沙无垢）
当天边第一缕阳光射入车窗的时候，我刚好打开笔记本，记下这个题目，远方的汽笛声哀鸣着冲我耳朵呼啸而来，我知道上海快到了。肚子已经有点挺不住了，十个小时前刚在镇江一所大学里与一位自信开朗的异性网友一起用膳，青菜，鱼丸加上一撮白饭，我是如何挺不到现在的，多亏包里残存的半包干脆面，我才勉强撑着虚弱的肢体熬着。
清明了，二师兄离开我已经两个年头了，真要去拜祭一下。下了车，匆忙胡乱买了点面包就搭上了车往那跑去。由于清明还有几天，人不是很多，这正是我希望的，我想和二师兄一个人静静地谈谈。绿树掩映下苍白的碑身总是对比的那么刺眼，疏疏朗朗的树叶飘了一地。我小心翼翼地跨到碑前，又看到了那个熟悉的卖扫帚的阿姨的身影。她也认出我来了，知道我每次都是第一个来，一呆就要一整天，所以按老规矩我买了一把别致的扫帚和一些纸钱，然后弯下腰一点一点把落叶扫清，把莠草拔光。我一定要把二师兄的舍居打扫干净，我一定要让他住的舒服些。……
正午了，太阳已经在头顶上了。二师兄，你记得吗，当你第一次被师傅打折右小手指躲在墙角哭的时候，是你第一次买了一瓶NESTEA哄我，我第一次尝到了生活像柠檬味那样酸酸甜甜的，从此每当我想起你的时候我都会买来喝，真的，昨天还有一位闻姐姐买了一瓶给我了呢？二师兄，我好想你，你知道吗？我又买来NESTEA，我们一起喝好吗？
二师兄，你知道吗，师傅要结婚了，我快自由了！你会为我庆祝和欢呼的是吗？二师兄，你一直告诉我说一个人要活的有意义，有价值，并一再勉励我：Doing what u like is freedom; Liking what u do is happiness!我今天都忘不了。二师兄，我今天把东西都带来了，我不再需要他们了，WEBSTER，红宝书，LSAT阅读，NO题，尽管它凝聚着我们之间最珍藏的回忆，可是你说感情错过了也就是错过了，不要去苛求，不要去回忆，人应该总是朝前方看！恩！二师兄，所以我让他们跟你一起入土为安，把我的思念，记忆和祝福都永远留在这里，陪着您，永远！二师兄，我真希望回去看看我的父母，弟弟，妹妹，他们应该很大了，还认得我吗？我告诉他们，我已经学成了过硬的农业机械技术和计算机技术，回来开发建设来了。他们会请我喝久违的家乡的米汤，还有我最喜欢的糕点。二师兄，我真希望你能跟我回去看看，尝尝啊！那里的天是那么深邃，那么辽远，你肯定会惊叫，肯定会。我们可以坐在山坡上，让微风吹着我们的头发，听着远处隐约传来的民腔，憧憬宽松美好的未来。二师兄，好不好？
二师兄，时间不早了，我把东西都埋好了，我拿笔给您修修，你的面容又暗淡了许多，你以前总是怪我字写不好，握笔就像拿着毛笔一样，我一直在学，真的。若是修的不好，请原谅我吧！这也许是最后一次了！（……）二师兄，我的眼泪好象把妆都给冲淡了，我会更小心的，真的很对不起。二师兄，我给你说，师傅穿上婚纱的时候真的很淑女的，我还是第一次看见师傅笑呢！二师兄，我想师傅会带着她的婚照来看你的，你不要急啊！你知道，师傅最疼你，你永远是华东最好的，最帅的，最猛的“枪手”，不对，最佳的“武士”，你喜欢大家这么叫你。可是，你为什么过不了自己这一关呢？为什么？你要用这种方式来了解自己，当师傅告诉我她真的希望那次意外中死的是我，而不是你的时候，我知道我自己只是一颗不起眼的棋子而已，二师兄，你明明知道师傅的意图，为什么还要替我去接，为什么？为什么要你去品尝被自己心爱人出卖的代价，为什么？二师兄，silentwings从来都是一对翅膀，自从你走后，我已经靠一只翅膀飞得太累了，太累了……
二师兄，我走的那天可能不能跟你道别了，想我的时候喊我的名字啊！我一定听得到！一定能！无论天涯海角！从此没有silentwings，只有我本来的自己，凡人的自己，最真实的自己。不用靠假身份去遮蔽，去欺骗，去出卖，我好向往啊！二师兄，原谅我带走你的口琴，我实在舍不得，送给我好吗？你教我吹的“Waiting for you”我今天还没吹的很好，但我努力了，放心我会一直吹下去的，一直。天色已经晚了，二师兄，让我吹唱一曲送你入梦乡，好吗？如果声音艰涩了，一定是我不小心将眼泪鼓入哽住了发颤的簧片，不好意思，二师兄，那是因为我好想你，真的！……
“Wherever you go, whatever you do;
I will be right here waiting for you!
Whatever it takes, or how much heart breaks;
I will be right here waiting for you! ……
（ARGUMENT应试全攻略）
由于在续二中笔者没有过多地涉及ARGUMENT的写作指要，许多热心的读者和考生纷纷给笔者寄来大量的习作，并不断询问关于ARGUMENT的逻辑错误攻击方略和整体布局，笔者也通过大量交流发现问题不在少数，故再劈一专栏来深入剖析和示范引导。本文内容全是笔者个人理解，不具备权威性，读者应该结合参考自己的条件选择，其中示范谨为诠释之用，切忌盲目照搬。
一、ARGUMENT写作指要
1． ARGUMENT的开头（宜短不宜长）
这个原则笔者已经重复多次，许多考生还是愿意一上来思维定势地边读题边罗列证据，前提和结论在第一段，结果耗时、费力，并且在后面的攻击上一再重复论据，造成语言贫乏，时间紧迫，攻击不深入。尽管许多范文，包括孙远，老外280，寄托范文等等都喜欢甚至四咬住开头的重头不放，但是笔者仍然认为写作是一种“艺术”，需要比例上的和谐，需要前后的照应，需要精辟和精炼。《妙手著文章》中有两句说的好：“简洁即是美，变化才是真！”如果大家真觉得自己的开头有必要改了，那么可以参考笔者的以下两条建议：
（1） 只带一下结论和大致论据，然后揭露ARGUMENT有问题。比如：
EXAMPLE 1：The argument astonishingly deduces a conclusion of the easiness to get fatter for the particular group of people who snore at sleep, and accordingly recommends eating less and strengthening the intense of exercises to avoid such trend. While the arguer established his demonstration on the tenable basis of a well-known discovery accepted by public, this argument, however, seems to me a wholly ramshackle one needed to scrutiny.
EXAMPLE 2：The argument rests on the recommendation of reduction of the amount of the homework to no more than twice a week based on an incomplete comparison between two different districts and together with the corresponding misinterpretation of the objective results drawn from the chiaroscuro.
（2） 直接回应ARGUMENT伤痕累累。比如：
EXAMPLE 3：The argument is not well reasoned by undertaking gratuitous deduction and misinterpreting the available evidence.
EXAMPLE 4：The argument seems to intend to inveigle. Although the advantage for living in the tranquil and pulchritudinous urban regions is charming, as for me, I’d rather believe it is reasonable for our snubbing such kind of cheap propaganda by re-inspecting the weak and irrelevant evidences provided in the argument.
EXAMPLE 5: The argument is ridiculous because the conclusion, although drawn from objective data, is based on incorrect interpretations and unbalanced deductions of these statistics.
2.正文攻击方案（七宗罪+逻辑表达+证词展开陈述=2或3段）
（1） 攻击顺序：注意攻击是有逻辑顺序的，即“层层递进”，如果你看老外或其他的标准范文，提纲都会发现有所谓的“攻击深入标志”——Granted that; Even if/Even though; Given that; Assuming that; etc.这些都表明这个顺序是必要掌握的。这个顺序有的和ARGUMENT中证据给出的是一致的，有的则不然。需要我们去协调。所以这里笔者建议大家审完题再动笔，而不是一边审题一边罗列攻击。
EXAMPLE 6：Last but not least, the arguer recommends a gratuitous suggestion to proffer all teachers in our high schools should take the improved policy of controlling the amount of homework under the upper limit of no more than twice a week. Even if all of the reasoning deployed above can get through without any discreditable hesitation, then the logic deduction can only reach such a degree that the infelicity to assign three to five times a week rather than to confidently arrive at the concordance that no more than twice a week is apropos. Thereby we have no choice but to classify this unwarranted conclusion into the arguer’s affluent personal experience or exotic imagination.
（2） 攻击要点：主题句引出攻击“主体”，下面依次按照逻辑顺序“深入展开”攻击。很多读者的习作都出现攻击只浮于表面的错误指出和逻辑语句的“点到为止”，而出现论证贫乏无力，或者“横砍竖砍不见血”的景观。这里作者强调虽然不必像ISSUE那样要拼命展开详细推理阐述，但是一定的理由“铺展”是必要的，这点在老外的范文和其他相关著作中也有反映。很多读者都抱怨自己的字数上不去（注意：字数不是主要问题！！），感到无话可说，那么一定是不会展开去陈述徘徊在自己心中所钟爱的理由。其实这种展开是很容易的，比如另有他因，调查取证中，这种展开尤为容易，一个是罗列可能的理由，一个是对可能疏漏的调查规模，典型性，调查手段，取样过程等论述一番即可。
EXAMPLE 7：The first problem the argument suffered is the dubious reference of the lack of community support towards the popularity of the Glenville Summer Concert just because of the statistics for the number of people purchasing the advance tickets declining. The arguer patently makes this analysis based on his subjective speculations without any critical and clinic investigations. We can at ease to imagine the existence of such possibility that the limited number of people purchase only tickets for groups, then one man or woman might buy hundreds or even more tickets, so can we still hold on the conclusion that the tickets didn't sell well, let alone the further one of the eclipse of the prestige of the concerts? And similarly, the even if the people do decrease in number together with the actual sell of tickets, however, there is not the affirmation of the day of the performance played on would brand as a forlorn and frustrated memory into the members of the concerts. Perhaps (and it is really quite near the surface of the fact), according to the past experience of several few years, local people hold the view that the tickets undoubtedly would not come into the state of shortage for their desires of music entertainment. Hence, no hurry should they take to grasp every minutes and seconds to scurry for the tickets purchase, and then the scene like the presents of argument happened.
EXAMPLE 8：Next into our great doubt is the question we cannot help asking: whether the conspicuous gap made between the two districts on the layer of the students' performance is conducive to the attitudes towards the assignment charging. The answer is vacillated if only depending on what the arguer shows to us, for further evidences being in severe shortage, the possibility of the major function of the supernal teaching quality in Marlee comparable to the same item in Sanlee resulting in the complexion now we are encountered, and what's more, we cannot still rule out that the emergence of the ironically reverse accident that the students instructed by the teachers likely to charge three to five times a week (also belongs the group of the less than 25 percent of the gross) perform much more excellent than the other counterparts under the teaching by the ones disgusted with the homework amount accepted by the former. If the assumption is legitimate, how ridiculous the arguer are to deduct the assertion that less amount of work can bring about a better level of performance!
（3） 攻击的主次性：先找重要的，明显的问题攻击，次要摸棱两可的放在最后攻击或放弃。
EXAMPLE 9：Last but not the least, the rashes' symptom needs quite a long time to come into the surface, and before that time, no abnormal signs will appear on the face or body of human infected. From this sense, the people after examination proved to be healthy can demonstrate nothing. All of the samplings should again accept an even durable quarantine before ultimate peroration is passed through..
(4) 注意段与段之间的过渡和连接：这点几乎没有人会忽视。这里大致示范主要的两种模式：
（i） The major problem comes into discussion is ……
Another negligence the arguer commits is that ……
The last point hidden behind the mask of the moving words and phrases puzzling me is that ……
（ii） To begin with, the argument is short in legitimacy of elucidating the aberrant phenomenon that ……
Secondly, the arguer fails to reinforce his/her merited intensity on the layer of illustrating ……
Last but not least, the problem concerning ……is beyond the normal reasoning standing on the base the principles of equivalence and reversibility served as.
3． 结尾段（罗列转述主要错误/提出修改意见/揭示严重后果）
这一段由于已经靠近末尾，所以往往时间不多，宜速战速决。这里笔者并不提倡许多范文所采取的一一将上述错误仔细引述再行补正的模式，这样往往有“凑字数”之嫌，而且破坏文章的整体比例美感。那么如何写结尾段呢？笔者提供两套方案：
（1） 时间还充裕，能拿出3分钟来写，那么简要概述主要的错误（比如末段的次要错误就略了），将正文各段的主题句压缩成复杂的一句来陈述，然后下面再用一句给这个倒霉的“永远喜欢提白痴的，徒劳无益建议的”混蛋arguer指条活路。然后可以再加一句若不然会怎样，当然这句可加可不加。下面给出示范：
EXAMPLE 10：As it stands, owing to the existence of these potential hazardous points, the arguer's recommendation is just a self-fascinating one without any intense conviction. To take accountability to the residents habituating around the trash sites, we have the rights to enforce the arguer to make more detailed and meticulous investigations to clarify the true phenomenon, or otherwise more people might move to the region and thus tragically it also might be for more people infecting the rash virus.
EXAMPLE 11：As it stands, as a result of lacking deeper immersion of the statewide survey obliged to the arguer, and the according analysis established on the plinth of the insufficient contrast is also bogged in a enclosed morass, in addition to the arguer’s own pontifical design of the appropriate quantity of students’ homework, the overall body of the argument is full of bleeding scabs. The most effective remedy, or perhaps the most convenient to handle, from the perspective of the arguer’s personal hankering, I think what matters first is to try best to supplement the negligence of the survey upstairs, then he can embrace the stubborn root for his persuasive inference, simultaneously abjuring his presumptuous presumptions.
（2） 如果想在1——2分钟内搞定结尾，保持结构完整，则直接指出arguer的无理取闹即可，如下面示范：
EXAMPLE 12：To sum up, unless the arguer can take out the scholar style of critical thinking and reasoning to caulk the drawbacks exhibited above, or otherwise no progress would his claim make to convince the public as well as to lead the concert band to fulfill effective improvements.
二、ARGUMENT的七宗罪分析：
有很多读者对于这些逻辑错误的分析和语言表达很困惑，用来用去就那么几本经典书上的例句，别说让老美阅卷人去看了，自己都厌倦了。大家想想老美成天批这些作文，中国考生人数在世界考生中比例不小，很快就会看见我们中国考生的考卷大呼头疼，批一份就相当于批上百份，一个模子刻出来的，就跟东方老师的讲课一样，杨鹏模仿杨继，杨维新又去模仿杨鹏，结果到后来都是哥哥弟弟的关系。写作是个创新的过程，这点我在第一天师傅教我的时候就叫我成天放在嘴上，烙在心里，如果每写一篇你都没有一句话创新的话，你的文章就是失败的。至于如何创新，我前面点播过了，不是教可以教出来的，笔者自己也在摸索和感悟，创新也是心灵的一种互动和欲望，我们要勇于激发出这种欲望。The principles of lust are easy to understand, do what you feel, feel until the end!
1． Implicit causal claim: 另有他因。
（1） 分析出他因：如何分析？我们要借助生活常识和背景信息，这点中国学生往往受过发散思维训练，问题只是对背景不熟悉而已。下面给出一道题示范如何思考：
235．The following appeared in a memorandum from the general manager of KNOW radio station.
'Several factors indicate that radio station KNOW should shift its programming from rock-and-roll music to a continuous news format. Consider, for example, the number of older people in our listening area has increased dramatically, while the total number of our listeners has recently declined. Also, music stores in our area report decreased sales of recorded music. Finally, continuous news stations in neighboring cities have been very successful, and a survey taken just before the recent election shows that local citizens are interested in becoming better informed about politics.'
分析：这里题目开头就列举了两个调查数据来说明结论应该改摇滚节目为新闻。这里作为ARGUMENT的应对原则只能从“逻辑”上去推敲而不能从“文字”上去驳斥，下面我们只能换其他角度来解释这个现象。比如就第一个听众变化问题，可以质疑以下四点：
A． 究竟各自上升、下降了多少？变化趋势大吗？
B． 总人数下降是因为节目的选择吗？不一定吧！听过节目的读者都会说，节目的质量，播音的效果，播音员的素质和风格都会影响他们的选择。比如南京交通广播网的“诱惑2/3”中的一对“活宝”想必华东地区的考生都不会陌生的。
C． 无证据表明老人不喜欢摇滚，他们的人数上升也许正是因为老人爱摇滚成为当今的新兴时髦趋势。
D． 即使老人不喜欢摇滚，也没有证据表明喜欢新闻啊！
上面四点中第二点就是典型的“另有他因”论述。读者如果有所感悟，继续分析下面的“唱片销量下降”的其他原因：
A． 广播台的播放，使人们不花钱就能听到整张专辑，许多听众没必要再买了。
B． 唱片价格上涨。
C． 摇滚唱片未必销售量下降，而是其他类型的唱片销量大滑坡导致整体销量下滑，比如，POP，CLASSIC，HIP-HOP等等。
D． 盗版盛行，冲击正版市场。
如果读者想象力和生活阅历丰富的话，想必还有很多理由可以想出来。这里笔者示范的目的是告诉大家要开动脑筋，发散思维，联系生活，竭尽所能。一个人不行，可以利用众人的智慧，不管他们考不考GRE的作文，智慧是没有国界和天堑的。
（2） 语言表达：（这里提供一些参考，有些来自一些现成的参考书，以下同，主要靠自己创新为主）
（i） The arguer fails to justify that ……is the only attribute responsible for the aftermath resulted.
（ii） The arguer provides no evidence that ……is the reason for its predominance.
（iii） The arguer fails to consider and rule out other alternative counterparts that might account for ……
2． False analogy: 错误类比
（1） 标志：出现两个大写英文字母地名，不用问，基本上有错误类比，主要类比错误有：地理因素（geographical factors）,气候因素（climate factors）,人口素质(civic quality)，消费水平(the consumption level)，投资环境(the environment for invest)，政策差异(the gap of policy difference)，学术声望(academic prestige)，师资力量(teaching force)，教学设备(instruction equipment)，等等。
（2） 表达：
（i） The two situations exhibited here are not similar enough to justify the analogical reasoning.
（ii） The arguer fails to take into account the conspicuous distance between the status quo of ……and ……, which are indispensable for the qualification of the final inference making.
3.All things are equal:过去推将来，局部推广域。
（1） 判断：凡是题干中出现XX years ago，或者next XX years,那么很好就是过去推将来。如果出现全国或地方调查，然后将结果用在地方或全国的话，那么就是局部推广域。
（2） 表达：
过去推将来：When samples are used to make general claims about a particular group, the samples should be close enough in time to the generalization they are used to support, so that historical changes will not invalid the generalization.
局部推广域：Even the corresponding corollary drawn from the primitive statistics of this national survey is absolutely credible, suspects still remain in the apropos application to ……, a particular ingredient of the entire sampling portions for the objective gap lay between statistics respectively belong to average and specialty.
4.Survey is doubtful:无效调查
（1） 攻击方面：调查的规模，取样随机性，代表性，典型性，调查程序。
（2） 语言表达：
规模不够：Whether the group of the respondents participating the survey is large enough to take behalf of the overall expected ones, no matter to the dimension of the attitudes upheld, or reactions towards the encountered sensitivity, is open to great doubt.
取样不具代表性：The respondents giving their answers in the argument possibility lack general representative comparable to a more warranted and appropriate blueprint designed for such an important investigation, for its shortage of taking into account the comprehensive factors such as the ages, sexes, mental qualities, and psychological sensitivities as well.
调查程序不清楚：However, the actual procedure maneuvered through this survey is whether consummate adequate or not is now directly threatening the stubborn credence we aspired to for the existence of large amount of vague corroborations.
5.Either-or choice=False dilemma:非此即彼
（1） 判断标志：两个对象，不选它我就选它，比如两个筑路公司，两个参议员竞选，两个地方建厂等。
（2） 语言表达：Opportunities are rarely in abundance given to take into consideration other possible alternatives juxtaposed beside the pillows of the both mentioned above.
6.Gratuitous assumption:空泛假设
（1） 判断：没有前提和证据的结论或论据，有些往往有obviously, of course, no doubt等引出。
（2） 语言表达：
(i) To put ……into impregnable persuasion, the step stone that ……spares no room for omission.
(ii) The arguer self-confidently rests his recommendation on the presupposition that ……, which is unsubstantial throughout the overall information displayed in the argument.
7.Insufficient sample: 例证不全
（1） 判断标志：只有举了两个例子（一般），比如两个阅读班的毕业生，两个城市的对比情况来推出整体的情况，这点一定程度上与“局部推广域”有重复，这里只是例子更具体化，我们更关心的是攻击表达。
（2） 语言表达：The example cited, while suggestive of these trends, is insufficient to warrant their truth because there is no reason to believe that the data drawn from ……is representative of ……
三、ARGUMENT临场分配时间：
审题（2——3分）：细心谨慎，抓错误时前后联系，把握好逻辑攻击层次，一般找到主要的三个。
首段（2——3分）：快速准确回应，速战速决。
主体2——3段（15分——18分）：抓住主要问题写出主题句，迅速由点到面展开攻击，每点点到为止。注意过渡和逻辑深入。
结尾（2——3分）：归纳主要纰漏，提出简单大概的补救方向，或者直接嘲笑论者的无知和带来的惨痛后果。
检查（9——3分）：主要看拼写和语法错误，迅速浏览。
（尾声——黎明的火光，四月的天空）
非常感谢寄托天下的广大GTER们陪我一起在GRE的作文中爬山涉水了这么久，通过许多不知名的朋友在网上和现实中的交流中，他们让silentwings懂得了许多许多，在此silentwings真诚希望你们能够考出好的成绩，顺利飞向梦的彼岸，而silentwings在这里帷幕即将落下的时候要向大家说再见了！但愿我的《2004爱让我舍得为你放弃》系列能够给大家以帮助和启迪，哪怕只是黑暗中的一点火光，笔者也甚感欣慰。
最后感谢开导我，安慰我和支持我的一些我耳熟能详的朋友：LIBBY, IMONG, MASAKI, 小君，脚毛，等。（其他抱歉了，笔者实在想不起来了）
西部的号角已经吹响，我的又一次新生就在明天太阳升起的地方，我，想回家，回我自己的家，告诉爸，妈，儿子回来了，儿子学成本事回来了，建设西部来了，我要用我的拖拉机将西部变成丰饶的田地，飘香四野，我坐在麦田里，吹着《Green Waves》，一个人仰望蓝天，再也没有征战，没有考验，没有面具。
GRE，TOEFL，LSAT，GMAT，你们见鬼去吧！
——silentwings
2004年3月27日于上海龙华寺 |
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发表于 2004-3-28 21:02:14
发表于 2004-3-28 21:55:33
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