【独立写作】cansha作业贴

canshaUID：3458244

之前没有带附件，已重新编辑~希望大家多多交流！

canshaUID：3458244

TPO 8 综合写作
The lecture claims that the long memoir of Chevalier is generally accurate and reliable, though some parts of it seem to be specious in some critics' eyes.

Firstly, a large amount of money as Chevalier rented from his friends, we can't infer that Chevalier is poor based on it, for his property have to be sold first and thus cannot change into money immediately. In this way, he would have to borrow from his friend first to meet the large demand of money in party and gambling business.

What's more, the professor claims that the accuracy of the conversation with Voltaire is also dependable. It's true that Chevalier didn’t write his memoir until many years past, yet, consciously or unconsciously, the critics have ignored that Chevalier recorded the content every night after his conversation with Voltaire, and kept it until composing the memoir. Thus, with the records to be referred to, the accuracy of the conversation is reliable.

Finally, the professor believe that Chevalier do have escaped from the Venice prison on his own, instead of through a bribe offered by his political well-connected friends. Influential friends as Chevalier did have, other prisoners had even more powerful friends at that time, yet none has escaped except Chevalier. What's more, reports shows that the prison has reinforced the ceiling of each cell soon after Chevalier committed his escape. What's the meaning of such action if Chevalier didn't make it through the hole he made on the ceiling?

From the three contradiction and explanation made by the lecture, it's easy to conclude that Chevalier's memoir, though seemingly specious and inaccurate, is reliable and valuable as a historical source.

一夕vvUID：3545897

1.5点评：

看得出楼主的词汇量特别丰富，很多单词转换都好高级=v= 相比起来我差远啦。。。先膜拜一下
我就说一下对你内容方面的感受吧；
楼主的三点逻辑是这样展开的：
1.现代人们注重享受生活物质的发展提供的便利，却忽视了邻里熟人之间的关系。
2.物质的享受无法填补人们精神世界的空虚。
3.可以从亲戚邻里间学到很多人生经验。
首先，我觉得每个首段支撑living with relatives的原因都太委婉，不够直接，你一二点采取的形式都是“xx可以提供人们一些便利，却无法改善和relatives之间的关系/无法弥补空虚”这种倒推式的论证，不够有力。个人觉得文章理由支撑的首段是要明确的指出：选择和relatives住有哪些优点，比较让人一目了然。

第一点的支撑理由可以从委婉的说“人们享受便利生活，却忽视家庭关系”改成“和亲戚一起住可以改善和亲戚间的关系”，这样不会觉得内容很虚。
第二点举的两个城市现状对比的例子支撑觉得说得很好，学习了～～～
第三点说到“there are always some useful tips we can hardly get from the network”之后，觉得应该再举出具体例子说明人们可以从邻里间学到，却无法从互联网学到的，会更有力支撑之前的观点。

还有就是，楼主的三点例子都各自有重复的地方，例如第一点人们无法“ taste the cuisines from their next door”，其实搬到第三点论证也未尝不可，第二点的feel lonely和第一点改善关系也有点相似，第三点最后一句“let alone emotional interaction concomitant.”又觉得和第二点的观点相重…………总之就是，感觉理由都不太鲜明吧=v=

另外，类似这种abc中选其一的题目，像你选了b，文章还需要稍微提及一下a和c自身的好处，这样会觉得思考得更全面缜密，而不是带有个人偏向。（听某位高分大神说得。。。）

就是以上了哈。。其实感觉楼楼遣词造句很好得，我学到了很多～～然后1.5得作文只有我们两人写了，所以互改吧～～～期待小伙伴的回评哟https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... xtra=#pid1779106115

canshaUID：3458244

一夕vv 发表于 2015-1-7 12:34
1.5点评：

看得出楼主的词汇量特别丰富，很多单词转换都好高级=v= 相比起来我差远啦。。。先膜拜一下

真心感谢！没想到小伙伴评价这么认真。这是我第一篇贴在寄托上的作文，那天贴晚了版主没分组以为没人改了，刚刚才看到你的回复，真是感动~明天一定回评。

canshaUID：3458244

1.7 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Honesty is the most important characteristic to a leader.

Here and there, eastern and western, people never abandoned their pursuit of honesty, believing that always telling truth is the major manifestation of personal sincerity and integrity.
Let alone the leader of a particular group, as the direct representative of all the members led by him, surely, should have a high standard of ethics. Nonetheless, being excessively absolute and partial, complete honesty may be not only embarrassing but also pernicious and dangerous.

With no doubt, being chronically and habitually lying, a leader may have an untrustworthy relationship with his subordinates, because living in the infinite cycle of liars, he can never do the same thing in promises as in reality, just like his subordinates could never tell the same words before him as behind his back. As a result, the group’s common interest is in danger due to deception and suspicion. Maybe that’s why many people advocate honesty as the most important characteristic of a leader.  

Nonetheless, is it really beneficial if a leader rushes to the opposite extreme? Being the leader of a country, hardly can he tell too many personal preferences, especially the negative side, to the general public, which may cause certain business competition becoming unfair. Being the leader of a company, seldom can he tell the truly unfortunate fate they may face to his stuffs, which may engender fear, anxiety and discouragement in the latter group. Adhering to alleged personal principle such as complete honesty, the very leader may be a real disaster.

Besides the potential unnecessary and even harmful effect such unmitigated honesty may have on his group, always telling the truth may lead the group into predicament dealing with interrelationship with other groups. Again, take the present as example, dealing with the plexiform international relationship, in no circumstance could the president abandon the principle of discretion and restraining, thus we always see them use obscure diplomatic language. Needless to say keeping state secrets, such as the location of nuclear submarines, which lose protection function as soon as being located. As the leader of the whole nation, the president should be exemplary in ethic field, how can we require a common leader to be unmitigated honest if such criteria does not even suit the president?

Indeed, honesty should always be one of the most important requirement for a leader, yet hardly can we make it right the most important one, which may be misleading and deleterious dealing with practical matter. To a leader, it’s the benefit of his group that he ought to consider most. In most of situations, being candid and straightforward may be beneficial to his group, whereas sometimes a little white lie or a restrained expression may be more suitable.

hj1313UID：3476105

lz加油~下次word文件附件吧，互改用word的批注功能方便一些~

KelvieChanUID：3460889

cansha 发表于 2015-1-8 00:39
1.7 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Honesty is the most important characteris ...

看了几遍，真不知道怎么改好了，小伙伴你的水平在我看来好高，真心的~词汇量巨大，遣词造句很棒，怎么做到的？求分享~~~  

canshaUID：3458244

KelvieChan 发表于 2015-1-8 17:09
看了几遍，真不知道怎么改好了，小伙伴你的水平在我看来好高，真心的~词汇量巨大，遣词造句很棒，怎么做到 ...

呃…水平很好真的不敢当…如果说经验分享的话，建议可以看一下 李建林GRE5.5（论述部分），会有一些结构和表达上的启发，至于单词可以看一下verbal advantage，也是很不错的书。大家一起慢慢积累！

canshaUID：3458244

hj1313 发表于 2015-1-8 16:07
lz加油~下次word文件附件吧，互改用word的批注功能方便一些~

好的！刚刚来这里还不是很熟悉，等会就编辑！
谢谢版主关心，还希望版主有时间的话能多多指点一下啊:D

canshaUID：3458244

一夕vv 发表于 2015-1-7 12:34
1.5点评：

看得出楼主的词汇量特别丰富，很多单词转换都好高级=v= 相比起来我差远啦。。。先膜拜一下

正在改楼主作文。
又把批改看仔细看了两遍，真心觉得说的很好，一语中的，逻辑清晰。再次谢过!
对于太委婉的问题，之前也出现过，但自己看得没这么透彻，可能身在此山中吧。
这篇我打算在不大改情况下，在两段结尾加上和亲戚一起住时的对比，以弥补倒推式论证的无力感，今后在主要论述段会注意避免这种问题，第二段作让步论证时尽量不和后面主题交叉，主题段主要从正面讲优点。

MielsZhaoUID：3549114

抱歉楼主，批改的有点晚。:D。楼主的综合三个点都全了，并且也有相应的解释，就是一些小细节没有太注意，例如单复数、动词单复数。真是佩服楼主的功底，看不出有什么模板的痕迹，综合都能写成这样，佩服了。

一夕vvUID：3545897

这次来得有些晚拉～～抱歉。
这篇写得好好，都挑不出啥好改的，要说的都在附件里了=v=

备战的UID：3583665

1.11的评论,一如之前评价的小伙伴说的那样,你的功底真的很高，看了文章很顺畅的感觉，但是，我觉得很严重的问题还是在于论述的角度或者方式是偏的，没有很好的切题，或者是点题，我反复看了文章，花了很大的功夫去举反例，最后论证的部分偏弱，Yes or NO,虽然我水平很菜但我觉得还是应该讲到最后回归题目，现在看起来像两个时代对衣着的不同，要用发展的眼光看

canshaUID：3458244

MielsZhao 发表于 2015-1-12 15:39
抱歉楼主，批改的有点晚。。楼主的综合三个点都全了，并且也有相应的解释，就是一些小细节没有太注意，例 ...

谢谢小伙伴点评！之后会回评~

canshaUID：3458244

一夕vv 发表于 2015-1-12 16:33
这次来得有些晚拉～～抱歉。
这篇写得好好，都挑不出啥好改的，要说的都在附件里了=v=

已看过，谢谢批改~ 之前没看到你的作文，明天给你回评。