Issue121 拯救濒临灭绝动物 限时写的!!(我好激动啊)

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

Issue121  第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分4秒     596words
从2004年3月3日20时17分到2004年3月3日21时45分
------题目------
At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species.
------正文------
In this issue, the speaker claims that there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts to save endangered species. However, I fundamentally disagree with the speaker for any underestimate in the protection of endangered species will be harmful to the survival and the progress of all human beings especially nowadays.

First, the fact of first-rate importance is that man cannot live alone in this world, and in a desert of species, hardly could human beings make any improvement. For one thing, extinction of specials will directly lead to a decrease of diversity of animals and plants. As we all know, each animal or plant plays a indispensable part of the ecological circle that has great influence on the living condition of mankind. Thus, any extinction will cause an unbalanced natural situation and finally become a disaster to humanity. Desertification caused by deforestation was just a case in point.  With the disappearance of large scale of trees and plants, animal lost they food resources and living plants. The forest becomes a baron land, and in the end, the baron one becomes a desert. Every year, people in most countries suffered from the turbulence of the movement of deserts which are keep on threatening the environment of other places and finally threaten the living conditions of mankind in cities. Now, in most parts of the world, water crisis largely caused by desertification has become a pressing and persistent problem. The growing desert area makes water total amount decrease and sea water is unavailable for us. Gradually, human beings are bogged down in an embarrassing dilemma: On one hand they cut down trees for productivity while, on the other hand looking for water with more money and technology.

According to the statement above, it takes us no further to see that the extinctions of species nowadays are mainly caused by human beings instead of the natural processes. Admittedly, in the geological past, natural event may lead to the extinctions of certain species. However, this change was just a natural way to engender new species to replace the old ones and the nature is just renewing itself in this way. However, it is reported that today the speed of extinction of species is 1000 times as before. This surprising figure indicates the negative role humanity has played in the process of improving themselves. Just as an expert on the study of ecology and environment once said (and I paraphrase): "Human are the most selfish creatures in this world for the terrible damage on other species."  As a matter of fact, people are hunting for the skins of animals, disposing effluent for the profits of the factories, replacing forest as farmland. In this sense, the statement is actually right.

Since the importance of protection of endangered species and the fault that human has made, we have a necessity and responsibility to try our best to save the endangered species. We should put adequate money and energy to create a healthy environment for species to live on; meanwhile, we should promote the notion of protecting endangered species to instill it to common people. The well being of all creatures including people and other animals and plants can constitutes a best harmony of the world. As a matter of fact, man can truly progress and benefit from the nature without any possible danger.

Franklin Roosevelt once said:" The world can be changed by man's endeavor, and that this endeavor can lead to something new and better..." If this statement is true, as I believe it is, we will have a better future after the action of saving endangered species.     

第二篇限时文章,实际上时间到的时候还没有写结尾,谢谢shakespear和imong的文章, 我大概看了一下,没敢仔细看,怕雷同现在仔细看去.
当然还要谢谢galaxy song的软件 我发现自己以前限时不成功的原因是没有真正去限制自己,没有紧迫感,这是我的第二篇,第一篇成功限时了
文章行文还是有点混乱,偶没办法的说了~~

四月的迷迭香UID: 154552

------题目------
At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species.
------正文------
In this issue, the speaker claims that there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts to save endangered species. However, I fundamentally disagree with the speaker for the significant role of diversity of species in the survival and the progress of all human beings especially nowadays. （乍一看觉得开头还不错的，但仔细想想，题目其实并没有否定物种多样性的重要性啊，只是说物种灭绝主要是自然过程。这两者之间（自然过程－>物种多样性不重要）并没有必然因果关系）

First, the fact of first-rate importance(这种表达我没见过，不知道对不对？) is that man cannot live alone in this world, and in a desert of species, hardly could human beings make any improvement. For one thing（看到最后一直憋着等For another,就是没等到啊：P）, extinction of specials will directly lead to a decrease of diversity of animals and plants. As we all know, each animal or plant plays a（an） indispensable part of the ecological circle that has great influence on the living condition of mankind(加一句since we ourselves are also part of the circle之类的是不是更好？). Thus, any extinction will cause an unbalanced natural situation and finally become(s) a disaster to humanity(any extinction。。。似乎太绝对了吧。个别不够优秀的物种的退化和灭亡实际也是必然的，而且是优胜劣汰的自然结果呀). Desertification caused by deforestation was just a case in point. With the disappearance of large scale of trees and plants, animal(s) lost they(their) food resources and living plants. The forest becomes a baron land(森林变土地？明白你的意思，但这样的表达不好。再斟酌一下), and in the end, the baron one becomes a desert(同上). Every year, people in most countries suffered（suffer） from the turbulence of the movement of deserts which are(去掉are) keep(keeps) on threatening the environment of other places and finally threaten the living conditions of mankind in cities. Now, in most parts of the world, water crisis has become a pressing and persistent problem. The growing desert area makes water total amount decrease and sea water(seawater) is unavailable for us(and后可以都去掉，因为说“海水无用”没有什么意义). Gradually, human beings are bogged down in an embarrassing dilemma: On one hand they cut down trees for productivity while,(逗号放到while前头) on the other hand (they are) looking for water with more money and technology.
感觉这段例证太多了，而且逻辑关系似乎还特别复杂――人们砍伐树木导致荒漠化，荒漠化导致水资源匮乏，从而人们陷入一边砍树一边寻找水的dilemma中。。。可是滥砍滥伐并不等于extinction，感觉有点跑题了

According to the statement above, it takes(makes) us no further to see that the extinctions of species nowadays are mainly caused by human beings instead of the natural processes(为什么从上面的论述就可以断然推出物种灭绝主要是人为因素呢？). Admittedly, in the geological past, natural event may lead to the extinctions of certain species. However, this change was just a natural way to engender new species to replace the old ones（这句话也不太好，旧的灭绝一定有新的代替吗？） and the nature is just renewing itself in this way. However, it is reported that today the speed of extinction of species is 1000 times as before（before ->it was in the past）. This surprising figure(fact?) indicates the negative role humanity(用批判argument的眼光来看一下，灭绝速度快了，一定是人类造成的吗？并没有说以前很慢的时候没有人类呀) has played in the process of improving themselves. Just as an expert on the study of ecology and environment once said (and I paraphrase): "Human are the most selfish creatures in this world for the terrible damage（damage用得不好） on other species." As a matter of fact, people are hunting for the skins of animals, disposing effluent for the profits of the factories, replacing forest as farmland. In this sense, the statement is actually right.

这一段是想说物种灭绝主要是人为因素造成的，但好像并没有充分的理由说明这一点。要是有证据证明物种灭绝的速度是以前的1000倍是由人类造成的就更好了

Since the importance of protection of endangered species and the fault that human has made, we have a necessity and responsibility to try our best to save the endangered species. We should put adequate money and energy to create a healthy environment for species to live on(in); meanwhile, we should promote(promote->intense?) the notion of protecting endangered species to(and) instill it to common people. The well being of all creatures including people and other animals and plants can constitutes a best harmony(组成和谐？) of the world. As a matter of fact, man can truly（去掉） progress and benefit from the nature without any possible danger（太绝对了。防止物种灭绝就什么danger都没有了？）.

Franklin Roosevelt once said:" The world can be changed by man's endeavor, and that this endeavor can lead to something new and better..." If this statement is true, as I believe it is, we will have a better future after the action of saving endangered species.结尾引用名人名言还是挺新颖的，不过If this statement is true, as I believe it is显得底气不足，给全文的说服力都打了折扣。好像并不是很肯定这个观点的正确性。

总体感觉作者把握题目的能力和语言方面还是不错的，正文三段的意图比较清晰，分别抓住题目的三个方面来论述。但是各段的问题也比较明显，都在上面说了。当然限时嘛，思维逻辑上的疏忽是正常的。另外有一些语法错误，是不是太着急了，以后先在word里改一下吧。

sniper613UID: 147372

Issue121 第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：45分4秒 596words
从2004年3月3日20时17分到2004年3月3日21时45分
------题目------
At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species.
------正文------
In this issue, the speaker claims that there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts to save endangered species. However, I fundamentally disagree with the speaker for the significant role of diversity of species in the survival and the progress of (all) human beings(human beings’ progress) especially nowadays.

First, the fact of first-rate importance is that man cannot live alone in this world, and in a desert of (diverse)species, hardly could human beings make any improvement. For one thing, extinction of specials will directly lead to a decrease of diversity(不是一样的吗？加个other吧) of animals and plants. As we all know, each animal or plant plays an indispensable part of the ecological circle that has great influence on the living condition of mankind. Thus, any extinction will cause an unbalanced natural situation and finally become a disaster to humanity.（说了很多噢，物种灭绝导致其它灭亡；物种在生物圈有很重要的作用；灭绝导致灾难。三点哈，看看你后面怎么论证。呵呵~~） Desertification caused by deforestation was just a case in point. With the disappearance of large scale of trees and plants, animal lost they（their） food resources and living plants. The forest becomes a baron land, and in the end, the baron one becomes a desert.(还没提到物种灭亡噢) Every year, people in most countries suffered from the turbulence of the movement of deserts which are keep on threatening the environment of other places and finally threaten the living conditions of mankind in cities.（呵呵~~不出意外，只论证了灭绝导致灾难。还有两点呢？） Now, in most parts of the world, water crisis largely caused by desertification has become a pressing and persistent problem. The growing desert area makes water total amount decrease and sea water is unavailable for us. Gradually, human beings are bogged down in an embarrassing dilemma: On one hand they cut down trees for productivity while, on the other hand looking for water with more money and technology.（论点提得太多。还有就是侧重于环境破坏，对于物种灭绝呢？论证不是很有力，至少不充分。）

According to the statement above, it takes us no further （有因果关系吗？看看：物种导致人类的灾难——这是人类的原因？？想想）to see that the extinctions of species nowadays are mainly caused by human beings instead of the natural processes.（太绝对了，你的下句就把你自己反了） Admittedly, in the geological past, natural event may lead to the extinctions of certain species. However, this change was just a natural way to engender new species to replace the old ones and the nature is just renewing itself in this way. However, it is reported that today the speed of extinction of species is 1000 times as before. This surprising figure indicates the negative role humanity has played in the process of improving themselves. Just as an expert on the study of ecology and environment once said (and I paraphrase): "Human are the most selfish creatures in this world for the terrible damage on other species." As a matter of fact, people are hunting for the skins of animals, disposing effluent for the profits of the factories, replacing forest as farmland. In this sense, the statement is actually right.（没有具体确凿的例子啊！一个人说的话虽然可以引用，但是针对这个论点，用具体例子好些。比如：人类在海洋采油，破坏生态平衡，什么企鹅，海鸥，珊瑚之类的大量死亡，另外一些不知名的动物灭绝）

Since the importance of protection of endangered species and the fault that human has made, we have a necessity and responsibility to try our best to save the endangered species. We should put adequate money and energy to create a healthy environment for species to live on; meanwhile, we should promote the notion of protecting endangered species to instill it to common people. The well being of all creatures including people and other animals and plants can constitutes a best harmony of the world. As a matter of fact, man can truly progress and benefit from the nature without any possible danger.（这段很好，提出自己独特的解决办法）

Franklin Roosevelt once said:" The world can be changed by man's endeavor, and that this endeavor can lead to something new and better..." If this statement is true, as I believe it is, we will have a better future after the action of saving endangered species.（最后一段还有引用，第一次见哈，学习先）

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

（乍一看觉得开头还不错的，但仔细想想，题目其实并没有否定物种多样性的重要性啊，只是说物种灭绝主要是自然过程。这两者之间（自然过程－>物种多样性不重要）并没有必然因果关系）

说得很有道理 我服!
改成这样吧
In this issue, the speaker claims that there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts to save endangered species. However, I fundamentally disagree with the speaker for any underestimate in the protection of endangered species will be harmful to the survival and the progress of all human beings especially nowadays.

the fact of first-rate importance(这种表达我没见过，不知道对不对？

新概念得写法

(森林变土地？明白你的意思，但这样的表达不好。再斟酌一下),

我说的是baron land

感觉这段例证太多了，而且逻辑关系似乎还特别复杂――人们砍伐树木导致荒漠化，荒漠化导致水资源匮乏，从而人们陷入一边砍树一边寻找水的dilemma中。。。可是滥砍滥伐并不等于extinction，感觉有点跑题了

对的 但是从论证的角度来说 我觉得比较合适了 我得分析还是有的

(用批判argument的眼光来看一下，灭绝速度快了，一定是人类造成的吗？并没有说以前很慢的时候没有人类呀

这句话我没明白

谢谢 你细心的批改

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

（说了很多噢，物种灭绝导致其它灭亡；物种在生物圈有很重要的作用；灭绝导致灾难。三点哈，看看你后面怎么论证。呵呵~~）

呵呵,瞧你幸灾乐祸的!
不过一下子提醒了我的问题! 欧就是这个样子,问题大部分是想不明白,好不容易想了一点,又战战兢兢的论证(通常泛泛或是不全面!)

比如：人类在海洋采油，破坏生态平衡，什么企鹅，海鸥，珊瑚之类的大量死亡，另外一些不知名的动物灭绝）

哎 偶就不说什么了 我就是想不到例子

谢谢侬!!

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

再次感谢 没有说我逻辑混乱的话
心里想就想吧:D

sniper613UID: 147372

算了，忍了，你都自己说出来了，我就不打击你了，毕竟你马上就要考了，加油哈，这篇语言挺好的，个别地方稍加注意就可以了

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

恩 我会继续努力的
btw: 你怎么还是说了出来啊 让我完全阿Q一次吧

lovebrianUID: 157127

At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species.
------正文------
In this issue, the speaker claims that there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts to save endangered species. However, I fundamentally disagree with the speaker for any underestimate in the protection of endangered species 句子怎么觉得少点什么？will be harmful to the survival and the progress of all human beings especially nowadays.

First, the fact of first-rate importance is that man cannot live alone in this world, and in a desert of species, hardly could human beings make any improvement感觉ts离thesis远了点~~应该属于二层的关系. For one thing, extinction of specials will directly lead to a decrease of diversity of animals and plants这个一方面跟ts又没多大关系. As we all know, each animal or plant plays a indispensable part of the ecological circle that has great influence on the living condition of mankind. Thus, any extinction will cause an unbalanced natural situation and finally become a disaster to humanity这是怎么就finally的？. Desertification caused by deforestation was just a case in point. With the disappearance of large scale of trees and plants, animal lost they food resources and living plants. The forest becomes a baron land, and in the end, the baron one becomes a desert. Every year, people in most countries suffered from the turbulence of the movement of deserts which are嗯？！
keep on threatening the environment of other places and finally threaten the living conditions of mankind in cities. Now, in most parts of the world, water crisis largely caused by desertification has become a pressing and persistent problem. The growing desert area makes water total amount decrease and sea water is unavailable for us. Gradually, human beings are bogged down in an embarrassing dilemma: On one hand they cut down trees for productivity while, on the other hand looking for water with more money and technology.回头看看ts吧~~人离了其他生物活不了~~！！这写到哪儿去了？感觉是在写环境破坏~~~物种呢？成了捎带了

According to the statement above, it takes us no further to see that the extinctions of species nowadays are mainly caused by human beings instead of the natural processes这个mainly就不好~~没必要这样写阿~~没有任何充分证据（前文）证明是主要原因是人为因素——因为这样，导致你后文不得不写人为造成了什么！这样来看整篇文章——两个body了~~对人类究竟是该不该采取特殊措施只字未提！那么重点应该在哪儿呢？. Admittedly, in the geological past, natural event may lead to the extinctions of certain species. However, this change was just a natural way to engender new species to replace the old ones and the nature is just renewing itself in this way. However, it is reported that today the speed of extinction of species is 1000 times as before. This surprising figure indicates the negative role humanity has played in the process of improving themselves. Just as an expert on the study of ecology and environment once said (and I paraphrase): "Human are the most selfish creatures in this world for the terrible damage on other species." As a matter of fact, people are hunting for the skins of animals, disposing effluent for the profits of the factories, replacing forest as farmland. In this sense, the statement is actually right.

Since the importance of protection of endangered species and the fault that human has made, we have a necessity and responsibility to try our best to save the endangered species终于提到了！不提就完全跑题了~~~我感觉这不是一篇文章，而是一个很大的中文化的段落~~~归纳到最后，出来个结论~~三个ts明显是两层~~. We should put adequate money and energy to create a healthy environment for species to live on; meanwhile, we should promote the notion of protecting endangered species to instill it to common people. The well being of all creatures including people and other animals and plants can constitutes a best harmony of the world. As a matter of fact, man can truly progress and benefit from the nature without any possible danger.文章的重点，篇幅如此少，也不深刻~~~

Franklin Roosevelt once said:" The world can be changed by man's endeavor, and that this endeavor can lead to something new and better..." If this statement is true, as I believe it is, we will have a better future after the action of saving endangered species.

泼的冷水！希望考试的时候千万不要在思路上吃亏

限时成功~~祝贺一个！ :cool:

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

谢谢 明早来领教
这年头 就是得面对现实!
好 偶拼了~

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

回头看看ts吧~~人离了其他生物活不了~~！！这写到哪儿去了？感觉是在写环境破坏~~~物种呢？成了捎带了

说得很好!!就应改这样揭露混乱本质!!!!
我赞成 现在实在是太困了 明早修改

xiangUID: 138532

No.1 Issue 121 拯救濒临灭绝动物 限时写的!!(我好激动啊)
Issue121 第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：45分4秒 596words
从2004年3月3日20时17分到2004年3月3日21时45分
------题目------
At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species.
------正文------
In this issue, the speaker claims that there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts to save endangered species. However, I fundamentally disagree with the speaker for any underestimate in the protection of endangered species will be harmful to the survival and the progress of all human beings especially nowadays.
Good job!

First, the fact of first-rate importance is that man cannot live alone in this world, and in a desert of species, hardly could human beings make any improvement. For one thing, extinction of specials will directly lead to a decrease of diversity of animals and plants. As we all know, each animal or plant plays a(an) indispensable part of the ecological circle that has great influence on the living condition of mankind. Thus, any extinction will cause an unbalanced natural situation and finally become a disaster to humanity. Desertification你的目的是写荒漠化还是动物灭绝啊，建议这两句合并，并突出动物因人类失去生存环境 caused by deforestation was just a case in point. With the disappearance of large scale of trees and plants, animal lost they food resources and living plants. The forest becomes a baron land, and in the end, the baron one becomes a desert. Every year, people in most countries suffered from the turbulence of the movement of deserts which are keep on threatening the environment of other places and finally threaten the living conditions of mankind in cities.与动物灭绝有关吗？走题拉Now, in most parts of the world, water crisis largely caused by desertification has become a pressing and persistent problem. The growing desert area makes water total amount decrease and sea water is unavailable for us. Gradually, human beings are bogged down in an embarrassing dilemma: On one hand they cut down trees for productivity while, on the other hand looking for water with more money and technology.
这一段走题严重，举例论证的是人类对环境的影响以及如何受大自然惩罚，与动物灭绝几乎无关，也许是这样的文章看多拉，才会不由自主的联想到的吧！
According to the statement above, it takes us no further to see that the extinctions of species nowadays are mainly论证严密GOOD！ caused by human beings instead of the natural processes. Admittedly, in the geological past, natural event may lead to the extinctions of certain species. However, this change was just a natural way to engender new species to replace the old ones and the nature is just renewing itself in this way. However, it is reported that today the speed of extinction of species is 1000 times as before. This surprising figure indicates the negative role humanity has played in the process of improving themselves.？指代人类吗 Just as an expert on the study of ecology and environment once said (and I paraphrase): "Human are the most selfish creatures in this world for the terrible damage on other species." As a matter of fact, people are hunting for the skins of animals, disposing effluent for the profits of the factories, replacing forest as farmland. In this sense, the statement is actually right.这个地方我觉得才是你需要重点写的怎么一笔带过呢？

Since the importance of protection of endangered species and the fault that human has made, we have a necessity and responsibility to try our best to save the endangered species. We should put adequate money and energy to create a healthy environment for species to live on; meanwhile, we should promote the notion of protecting endangered species to instill it to common people. The well being of all creatures including people and other animals and plants can constitutes a best harmony of the world. As a matter of fact, man can truly progress and benefit from the nature without any possible danger.
作者的观点extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species.为什么没有提到，似乎是很大的失误啊。作者有两层意思，第一，动物灭绝由自然环境造成，你已经反驳，第二，人类不应不惜一切代价保护濒临灭绝的动物。你的观点是绝对反对，怎么可以只驳其一呢？


Franklin Roosevelt once said:" The world can be changed by man's endeavor, and that this endeavor can lead to something new and better..." If this statement is true, as I believe it is, we will have a better future after the action of saving endangered species.
很新颖的结尾，不错哦！
祝贺再次限时成功！

dezhiUID: 156141

限时成功，祝贺一个!
继续努力：)