Kssandra-5月作文练习

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-5-14 11:41
Issue 18

The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority.

比之前有进步

KssandraUID: 2766998

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-16 06:58
比之前有进步

谢谢您的反馈！在23楼补充了一些我的思考。再修改比较倾向于按照不同的authority分类但是不要把society分类。

KssandraUID: 2766998

Issue 22

Claim: The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its role models.

Reason: Heroes and role models reveal a society's highest ideals.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

KssandraUID: 2766998

Issue 23

Governments should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

KssandraUID: 2766998

Issue 24

The best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


I partly agree with the claim that the best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones. Whether the claim holds true depends on the stage and type of learning we are discussing. To teach new born infants and young babies to learn about the world, when all their actions are neutral and temporary, the best way to teach is indeed to praise positive ones and ignore negative ones. But when children are in school, the best way to teach is to both praise positive ones and discourage negative ones, with proper explanations and penalty. Similarly, in procedural learning, like to teach people to play instruments or to drive, both praising positive actions and decreasing negative ones are needed.

decreasing negative ones 选词  
when all their actions are neutral and temporary不懂
你的这个分类 前两个是基于学生的年龄 后面却是学习的特点  如果你一定要这样的话 应该将学习分为procedural learning 和 ... learning 仅仅只说一种这个讨论没什么意义





To begin with, I agree that when we are teaching infants and babies to learn about the world, the best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones. During this stage of life, the behaviors and actions of the infants and babies are largely neutral and temporary, and they are just doing whatever they want and see what works in fulfilling their needs. Also at this time, there is no way to explain to the babies what is positive or what is negative. To encourage the positive actions, parent can respond with providing food, hugs, clean and dry bedding and diapers, etc., as a way of communication between the parents and babies. In response to negative behaviors, like too much crying and night vocalizations, they can be decreased by simply ignoring these behaviors, then such behaviors can be decreased once the babies figured that they would not work to get what they want.

这段的论述还是缺乏干货 就像你说的凑字数 为什么呢 因为你没有抓住婴幼儿的特点 就是没有较强的沟通和理解能力  同时 心理承受能力也较弱  




However, once children entered schools, it becomes important to both praise their positive actions and warn of or even punish them for negative actions. One reason is that teachers and school psychologists had already showed that praises works very well in encouraging positive actions; another reason is, at this stage children need also to be told what negative behaviors are and why they are not acceptable. For example, bullying peer children and torturing small animals are typical negative behaviors at this stage. When these happen, parents and teachers do not want to just ignore them as if they did not see what happened, but should explicitly take it very seriously and tell children that these behaviors are absolutely not acceptable. Without enough discouragement or even penalty when these actions happened, they may not be effectively avoided and may become serious personality deficits when the children are grown up.

had already showed that praises works very well in encouraging positive actions 改写   
同样的 干货很重要  
要分析这个阶段的学生的特点  
具有一定的理解能力


Similarly, procedural learning, in other words teaching people how to do things, also requires both praises on positive behaviors and discouragement on negative behaviors. To teach people to play instruments like pianos, it is important for one to practice the basic hand movements at the very beginning, and one can hardly proceed if he or she cannot overcome some negative actions like resting wrists on the piano instead of always hanging them in the air. Actually in piano trainings there are many techniques to address this. To teach driving is the same, in addition to praise positive actions, discouragement on negative behaviors need definitely to be pointed out and avoided, like to steer without first looking at the mirrors to make sure there are no other vehicles in the way. If such negative behaviors are ignored, they will not go away but persist, and result in some negative consequences: in the driving example could be severe car accidents.




In conclusion, whether this statement holds true or not depends on what types of teaching and learning we are discussing. I agree with the claim in terms of teaching new born infants and babies to learn about the world, but I don't agree with it when it comes to teaching school-age children or procedural learning. In the two latter examples, the best way of teaching is to both praise positive behaviors and discourage negative behaviors.


30分钟最后一段才写完了一半，之后再检查的时候觉得里面小错误还不少。
这篇文章自己感觉属于没有什么话说，使劲凑字的类型。按时完成不了，自己觉得比较重要的原因是中间三段每段都有点冗余，如果能中间段稍微精简一些，可能凑字的感觉不会那么明显，同时也能留出更多的时间检查。这条经验基本适用于目前所有写过的全文和指导后面的练习。

KssandraUID: 2766998

计时写全文觉得压力有点大，比较明显的问题就是中间段总是不能用最少的词表达清楚意思，经常感觉废话说了一堆但是还担心自己没有表达清楚，基本上不能留出足够的时间来检查。。。

KssandraUID: 2766998

Argument 4

The following appeared in a letter from a homeowner to a friend.

"Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams Realty is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents; in contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago I listed my home with Fitch, and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams Realty."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.


In this letter, the author is arguing that Adams Realty is a better estate firm than Fitch Realty and his/her friend should use Adams Realty to sell their homes, based on the facts that first, Adams Realty has more and full time agents; second, Adams has higher revenue last year; third, Adams sold the author's home faster today than Fitch did ten years ago. However, several stated or hidden assumptions are there in the argument and they may or may not hold true.

The first assumption is that fewer agents and part-time agents mean worse service, so Fitch Realty has fewer agents and a high proportion of part-time agents mean that they provide not as good service as Adams Realty. However, if we take the agents' efficiency, capability and commitment into consideration, then this assumption may be unwarranted. The 40 agents at Adams may not be as capable, efficient and committed to their job as the agents of Fitch Realty, which results in that they may spend fewer hours on their work and provide even worse service then the 25 agents of Fitch Realty. Thus Fitch Realty will actually provide better service with fewer but more efficient and professional agents.

The second assumption, which is not clearly stated in the argument, is that more revenue and higher sales average last year mean better service. Thus Adams's revenue last year was twice as much as Fitch's, and their sales average is also higher than Fitch, mean that they will sell every home (including the friend's home) for higher prices. However, this assumption may not hold true when Adams actually sold fewer but more expensive homes last year, while Fitch sold more but less expensive houses. Adams may even underpriced some of the expensive houses, but we just cannot learn from the data. Adams Realty may just did a higher percent of business in selling more expensive houses but is actually not good at selling less expensive houses. So if someone has expensive homes to sell, Adams is more interested in the business but ends up sell it for less money than the house deserves. Also if someone has a small inexpensive home to sell, Fitch Realty will do a better job.

The third assumption, which is also hidden in the argument, is that the situation and condition of homes that was sold 10 year ago was the same with that of last year. However, it's like comparing apples to oranges since things may be very different in the two cases: 10 years ago not many people were selling and buying homes, but much more people are in this business it today. If the author used Adams to sell his home 10 years ago, Adams might have taken even more than 2 month. Also, the home he sold last year might be a way better home than the one he sold 10 years ago, so more people were interested in that home. If he used Fitch last year and if they do actually sell homes faster, it could have taken less than a month to sell the house. So if the friend has an expensive home to sell, he may not be happy with the final price that Adams gives him; or if he has an inexpensive home, Adams will take forever to sell it.

In conclusion, the argument and its suggestions are based on several stated or unstated assumptions which may or may not hold true. If they do not, then Fitch Realty may actually provide better service than Adams, and the friend may sell their homes faster with a better price if they use Fitch.



写完大概25分钟，剩下的时间只够检查到第二段。
另外觉得第二段虽然都是关于价格的，但是其实有营业额和平均售价两个方面，被我糅杂在一起说了。分开能更好一些，但是时间不允许了。或者其实可以舍弃掉一个？

其实argument的时间也是挺紧张的。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-5-18 04:59
Issue 23

Governments should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and developmen ...

已点评 楼主学生物的么

KssandraUID: 2766998

tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-21 09:00
已点评 楼主学生物的么

谢谢老师！这周的几个提纲都还没来得急修改，惭愧。。。

是有一些生物背景呢，算是半路出家吧，哈哈~

KssandraUID: 2766998

Issue 25

Governments should offer college and university education free of charge to all students.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

你们好像约着一起写这题？

I strongly believe that the proposed policy is not reasonable because it will lead to a number of undesirable consequences. To begin with, it will create heavy financial burden (for the entire society) when the government pay the tuition for all college students.  In addition, compared to other programs such as student loan and merit-based scholarship, this policy will offer little incentive for students to do well in the universities. Finally, implementing such policy will take away the resources that can be used to help those people who may not have the opportunities to study in colleges but need support to receive other forms of training.

嗯 写的很好哦  这个思路是你自己想的 还是参考我的 感觉我也会这么想


To begin with, such a policy will result in huge financial burden on the government to offer free education for the students, especially for those ones who attend private school.
It’s over $10,000 to support a student to finish for most public schools and sometime over $20,000 to support a private school student. Government never has enough budget, and know the funds that could be otherwise used to support other equally important things need to be used to support education.


to offer free education for the students这里有点重复  
It’s over $10,000 表达有问题  
Government never has enough budget, and know the funds 这句话也要修改
赶紧去句子加油站





In addition, free college education will offer little, if at all, incentive for students to do perform well in university.
Since education is free, students may take it for granted and may not have good enough academic performance in the universities. - Education quality decreased, educational resources may be wasted.

do perform well 汗 为什么要加do

Finely, since this policy only benefits colleges and universities, it may take resources that could have been used to help other people who may not go to the university, but choose for example vocational schools after secondary school.
One thing: not fair, since vocational school students and/or their families are also paying for taxes; another thing: biases the career choices of some students, and force them to choose to go to universities but not vocational schools.

for example位置不对

In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the statement and believe that the policy will do more harms than goods to both our students and the society as a whole. This policy will very likely incur huge financial burdens for the government, decreases education quality, and drive some students from vocational education to universities and colleges which may not be the best choice for them.

这是提纲吧 我觉得挺好
句子问题要解决



和12题的题目一样，照搬了之前的提纲，措辞做了一点点修改。
虽然话是这样说，被现在和将来的学费困扰的我还是其实还是很期待free education的。。。

KssandraUID: 2766998

Issue 26

The luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


很奇怪 我看了这篇觉得我好像写过但是其实没有 真希望快点把题库写完 这样就不会这么纠结了 看了你的提纲感觉你对于luxuries and conveniences 这个概念的理解有些偏差 以致举的例子有问题
比如你说的现代人住的房子 比起原始人可以算很奢侈 但是就现代的标准实在算不上luxuries 即便是convenience 我觉得也不合适  


你的第二点 本来还可以的 但是没有在主题句具体指明是什么luxury或convenience  这样的主题句的意思就很不明确了  
第三点讲工业革命带来的生产力进步 我感觉这个例子太宏大了
这是很多同学找例子的问题 要知道我们考试只有30分钟 你能写的内容是很少的 所以选例子一定要具体和短小 要自己能很好处理的  


I strongly disagree with the statement, and I believe that it is the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life that make people become truly strong and independent people. To begin with, modern architecture and human communities protect us from the malice of nature, and thus we become physically stronger and independent, compared to other ancestors who were so fragile and dependent that relied their survivals completely on the mercy of nature. Furthermore, the luxuries and convenience of contemporary life makes it possible for us to nurture our souls and become spiritually strong and independent. Finally, in agriculture and industries, luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life make it possible for fewer people to finish more work and take more responsibilities.

To begin with, thanks to the modern architecture and contemporary life, we can now protect us from the malice of nature and became physically more strong and independent individuals.
Compared to millions of years ago, when people still dwelled in rocky caves and just learned to use fire, now we can stay in architecture which protect us from rains, storms, tornadoes, beasts, and other disasters which could easily destroy our ancestors. Because of enough supplies of food, medical care, physical exercise and other necessities offered by the contemporary life, we are now physically much healthier, stronger and more independent, compared to our ancestors whose survivals were depended on the mercy of nature.

In addition, we have also stronger and more independent spirits because of the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life.
We receive education, read books, learn things that happened faraway from where we are; we can travel and see the world, think deeper and more independently.

Finally, benefited from the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life, we are stronger and more independent in both agricultural and industrial production, because nowadays fewer people can get more work done and take more responsibilities.
Farms/plantation owned by a families can take care of the livestock/crops by themselves without much help, slaughter livestock on their farm/process crops on the plantations, and even sell the products online.
Streamlines need the minimum maintenance, a few people can achieve huge amount of production. Products are also transported to the whole country instead of only the local areas.

In conclusion...


第三点好像设计得不太好，有点容易跑题。貌似可以考虑把第三段删掉，把其中的一些例子整合到第一段去支持第一段的观点？

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-5-18 05:02
Issue 24

The best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.

已点评issue 24 我也写了一篇
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... ge=22#pid1779509158
这类题目的关键是要为价值判断建立某种标准和依据  

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-5-24 11:01
Issue 25

Governments should offer college and university education free of charge to all students ...

已评issue 25 提纲
请往句子加油站