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写完三个主题句之后大概是用了9分钟左右。不知道为什么，看到这一题立马想到了分类，脑海里面立马浮现出了三个类别。不过就是不知道这样写合不合适。感觉最后有点写成“发展”了。

谢谢老师的点评

Ps：想请教一下老师，如果我已经否定了后半部分的观点（前人和后人没有什么两样），那么我还需不需要讨论The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion呢？我感觉只要我否定了后半部分，前半部分也就无从谈起了。我这样理解对吗？

这样理解可以 你在文中要解释清楚

57) The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

I do not agree with statement that "the main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times". In fact, people in nowadays are significantly different with people in the past. I will illustrate my view in three aspects: history of human society, history of human technology and history of science.
这里应该对题目进行同意转换 而不应该用引号照抄原文

To begin with, studying the hostory of human society help us understand that the human society has changed fundamentally.
例子： 社会制度上：奴隶制度被抛弃，独裁制度被抛弃。
例子：观念上：逐渐接受LGBT群体。
解释：社会制度的转变，民众观念上的转变，都证明了现在的人跟以前的人是不一样的。
结论：从人类社会历史的角度上看，这个statement 是不正确的。

这个主题句偏题了 题目是说过去的人和现在人又没有不同 而不是社会改变

Second, when people study history of technology, they can realize that their lives have changed significantly.
例子：通过学习科技史，我们会发现 人类居住的房子不同，以前住在洞里，现在住在高楼大厦里，出行方式不同，以前用走，现在坐车、飞机等。寻找资料的方式也不同了，以前是口口相传，现在时通过网络。
解释：如果我们学习科技的发展史，我们就会了解到，我们现在的生活已经跟我们的先人的生活完全不一样了。
结论：因此，当讨论科技史的角度看，这个statement 是不正确的。

同样偏题
people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times.
必须讨论人的内在属性 包括包括人的身体特征和信念等 但是不能讲外在的东西如科技

Lastly, studying history of science help people understand how science has changed people’s life.
例子：以前的人经常被疾病所折磨，例如肺结核等，现在的人均寿命已经大幅度提高。
例子：以前人们觉得精神疾病是possessed by demon, 现在人们对精神病人的看法已经改变。
解释：通过学习科学史，我们知道，我们的生活跟以前的生活完全不一样。我们看到了科学的发展。
结论：从科学历史的角度上看，statement是不正确的。

看不出来这个好处有什么特别  能称得上main benefit 而且你在写这段话的开头要回应题目   


我的范文里有这样一个过渡段落可供参考

As I illustrate clearly above, the difference between us and our ancestors is not an illusion. Therefore, one of the benefits of studying history is to recognize and understand that difference and feel lucky and grateful for the more desirable human conditions. Nevertheless, the statement is also wrong in assuming that the study of history is only a matter of learning facts.

比较人的差异需要关注人的内在特质 包括生理特点 心理特点 信仰等等 而不能比较外在的东西 比如开什么车   
当然外在的不同会影响到内在的不同

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13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
I agree with the statement that universities should require students to take a different courses outside the students’ fields of study.	表明观点
I will illustrate my point of view in two aspects.	主旨句
First, it can broaden students’ visions and knowledge by taking a variety of courses outside the students’ fields of study.	主题句1
Second, taking different courses also can improve the effectiveness of the communication among people with different majors.	主题句2
Lastly, I will also address the  that that the universities’ requirement is a deprivation of students’ choices.)	主题句3（回应反驳观点）
To begin with, the policy of requiring student to take a variety of courses outside the students’ fields of study can broaden students’ vision and knowledge.	主题句1
Taking different courses outside of their major courses can help students step out of their scope and see things in a different perspective.	解释主题句
For example, a student who only take business related courses might think minimum wage is a disturbance of the free market, which is true from a business perspective.	举例子
However, if the student takes a course that related to policymaking or humanity, the student may construct a different point of view, or at least, understand the importance of having minimum for the underprivileged population.	继续讲解例子
Thus, by taking different courses outside of students’ own fields, students' can broaden their visions and knowledge.	总结
Second,  taking different courses outside students’ own fields can promte effective communication among people with different majors.	主题句2
As we all know, the society value the interdisciplinarity more than before.	描述前提
Many problems at work require interdisciplinary approach to solve them.	描述前提
For example, a social worker needs to work with medical doctors, psychiatrists, and nurses in order to help underserved population.	例子。
Hence, taking courses, such as public health, will help social work students understand medical terminology and the basic knowledge of medicine, which will improve effective communication among the interdisciplinary team.	解释例子
Thus, taking a variety of courses outside the students’ fields of study will improve communication among people with different majors.	总结
Third, some people may argue that this requirement is a deprivation of students’ choices.	主题句3 回应反驳观点
However, this argument is untenable.
First, this requirement does not ask student to take any specific courses outside of their fields of study.	回应反驳观点1
Students are able to choose the courses that they are interested with.	解释
Second, students have choice of whether or not to attend to the universities that require students to take other courses outside of their fields of study.	回应反驳观点2
When they decide to attend these universities, it means that they already accept this requirement.	解释
Thus, this requirement is not a deprivation of students’ choices.	总结
To sum up, universities should implement the policy that requires students to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.	总结
This policy does not deprive students’ choices, but help students broaden their visions and promote effective communication among students with different majors.	总结观点1、2、3

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Arugment 71

"Traffic here in Waymarsh is becoming a problem. Although just three years ago a state traffic survey showed that the typical driving commuter took 20 minutes to get to work, the commute now takes closer to 40 minutes, according to the survey just completed. Members of the town council already have suggested more road building to address the problem, but as well as being expensive, the new construction will surely disrupt some of our residential neighborhoods. It would be better to follow the example of the nearby city of Garville. Last year Garville implemented a policy that rewards people who share rides to work, giving them coupons for free gas. Pollution levels in Garville have dropped since the policy was implemented, and people from Garville tell me that commuting times have fallen considerably. There is no reason why a policy like Garville's shouldn't work equally well in Waymarsh."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

用时30分钟。

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
In this letter, the writer concludes that the city of Waymarsh should follow the example of Garville in order to address their traffic problem.	总结statement观点
To support this suggestion, the writer presents two surveys to show that the traffic in Waymarsh has been getting worse.	statement 证据1
The writer also objects the road building plan by saying this plan will be expansive and disruptive.	statement 证据2
However, more evidence is needed in order to support the writer’s suggestion, such as sample of the survey, the cost-effective of the road sharing and road building, and the residents’ attitudes towards the road sharing.	主旨句
To begin with, the writer needs to provide the information regarding the sample of these two surveys.	主题句1
The writer needs to inform us the sample size in these two surveys.	解释主题句
For example, it could be that only several people participated in these two surveys. Hence, the conclusion that drawed from the survey may be invalid.	假设1
Also, if the sample in these two surveys is not representative enough, it could also weaken the writer’s conclusion.	假设2
For example, it could be that the participants in the second survey are mostly work in another city, which requires long distance drive.	举例
And yet, the participants in the first survey are mostly work for the local companies.	继续举例
Thus, the writer needs to provide us more information regarding the validity of the survey in order to strengthen the conclusion.	总结
Second, the writer also needs to provide the evidence that encouraging people to share road is a more cost-effective method compared to road building.	主题句2
The writer states that the road sharing is an effective solution for the traffic in Garville.	对于有效性的探讨
However, we cannot overlook other possibility that may shorten the residents' time of commute in Garville.	提出不同观点
For example, it could be that the residents in Garville use GPS to guide them to avoid the traffic, thus, the time of commute has fallen.	举例子
Moreover, the writer only simply states that the road building is expensive without providing us a specific amount.	对于cost的探讨 （提出需要的证据）
The writer also fails to tell us the expense for government to enourage the road sharing.	对于cost的探讨 （提出需要的证据）
If the cost of the road building is cheaper than the cost of providing the free gas, the writer’s conclusion might not hold true.	举例子
Lastly, the writer needs to provide the information regarding the residents’' attitudes toward road sharing.	主题句3
Even if the road sharing is the cost-effective way to address the traffic problem in Garville, we still do not know how it would work in Waymarsh.	让步
It could be that the residents in Waymarsh do not support road sharing because they value privacy more than free gas.	提出可能性1
Or it could be that they have safety concerns regrading road sharing with a stranger.	提出可能性2
As a result, they do not want to share roads with others.
Thus, if the writer can provide the evidence that the residents in Wayward support road sharing, the writer’s conclusion will be strengthened.	总结
To sum up, the writer needs to provide more evidence regarding the validity of the survey, the cost-effective of the road sharing, and the residents’ attitudes towards the road sharing.	总结全文

        

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32) The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
这篇文章写得时间比较，28分钟。结果字数也特别少。420不到。

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
In this memo, the vice president of Quiot Manufacturing (QM) concludes that shortening the work hours will decrease the number of accidents in QM.	总结statement
This conclusion is based on the assumptions that 1) QM has more accidents than Panoply Industries (PI) plant plant is because its work hours are longer than PI plant; 2) Workers in QM will sleep more when their work hours are shortened.	列出assumptions
To begin with, the vice president assumes that the QM has more accidents than PI plant is because its work hours are longer than PI plant.	assumption 1
However, this assumption is unwarranted.	指出assumption错误。
We do not have the information regarding whether or not these two factories have some amount of workers.	指出数字上的错误
It could be that the number of workers in QM is higher than PI plant.	可能性1
As a result, the number of accidents in QM is higher than PI plant.	解释可能性
Thus, the vice president should not compare the total number of accidents between these two factories.	说明错误的原因
Instead, the vice president should compare the number of percentage of the accidents.	提出解决办法
Second, even if QM does have higher percentage of accident rate than PI plant, the vice president may not simply assume that it was the result of long work hours.	让步，主旨句
The factors that contribute to the number of accidents may vary. It is possible that the working condition in QM is dangerous than PI plant.	可能性1
Or it could be that QM does not provide safety training for their workers, but PI plant does.	可能性2
It is also possible that the workers in QM do not follow the safety instructions, and on the other hand, the workers in PI plant follow the safety instruction at all time.	可能性3
Thus, the vice president assumption may be unwarranted without addressing other possibilities.	总结
Third, even if QM’s accidents are resulted by fatigue and sleep deprivation, the vice president may not assume that the workers will sleep more when their work hours are shortened.	让步，主题句
It is possible that, instead of getting enough sleep, the workers may spend more time in club or other entertainments when their work hours are shortened,	可能性1
Also, it could be that the workers may try to get another job when they have more free time.	可能性2
If these were the cases, the workers in QM may still experience fatigue and sleep deprivation.	说明后果
Thus, the vice president needs to provide more evidence to support the assumption.	总结
To sum up, we need to have more information to answer the question that why QM have more accidents and whether QM’s accidents are resulted by long work hours.	总结assumption 1、2
Without further evidence to support the vice presidents assumptions, these assumptions may be unwarranted.	回应题目。

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issue或argument题号：issue 7
练习日期：6月1日
相关习作句子或段落：
I believe, first, the arts can be accessible for all people with or without the funding from the governments; second, instead of flourishing the arts, the government funding may limit the diversity of the arts; third, the integrity of the arts may be threatened because of the government funding.
老师点评:
diversity of the arts 这个概念题目里没有 你是作为integrity的具体演绎么但是后面又有讲integrity
自己的思考和总结：
statement需要的我去回应的是：政府资助art 究竟是flourish，available to all people，还是损害integrity。我引入了另外的一个概念—— limit the diversity of the arts，即引入了政府资助art 的另外一个弊端，而这个弊端在statement中并没有要求我去回答。这就显得我没有很好的去紧扣题目写作。
额外的思考：如果一定要把"limite the diversity of arts"写入文中，1）可以直接写art不会flourish。2）可以把integrity 分为两个小类，diversity作为其中的一个小类。比如定义损害diversity也是对integrity的一种损害。


issue或argument：issue 62
题号练习日期：6月3日
相关习作句子或段落：
I do not agree with the statement “leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them”. A leader cannot be created by the demands when the law forbids demands to do so.Moreover, social structure can also prevent a person from being a leader, no matter what demands are. Finally, our nature, also known as the genetic dispositions, can prevent the demands from creating a leader.
老师点评:
就这个主旨句来看 我不太看好 demand和法律、社会结构乃至个人的先天条件未必是有冲突的。
你的提纲的问题不是离题 而是对题目的理解和处理有些不妥
你的例子里对于demand这个概念的细化有些牵强
你的主要意思是成为leader需要满足一些其他条件  否则 demand不能create leader  感觉这个并不能推翻原命题
而我的思路是 并不是demand create leader 而是一些其他因素create leader
感觉create和demand这两个词是这道题的两大死穴
其实应该一开始就说create这个说法不对
自己的思考和总结：
对题目的处理不到位。题目说demands create leader，如果我要不同意，我就应该说是其他的因素create了leader，而不应该说在什么情况下demands create 不了leader。

issue或argument：argument 78
题号练习日期：6月3日
相关习作句子或段落：
Furthermore, the vice president failed to provide the service charge of two companies.
老师点评:
题目已经说了 Buzzoff贵些  要认真审题啊
自己的思考和总结：
这个其实是自己的表达不到位。本来想表达的时 exact amount of the service charge of two campanies. 这个问题也在以后的表达中有所注意了

issue或argument：argument 28
题号练习日期：6/12
相关习作句子或段落：
Lastly, the study also assumes that the number of headaches will continue to decline because the new use of salicylates.
老师点评:
感觉你的主题句并没有概括后面的内容 对于assumption的定位还要多考虑一下 不是用了这个句型就等于找准了假设
自己的思考和总结：
写这篇文章的时候，是第一次在没有参照其他文章的情况下写的。对于这个全文的assumptions的定位不准确,把结论当成了assumptions. 其实应该这么写才对：
conclusion：number of headaches will continue to decline becasue of the new use of salicylates.
Assumption: 1)salicylates can treat headaches. 2) validity of the study. 3)salicylates will be widely used.

issue或argument：issue 65
题号练习日期：6/15
相关习作句子或段落：
I do not agree with the claim that people have responsibility to obey the just laws and disobey and resist unjust laws. In my opinion, it depends on the circumstances that people are encountering. In most of the circumstances, people should obey the laws, no matter what people regard the laws as unjust or just, because laws are vital for the stability of our society. And also, whether the laws are just or unjust sometimes are only based on personal preference. However, in some extreme circumstances, people have the responsibility to stand up and disobey the laws that endanger their basic human rights and their lives.
老师点评:
汗 遵守正义的法律这部分你也不同意么   
如果是depend的话 不就和你上一句矛盾了
你这几个句子缺乏基本的连贯 很难构成一个整合的观点   
没有回应just unjust这个分类 一概而论要守法 不符合题目要求
自己的思考和总结：
这篇文章的确写得失败。
1）没有回应题目要求。仅仅在文中的有一连句话address了compelling reason
2）对于题目想的太复杂。开始的时候就是，A. Just 的法律要遵守（税收），B. unjust的法律也要遵守（反税收）. C. 回应unjust遵守的反对观点（gay marriage）。
但是脑袋一拍，觉得这个不对呀，文章不能这么浅啊，MLK当初也是违反了法律才有黑人平等的呀。于是想要看看别人怎么写，上网找了一下，发现，居然有人还讨论了如何定义just 和unjust，然后脑袋就更加晕了。结果为了整合多方观点，弄了一个四不像。
3）反思：对于没有能力驾奴的命题，不要想得太多。毕竟30分钟以现有的水平，也写不出太有深度的文章，想要面面俱到，反而可能漏洞百出。

issue或argument：argument 15
题号练习日期：6/16
相关习作句子或段落：

In this statement, the manager concludes that using margarine to replace butter has little impact on their customers. To support the conclusion, the manager explains that first, only 2 percent of the customers have complained this change; second, servers' report that few customers have complained
when they ask for butter but are served with margarine instead. Moreover, the manager assumes that customers cannot tell the difference between butter and margarine.
老师点评:
explain后面跟的不是解释 而是现象  
题目的关键词是explain不是assume  
自己的思考和总结：
1. 要回应关键词，不要引入其他的类型题目的关键词。
2. 问题：其实对于老师的这句 “explain后面跟的不是解释 而是现象”不是很理解。以下是我根据老师的文章做出的修改，请老师指正
In this memo, the manager concludes that using margarine to replace butter has little impact on their customers. This conclusion is based on explanations of two observations: first, only 2 percent of the customers complained this change; second, few customer complained to the servers when they asked for butter but were served with margarine. However, the manager needs to explore other alternative explanations in order to draw a proper conclusion.

issue或argument：issue 122
题号练习日期：6/18
相关习作句子或段落：
Thus, since the heroes and role models are usually the tools for autocracy to implement its political ideology, it is futile to study these heroes and role models’ character in order to understand the character of the society.
老师点评:
注意限定范围
自己的思考和总结：
不要用太绝对的语气去说。加上may, mostly, 这些表程度的词，就不容易被驳倒。这个问题在argument中更要重视。

issue或argument：argument 84
题号练习日期：6/19
相关习作句子或段落：
Also, the writer does not provide us the evidence regarding the correlation between the numbers of trout and the numbers of amphibians. Even though it is known that the trout eat amphibian eggs, it could be that the numbers of trout are too small to have effect on the numbers of amphibians. Thus, introducing trout may not be the proper explanation for the decline in the numbers of amphibians.
老师点评:
这个好像不符合题目要求的alternative explanation
题目没有要你质疑题目提出的解释
自己的思考和总结：
一定要回应题目，根据题目的要求写关键字。当初只是一股脑的想要驳倒statement，也就不管有没有回应题目了。这样子很不好，要学会把以前错误的观点抛弃，新的argument并不是单纯的反驳就可以了。
issue或argument：issue 57
题号练习日期：6/26
相关习作句子或段落：
To begin with, studying the hostory of human society help us understand that the human society has changed fundamentally.
Second, when people study history of technology, they can realize that their lives have changed significantly.
老师点评:
这个主题句偏题了 题目是说过去的人和现在人又没有不同 而不是社会改变
people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times.
必须讨论人的内在属性 包括包括人的身体特征和信念等 但是不能讲外在的东西如科技
自己的思考和总结：
还是自己没有体会题目，发现自己总是喜欢绕个弯会回应题目。题目人说那里没有改变，就应该从人出发，说人哪里改变了或哪里没有改变。

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Issue 78

People's attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

觉得这篇文章真的很难写。写了全文好几次，又删除了好几次。不知道要怎么分情况讨论。
1. 刚开始想对attitude进行分情况讨论。一些attitudes that generated from intuition 是immediate situation or surroundings决定的，另外一些attitudes that generated from insightful thiking 是society 决定的。

2. 后来又想对people 进行分类。children是mmediate situation or surroundings决定的因为他们跟社会接触少，adults 是society 决定的，因为education，political campaigns 改变了他们的态度，比如说对LGBT的态度。

总觉得不管怎么写，都很容易轻易驳倒。immediate situation 怎么定义？society as a whole 又怎么定义。跟家人交流算不算immediate situation？那个老师交流呢？那要是在local school 接受教育，算是society的，还是immediate situation的？如果我被一个有纹身的人抢劫了，导致我一见到有纹身的人就反感，这个attitude是immediate situation决定的，那这种类型的attitude要怎么形容？如果全盘否定，那又怎么去回应immediate situation or surroundings。 感觉自己的问题好多。越写月没有信心。

I do not agree with the statement that people’s immediate situation or surroundings are mostly determined people’s attitudes. In fact, in my opinion, it is the society that plays a more important role in determining people’s attitudes through social media, policy enforcement, and education.

To begin with, people’s attitudes are shaped by the society through social media. Social media has involved in all aspects of people’s life and plays an important role in determine people’s attitudes.
For example: 以前的时候，媒体美化吸烟，所以大家认为吸烟是身份的象征。现在媒体宣传吸烟有害，大家对吸烟持否定态度。
回应immediate situation or surroundings：就算现在有些人长期在吸烟的环境下，由于媒体的宣传，也很难建立起认为吸烟是正确的态度。

Moreover, people’s attitudes are shaped by the society through education. When people receive education, they develop attitudes towards certain things.
For example:以前由于教育对同性恋保持否定的态度，例如，心理学家认为同性恋是疾病，所以大众也觉得同性恋是不对的。现在的教育不同了，不再认为同性恋是疾病，因此大众对同性恋的态度也转变了。
回应immediate situation or surroundings：有些年轻人就算是成长在保守的家庭环境里，有可能对同性恋持否定观点，但是这些否定观点会因为由于接受的教育，而有所改变。

Lastly, the society, through policy implementation, shapes people’s attitudes.
For example: 以前的policy 对黑人有歧视。大众也对黑人有歧视。现在这些policy大部分被取消了，大众对黑人的态度也转变了。例如equal employment opportunity。

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Argument 1
句子：The conclusion may seem valid at first glance, 用分号（断句问题） however, more evidence is needed in order to fully evaluate this statement. 错误原因：对分号的使用不了解。中文使用中，似乎从来没有使用过分号，导致对于英文的分号方法也不了解。

Argument 84
句子：It is possible that the study in 2002 was conducted in winter, whereas the study in 1975 was conducted in summer, so the numbers of amphibians the studies recorded are different.
老师点评：断句问题
修改：It is possible that the study in 2002 was conducted in winter, whereas the study in 1975 was conducted in summer; so that/hence,/thus, the numbers of amphibians the studies recorded are different.
错误原因：还是对分号的使用不了解。当初觉得句子已经完整，应该使用句号，然后又觉得so应该不能独立引导一个句子，由于之下，就写了逗号了。

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argument 78
时间：6/09

原文：This statement may seem valid at first glance; however, more evidence is needed in order to better assess this statement.

老师的点评：没有概括后面中间段的重点 请看一下我的1+3模型

修改：This statement may seem valid at first glance; however, more evidence is needed, such as the conditions of the warehourses, the environmental factors, and the data regarding the pest damage, in order to better assess this statement.

总结：1+3 的模型真的很好，但是有难度的一点就是不知道怎么去总结关键词。这篇文章刚刚开始写的时候是准备限时的，所以就把1+3给省略了。但是，最最重要的一点事，1+3写上去了，就不会出现写到一半发现自己写不下去的问题了。

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	题号	句子	老师点评	修改	总结
6.1	Issue 7	second, instead of  flourishing  the arts, the government funding may limit the  diversity of the arts.	flourishes the arts 貌似不及物动词	second, art can flourish  when the governments leave  it alone.	对于词性不熟悉，感觉这个挺麻烦的，有些时候真的不知道词语是及物还是不及物
6.8	Issue 113	To begin with, though  general  welfare of its people is something that every nation  fights for, it cannot be  considered as the surest indicator of a  great nation.	fight for- strive for	To begin with, though  general  welfare of its people is something that every nation  strive  for, it cannot be considered as the  surest  indicator of a great nation.	其实strive for也是懂的，以前也有用过，但是就是一紧张了，脑子里蹦出来的就全是简单的词汇
	issue 113	In my opinion, a great  nation is  a nation that has contributed huge positive impact of  the modern society.	contribute impact 搭配	In my opinion, a great  nation is  a nation that has made huge positive impact on the  modern society.	用词搭配
6.9	argument 78	However, The conditions of  two  warehouses might be varied so that the levels of pest damage  are different.	might vary	However, The conditions of  two  warehouses might vary so that  the levels of pest  damage are different.	这个在以后的练习中已经有所改正
6.11	issue  33	Whereas  for the scientists,  things may become complex and mysterious when  they acquire more knowledge,  such as in the field of natural  science or the field of social science.	whereas后面不能跟主句   such as in 表达	For  the scientists, things may  become complex and mysterious when they  acquire more knowledge, such as  the field of natural science or  the field  of social science.	对于such as  in，老师的意思是把in去掉吗？找了一下资料，没有找到答案。
	issue 33	Despite of the endless  resources  that psychologists have put it and the knowledge  regarding PTSD that they  have acquired, the cause of the PTSD  become more complex and mysterious for  them.	despite后面没有of	Despite the endless  resources that psychologists have put it and the  knowledge  regarding PTSD that they have acquired, the cause of the  PTSD  become more complex and mysterious for them.	despite/in spite of 弄混了
6.12	argument 28	In this argument, the  study  concludes that new use of salicylates will decline the  number of headaches in  Mentia.	decline- reduce	In this argument, the  study  concludes that new use of salicylates will reduce the number  of headaches in  Mentia.
6.16	argument  15	However, after  carefully  evaluate the manager’s statement,   the manger  may have remised some other explanations for   the manger may have  remised some other explanations for   the low complaint rate,  servers’ report and the assumption,   the low complaint rate,  servers’ report and the assumption,	evaluating 谁evaluating remised？               what assumption?       alter 选词	However,  the manager needs to  explore other alternative explanations in  order to draw a proper conclusion.	句子没有主语，用词想当然
6.18	issue 112	To begin with, in a  society that  honors dictatorship,	run by dictatorship	To begin with, in a  society that run by dictatorship	词的表达。
	issue 112	However, as people now  living in  a society that the Internet is so largely used, studying  big data is a better  and more cost-effective way to understand the  character of a society.	widely used	However, as people now  living in  a society that the Internet is so widely used, studying  big data is a better and more cost-effective way to  understand the  character of a society.	用词。当初想着说widely  used  用了一次，就用另外一个词替换一下。
6.19	argument 84	As a result, the study  may  record fewer numbers of amphibians.	smaller number	As a result, the study  may  record smaller number of  amphibians.	比较低级的错误。

对于用词，自己的语法知识薄弱也是一个原因，对于有些词也没有理解透彻。还是应该多用自己熟悉的词。

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老师，我限时写了一篇argument, ets评4分，请老师指教。


The following is a memorandum from the business manager of a television station.

"Over the past year, our late-night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news. During this time period, most of the complaints received from viewers were concerned with our station's coverage of weather and local news. In addition, local businesses that used to advertise during our late-night news program have just canceled their advertising contracts with us. Therefore, in order to attract more viewers to the program and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues, we should restore the time devoted to weather and local news to its former level."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


Your Answer:
In this memo, the manager of a television station concludes that the television station should restore the time devoted to weather and local news to its former level in order to attract more viewers and avoid losing advertising revenues. The argument may seem valid at first glance; however, more evidence regarding the complaints from the viewers, the attitudes of the viewers, and the reasons for the cancellation of the advertising contracts is needed in order to evaluate this argument.

To begin with, more evidence regarding the complaints is needed. The manager states that most of the complaints received from viewers are about their coverage of weather and local news after the station made the change. However, the manager does not provide us more details regarding the complaints. It is possible that the viewers complained that the TV station still devote to much time on weather and local news. If this were the case, the manager’s argument would be weakened. Moreover, even if the complaints are about that the TV station should devote more time on the weather and coverage, we still need to know the numbers of the complaints before and after the change coverage of the TV station. It could be that the station received tons of complaints before the change, and only received several complaints after the changes. If this were the case, though most of the complaints are about the coverage of the weather and local news, it certainly not worth for the TV station to change back again. Thus, the manager’s conclusion may be weakened.

Moreover, the manager should provide more evidence regarding the viewers’ attitudes. It is no enough to judge the viewers’ attitudes based on the number of the complaints. It is possible that most of the viewers are satisfied with the change of the coverage of the TV station, but only a few of dissatisfied viewers constantly sending the complain letter to the TV station. In order to fully assess the viewers attitudes, the manager should conduct a scientifc survey. If the survey shows that the viewers have nagetive attitudes regarding the current coverage of the TV station, the manager’s conclusion may be strengthened.

Lastly, the manager should provide more evidence to support the reason for cancellation of the advertising contract that the manager states in the memo. We do not have information to evaluate whether or not that the reason for the local companies to cancel their contract is that the TV station does not have enough coverage of the weather and local news. It is possible that the local companies cancel the contract because the TV station charges them too much. Or it could be that the local companies are suffering financial difficulties because the bad economics, hence they are not able to afford the charge. If this were the case, the manager’s conclusion may be weakened.

To sum up, the manager needs to provide more evidence, such as the complaints from the viewers, the attitudes of the viewers and the reasons for the cancellation of the advertising contract, to support the conclusion.

1. ets 说我没有introduction。ets  eRater has not identified an introduction in your essay. An introduction tells what the essay is about and sets the essay in motion. Look in the Sample Responses, General Advice to Writers, and Writer’s Analysis Tools, for for examples and tips on writing an introduction.

2. 觉得很受打击，其实也不能算打击，应该也是情理之中。写得比较顺手的argument才4分，issue是不是只能自求多福了？

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Issue 15：Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

按着老师的说法，反过来说了一下。
提纲：同意文中观点。
1. 学生更有可能pay off student loans
2. 学校能够获得更多donation
3. 质疑：忽略了学生的兴趣。反驳：建议不等于剥夺学生的选择权。
这样写很有意思
确实 我的观点和角度并不是无懈可击的 反过来说同样可以自圆其说 而且具有原创性  

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
I agree with the statement that the schools should encourage students to choose the majors that would prepare students for lucrative careers.	表明观点
First, students will benefit from this policy because they will be more likely to pay off their student loan when they choose the majors that can prepare them for the lucrative career; Moreover, schools will also benefit by cultivating more successful alumni.	主题句1、2
While（删除while） some people may argue that this policy overlook the students’ individual interests.	主题句3 （回应challenge）		这个不是完整的句子
However, actively advising students to choose certain fields of study does not necessarily equal to（删除to） depriving students’ personal choices.	主题句3 （回应challenge）		equal是形容词
To begin with, students will benefit from this policy, (because this policy may alleviate students' financial burden)	主题句	主题句概括不够
Since the tuition has increased dramatically, most students have to take student loans.	解释原因
According to recent studies, students, on average, usually carry one hundred thousand (dollars) student loans when the time they graduate from the college.	举例子证明		缺少货币单位
Hence, having a lucrative career will help them pay off their student loans as soon as possible and become debt free.	结合例子说明lucrative career的好处。
Though it is true that there is no guarantee that choosing promising majors will lead to lucrative career, it increase the possibility of having a lucrative career. (For example, students who choose Computer Science as their major are more likely to get employed and have higher starting salary compared to students who choose education as their major.)	说明选择好专业的好处。	这里如果举个例子更好吧
Thus, their possibility of paying off their student loan will also increase.	总结
Second, educational institutions will also benefit from implementing this policy.	主题句2
Schools need funding to keep running, conduct researches and build necessary facilities.	说明资金的重要性
One of the school’s major funding sources is the donation from the alumni.	说明资金来源
Hence, by actively advising students to choose the fields of study that would lead to lucrative careers, it will increase the number of future successful alumni.	说明policy的好处能够增加成功的校友
When schools are able to cultivate more successful alumni, schools will be more likely to attract more funding.	说明校友能够捐款
Some people may argue that this policy overlooks students’ interests.	主题3		overlooks
However, considering the advise (注意advice和advise的区别） from the schools does not necessarily means students have to obey schools’ suggestion.	回应challenge		advice
Students still can take the liberty of choosing the majors that appeal to them.
Again, following schools suggestions may not be a bad idea.	再次强调好处
After all, most schools’ career center has done extensive researches on job market and has the ability to predict which major that will lead to gainfully （gainful） employment with high income.	说明学校有能力做出预测。	这段写的不是很好 感觉第二个回应不太有力	gainfully词性
To sum up, educational institutions should encourage and provide guidance for students to choose the majors that would lead to lucrative careers	总结
This policy will benefit both students by increasing the possibility of paying off their student loans	主题句1
The policy will increase schools’ funding by cultivate more successful future alumni.	主题句2

总的来说 我觉得你这个思路挺好 在我的范文基础上反过来思考 效果很不错 值得其他大家学习

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文章用时 28分钟，感觉在第三段的时候纠结了一下。觉得第三段和第一段反驳的观点差不多。

32) The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
The vice president of Quiot Manufacturing (QM) concludes that shortening the work hours will decrease the number of accidents and increase the productivity with the belief that this measure will help workers in QM get more sleep.	总结argument	写得不错
This conclusion is based on the assumptions that 1) QM has more accidents than PI plant is because its work hours are longer than PI plant; 2) Workers in QM will sleep more when their work hours are shortened; 3) Sleep deprivation among workers leads to accidents in QM.	指出assumptions. （实在没有办法像老师那样简短有效的总结assumptions, 不知道我这样子的方法行不行）		based on the following assumptions: 1)... ;2) ... ; 3)....   这样ok
To begin with, the vice president assumes that the QM has more accidents than PI plant is because its work hours are longer than PI plant.	主题句		the QM has more accidents than PI plant is because句子结构有问题 the reason why ... is that ...
This assumption should be carefully evaluated since there might be other reasons for higher number of accidents in QM.	指出可能有其他原因
For example, it could be that the number of workers in QM is higher than PI plant.	可能性1
As a result, the number of accidents in QM is higher than PI plant.	解释可能性		其实number用larger来修饰更准确
Or it is possible that the working condition in QM is more dangerous than PI plant.	可能性2
Or it could be that QM fails to provide safety training for their workers.	可能性3
If these were the reasons that lead to higher number of accidents in QM, the vice president’s recommendation would not achieve the result of reducing the number of accidents in QM.	指出如果其他原因成立的后果	总的来说写得挺好
Another assumption that the vice president makes is that the workers will sleep more when their work hours are shortened.	主题句2
Since some other factors may affect workers’ lifestyle, the assumption may be unwarranted.	指出可能有其他原因		hedging用的不错
For example, it is possible that the workers may spend more time in club or other entertainments instead of getting enough sleep.	可能性1		other entertainment acitivities
Also, it could be that the workers may try to get another job when they have more free time.	可能性2		work on another job
If these were the cases, the workers in QM may still experience fatigue and sleep deprivation.	指出后果
Lastly, the vice president also assumes that getting enough sleep will reduce the number of accidents and increase the productivity.	主题句3
Even if workers will sleep more when their work hours are shortened, it does not guarantee the result that the vice president expects.	让步
Other factors could be responsible for the accidents in QM.	指出其他可能性
For example, it is possible that the workers in QM do not follow the safety instructions.	可能性1
Also, it could be that it is the outdated machines cause the accidents.	可能性2
If these factors were true, the assumption is unwarranted.	总结
Hence, the recommendation that based on this assumption will not lead to the predicted result.	指出如果其他原因成立的后果
To sum up, the vice president’s assumptions are unwarranted.	总结
And the recommendation may not achieve the expected result.	指出回应implication
To better evaluate the argument, we need to have more information regarding why QM has more accidents, the reasons for the accidents in QM and how shortening work hours would affect workers’ lifestyle.	总结3 个assumptions

总的来说写得很不错

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13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

文章用时30分钟之内，来不及检查。放进word，有两个低级的语法错误。5个左右的拼写错误。

此次的写法，没有按照老师所要求的分类讨论。而是按照上一篇老师所说的按照角度讨论。不知道这样做合不合适，还烦请老师指教。

写作之前也参考了了老师的写作词汇以及和老师观点。谢谢老师。

To begin with, taking extra courses which are not related to students’ majors will increase students’ academic pressure. To sum up, students should not be required to take extra courses outside their field of study.

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
I disagree with the statement that universities need to require students to take extra courses outside students’ majors.	表明态度
First, this policy will create extra academic pressure on the students.	主题句1
Second, it will also increase the financial burden for the students when they are required to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.	主题句2 （想请教一下老师，主题句1、2能不能合成一句？）		可以啊
While some people may argue that this policy is a way to ensure the student to expand students’ knowledge.	address challenge		while后面只能跟从句 不能独立成句
In fact, there are some better ways for students to achieve this goal.		总的来说这个思路挺好   academic pressure具体怎么展开还要看看后面 我不太确定financial burden这个点 因为实际上选修一定数量的学分是不用额外交学费的 当然也有学校是按学分收学费
To begin with, taking extra courses which are not related to students’ majors will increase students’ academic pressure.	主题句1
It is known that a student, on average, needs to complete four major related courses per semester in order to fulfill the degree requirement.	背景铺垫
This requirement is already stressful for most students.	说明完成本专业已经很stressful了
For example, my school does not encourage students to take more than four courses a semester because most students who take more than four courses tend to feel stressed out and end up drop at least one courses.	举例
When students are required to take a variety courses that are not related to their fields of study, it usually means that students has to take more than four courses per semester.	回应题目
Thus, it is very likely that students will feel stressed out by extra courses.	总结	你这里的叙述主要就是说课程多了 所以压力就大了  感觉干货不够啊   或许你可以指出 学生对专业外的课程不熟悉 需要花额外时间 等等 总之要有干货
Second, taking courses from other fields will increase the financial burden on the students.	主题句2
The college tuition has increased dramatically nowadays.	说明学费高
Most students have to take huge amount of student loans in order to complete college education.	说明学生经济压力大	感觉student loan应该留到后面说 先说贵 再说后果是要借钱 然后再说借钱要还 等等
Generally speaking, students pay one thousand dollars for one college credit.	继续说明学费高
And the credit fee could be much higher in private universities.	继续说明学费高
When students are required to take one extra course from other fields per semester, it means that students will at least pay for two extra credits per semester, which means that they will have to pay at least extra 16 thousand dollars for four-year college education.	推论出学费会更高
Obviously, it is a huge financial burden for most students.	总结
Some people may argue that this policy should be implemented because it can broaden students’ scope of knowledge.	address challenge
Though it is good intention that wanting students to have more knowledge, this policy is not practical.	让步	结合你后面的内容 这里应该说this policy is not the best way to acomplish this goal ...
There are some better ways to achieve this goal.	小主题句
For students who have extra energy and financial support, they can always choose to study a second major to expand their scope.	方法1
For students who have extra energy but do not have enough financial support, they can choose to take online courses at no cost.	方法2
For example, many websites, such as iTunes U, Coursera, and Edx are offering free a variety courses taught by famous Professors.	方法2 举例
Since there are many better ways for student to acquire extra knowledge, it is no need for universities to require their students to take extra courses outside students’ field of study .	总结		there is no need ...
This policy will increase students’ academic pressure and financial burden.	总结主题句1、2
Moreover, if students want to expand their knowledge outside their majors, they can take the initiatives to choose second major or participate in free online classes	总结challenge。

总的来说我挺支持你这种原创的思路 在一定程度上借鉴了我的思路又不拘泥 这是我希望的效果
但是中间段要写好关键还是干货 就是你提出的理由里面其实要有一些题目本身没有的概念和内容 这方面再慢慢斟酌吧

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我来点评~觉得点分得挺好的，挺有说服力的。就是第一段的那个自己的例子觉得可以改改，具体谈谈怎么stressful，很多workload，学生完成不了作业，影响学习质量之类的，而不是只是介绍学校的Policy

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argument 85

In a study of the reading habits of Waymarsh citizens conducted by the University of Waymarsh, most respondents said that they preferred literary classics as reading material. However, a second study conducted by the same researchers found that the type of book most frequently checked out of each of the public libraries in Waymarsh was the mystery novel. Therefore, it can be concluded that the respondents in the first study had misrepresented their reading habits.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

在考场上怎么写的都忘了，只记得当初是写了这几个点。请老师点评。谢谢老师。
PS：老师推荐的那个打字的网站太好玩了，根本停不下来······

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
In this argument, the researchers conclude that the participants in the first study misrepresented their reading habits because the result of first study contradicts the second one.	总结argument
However, we still need the evidence regarding the information about the participants in these two studies, the ways that citizens obtain their reading materials and the information regarding readers who borrow their books from the libraries in order to evaluate the conclusion.	主题句123
To begin with, the researches need to provide us the evidence that the participants in the first study are the same group of people who mostly borrow the books from public libraries.	主题句1 participant的问题	这个说法是不准确的 这种研究都是抽样 关键不在于是否同一批人 而是抽样的方法能否确保代表同一批人	researchers ...
If the participants in these two studies are not the some group of people, then the conclusion may not be properly drew.	假设
For example, it could be that the participants in the first study are the students major in English literature, so they prefer literary classics.	举例
And the people who borrow the mystery novel from the public libraries are the high school students who prefer reading mystery novels.	举例
If this is the case, the researchers cannot conclude that the participants in the first study misrepresented their reading habits.  They are just different group readers who have different reading habits with the participants in the second study.	总结	总的来说这段写得比较失败 关于sampling 你可以再想想
Another evidence that we need is the information regarding how citizens in Maymarsh obtain their reading materials.	主题句2 获得书籍的来源
There are many ways people can obtain their reading materials.	说明书籍来源可以有很多
For example, people can borrow their books from the private libraries or friends instead of public libraries.	举例1
Or people can purchase their books instead of borrowing them.	举例2
It is also possible that when it comes to literature classics, people prefer to purchase them.	举例3
And people prefer to borrow the mystery novels in the public library.	举例3
Thus, if there is no evidence shows that citizens in Maymarsh mostly borrow their reading materials in public libraries, the conclusion will be weakened.	总结		if there is no evidence shows你的there be竟然也会错 汗
Lastly, we also need the information regarding the readers who borrow the books from public libraries.	主题句3
If the evidence shows that only a small group of people borrows a large number of mystery novels from the public libraries, the researchers cannot concludes that citizens in Maymarsh prefer mystery novels.	举例1
Also, it could be that it takes longer time for readers to finish reading a literature classic than a mystery novel.	举例2
As a result, though readers spend more time on literature classics, mystery novels are more frequently checked out since it can be finished reading faster.	举例2	这一段的两个点似乎没什么关系 放在一起并不合适 其实图书馆的使用者能否代表当地居民也是一个很有意思的问题 可以和问卷调查的取样放在一起讨论
If this is the case, the conclusion will be weakened.	总结
To sum up, the conclusion that the researchers have drawn may not be valid.	总结
More evidence, such as the information regarding the participants in these two studies, the ways that people who obtain their reading materials, and the information regarding the readers who borrow books from public libraries is needed in order to draw a proper conclusion.	总结123