tmdxlp作文练习贴

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades, food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods. With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia.        

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

写作时间： 38分钟。
写完之后，放到word上，拼写错误好多··

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
In this argument, the study concludes that new use of salicylates will decline the number of headaches in Mentia.	总结statement		decline- reduce
However, this conclusion is based on a series of unwarranted assumptions.	主旨句
First, the study assumes that salicylates can treat headaches.	主题句1
Second, it also assumes that the declined number of headaches reported by the participants is the result of using salicylates.	主题句2
Third, it also assumes that the headaches will continue to decline because of the new use of salicylates.	主题句3	这个假设好像是本文的结论？
To begin with, the assumption regarding salicylates can treat headache is based on salicylates are the member of same chemical family as aspirin.	主题句1
However, this assumption is untenable.	表明态度
First, the study does not provide us any medical report to support its claim.	原因1
Second, even though salicylates can treat headache as medicine, but we still do not know if salicylates can still function the same when people use them as food preservatives.	原因2	这句话和主题句有矛盾 也没有展开讨论 或许你想说剂量不够？
Thus, the assumption may not be reliable without extra evidence to support it.	总结
Another assumption that the study has made is that the declined number of headaches reported by the participants is the result of using salicylates.	主题句2
But we need to know more about the participants of this study.	表明态度
For example, we need to know if the participants are representative enough.	举例	你这里讨论的是结论基于的研究是否可靠 但是主题句讲的不是这个
If there are only two or three participants who participated in this study, or the participants were selected with bias, the sample might not be representative.
Moreover, we also need to know if the study has eliminated the placebo effect.	举例2	这个点和题目关联不大   人们吃含有sali的食物时并不知道这个可以治病 所以不存在安慰剂效应
It could be that the participants strongly believe that salicylates are effective for treating headache; thus, they may under report the number of headaches.
Lastly, we also need to know if the participants were taking any medication for headaches during the study.	举例3
Thus, the study needs to provide more evidence to support its assumption.
Lastly, the study also assumes that the number of headaches will continue to decline because the new use of salicylates.	主题句3	感觉你的主题句并没有概括后面的内容 对于assumption的定位还要多考虑一下 不是用了这个句型就等于找准了假设
However, this assumption is unwarranted, too.	表明态度
First, the study does not show us whether or not the food companies will use the salicylates as flavor additives.	原因1
It is possible that salicylates may cost much higher than other alternatives.	根据原因假设条件
As a result, no food company would use salicylates.	根据假设的条件推论出结果
Even if the food companies would like to use salicylates, we are not sure whether or not the customers would purchase those products.	让步，说明原因2
For example, food may not taste the same or taste worse when it uses salicylates as flavor addictive instead of other alternatives.	根据原因举例
Thus, if the study cannot provide more evidence to support its claim, this assumption may be false.	总结
To sum up, the study has made a series of assumptions, such as the therapeutic effect of salicylates, validity of the study, and the relationship between the number of headaches and new use of salicylates.	总结全文
However, theses assumptions may be unwarranted without further evidence.		总的来说语言表达还不错 应该比之前有进步

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

65) Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

文章提纲：不同意，对于obey 还是disobey 要根据情况来定。一般情况下要obey，因为法律对社会稳定很重要，同时unjust 和 just 的概念可能是建立在个人喜好之上的。特殊情况下，可以disobey，比如当一些法律违反了人权威胁到生命的时候。

1. 法律对于维持社会稳定很重要。举例：税收
2. 法律unjust 还是 just，可能取决与个人喜好。举例：tax。address 反对观点，举出反例，sam sex marriage.3. “特殊情况特殊处理” 举例：美国jim crow law, 朝鲜。

写作难点：
1. just 和 unjust。本来的提纲是：just—遵守，unjust 分情况A和B，情况A（不违背社会稳定和威胁生命）——遵守，但可以抗议，游说。 情况B（违背社会稳定和威胁生命）——不遵守。 可是晚上一搜，基本的文章都有讨论“谁来定义just 和 unjust”问题，然后觉得自己原来的想法不对。所以也添加上了关于定义的问题。

2. 添加上“谁来定义just 和 unjust” 的问题之后，发现文章又有缺陷，那就是不敢放心大胆的说unjust law 和 just law，只好统称为laws，最后越写与心虚。
问题：
1. 老师不知道你觉得我的那个提纲更合适一些？
2. 究竟需不需要讨论 “谁来定义just 和 unjust”这个问题。因为老师我看到您原来的提纲也没有提到 “just”和“unjust”涉及主观性的问题，所以我想问一下，面对此类情况，我们应该如何判断究竟要不是说这个问题。如果不需要，您能不能告知一下您的理由。
谢谢老师。

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
I do not agree with the claim that people have responsibility to obey the just laws and disobey and resist unjust laws.	表明态度	汗 遵守正义的法律这部分你也不同意么
In my opinion, it depends on the circumstances that people are encountering.	主题句	如果是depend的话 不就和你上一句矛盾了	it 指代的什么
In most of the circumstances, people should obey the laws, no matter what people regard the laws as unjust or just, because laws are vital for the stability of our society.	主题句1		no matter what 和后面的搭配 people regard the laws as unjust or just
And also, whether the laws are just or unjust sometimes are only based on personal preference.	主题句2
However, in some extreme circumstances, people have the responsibility to stand up and disobey the laws that endanger their basic human rights and their lives.	主题句3	你这几个句子缺乏基本的连贯 很难构成一个整合的观点
To begin with, people should obey the laws since laws are served as a purpose of maintaining the stability of the society.	主题句1	没有回应just unjust这个分类 一概而论要守法 不符合题目要求
If people disobey the laws, individual will suffer the consequences, and the society will become chaotic.	进一步解释		suffer the consequences 介词
For example, people need to pay taxes and file tax return because tax codes require us to do so.	举例
And if people disobey the tax codes, they may be end up in prison or may have to pay a huge fine.	根据“进一步解释”的举例1
And if all people stop paying the taxes, the government will not have enough budgets to provide public services, and the whole nation will be in chaos.	根据“进一步解释”的举例1
Thus, people have responsibility to obey the laws because laws are important to our society.	总结
Moreover, people cannot simply disobey the laws because they consider the laws as “unjust”.	主题句 2
Laws usually are complex and cannot satisfy every member of the society.	解释说明
As a result, for certain laws, some people may consider as just, and some people may not.	解释说明
Following the example I mentioned above, the tax codes, some people may consider tax codes are unjust, because they may think the tax rates for the rich people are too low; or they may discontent that government uses their tax dollars to bail out “greedy” companies like Lehman Brothers Inc.	举例	呼应上段的例子 这个很好
People may argue that laws may never change or progress if we only obey them; however, there are many ways that we can appeal the laws that we dislike or consider as unjust.	address 反对观点	一般在中间第三段专门回应挑战
For example, in the US, gay community has finally appealed the law of banning same sex marriage by protesting that law, suing the government, and lobbying the politicians.	根据反对观点举出反例
Thus, people should still obey, not to break, the laws even they consider those laws as unjust based on their personal preferences.	总结
However, in some extreme circumstances, people have the responsibility to stand up to disobey and resist the certain laws can endanger the human rights and people’s lives.	主题句3	这个和你前面的论点明显矛盾
For example, in the US, when the Jim Crow laws were enforced, every American had responsibility to disobey and resist this law in order to protect African American’s basic human right and their lives.	举例  1
Also, in today’s North Korea, in order to protect themselves from being murdered by ruthless government, North Korean may have to run away from their country, which their actions may be considered as “treason” by their government.	举例  2
However, since these types of laws certainly endanger people’s well being and violate the basic human right, people have the responsibility to disobey and resist these laws.	总结
To sum up, in most of the circumstances, people have responsibility to obey the laws; even they may consider some laws as unjust by their personal standard.	总结全文1
But in certain extreme circumstances, such as the laws endanger people’s lives and violate the basic human rights, people have responsibility to disobey and resist these laws.	总结全文2

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

argument 15

15) The following memorandum is from the business manager of Happy Pancake House restaurants.
Recently, butter has been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. This change, however, has had little impact on our customers. In fact, only about 2 percent of customers have complained, indicating that an average of 98 people out of 100 are happy with the change. Furthermore, many servers have reported that a number of customers who ask for butter do not complain when they are given margarine instead. Clearly, either these customers do not distinguish butter from margarine or they use the term 'butter' to refer to either butter or margarine.
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.


抄题很重要 王老师，我错了，求原谅。

时间：29分钟。然而，29分钟写完的作文并不能看，错字太多，放进word里之后，花花绿绿的。于是又修改了20分钟。

感觉这篇文章的难点在于不知道怎么分层次。感觉memo只是说了两个点。自己没有办法向老师范文那样综合的去打，参考了了其他同学的文章，发现可以把第一点分成两个点大。一个是百分之二究竟是不是高了，是不是正确的。一个是百分之九十八。

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
In this statement, the manager concludes that using margarine to replace butter has little impact on their restaurants.	总结conclusion	题目说的是impact on customer 不抄题的后果？	memo
To support the conclusion, the manager explains that first, only 2 percent of the customers have complained this change; second, servers' report that few customers have complained when they ask for butter but are served with margarine instead.	说明manager观点12	explain后面跟的不是解释 而是现象
Moreover, the manager assumes that customers cannot tell the difference between butter and margarine.	说明manager观点3	题目的关键词是explain不是assume
However, after carefully evaluate the manager’s statement, the manager may have remised some other explanations for the low complaint rate, servers’ report and the assumption, which may alter the conclusion.	表明观点，主旨句。		evaluating 谁evaluating？  remised ？ what assumption? alter 选词
To begin with, 2 percent of customers have complained the change does not mean other customers are satisfied.	主题句1		严重句子结构问题
First, one possible explanation would be that not all the dissatisfied customers would file a complaint or leave a feedback.	explanation 1	需要具体展开讨论这个explanation
Second, another possibility may be that the customers do not know where to file a complaint or how to reach the manager.	explanation 2	感觉这个点和上个点是有关联的 不是简单的并列	宾语从句做表语 不错
Third, it also could be that many of the customers do not know this change because they have not ordered the butter made products yet.	explanation 3		could also
And those 2 percent of customers who file the complaints are the people who notice this change.	继续explanation3		noticed
Thus, if these explanations are true, the manager’s conclusion may be weakened.	总结
Second, the manager also states that, according to the servers, a number of customers have not complained when they ask for butter but are served with margarine.	主题句2
The alternative explanation may be that the servers do not tell manager the truth.	explanation 1	应该先概述一下原论证中的解释
For example, servers may decide not to tell the manager regarding the customers’ complaints, because upsetting the customers may result in getting the servers fired.	解释说明explanation 1	原因有问题
Moreover, even if they customers have not complained when they are served with margarine, it could be that they want to show courtesy to the servers or they may worry that servers sabotage would their food because of the complaint.	让步+explanation2		they may worry that servers sabotage would their food because of the complaint.表达
Thus, since there are some other possible explanations for the servers’ report, the manager should not only focus on the possibility that would support the conclusion.	总结		focus on the possibility that would support the conclusion.表达
Third, the manager also assumes that customers cannot distinguish the differences between butter and margarine, since only a few complaints were filed.	主题句3	注意回应题目关于explanation的要求
However, there could be some other explanations for that.	表明观点		for that指代不明
For example, customers can simply give fewer tips to demonstrate their dissatisfaction instead of filing a complaint.	explanation1		smaller amount of tip/ tip less
Also, they may just stop coming to Happy Pancake House restaurants without filing a complaints.	explanation2	这两个点都ok
Thus, they manager should try to eliminate these possible explanations in order to support the assumptions.	总结		eliminate explanation 搭配 address such explanations
To sum up, the manager’s conclusion may be invalid since there are some other possible explanations regarding the low complaint rate, servers’ report and the manager’s assumption	全文总结（主题句123合并）
To better support the manager’s conclusion, the manager should provide more evidence to eliminate the these alternative explanations which are mentioned above.	对manager的建议。

根据老师的建议修改的版本：

In this memo, the manager concludes that using margarine to replace butter has little impact on their customers. This conclusion is based on explanations of two observations: first, only 2 percent of the customers complained this change; second, few customer complained to the servers when they asked for butter but were served with margarine. However, the manager needs to explore other alternative explanations in order to draw a proper conclusion.

To begin with, based on the fact that 2 percent of the customers complained about the replacement, the manager suggests that 98 percent of customers are satisfied. But there could be other explanations for the low complaint rate. For example, it could be that not all the dissatisfied customers would file a complaint or leave a feedback. Perhaps they may do not know where to file a complaint or how to reach the manager. Another possible explanation could be that many of the customers do not aware of this change because they have not ordered the butter made products yet. And those 2 percent of customers who file the complaints are the people who noticed this change. Thus, if these explanations are true, the manager’s conclusion may be weakened.

Moreover, regarding server’s report that few customers complained when asked for butter but were served with margarine, the manager’s explanation is that the customers cannot distinguish the butter and margarine. But there are some other explanations that the manager needs to consider. For example, it could be that the servers decide to withhold the information regarding the complaints in order to look good in front of the manager. And also, even if the customers did not complain to the servers, it does not mean that the customers cannot tell the differences between butter and margarine. For example, it could be that they want to show courtesy to the servers, or the customers may worry that their complaints would upset the servers. As a result, the server may sabotage their food. Thus, since there are some other explanations regarding the server’s report, the manager should provide more evidence to address these alternative explanations.

Lastly, in both cases, the manager also needs to consider the possibility that the customers may express their dissatisfaction through their actions. For example, the customers may tip less to demonstrate their dissatisfaction instead of filing a complaint. Also, they may just stop coming to Happy Pancake House restaurants without filing a complaint. Thus, the manager should try to address these possible explanations.

To sum up, the manager’s conclusion may be invalid since there are some other possible explanations regarding the low complaint rate, servers’ report. To better support the manager’s conclusion, the manager should provide more evidence to address these alternative explanations which are mentioned above.

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

Issue 122
122) The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its role models.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

用时 45分钟。修改又花了半个小时。主要是重新修改了一下句子表达。限时啊限时。

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
I, personally, do not agree with the statement that studying the character of the heroes or role models in a society is the best way to understand the character of the society.	表明观点
In fact, in a society that honors dictatorship, the choices of heroes or role models of a society are inevitably under the influence of the government.	主题句1
And in a democracy country, since the power of the government is limited, the choices of the heroes or role models that a society made are usually under the influence of the private sectors.	主题句2		democratic
Thus, the character of heroes and role models are unable to reflect the character of a society.	表明观点（老师，我这句话是不是可以删掉？）	为什么删掉？节约时间？ 我觉得挺好	characters
Some people may argue that examining these heroes and role models may be the cost effective way to understand the character of a society.	主题句3 （呈现他人观点）
However, since the Internet is wildly used all over the world, analyzing the big data is a better to achieve the goal of understanding the character of a society.	反驳		a better way
To begin with, in a society that honors dictatorship, the choices of the heroes or role models that a society made are usually influence the government.	主题句1		run by dictatorship
Hence, its heroes or role models cannot represent the character of a society.	主题句1
For example, in North Korea, most its citizens believe that Kim Jong Un, the supreme leader, is their hero due to the limited information they are able to access.	举例子(说明choice收到政府的影响）
Based on what Kim Jong Un has done, such as executed 3 people for watching American Music Video, it is obvious that he is a brutal dictator and murderer.	举例子（说明hero的品质）
But any researchers or scientists cannot draw the conclusion that cold bloodiness and inhumanity are the characters of North Korea.	举例子（说明hero的品质和大众不符合）		North Korean society
Thus, since the heroes and role models are usually the tools for autocracy to implement its political ideology, it is futile to study these heroes and role models’ character in order to understand the character of the society.	总结	注意限定范围
Moreover, in a democratic country, the private sector can easily influence the choices of the heroes or role models of a society.	主题句1
As a result, the heroes and role models served as a purpose of making profit for the companies instead of represented the character of the public.	对主题句进行说明
For example, in the US, a clothing company portrays Che Guevara as a hero in order to sell Che related products, such as  T-shirts with Che’s photo on it.	举例子
Che, suddenly, becomes popular in the US. And people begin to wear those T-shirt and claim that Che is their hero.	继续对例子进行描述
However, as we know, compared to Che, a communist who honored censorship, Americans have exactly opposite character, which is the character of free spirit.	说明hero的品质和大众不符合
Thus, in a democratic society, studying its heroes and role models’ character will not able to understand the character of the society correctly.	总结		will not able
Some people may argue that examining the character of the heroes or role models is the cost effective way to understand the character of a society; hence, it is the best.	主题句3（回应题目要求）
It might be true in 20 years ago.	反驳观点		(in) 20 years ago
However, as people now living in a society that the Internet is so largely used, studying big data is a better and more cost-effective way to understand the character of a society.	反驳观点		widely used
For example, by analyzing the average credit score of a society, we are able to know the overall credibility of its general public.	举例说明观点		credit score of what?
By studying the information that individual post on Facebook, Twitter or other social network websites, we are able to know what character that the general public share the most.	再次举例说明观点
Thus, by using the big data to analyze the character of a society, it will be more accurate and cost-effective.	总结		it 指代
To sum up, since the choices of the heroes or role models are usually under the influence of the profit driven companies or government who wants to achieve its political ideology, the character of heroes and role models cannot refelct the character of the society.	全文总结（主题句1、2）
Instead, the analyzing the big data is a more accurate and cost effective method to achieve this goal.	主题句3
总的来说写得不错 虽然借用了我的思路 但是总的文字和思想都是你自己的 语言表达的问题要注意一下

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

文章用时：30分不到31分钟。总感觉写的时候，自己的脑子不是很清晰。

84) The following is a letter to the editor of an environmental magazine.

Two studies of amphibians in Xanadu National Park confirm a significant decline in the numbers of amphibians. In 1975 there were seven species of amphibians in the park, and there were abundant numbers of each species. However, in 2002 only four species of amphibians were observed in the park, and the numbers of each species were drastically reduced. One proposed explanation is that the decline was caused by the introduction of trout into the park's waters, which began in 1975. (Trout are known to eat amphibian eggs.)
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
	总结statement
To support the conclusion, the writer cites two studies.	列出statement证据1	这里conclusion指的什么
Also, the writer explains that introducing trout in 1975 is the reason for the decline in amphibian population.	列出statement的解释	和上一句的内容似乎有重叠
To evaluate this letter carefully, the writer needs to first, address the alternative interpretations of the study; second, provide more information regarding the correlation between the numbers of trout and amphibians; third, address the alternative explanations for the decreased amphibian population.	文章主旨句		分号用法有问题
To begin with, there may be other interpretation for the different numbers and species that two studies have recorded.	主题句1
As we know, the numbers of amphibians may vary in different seasons.	解释主题句
For example, in the winter, most amphibians go into hibernation.	继续解释
As a result, the study may record fewer numbers of amphibians.	继续解释		smaller number
It is possible that the study in 2002 was conducted in winter, whereas the study in 1975 was conducted in summer, so the numbers of amphibians the studies recorded are different.	提出不同对studies不同的解释		断句问题
If this explanation were true, it may weaken the writer’s conclusion.	总结
Second, even if the numbers of amphibians are declining dramatically, introducing trout may not be explanation for this phenomenon.	主题句2
The writer does not provide us the information regarding the time that the numbers of amphibians started to decline.	提出statement缺陷		with the info the time when
It could be that the numbers of amphibians already started to decline dramatically before 1975.	举出另外一种可能性。
Also, the writer does not provide us the evidence regarding the correlation between the numbers of trout and the numbers of amphibians.	提出statement缺陷	这个好像不符合题目要求的alternative explanation
Even though it is known that the trout eat amphibian eggs, it could be that the numbers of trout are too small to have effect on the numbers of amphibians.	举出另外一种可能性。	问题同上
Thus, introducing trout may not be the proper explanation for the decline in the numbers of amphibians.	总结	题目没有要你质疑题目提出的解释
Lastly, the writer also needs to consider other explanations for the decline in numbers of amphibians.	主题句
It is possible that the environment has changed during 1975 to 2002.	可能的解释1
For example, the habitat for amphibians may have become less suitable for them due to the increasing of human activities.	举例·		increase of
Also, the weather may have become less suitable for amphibians.	可能的解释2
For example, due to the global warming, the temperature in Xanadu National Park has increased dramatically, which results in the decline of the amphibian population.	举例		注意hedge 这只是一种可能性 因此不能用 has increased
Thus, the writer needs to address these alternative explanations in order to strengthen the conclusion.	总结
To sum up, the conclusion may be weakened because of the different interpretations of two studies.	总结主题句1
Also, the writer needs to provide more evidence regarding the correlation between the numbers of trout and numbers of amphibians. Lastly, it is necessary for the writer to address alternative explanations for the decline in numbers of amphibians.	总结主题句2.3

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

issue 59

Scientists and other researchers should focus their research on areas that are likely to benefit the greatest number of people.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

用时：20分钟+中文补充7分钟
感想：
1. 觉得这个题目挺难写。我现在一看到题目，第一个反应就是分类，即社会科学，自然科学（20秒）。但是马上就否定了自己，因为这么写才两段。然后我又又想到了按照资源分类，即，资源稀缺 vs 资源丰富。但是想一想，又发现，不管是资源稀缺还是资源丰富，都能举出反例去反驳我的观点。所以我又不知道该怎么写了。最后逼到自己没有办法了，想了差不多10分，才死马当活马医，决定就按照资源稀缺 VS 资源丰富的分类写下去了。

2. 看了老师的范文，才发现原来还有一个engineering可以作为分类。再一次感叹自己对理工科的了解真的是太少了。

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
Whether I agree with the statement or not depends on the resources that a society possessed.	表明态度	就这句话来看 我觉得说的不是很清楚	意思模糊
When the resources of a society are extremely limited, the research subjects should focus on the goal of benefiting the majority.	主题句1		the majority of ...
However, when the resources for a society are no longer a critical issue, the scientific study, such as natural science or social science, benefiting the majority should not be the only goal.	主题句2、3
To begin with, when the resources for a society are limited, the scientists should work on the research that would benefit the majority.	主题句1	我觉得你可以分developing countries 和developed countrie 这样应该可以
落后的国家，主要的进行的研究就是应该怎么样大部分人脱离贫困 例子1：自然科学中，中国发展农业科学 例子2：社会科学中，中国研究如何脱离贫苦.
However, when the resource scarcity is no longer a critical issue for a society, benefiting the majority should not be priority for the natural scientist.	主题句2
在物资资源丰富之后，自然科学的研究目的开始转向其他目的，例如开始关注minority，开始满足人类的好奇心 例子1： 医院开始关注渐冻人 例子2：50年代的太空探索是因为国防，即benefit majority，现在的太空探索是满足人类的好奇心.
Furthermore, when resource scarcity is longer an obstacle for a society, the social scientists also shift their purpose from benefiting the majority to benefit the minority.	主题句3
例子1：社会学、社会工作、心理学等学科开始关注LGBT群体 例子2：虽然贫困人口在美国并不是占大多数，但是社会学、经济学等学科致力于研究如何帮助贫困人群有尊严的生活，如何确保他们能够获得有营养的食物.

感觉这样分类也可行 但是语言表达方面问题较多  另外中间第二段和第三段的例子太多了 把一个例子说清楚就行了 你这两个例子相差太远 放在一段里并不合适



PS：老师，我的Argument 14 和 Issue 6 还没有修改，麻烦您帮忙看一下。谢谢老师。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

tmdxlp 发表于 2015-6-16 02:24
65) Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist u ...

你能把表格编辑一下么 左边的文字换多几行
我明天看~~~

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

tesolchina 发表于 2015-6-22 23:29
你能把表格编辑一下么 左边的文字换多几行
我明天看~~~

老师，我已经编辑好了，谢谢老师！

fishgoUID: 3607599

tmdxlp 发表于 2015-6-22 23:12
issue 59

Scientists and other researchers should focus their research on areas that are likely t ...

我来点评一下楼主的issue 59~
首先，按照资源的分类我感觉还是挺新颖的，基于社会科学和自然科学的分类在资源丰富的时候再拆开讨论，还是很有条理的，不过稍显麻烦了，不过还是老师的对学科的分类比较好写一点。
第二段的例子写的比较简洁，最好加一些对例子的说明或者解释，这样会比较切题一点
第三段和第四段中讲在资源丰富的情况下，自然和社会科学关注的是少数，不知道这样的非黑即白说法会不会有问题，我感觉还是得再考虑一下，更权威的就等老师给你点评吧~

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

34) In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

文章用时大概写完前首段和3个主题句用了15分钟的时间（包括思考的过程），主要的难点是分类，最后一个分情况讨论觉得很难想出来，结果用了military traning, 不知道合不合适。谢谢老师。

Does progress require discussion among people who have contrasting points of perspective? In my opinion, it depends on the circumstances. In the field of scientific research or policymaking, having contrasting points of view will certainly promote progress. However, when it comes to military training, having the contrasting points of view may result in distraction.

To begin with, the progress of the science requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view
例子：GMO的争论。一些人认为GMO解决了粮食短缺等问题，一些人认为GMO不安全
例子：温室效应的争论。一些人认为人类的造成的CO2 导致了温室效应，一些人认为温室效应被夸大了。（备用例子）
解释：1. 促进了普通大众对科学的的认识。2. 正反双方都出示科学证据，促进了科学的发展

这里的观点和例证都不错 具体到例证如何支持观点 感觉还是缺少一些干货 或者说是关键的概念来支撑  不同观点的科学家之间的讨论的好处到底是什么  你可以说让公众了解不同的视角  从而促进公众对这个问题的认识 注意前面这个点是很重要的  
你也可以说 科学家之间的讨论可以对研究方法的合理性和证据的可靠性进行检验 使结果更可靠 就是要有这样的干货 你的论证才能站得住脚  


Second, during the discussion of policy making, having contrasting points of view is important for the progress.
例子：奥巴马的“free community college”的政策争议
例子：最低工资的争议。（备用例子）
解释：不同的意见的争论，能够确保政策的有效性。

同样的这段也需要干货 究竟这种争论如何能带来进步
关键在于不同意见的人代表的是不同的利益 所谓的stakeholder或者持份者  通过讨论可以让最终的政策照顾到不同的利益相关人 这样的政策才更合理 更能被大家接受
你得把这一层意思写出来  你的论证才站得住脚  


However, having the different point of view may create distractions in the circumstance of military training.
这个没有具体的例子。只想到了实验性的例子。
例子：训练中，军人要服从命令。执行任务，军人也要执行命令。这样子才能保证军队，军人的成长。若军人常常提出不同的反对意见，将会导致军队的混乱，军人在训练中，若经常提出不同的反对意见，就会无法让训练持续进行下去，军人也无法成长

military的例子也可以 但是你不能就事论事 而要以小见大 就是通过这个例子体现出某种更加一般的原则 这里的原则可以是当下属需要严格执行上级指令的时候 不允许有不同意见的讨论 包括所有的men and women in uniform

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

fishgo 发表于 2015-6-23 12:39
我来点评一下楼主的issue 59~
首先，按照资源的分类我感觉还是挺新颖的，基于社会科学和自然科学的分类在 ...

谢谢你的点评，是的，我也觉得老师的分类更好。还是自己的知识储备太少了，居然不知道engineering也可以分为一类。

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

fishgo 发表于 2015-6-23 12:39
我来点评一下楼主的issue 59~
首先，按照资源的分类我感觉还是挺新颖的，基于社会科学和自然科学的分类在 ...

谢谢你的点评，是的，我也觉得老师的分类更好。还是自己的知识储备太少了，居然不知道engineering也可以分为一类。

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

5/25题目 完成于6/23
Issue 15


15) Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.


Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim.
In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

这篇文章实在30分钟之内完成的，写完之后也没有进行较大的改动。但是总觉得怪怪的，因为并没有什么实际的例子，不知道这类的文章应该举什么样的例子比较合适。谢谢老师！

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
Whether I agree with the statement or not depends on the students’ financial status.	表明观点
For the students with financial advantage, the educational institutions should encourage students to choose the fields of study based on students’ interests instead of the prospect financial gain.	主题句1
For the students who have financial burdens, educational institutions should actively encourage them to choose lucrative careers.	主题句2
However, some people may argue that this suggestion may undermine students with financial disadvantage to pursue their interests of fields of study.	address challenge
In fact, students can pursue their interests of fields of study when they are financially independent.	回应challenge
To begin with, for the students who are in the position of financial advantage, the educational institutions should encourage them to choose the fields of study based on interests instead of the prospect financial gain.	主题句1
First, financial gain is longer their priority goal.	理由1
The reason for them to go to school may be that they want to discover and pursue their interests.	进一步解释理由1
Second, due to their financial advantage, they can devote more time and efforts to the fields of study that they are interested in and to avoid worrying their basic needs for survival, such as housing and foods.	理由2
Third, if they choose their majors based on the prospect income rather than interest, they may not work as hard as they suppose to do, since financial gain is not an incentive for them.	理由3
Thus, for the students have financial advantages, the educational institutions should encourage them to choose their fields of study based on their interests rather than the prospect income.	总结
For the students with financial disadvantage, the educational institutions should encourage students to choose their fields of study based on the prospect income.	主题句2
Because of their financial disadvantage, these students probably have to take loans to cover their tuition and living expenses.	假设
Hence, being financial independent is their primary goal.	对假设进行总结
If they choose their majors based on the prospect income, they are more likely to become financial independent and pay off their loans.	假设
Thus, the educational institutions should encourage students with financial burdens to choose the fields of study that would prepare them to have lucrative careers.	总结
Some people may argue that this suggestion may undermine the students with financial disadvantage to pursue their interests of fields of study.	address challenge
However, we should know that, first, students are not able to find jobs that offer decent revenue after they graduate, their financial status most likely will become even worse.	回应challenge 理由1
And choosing a lucrative career will help them get rid of the financial disadvantages.
Second, once they achieve financial freedom, they can continue to pursue their interests.	理由2
Thus, choosing lucrative career is a way that most likely to help them achieve their dream.	总结
To sum up, for the students who have financial advantage, the educational institutions should advise them to choose the majors based on their interest.	总结主题句1
For the students who are suffering from financial difficulties, educational institutions should encourage them to choose the field of study that would be most likely to prepare them for lucrative careers.	总结主题句2

dingkaUID: 2453299

你好，楼上，我来看下你的习作。
Does progress require discussion among people who have contrasting points of perspective? In my opinion, it depends on the circumstances. In the field of scientific research or policymaking, having the（这个the可以去掉吧） contrasting points of view will certainly promote（the） progress. However, when it comes to military training, having contrasting points of view may result in distraction.


To begin with, the progress of the science requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view
例子：GMO的争论。一些人认为GMO解决了粮食短缺等问题，一些人认为GMO不安全
例子：温室效应的争论。一些人认为人类的造成的CO2 导致了温室效应，一些人认为温室效应被夸大了。（备用例子）
解释：1. 促进了普通大众对科学的的认识。2. 正反双方都出示科学证据，促进了科学的发展


Second, during the discussion of policy making, having contrasting points of view is important for the progress.
例子：奥巴马的“free community college”的政策争议
例子：最低工资的争议。（备用例子）
解释：不同的意见的争论，能够确保政策的有效性。

However, having the different point of view may create distractions in the circumstance of military training.我觉得之前看过老师范文的例子也许可以用？紧急情况下，例如救灾时，需要立即决断统一执行，不同意见吵闹只会耽误事。
这个没有具体的例子。只想到了实验性的例子。
例子：训练中，军人要服从命令。执行任务，军人也要执行命令。这样子才能保证军队，军人的成长。若军人常常提出不同的反对意见，将会导致军队的混乱，军人在训练中，若经常提出不同的反对意见，就会无法让训练持续进行下去，军人也无法成长

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

52) The following appeared in a letter from the owner of the Sunnyside Towers apartment building to its manager.
One month ago, all the showerheads on the first five floors of Sunnyside Towers were modified to restrict the water flow to approximately one-third of its original flow. Although actual readings of water usage before and after the adjustment are not yet available, the change will obviously result in a considerable savings for Sunnyside Corporation, since the corporation must pay for water each month. Except for a few complaints about low water pressure, no problems with showers have been reported since the adjustment. Clearly, restricting water flow throughout all the twenty floors of Sunnyside Towers will increase our profits further.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

写作时间29分钟。主要还是观点分得不熟练。大概用了10分钟才写完第一段。思考的时间用了5分钟。希望自己能够加快速度。

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
The owner recommends that restricting water flow of whole building of Sunnyside Towers will increase the corporation’s profit.	总结文章观点
However, in order to evaluate this recommendation properly, the owner needs to address questions regarding the actual amount of water that was saved (due to the modification), the tenants' attitudes (regarding the modification), and the potential losses (because of the modification).	这个总结是不是太长了，能不能把括号中的去掉？ 主旨句	这个主旨句的三个切入点都不错 尤其是第三个 其他同学都忽略了	括号里的内容可以去掉
To begin with, the owner needs to answer the question regarding the actual amount of water that was saved due to the restriction of the water flow.	主题句1
It is merely an assumption that the modification of the showerheads will decrease the water bill, since the owner is unable to provide us the actual reading of the water usage.	指出错误
Hence, the owner cannot rule out the possibility that the water bill may stay the same.	提出可能性
For example, it could be that most tenants tend to use bathtub instead of showerhead.	举例子
In addition, tenants may increase the time of showering due to the low water flow.	举例子
Moreover, it could be that water pipes constantly leak.	举例子	这个有点不靠谱啊
If these were the cases, restricting the water flow may not decrease the water bill.	总结例子		情态动词用的不错
Thus, the owner needs to answer the question regarding the actual amount of water that has saved due to the modification of the showerheads.	总结段落。	如果时间不够这句可以不写
Moreover, the owner also needs to address the question regarding the tenants’ attitudes about the modification of the showerheads.	主题句
The owner states that only a few complaints were received.	解释owner的观点
However, this cannot prove that the tenants are satisfied with or neutral about this change.	反驳观点
It could be that the tenants have not yet realized this change.	提出不同可能性
For example, they may think the low water flow of the showerheads was the result of the low water pressure, and this is a temporary situation.	举例子	汗   the low water flow of the showerheads was the result of the low water pressure 事实就是这样啊
Even if tenant in the first fifth floor are okay with this change, it does not mean that all tenants of whole building will accept this change.	让步，反驳	in the first fifth floor 这是哪里来的？
Thus, the owner needs to conduct a survey to evaluate the tenants’ attitudes regarding this modification in order to draw a proper recommendation.	提出建议+总结
Lastly, the owner also needs to address if there are some potential losses because of restricting the water flow of the showerheads.	主题句
For example, even if the water bill decrease due to this modification, can the money that the corporation saved from the water bill cover the cost of the modification?	提出关于potential loss 的问题1	感觉这个点需要加一句解释
Also, the owner also needs to consider that whether this modification will result in loss of the rental revenue.	提出关于potential loss 的问题 2
It is possible that the tenant will be upset about this change and terminate the lease.	举例
If this was the case, the corporation may not increase their profit by restricting the water flow.	总结。
To sum up, the owner‘s recommendation may be untenable.	总结
The owner needs to address questions regarding the actual amount that was saved due to the modification, and the tenants attitudes toward this modification and the potential losses may be resulted by the modification.	总结主题句123

总体来说写得不错


35) The following appeared in a letter from the owner of the Sunnyside Towers apartment complex to its manager.
One month ago, all the showerheads in the first three buildings of the Sunnyside Towers complex were modified to restrict maximum water flow to one-third of what it used to be. Although actual readings of water usage before and after the adjustment are not yet available, the change will obviously result in a considerable savings for Sunnyside Corporation, since the corporation must pay for water each month. Except for a few complaints about low water pressure, no problems with showers have been reported since the adjustment. I predict that modifying showerheads to restrict water flow throughout all twelve buildings in the Sunnyside Towers complex will increase our profits even more dramatically.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.

In this letter, the owner of the Sunnyside Towers apartment complex predicts that the company will increase profit dramatically if they restrict water flow of the showerheads of all buildings. The owner argument that no complaints was filed since this adjustment was made in the first three buildings. Also, the owner assumes that the water bills of three buildings will decrease. However, in order to evaluate the owner prediction, the owner needs to answer the question regarding the actual amount of water that was saved of first three building. Moreover, the owner needs to address the question about the tenants’ attitude towards this adjustment and the potential losses of the adjustment.

To begin with, the owner needs to address the question regarding the actual amount of water that was saved after the modification of the first three buildings.

Seconds, the question regarding the tenants’ attitudes also needs to be addressed.

Third, the owner also needs to answer if the adjustment of the showerheads will results in potential losses.


128) The following appeared in a letter from the owner of the Sunnyside Towers apartment complex to its manager.
One month ago, all the showerheads in the first three buildings of the Sunnyside Towers complex were modified to restrict maximum water flow to one-third of what it used to be. Although actual readings of water usage before and after the adjustment are not yet available, the change will obviously result in a considerable savings for Sunnyside Corporation, since the corporation must pay for water each month. Except for a few complaints about low water pressure, no problems with showers have been reported since the adjustment. Clearly, modifying showerheads to restrict water flow throughout all twelve buildings in the Sunnyside Towers complex will increase our profits further.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

In this letter, the owner of the Sunnyside Towers apartment complex concludes that the company will increase the profits if they restrict the water flow of the showerheads of all their buildings. To support the owner's conclusion, the owner states no complaint regarding the showerheads was filed. The owner also assumes that the water bills of the first three buildings will decrease after this adjustment. However, in order to evaluate the owner's conclusion, we needs more evidence regarding the actual readings of the water usage. In addition, the evidence regarding the tenants’ attitudes of the adjustment, and the cost and the benefit of the adjustment are highly preferred.

To begin with, the owner needs to provide the evidence regarding the actual readings of the water usage. Without this information, we are unable to know whether this adjustment will decrease the water bill. For example, it could be that the tenants are more likely to use bathtub instead of showhead. Or it could be that the tenants increase the time of showering due to the low water flow of the showerheads. If these were the cases, the owner's conclusion may be untenable. However, if the owner can provide the actual readings of the water usage that show that the water usage decreases significantly, the owner's conclusion may be strengthened.

Moreover, the owner also needs to provide more evidence regarding the tenants’ attitudes toward this adjustment. The owner suggests that no complant was filed after the adjustment. However, this evidence may not be enough. It could be that the tenants have not yet realized this change, because they thought the low water flow was due to the low water pressure, and it was a temporary situation. Also, even if the tenants in the first three buildings have no problem with this change, it does not mean other tenants in rest of buildings hold the same attitude. Thus, the owner needs to conduct a survey and full disclose the information regarding this change to see if the tenants agree with this adjustment. If most tenants support this adjustment, it may strengthen the owner's conclusion.

Lastly, the owner also needs to provide the evidence about the cost and the benefit of the adjustment. Even if the adjustment will decrease the water usage, it is possible that the tenants are not satisfied with this adjustment. As a result, they decide to terminate the lease. If this were the case, the company will lose its rental income. Also, it is possible that the cost of the adjustment is significantly high. Hence, the money that saved from the water bill will not cover the cost of the adjustment. Thus, if the evidence shows that the benefit of the adjustment is less than the cost of the adjustment, the owner's conclusion will be weakened.

To sum up, more evidence is needed in order for us to evaluate the owner's conclusion. The owner's  conclusion will be strengthened if the owner can provide the evidence that the adjust of the showerheads will decrease the water usage of all buildings, the tenants are welcome about this change, and the benefit of the adjustment will much more than the cost of the adjustment.



129) The following appeared in a letter from the owner of the Sunnyside Towers apartment complex to its manager.
Last week, all the showerheads in the first three buildings of the Sunnyside Towers complex were modified to restrict maximum water flow to one-third of what it used to be. Although actual readings of water usage before and after the adjustment are not yet available, the change will obviously result in a considerable savings for Sunnyside Corporation, since the corporation must pay for water each month. Except for a few complaints about low water pressure, no problems with showers have been reported since the adjustment. Clearly, modifying showerheads to restrict water flow throughout all twelve buildings in the Sunnyside Towers complex will increase our profits further.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted