tmdxlp作文练习贴

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

内容反馈汇总之一：回应题目关键词和遵循写作指引

内容反馈汇总之二：1+3模型

内容反馈汇总之三：主旨句与主题句不合适

以上三个部分觉得做的还可以。

内容反馈汇总之四：例子缺失或不合适

issue 15：中间段第一部分缺失例子。
Though it is true that there is no guarantee that choosing promising majors will lead to lucrative career, it increase the possibility of having a lucrative career. （老师的点评：这里应该举一个例子比较好）
反思：遇到education这一类的题目，常常不知道应该举什么样的例子。思考了一下，觉得应该说一下，学习CS的人，工资会比较高，工作也比较好找。

内容反馈汇总之五：中间段的展开与例子的解释
1. 中间的展开面临一个矛盾。主题句如果写得太清楚，接下来就不知道怎么解释了。如果写得不是很清楚，当然方便接下来的解释，但是又面临概括不够的问题。
2. 在说理的安排上做的不好。

接下来的任务会把上个星期的几篇文章再次修改一下。谢谢老师！

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语言反馈汇总之一：断句
在这个星期的练习中，断句的问题基本没有出现了。但要注意分号的使用。

based on the following assumptions: 1)... ;2) ... ; 3)....  

语言反馈汇总之二：选词与搭配
number比较要用large来修饰


语言反馈汇总之三：句子结构和语法问题
这是一个练习的重点。如果慢慢地写，这些错误基本都能避免。但是如果限时写，语法的错误就开始层出不穷了。
比如：
there be句型的低级错误。
while 不能独立引导句子。
词性的错误。
the reason why is that 而不是because。
很多都是比较低级的错误。估计这也是考场上导致低分的一个原因。今后的练习，一定要避免。

我也不知道这个是不是粗心的问题，还是不熟练的问题。经常出现这种情况真的让我比较沮丧。

语言反馈汇总之四：指代不明或缺乏限定范围
基本没有出现。


语言反馈汇总之五：不明觉弱
基本上没有出现表达让人疑惑的问题。

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

91) The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that they have more leisure time.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.  

第一篇文章，由于没有明确地思路，因此，我也就完全没有按照1+3 的格式去写，完全是按照自己所想的写下去。 第二篇文章按照老师以前所说的再写一遍。有列表格的时根据分类所写的，谢谢老师 但是感觉还是不理想。请老师指点。

I agree with that statement that the development of the technology should be focused on increasing efficiency so that people have more leisure time. In fact, most technologies that were invented were served for this purpose. Sadly, the technologies only serve for the goal that making people become more efficient, but fail to provide more leisure time for the people.

To begin with, with the purpose of having more leisure time, people develop technologies to increase their efficiency. For example, the invention of the car makes people travel to their destinations faster. People can spend more time on the picnic instead of wasting time on the road. Also, people invented calculator to help them do the math, so that people can avoid wasting time on the meaningless calculation. People also invented telephone so that they can contact their love ones more efficient instead of spending hours on writing letters. All these developments of the technologies were primarily served the goal that helping people become more efficient and have more free time.

However, in nowadays, the technologies only served the goal of helping people become efficient but fail to provide more leisure time for people, which result in many problems. For students, though they are able to do their research by typing some keywords and get the results that they want in a second with the development of the Internet, but their leisure time have decreased significantly. They have homework to do, and their student life also become much stressful than ever. The increasing suicidal rate among students is the evidence that students’ life is more stressful than ever due to the development of the technology.

Also, same situation happens to many workers. Due to the development of the computer software, it is true that many workers are able to use this technology to help them do their job efficiently. But, at the same time, instead of shortening the hours of work, workers’ number of work hours has increased. For example, before the computer was widely used in social work field, a social worker usually has less then 10 clients to work with. After computer is used by all social workers, their caseload has increased significantly, from less than ten clients to more than fifteen clients. Due to the increasing of the caseload, social workers also become more likely to burnout than ever. This is because people become more efficient with the help of technology, but at the same time, their caseload also increases in order to keep up the development of the technologies.

To sum up, it is true that technologies should be served for the purpose that helping people become more efficient and have more free time. But the reality has twisted this goal: the technology makes people become more efficient and also makes people have less leisure time than before.

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
I agree that primary goal of the technology should be focused on increasing people’s efficiency.	表明同意前半部分的观点		should be to focus on ...
However, it should not serve the purpose of providing more leisure time for people.	表明不同意后半句观点
For scientists, they should utilize the technology to solve more unknown problems.	主题句1 这是主旨句的一部分
For students, they should focus on absorbing more knowledge by using the technology.	主题句2
For the workers, they should increase their productivity when they become more efficient.	主题句3	你的主旨句变成了他们应该怎样而不是科技发展的目标应该怎样
For scientist, the technology ensures them to be more efficient in order to help them solve the unknown problems.	主题句1
In the past, if they wanted to conduct a research, they probably have to spend days in library in order to search one reference.	举例没有科技时候情况
However, with the development of the computer and Internet, they can access the database to look for useful references in few hours at home, which saved much time.	举例拥有科技之后的情况
When scientists' efficiency  increases, they choose to work on solving more unknown problems in order make more contribution to human society.	说明不要leisure的好处		unknown problems搭配
And if they choose to spend the time on entertainment, much time will be wasted and many unknown problems will remain unknown.	说明leisure的坏处		many unknown problems will remain unknown. 表达问题  unresolved problems remain unresolved
Thus, scientists should focus on their study even their efficiency increases.	总结	这个讨论已经偏离了题目的要求 可能是我的文章误导了你吧	even though
For students, the technology assists them to become more efficient in learning.	主题句2
For example, students can use Google, Quora, or Yahoo to ask questions and get insightful answers in a very short time.	举例说明efficiency1
Teachers also use multimedia teaching to help student learn faster.	举例说明efficiency2		use multimedia teaching 搭配
But students should use the advanced technology to absorb more knowledge instead of spending their time on video games.	说明学生应该更加投入学习	你这个观点其实有点主观 work hard play hard
If not, they will not make any progress in learning and waste their advantage which is brought by the development of the technology.	说明把目标设定为leisure的坏处
For the workers, the technology also helps them become efficient.	主题句3
For example, with the development of the technology, the cashiers can do the calculation in a second.	举例1
But if they choose to spend their time, which they have saved, on other things, the number of customers that they served will remain unchanged, which means their productivity has not changed.	结合例子说明目标设定为leisure的坏处
Also, with the development of the Internet and software, the business managers can conduct meetings via Skype with coworkers in different places.	举例子2
With the time they saved, they are able to work on providing more useful products for the consumers in order to generate more profits.	说明目标设定为productivity的好处
If they choose spend their time on entertainment, their productivity will not increase.	说明目标设定为leisure的坏处
And consumers will not be able to enjoy the products that they have today.	说明目标设定为leisure的坏处
Thus, they should increase their productivity when their efficiency has increased.	总结
To sum up, it is true that the technology should primarily focus on increasing people’s efficiency.	总结表明观点
However, people should not simply spend their time on leisure.	总结表明不同意的地方
They should use the extra time to solve the unknown problems, absorb knowledge and increase their productivity.	总结主题句123

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54) Humans arrived in the Kaliko Islands about 7,000 years ago, and within 3,000 years most of the large mammal species that had lived in the forests of the Kaliko Islands had become extinct. Yet humans cannot have been a factor in the species' extinctions, because there is no evidence that the humans had any significant contact with the mammals. Further, archaeologists have discovered numerous sites where the bones of fish had been discarded, but they found no such areas containing the bones of large mammals, so the humans cannot have hunted the mammals. Therefore, some climate change or other environmental factor must have caused the species' extinctions.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
In this argument, the writer concludes that instead of human, the climate change or other environmental factor is the reason that (is the reason that 删除） caused the extinction of mammals in Kaliko Islands.	总结statement		reason cause搭配
The argument is based on the following assumptions: 1) human had limited contact with mammals（limited evidence shows that the contact between human and mammals meaning human and mammals had no contact); 2) limited contact among human and mammals means that human is not responsible for the extinction of the mammals; 3) no bones of large mammals are found meaning that human cannot hunt.	指出assumptions	第一个假设概括有问题 假设通常是论证推理过程中事实与事实之间的关系 而不是题目提供的事实本身
To begin with, the author assumes that no evidence shows the contact among human and mammals meaning that human had no contact with mammals.	主题句	这个假设还可以 但是和前面主旨句就不呼应了
However, this assumption might not hold true.	说明assumption不正确	这里说可能不对是可以的 但是你最后不能得出假设不对的结论 只能说假设如果不对对整个论证带来的影响
It is possible that human, in fact, had contact with mammals, but the evidence has not been found yet.	举例1
Also, it could be that the evidence was destroyed due to the geographical (geological) change.	举例2		geological change
If these were the cases, then the assumption will (might) not hold true.	说出assumption不正确		注意hedging
Thus, writer’s conclusion that based on this assumption may be incorrect.	总结assumption不正确导致的后果。
Moreover, another assumption is that human did not have significant contact with the mammals so that (so that 改为：meaning) human cannot be the factor that caused the extinction of the mammals.	主题句2	这个假设的概括也有问题 假设是关乎事实之间的关系 重点在关系
But we should carefully evaluate this assumption in order to draw a proper conclusion.	说明assumption需要仔细检查（套话）
In fact, human can be the factor that caused the extinction of the mammals without any contact with the mammals.	举出assumption错误的地方
For example, it is possible that human took away or poisoned most of the natural resources and left nothing to the mammals.	举例子		poisoned选词 pollute
As the result, the mammals starved to death and became extinct.	接上面的例子
Also, it is possible that the human activities had changed the environment of the Kaliko Islands, which led to the extinction of the mammals.	举例子
If these were the cases, human may be the factor that caused the extinction of the mammals.	指出assumption错误
And the conclusion that based on this assumption (may) be invalid.	说明assumption错误导致结论不正确	不能说假设错误
Lastly, the writer also assumes （the assumption) that no bones of large mammals are found meaning that people cannot hunt mammals.	主题句		句型要调整
However, this assumption might be unwarranted.	转折句（套话）
It could be that the bones that people discarded had decomposed since those bones were at least 4000 years ago.	举例子1
Also, it could be that the bones are in somewhere that the archaeologists have not discovered yet.	举例子2
Or it could be that people in Kaliko used the bones to make crafts and traded with other tribes.	举例子3
If these were the reasons that lead to no bones of large mammals are found in Kaliko Islands, the conclusion is not properly drew.	结论。
To sum up, the writer’s assumptions regarding are unwarranted.	总结 老师，如果conclusion是这样子的套话可以吗？觉得这样子写的话能够省下一些时间做检查。
And these unwarranted assumptions may seriously damage the soundness of the conclusion that human is not the factor that caused the mammals’ extinction.	说明assumptions 错误导致的后果。
反思： 1. assumption指的是推导关系，而不能是事实。 2. 注意hedge。 3. 用词搭配

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78) People’s attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

不知道说无法比较可不可以？谢谢老师。

I do not agree with that statement that immediate situation or surroundings can determine people’s attitudes more than the society as a whole. In fact, the immediate environment and the society are connected together so tightly that we are unable to make the conclusion that which one is more influential in determining people’s attitudes. I will illustrate my points of view in three stages of human life, which are childhood, adulthood, and late adulthood.

in three stages of human life, which are childhood, adulthood, and late adulthood.
by discussing three stages of human life, which are childhood, adulthood, and late adulthood.
我不太肯定你可以这样写 因为题目是明确在比较 而你却说不能比较 这个你怎么证明呢 不容易写得让人信服  



To begin with, both the immediate environment and the society determine children’s attitudes. It may easy to understand that how immediate situation affect children’s attitudes. For example, when children receive care and love from their parents, they are more likely to develop the benign attitude towards others. And the society also can play an important role in determining children’s attitudes. For example, the social welfare of a society provides a safety net for the children. The economics of the society may have huge impact on whether their parents are able to provide foods and shelter for the children. And all these societal factors can be so powerful that they can determine the children’s attitudes of viewing the world. Both immediate surroundings and society can affect children’s attitudes in different ways; thus, it is impossible to draw a conclusion that which one is more influential.

may be easy
that how ?
由于你没有具体讨论对什么的态度 整段的内容比较空洞   




Moreover, immediate environment and the society also both play an important role in people’s adulthood. For example, an adult who are from a religious family may consider homosexuality is sin. However, this attitude may be changed when the law starts to recognize the same-sex marriage or the massive media advocates the civil rights for the LGBT community. Similarly, an adult may change the attitudes from “gay friendly” to anti-homosexuality when that person suddenly becomes religious due to the personal experience. Since both immediate environment and the society can change adults’ attitudes, it is wrong to draw the conclusion that one is more powerful than the other one.


religious due to the personal experience这个作为immediate situation的例子有些牵强

Lastly, when it comes to late adult life, it is still unable to draw the conclusion that immediate situation can determine this group of people’s attitudes more than the society as a whole. For example, older adults may feel depress or lose their hope for life when they suffer from illness or experience death of their family members. However, the social support, such as social welfare or the services that provide by social workers, may change their attitudes towards their life. It is very completed, even impossible to state that which system, microsystem or macrosystem, play an important role in determining their attitude, since these two systems can influence or change their minds.

completed？

社会如何影响人的态度 一般是通过一些具体的机制来影响 你在中间段讨论的时候其实也涉及到一些具体的机制 或者应该在主题句里明确指出
另外我还是不太赞同你这种否定题目的基本假设的观点  


To sum up, it is impossible to draw the conclusion which factor, immediate surrounding or society, determine more in terms of people’s attitudes. In fact, these two factors both play an important role in shaping people’s attitudes.

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

tmdxlp 发表于 2015-7-23 01:26
78) People’s attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by soc ...

楼上童鞋你好~
我来点评一下你的作文，互相学习哈~
浅评如下：

关于内容：
我觉得你分为这几个阶段来写也是可以的。（不知王老师会怎么想……）
我觉得issue其实不是讨论是不是真理，而是只要你能够自圆其说你的issue就是好issue。

下面是你的语言问题：
para. 2
It may easy to understand that how immediate situation affect children’s attitudes.
应该改为：
It may be easy to understand that how immediate situation affect children’s attitudes.
For example, older adults may feel depress or lose their hope for life when they suffer from illness or experience death of their family members.
应改为：
For example, older adults may feel depressed or lose their hope for life when they suffer from illness or experience death of their family members.

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

The following appeared in a memo from the director of a large group of hospitals.

"In a laboratory study of liquid antibacterial hand soaps, a concentrated solution of UltraClean produced a 40 percent greater reduction in the bacteria population than did the liquid hand soaps currently used in our hospitals. During a subsequent test of UltraClean at our hospital in Workby, that hospital reported significantly fewer cases of patient infection than did any of the other hospitals in our group. Therefore, to prevent serious patient infections, we should supply UltraClean at all hand-washing stations throughout our hospital system.”

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

全文写完大概28分钟。总结段基本都是套话，因为写了总结就不够时间检查了。

PS： workby 是什么意思？是一个地点吗？还是医院的某个setting

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
In this memo, the director recommends that the hospital should provide UltraClean at all hand-washing stations in order to prevent serious patient infections.	总结statement
However, this recommendation is based on the following assumptions: 1) UltraClean can reduce more bacteria population meaning that UltraClean is better than liquid hand soaps; 2) UltraClean leads to fewer cases of patient infection; 3) UltraClean can reduce more bacteria meaning that it can prevent serious infection.	列出assumptions		UltraClean can reduce more bacteria population meaning that UltraClean is better than liquid hand soaps句子结构   UltraClean can reduce more bacteria meaning that it can prevent serious infection.句子结构 The fact that .. means that ...
To begin with, the director assumes that UltraClean can produce greater reduction in the bacteria population meaning that UltraClean is a better cleaning solution.	主题句1		句型问题同上
However, there are some other factors that we should carefully consider before we make this judgment.	说明要考虑其他情况
For example, it could be that Using UltraClean might lead to skin damage.	可能性1	这个完全偏题了
It is possible that people who use UltraClean are more likely to have allergy reactions.	可能性2	偏题
Hence, if these were true, the assumption might not hold true.	总结 assumption可能是错的
And the recommendation that based on this assumption might be unable to achieve the result that the director expects.	错误的assumption可能使recommendation无法达到预期的结果
Second, another assumption is that the Using UltraClean is the reason that the hospital has fewer cases of patient infection.	主题句2		the reason why
However, we need to examine this assumption carefully before we evaluate the recommendation.	过渡句
It is possible that the hospital has fewer cases of infection is because that the number of patients in this hospital is smaller than other hospitals.	可能性1		句子结构  the hospital has fewer cases of infection because  ...
Or it could be that the doctors and nurses in the hospital are following the required procedure strictly, but other staff in other hospitals do not. As the result, the cases of infection is fewer than other hospitals.	可能性2		the cases of infection is fewer the number of ... is smaller
Or it could be that this hospital is specialized in internal medicine.	可能性3	不太靠谱
Most patients who come to this hospital usually do not have open wound. Thus, they are less likely to have infection problems.	解释可能性3
If these were true, the assumption might be unwarranted.	说明assumption 可能错误
As a result, the hospital may not be able to achieve the expected result when the hospital adopts the director’s recommendation.	recommendation可能是错误的
Lastly, even if using UltraClean can reduce the cases of patients’ infection, the director might not assume that it will prevent the serious infections.	主题句3
It is possible that the serious infections is the result of the contamination of the surgical tools.	可能性1
Or it could that the patients’ own physical condition is the reason for the serious infections.	可能性2
As we know, infection is one of the complications after surgery.	解释可能性2
This infection has nothing to do with the hand hygiene, but patients’ own physical condition.	解释可能性2
If these were the cases, using UltraClean may not be able to prevent serious infection; thus, the recommendation probably will not achieve the predicted result.	总结		注意hedging  不要用will
To sum up, the assumptions that the director makes in the memo might not hold true.	总结assumption可能不正确
The director needs to reexamine the validity of the assumptions in order to make a proper recommendation for the hospital.	总结

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

Issue 100: Colleges and universities should require their students to spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country.

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.
30分钟之内完成，N个typo。 名词忘记加所有格。一些简单地词语拼写错误：如 university，abroad. 实在不应该。

另外，直接列出三个点讨论比分类讨论要简单。分类讨论需要想怎么分类，但是分点讨论只需要列出3个点就可以了。不过也是因为这道题比较简单，很容易想到3个点（3个点好不好就不知道了——！）

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
I do not agree with the statement that the colleges and universities should require students to study in a foreign country for at least one semester.	表明观点 同义句改写，虽然改写的不多。
First, this policy will further impose students’ financial burdens.	观点一		further increase 选词 impose students with further financial burden也可以
Second, students with certain majors may not benefit from studying abroad.	观点二		students majoring in certain disciplines 搭配
Third, schools may not lose their attraction to students since this policy takes away students’ privilege of making their own decision.	观点三		may not lose their attraction 不懂
To begin with, the policy that requires students to study abroad may increase students’ financial burdens.	观点一
It is well known that the college tuition has become skyrocket high.	背景		become skyrocket high 搭配
Most students have to take student loans and apply for work-study in order to cover their tuition and living expense.	背景
If these students are force to study abroad for a semester, they will not able to continue to work on their part time job.	讨论政策实施的后果1		forced 动词用法
And they will not be able to find a new part time job when they study abroad, since most countries have strict laws that forbidding foreigners to work.	后果1的补刀		这个写得不错 没钱这个点要写出细节 就得讲工作的问题 经济来源的问题
Moreover, they also need to spend extra money on fly tickets, new dorm and other expenses, which they do not have to pay in the first place if they are not required to study abroad.	后果2		fly tickets - air tickets
Thus, implementing this policy will impose students’ financial burdens.	总结
Moreover, students with certain majors may not benefit from studying in other countries.	观点二
For example, most universities in US have the best Computer Science education in the world.	举例
Thus, it may not be a brilliant idea to require American students with Computer Science major to study their major in other countries that cannot provide the best education for them.	讨论后果
Also, for Chinese students who study Chinese Literature, they will not benefit from studying Chinese Literature in the countries that Chinese is not their first language.	举例+讨论后果 （老师，我这里是不是应该只用一个列子并详细讨论比较好，而不是例子堆叠？）	嗯 我建议你可以补一句 讨论internship 美国的相关产业发达 ......
Hence, some students with certain majors will not benefit from studying abroad.	总结
Lastly, schools which require students to study abroad may lose their attraction to students.	观点三		表达有问题
In nowadays, students highly value their individual liberty.	背景		Nowadays
Hence, they will not appreciate that policy that limits their options.
As a result, students may choose other schools that provide study abroad as an option instead of the schools that force students to study abroad for at least a semester.	讨论政策实施的后果		provide study abroad program
Thus, schools that implement the policy of requiring every student to study abroad may lose their ability of attracting students.	总结
To sum up, colleges and universities should not implement the policy that requires students to study abroad for at least one semester.	总结态度
Implementing this policy will increase students' financial burden.	总结观点一
Also, not all the students will benefit from this policy.	总结观点二
Lastly, schools may lose their attraction to students once this policy is implemented.	总结观点三

总的来说写得不错

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

100) The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendously profitable.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

这篇文章超时了（38分钟），主要是1. 槽点太多不知道说哪一个，又哪一个都不想放弃。2. 故意放慢了打字的速度，以确保没有typo（两个typo）

疑问，对于这种槽点那么多，又特别明显的，需要每个都说吗？谢谢老师。

你可以考虑将几个槽点按照主题归纳在一起  



In this loan application, the applicant concludes that it will profitable to start a jazz music club in Monroe. This conclusion is based on the following assumption: 1) the popularity of the jazz music among citizens in Monroe; 2) The Monroe citizens' need of having a jazz club; 3) the consumption ability of people in Monroe. We need to carefully examine these assumptions in order to draw a conclusion regarding the validity of this application.

引出假设的句型有问题  
based on the assumptions about the following issues:   


To begin with, the applicant assumes that jazz music is extremely popular in Monroe. This assumption is based on the facts that numbers of people who attended jazz festival in Monroe, the rating of a jazz radio program, and number of jazz musicians who live in Monroe. However, these facts may not be able to support the assumption. It is possible that people who went to the jazz festival were the people who from other cities. In fact, only a few jazz fans in Monroe attended the festival. Also, though the jazz radio, Jazz Nightly, has the highest rating, it may not prove the popularity of the jazz music in Monroe. It could be that the rating was conducted by a small group of people who happen to be jazz lovers. Or it could be that the host of the Jazz Nightly is a huge celebrity and extremely funny, which lead to the high rating of this radio program. Lastly, the reason jazz musicians choose to live in Monroe could be that there are few jazz fans in Monroe, so no one would try to probe or bother these musicians’ private life. Thus, if these cases were true, it may weaken the conclusion that a jazz club in Monroe would be profitable.

Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe 这个不是假设 而是一种claim
It is assumed that a number of facts cited necessarily implies that Jazz is popular in Monroe.  
who from other cities句子结构
only a few jazz fans in Monroe attended the festival注意hedging

这一段可以考虑拆分为两段  


Moreover, another assumption that made by the applicant is that the jazz fans in Monroe would prefer a jazz club in Monroe. However, this assumption might not hold true. It could be that the having the road trip before going to a jazz club is part of jazz fans ritual. The jazz fans, in fact, prefer having some conversation with their friends. And the one-hours drive would perfectly serve this purpose. Moreover, it is possible that the citizens in Monroe highly dislike a jazz club in Monroe because they worry that the club may make too much noise. Thus, if these factors were true, the assumption may be untenable. And the conclusion that based on this assumption may be also weakened.

assumption that made句子结构   

it is possible that the citizens in Monroe highly dislike a jazz club in Monroe because they worry that the club may make too much noise 这个可能性不是很靠谱   


Lastly, the applicant also assumes that the jazz fans in Monroe have the purchase power to spend $1,000 a year per person. Though the applicant used a national wide study to support this assumption, it may not be the case in Monroe. It could be that jazz fans in Monroe are mostly students, so they do not have enough money to spend on jazz entertainment. Also, it could be that Monroe is experiencing economic recession. As a result, people in Monroe may not able to afford jazz entertainments. If these were the cases, then the assumption may not hold true. And the jazz club may not as profitable as the applicant expects.

这里的假设应该是fans会花某个数量的金额在jazz club里 主题句不合适
这里要指出Monroe的群体和全国群体之间可能的差别  
另外 花钱在Jazz方面也不代表一定会来club啊 这个point可以写一下  


To sum up, the applicants may make some false assumptions regarding the popularity of jazz music in Monroe, the Monroe citizens’ need of having a jazz club, and the consumption ability of jazz fans in Monroe. If these assumptions are unwarranted, the conclusion also may be weakened and not be able to achieve the result that the applicant predicts.

tmdxlpUID: 2745223

Argument 34) The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits. “

"Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.”

这段时间，对于写作有些失望，还是找不到感觉，以至于也没有太多动力学习。好多次作业都迟交了，实在抱歉。希望这个状态在下个星期可以改变。 谢谢老师。
作文要提高确实需要比较长的时间。你要鸡汤么？其实我最近信心也不是很足，感觉要在几周内帮学生提高到4分还是挺难的。但是你不是要去读社会学的博士么？那要读好多书写好多文章啊。

句子	学生动作总结	内容点评	语言点评
In this argument, the president recommends that the company should installing software to monitoring employees’ Internet use in order to stop employees from wasting their time, improve employee’s work ethic, and increase the profits.	总结recommendation		should installing 动词用法 to monitor 动词用法
However, this recommendation is based on the assumptions about following issues: 1) employees waste their time on Internet; 2) close monitoring and punishment will improve employees’ work ethic; 3) installing software is a cost-effective method to prevent internet misuse.	列出3个assumptions		based on the assumptions about following issues- based on the following assumptions
The company should carefully examine the assumptions behind this recommendation before implementing this recommendation.	套话（建议）
To begin with, the vice president assumes that the employees waste their time by using Internet to do personal and recreational activities.	主题句一 assumption 1
However, this assumption may not hold true.	过渡句
It is possible that the employees mostly spend their time on gossiping with their coworkers.	举例1
Or it could be that the employees use their smart phone to play games or make personal phone calls.	举例2	这里或许指出安装后员工会转向这些活动会好些
If these were true, then installing software to detect employees’ Internet use may not achieve the results that the vice president predicts.	总结	总的来说这段写的不错
Moreover, another assumption that the vice president makes is that the employees’ work ethic and productivities will be improved when company monitors employees' Internet use closely and punishes the misuse of the Internet.	主题句2 assumption2
However, this may not be the case.	过渡句
It is possible that the employees feel upset and stressed because they think the company mistrusts them.	举例1
As a result, their productivity may be decreased, not improved.	例子的后果
Or it could be that the employees have a sense of resentment when they are punished by the company.	举例2
Hence, they may intentionally decrease their productivity by doing nothing at all on the Internet.	例子的后果
If there were the cases, the recommendation may not have the same result that the vice president expects.	总结
It is also assumed that the installing software is a cost-effective method to prevent Internet misuse.	主题句		the installing software - installing software
However, this assumption may unwarranted.	过渡句		assumption may be unwarranted
It is possible that the price of the software and the maintenance fee of the software are both extremely expensive.	举例1		price- expensive 搭配
The profits that the company gains will not cover the expense.
Or it could be the employees are dissatisfied with this policy and decide to leave the company.	举例2		it could be the employees are dissatisfied 句子结构
As a result, the company may have to spend more resources on hiring and providing training for the new employees.	例子的后果
If these were true, the company may have to suffer financial losses rather than gaining profits.	总结
To sum up, the company should carefully reexamine vice president’s recommendation.	总结
Since the assumptions may be unwarranted, the recommendation may not achieve the results that the vice president predicts.	说明assumption不正确的后果	这篇写得挺好