[主题活动] 内容反馈汇总之一：回应题目关键词和遵循写作指引 [复制链接]

tesolchina
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发表于 2015-6-28 23:09:06 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-16 14:01 编辑

过去五周，我们做了二十多题的同主题练习。昨天参加考试的同学有不少都遇到了练过的原题，但是在我点评后没有再修改，以致十分后悔。接下来的两个星期，我们会回顾过去五周的同主题练习。主要参与回顾和总结的版友有11位：

Lily portfolio
sokiller - portfolio
雲靉玥 portfolio
jingyuege1 portfolio
晹城 -portfolio
sunshineatnoon-portfolio
tmdxlp- portfolio
Fishgo-portfolio
艾小卉portfolio
Dingka portfolio
Kssandra portfolio

其他同学也欢迎关注和提出问题并参与写作issue 78的提纲。

我们的总结主要针对过去5周我对习作的点评。这些点评可以大体分为针对内容的点评和针对语言表达的点评两大类。众所周知，内容和语言是不可分割的，因此将点评分作这两类也有不妥之处，但是对于更好的理解点评以及找到自己的问题还是有一定的帮助。今天我们关注的是内容点评的第一类：回应题目关键词和遵循写作指引。
比如Kssandra 作品集第3页我的内容反馈（Kssandra:同主题练习之前的作品貌似我点评很少，要不就忽略算了）

针对
Issue 15
Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of
study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the
claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most
compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

I strongly disagree with the claim but believe that students should be encouraged to to choose
fields of study that they are talented with and interested in. To begin with, many students may
not end up being successful in some seemingly lucrative careers which they are not good at.
Also, people are normally more successful in fields that the are interested in. Finally, there
may be concerns that some careers, like the career as artists, may not provide enough
monetary income, but artists can still transfer their skills to other types of careers.

我的内容反馈

嗯主旨句的三个点都出来了 artist做主语不太合适毕竟这里讨论的是学生

这里作者写artist如何如何就偏离了题目的主题，根本原因就在于主语用了artist，而没有专注于讨论学生。这里需要提醒大家的一点就是，写作到了中间段的时候，一定要紧扣题目的关键词，不断的回应题目，而不能偏离题目的中心和主旨。

这里再举一个例子：

雲靉玥 portfolio 第9页针对Issue 33 /109
As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible,
but more complex and mysterious.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree
with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In
developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which
the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these
considerations shape your position.

雲靉玥写了一句
Nonetheless, environmental science
exports will ask questions such as how
can people predict more precisely when
and where tornado appears; how can we
minimize the damage of tornado, and is
there a relationship between the more
frequently appeared tornado and the
worse of global warming,

我的内容点评

这里的讨论并没有体现出more mysterious或 complex

除了没有充分回应题干的关键词这个问题外，不能遵守题目的写作指引也是一个很大的问题。Issue方面最严重的就是忘了address challenge。 Argument方面，explanation的题型问题较大。

参与本活动的同学需要在自己的作品集里查看我给出的所有内容点评，并找出属于回应题目关键词和遵循写作指引这一类的。

列出我的内容反馈中涉及到回应题目关键词和遵循写作指引的部分。基本格式：

issue或argument题号
练习日期
相关习作句子或段落
老师点评
自己的思考和总结：（这里主要讨论为什么会出现这个问题）

最后，请讨论一下自己在这个问题上有没有进步，以后还出这种问题的机会大不大。

最后的最后，还是一起练一道题吧。

78.People's attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

昨天某同学考了这道题。感觉不太好写，大家可以在完成今天的专题讨论后，尝试写这道题的开头段和三个主题句以及汉语的的例子展开。写完后可以看看我的范文。我会抽时间看看你的提纲有没有偏离作文题干中的关键词以及是否遵循写作指引。其他同学也可以开帖参加，格式可参考这里。

关于这个总结和issue78的提纲练习，请回复你自己的练习帖，分两层楼发布，然后将具体楼层地址回复到这里。

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