牛奔奔 作文练习帖

牛奔奔UID: 3232412

Argument 14) The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.
A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

想好提纲再写，用时29min,最后结尾可能比较仓促了一点。不知道这样的结尾可不可以？

According to the business magazine, the result of a recent investigation suggests that companies should only recruit people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night to thrive its business. The reason is that it is found that there is a positive relationship between the amount of sleep the executives need and the performance of their firms. This argument makes several assumptions about the validity of the study, the causal relationship between shortage of sleep and prosperity of the firms and staff's work performance related to lack of sleep. We need to examine with great care about those assumptions to check the validity of this argument.
it is found that 可删
shortage of sleep - need of less sleep


To start with, it assumes the validity of the study. However, it may contain several fallacies. Firstly, the result form advertising firms may not imply it is also true in other industries.  Moreover, it is doubtful that interviewees in the sample are representative of the whole advertising executives. Maybe they didn't randomly select the samples, and just choose the firms with better performance. If this was true, a large portion of firms whose executives both suffer from lack of sleep and firm's depression would be ignored, which would largely contort the result. Without ruling out the possibility of selection bias, the validity of this study is highly suspicious.

it assumes the validity of the study- 搭配 it assumes that the study is valid
firm's depression 不懂
selection bias是一个万用的点 我觉得最好不用  这里其实看不出会有selection bias  
相反self-report的可靠性倒是值得怀疑  


Another underlying assumption is that executives' less hours of sleep leads to the success of their firms. It obviously have problems. Their firms' prosperity may be ascribed to the executives' novel ideas and perceptive business sense, or to the effective arrangement done by the executives and efficient teamwork. All of these may deprive executives of enough time of sleep, while they are certainly not the main reasons for the success of their firms. If a executive of a firm sleep who less than 6 hours a day is barren of any original or interesting idea and mature business plan, their firms are likely to suffer from some trouble rather than achieve success.

they are certainly not the main reasons they指代不明
sleep who less than 6 hours a day 词序
这段写得挺好 可能有第三个因素同时导致A 和B 很经典的fallacy


Moreover, it also implies that hiring employees who sleep less would help firms to thrive. Even if lack of sleep does contribute to the firms' better performance in terms of executives, it may doesn't apply to staff; on the contrary, this plan may backfire. Employees who are deficient of sleep may have a potential health problem and are more likely to be sick because of the harmful life style. If they are ill and have to go to hospital, the work taken by them have  to be postponed, which may disorder the firms' previous plan and bring losses. Additionally, even when those people perform daily work, they cannot fully concentrate on it and will easily become lethargic. In both situations, their work efficiency is largely decreased, which may be harmful for the firms' future development.

主题句里要出现assumes的字眼 it指代不明
needing no more than 6 hours of sleep 和lack of sleep是两回事  你要注意审题和同意转换

你这里明显漏掉了- executive和employee的区别  

Based on the discussion, the conclusion that companies need hire employees who sleep less than 6 hours a day is not reliable due to those suspicious assumptions.

牛奔奔UID: 3232412

Argument 91

91) Three years ago, because of flooding at the Western Palean Wildlife Preserve, 100 lions and 100 western gazelles were moved to the East Palean Preserve, an area that is home to most of the same species that are found in the western preserve, though in larger numbers, and to the eastern gazelle, a close relative of the western gazelle. The only difference in climate is that the eastern preserve typically has slightly less rainfall. Unfortunately, after three years in the eastern preserve, the imported western gazelle population has been virtually eliminated. Since the slight reduction in rainfall cannot be the cause of the virtual elimination of western gazelle, their disappearance must have been caused by the larger number of predators in the eastern preserve.

大概想好提纲才开始写，30 min的时候勉强写完，结尾没来得及写。感觉这题在argument中比较不同，然后感觉第三点论证的时候有点弱了，现在想想可能写predator导致羚羊的灭绝需要更多的证据比如解剖羚羊尸体查出死因，可能会更好一点。

解剖尸体估计比较困难 因为是3年期间消失的   再说predator吃了的话 只剩下骨头了啊 汗

The author claimed that the extinction of western gazelles that were introduced to east preserve area can be ascribed to larger number of predators in the eastern preserve. He/she argues that since 100 lions are also introduced to that area, and the only difference of slightly less rainfall in the eastern area cannot account for disappearance of the western gazelles. I am going to examine some specific evidence about the effect of less rainfall on gazelle's food and drinking needs, the situation about western gazelle, and possible natural environmental changes to check the validity of this argument.

extinction 选词
He/she argues that since 100 lions are also introduced to that area, and the only difference of slightly less rainfall in the eastern area cannot account for disappearance of the western gazelles.

since -
因果关系不成立

To begin with, the author claim that slightly less rainfall will not lead to the extinction of western gazelles. However, we need more information to check this point. Less rainfall may not be enough to directly kill the western gazelles abruptly and completely, but it may lead to the species' death in a roundabout way. Firstly, even slightly less rainfall maybe lethal to the grass or other foods that gazelles live on. If foods die in a large amount, western gazelles are likely to die out because of hunger. Secondly, if western area where the species lived before is abundant with water resources such as rivers and creeks, while eastern areas suffers from drought every year, even rainfall is not significantly different in two areas, the species of western kind may have difficulties accustoming themselves with a much drier environment, and thus extinguish due to lack of the water. Without specific evidence about whether less rainfall is lethal to the food which western gazelles eat and the distribution of water resources in two areas, we cannot deny that less rainfall could be the cause of the extinction.

maybe -may be
lethal 选词  
extinguish选词


Moreover, with just mentioning the only difference in climate, the author fails to provide any further information about other possible reasons that might cause the extinction of western gazelles except for predators. One possible reason is that western gazelles fail in the combat for habitats with eastern species. With more gazelles are introduced to eastern areas but limited resources and habitats, there may happen fierce competition between those two species. Since eastern gazelles are more familiar with the environment, they have more chance to win in this battle, and drive western gazelles out of habitats which causes their extinction. In this case, more detailed evidence about the interaction between those two species needs to be examined to identify the other possible reasons that might cause the extinction of western gazelles.

there may happen fierce competition句子结构
more chance - better chance 选词
evidence- examined (collected) 搭配


Additionally, it has been 3 years since western gazelles are introduced to the new environment. We don't know if there is some dramatic environmental change that might also account for the disappearance of western gazelles. Maybe at the end of the third year, A earthquake or eruption of volcano occurs, destroying the species suddenly and without expectation, or some other newly introduced species endanger the existence of western gazelles. In this sense, we also need evidence about those possible changes to check the validity of this argument.

这个貌似有点不靠谱啊  

牛奔奔UID: 3232412

牛奔奔 发表于 2015-8-5 23:19
Argument 14) The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.
A recent study r ...

关于executive和staff的区别，其实我在最后一段有提及的，但是只有一句：
Moreover, it also implies that hiring employees who sleep less would help firms to thrive. Even if lack of sleep does contribute to the firms' better performance in terms of executives, it may doesn't apply to staff; on the contrary...

这样可以咩？因为感觉这个点挺明显的没什么好论述的，就直接跳到雇佣睡的少的人的不好的影响上去了。。。

牛奔奔UID: 3232412

166) The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. This shows that eating a substantial amount of fish can clearly prevent colds. Furthermore, since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, attendance levels will improve. Therefore, we recommend the daily use of a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

再看了老师的提纲和question类范文之后写的。 速度需要加强，30min后倒数第二段还没有写完...感觉一琢磨起来思路或者表达， 速度就很难提上去...

In this memo, it is recommended to use nutritional supplement extracted from fish oil in order to prevent cold and thus lower absenteeism. However, several questions about why people in the nearby area of East Meria only visit the doctor infrequently for the treatment of colds, the reasons behind absences from school and work and the real effect of nutritional supplement from fish oil need to be answered to evaluate this argument.

The first question we need to investigate is the reason why residents in nearby East Meria don't need to visit doctor very often to deal with colds. It is assumed that eating an substantial amount of fish can lower the chance of contracting colds and thus making going to the hospital unnecessary. Nevertheless, there might be other reasons that account for this phenomenon. Maybe the local citizens prefer to go to drug stores and buy specific medicines if they got cold rather than go to the hospital, as the former one costs less and might reach the same effect to cure the colds. Another possible reason is that people in East Meria tend to exercise everyday and this healthy lifestyle, rather than consuming fish on a daily basis, keeps them from cold . If these were the reasons, providing people in West Meria with fish nutrition may not achieve the desired outcome.

Furthermore, we also need to ask the question about the reasons behind absences from school and work. The argument attributes the absences mainly to catching a cold. But maybe students and workers like to use cold as an excuse to apply for a sick leave while hiding their true thoughts. Thus we may need to examine carefully the real reasons of absenteeism. For students, we need to investigate their attitudes towards learning in school to see whether going to school become a boredom to them and motivates them to play truant. Similarly, for workers we need to check whether they are satisfied with current working conditions, or do they work under too much pressure, which might accounts for their absence from work. Without ruling out those deeper possible reasons, we can not ensure the effect of this recommendation.

Lastly, it is also necessary to question the effect of the use of nutritional supplement extracted from fish oil as a replacement for fresh fish. Even if fish itself could contribute to the prevention of cold, we are not sure about the direct effect of this nutritional supplement, we may need a control experiment to verify its effect on cold prevention. On the other hand, fish could serve to diversity people's daily choices for food, as a replacement for pork and chicken, the function of which cannot be fulfilled by nutritional supplement in some sense. Without further investigation, it is suspicious  that use of nutritional supplement could achieve same effect as fish does.

In conclusion, since we don't know the reasons behind people's infrequent visit to hospital to handle cold in the nearby area and their absenteeism from school and work, it is not safe to say that consuming fish could prevents cold and increase the attendance rate. Moreover, it is also important to examine about the the effect of nutritional supplement compared with fish to see whether the recommendation is valid or not.