2015GRE写作杀出一条血路

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2016.10.27 第一篇issue15，老师帮着批改，批语如当头棒喝，让我清醒不少。我习惯追求高目标，但体现在写作上，就会让我的文章一头雾水，不知所云，其实写的时候自己也有体会，常难句，大篇幅，新词，我背了不少单词都敢往上用，却缺了最本质的内容。老师说写文章要诚实，有多少水平就写多少东西，把自己做到的内容把握好。语言要表达清楚，内容也要清楚。我也思考到其实语言是用来表达思想的，需要长时间的沉淀，不是用新词长句的堆积。所以从根本做起。老师建议我可以多练习写提纲（首段＋主题句）整篇文章写我还是需要从开始做起，段落练习。并且最苦恼的没有思路，就是读范文。还有不到一个月的时间，我会坚持住，也同步更新老师给的意见和批改方向。希望我的经历也可以给他人一些借鉴。还是再次感谢王老师的帮助。

（参考范文后）二稿提纲10.28(批改版)
Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them lucrative careers.

I disagree with the statement that students are encouraged to select their major according to the lucrative degree of relevant career.連貫 你看看範文怎麼連貫  It totally violates the principle of education, 改寫
the goal of education aim to nurture students to be an elite who find themselves and achieve self-value, rather than a mediocre person. Further more, the suggestion is unreasonable in several aspects. The so-called lucrative career cannot be guaranteed as well as the results of such option may cause an unpleasant life for people.
Try to rewrite by imitating 範文

Educational experiments cultivate people to become enlightened and independent, which boost younger choose their own life which they like. 這句話完全離題了



The prevalent career keep changing with the development of society. It is hard to ensure which job must be the lucrative one.

People who do lucrative job rather than compelling one for them is easily to be complaint and mediocre.

注意文章与题目相对应，不应出现题目虚拟语气而文章变为肯定（should）。
建议：对照范文进行改写，换词不换意思。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

2016？   

fionalitingtingUID: 3667046

tesolchina 发表于 2015-10-28 20:07
2016？

:dizzy:精神有点错乱