issue78 几天前的文章，经斟酌改正发上来

讨厌下雨UID: 163095

78. "Schools should be required to teach the essential interconnectedness of all human beings and thus help eliminate wars, cultural clashes, and other forms of conflict." 学校应该教给学生所有人类之间内在的互通性，这样就能有助于避免战争、文化抵触和其他形式的冲突。

Only with deep understanding between each other can human beings lead a most harmonious life without conflict on the planet owned by all. Hence, it is one of the important goals for pedagogic mechanics to acquaint students with knowledge about humanity and culture, which should be part of every adult's common sense in this era of rapid development and enhancing globalization. In this aspect, I stand for the opinion that schools ought to teach essential interconnectedness of all human beings. On the other hand, as a complement to the subject, I insist that various differences between cultures should be taught as well in classes and be attached more importance to.

Firstly, I concede that, after realized the interconnectedness of all cultures, people from different races would tend to handle international affairs more comprehensively. For example, in an issue that is replete with smell of black powder, both parties would act more reasonably when essentially considering the other party as the same human beings as themselves than as complete heresies. Thus, needless warfare among nations would not take place frequently. So it is of great significance to include the knowledge about human interconnectedness in the curriculum of schools.

However, the differences in various cultures should not be neglected. Common sense tells us that the variety of human cultures is one of the main causes of conflicts. As is known to all, different races of human beings bear totally different customs, religions, and systems of cognition and so on. Some of the cultures may share much similarities, but some others may be of little homology. When one of the races get along with another, misunderstandings are easily formed by those disaccords and oppositions, which gradually sharpened to rouse cultural clashes and even wars between countries. A remarkable example is the intense situation between Palestine and Israel, in which the drastic conflictions owning to controversies on religion matters has been with the two races ever since several decades ago and has been breeding death and injury till now. Only if they each held a deep understanding about the diversity of religions can the ever-lasting conflicts be avoided. Therefore, inculcating the young with knowledge about differences in difference cultures is a must in pedagogic activities to help better the co-understanding.

Furthermore, simple 'knowledge' is not sufficient to eliminate serious conflicts. It should be placed on the top of pedagogic agenda to cultivate the students with a sense of cultural variance and coexistence that they would be prepared to face it magnanimously. Only with the magnanimity to forgive and tolerate can we human beings improve the quality of relationships among nations or races.

To sum up, it is the obligation for schools to cultivate, and for students to learn, the knowledge, and, more importantly, the sense, about humanity and cultures, including both interconnectedness and distinctness. In addition, the whole society should all take the responsibility to make the world environment more harmonious for all of us to live in.

gra cie0213UID: 157500

文章结构不错，过渡也自然。感觉开头过于繁琐，是否考虑简化一下，另外倒数第二段即Furthermore那段略显单薄，学校的作用体现得不明显
表达不错呀，全文很流畅

讨厌下雨UID: 163095

谢谢:)最后一个body的确很不完善！我在想是否可以把beginning累赘的地方放下来一些？

附上我的提纲，恳请看过imong文章的同志们帮忙看看有没有犯典型的错误
比如补充说明型错误？我把很大篇幅用来强调学校应该教授不同种族文化的差异等等...

部分同意
1.教给学生人类的互通性有助于避免conflicts（论证是不是不充分？）
2.还应讲授人类不同国家和种族的差异，这更能达到避免conflicts的目的（我好像没表达出“更”）
3.除了讲授知识外，学校还须培养学生对不同人种和文化的包容理念（如楼上所说，这段太单薄）
ending:总结，并补充这也是整个社会的责任

isthmusUID: 164923

Only with deep understanding between each other can human beings lead a most harmonious life without conflict on the planet owned by all. Hence, it is one of the important goals for pedagogic mechanics to acquaint students with knowledge about humanity and culture, which should be part of every adult's common sense in this era of rapid development and enhancing globalization. In this aspect, I stand for the opinion that schools ought to teach essential interconnectedness of all human beings. On the other hand, as a complement to the subject, I insist that various differences between cultures should be taught as well in classes and be attached more importance to.

Firstly, I concede that, after realizedrealizing the interconnectedness of all cultures, people from different races would tend to handle international affairs more comprehensively. For example,建议解释一下，这种政党之间的关系缓和是因为意识到各种文化之间的相互关系in an issue that is replete with smell of black powder, both parties would act more reasonably when essentially considering the other party as the same human beings as themselves than应该是rather than as complete heresies. Thus, needless warfare among nations would not take place frequently.似乎战争不能简单归结于政党之间的冲突吧，比如侵略战争 So it is of great significance to include the knowledge about human interconnectedness in the curriculum of schools.

However, the differences in various cultures should not be neglected. Common sense tells us that the variety of human cultures is one of the main causes of conflicts.为什么？ As is known to all, different races of human beings bear totally different customs, religions, and systems of cognition and so on. Some of the cultures may share much similarities, but some others may be of little homology. When one of the races get along with another, misunderstandings are easily formed by those disaccords and oppositions, which gradually sharpened to rouse cultural clashes and even wars between countries. A remarkable example is the intense situation between Palestine and Israel, in which the drastic conflictions owning to controversies on religion matters has been with the two races ever since several decades ago and has been breeding death and injury till now. Only if they each held a deep understanding about the diversity of religions can the ever-lasting conflicts be avoided. Therefore, inculcating the young with knowledge about differences in difference cultures is a must in pedagogic activities to help better the co-understanding. 我觉得，如果Palestine和Israel的争端源于宗教的话，即使他们彼此懂得彼此的宗教信仰，也不能避免战争。因为引发战争的并不是彼此的误解，彼此的不能接受和宽容

Furthermore, simple 'knowledge' is not sufficient to eliminate serious conflicts. It should be placed on the top of pedagogic agenda to cultivate the students with a sense of cultural variance and coexistence thatso that they would be prepared to face it magnanimously. Only with the magnanimity to forgive and tolerate can we human beings improve the quality of relationships among nations or races.

To sum up, it is the obligation for schools to cultivate, and for students to learn, the knowledge, and, more importantly, the sense, about humanity and cultures, including both interconnectedness and distinctness. In addition, the whole society should all take the responsibility to make the world environment more harmonious for all of us to live in.

楼主的词汇量不小哈，好多词我都是用金山词霸查的，向你学习。
interconnectedness楼主是怎么理解的？怎么教授interconnectedness?interconnectedness和similarity是同样的意思吗？

hattyUID: 141246

先占座

改好了发上来 ：）

billsxwUID: 111398

Only with deep understanding between each other can human beings lead a(THE) most harmonious life without conflict on the planet owned by all. Hence, it is one of the important goals for pedagogic mechanics to acquaint students with knowledge about humanity and culture, which should be part of every adult's common sense(感觉没有必要写这个定语从句，too prolix)in this era of rapid development and enhancing(感觉不合适，有pervasive就可以) globalization. In this aspect, I stand for the opinion that schools ought to teach essential interconnectedness of all human beings. On the other hand, as a complement to the subject, I insist that various differences between cultures should be taught as well in classes(IN CLASSES，意思不明确，是指按社会阶层呢，还是指不同类型的文化差异)and be attached more importance(important)l to.

pearlshellUID: 168500

文章总体来说不错，有深度， 论证也还圆满，如果是在规定时间内完成。 应该在4.5-5分了吧。

提纲2 论证太多，仅知道了不同不足以削弱冲突，说不定还会激化冲突。比如希特乐得种族灭绝政策。在了解的基础上，要知道这种不同是必然的，是可以同生存的。没有孰优孰劣的得比较，承认文化差异，接受文化差异，欣赏文化差异。强调文化平等的观念。 我觉得应该多花笔墨在这些方面， 及把你的3作为重点展开。在说明学校知识传播作用的同时，还要强调它的引导作用。
没太细看，该天再研读。
像你学习。我也发了一篇180， 但因为限时，可能较浅薄，错误不少， 有时间也帮我看看吧。

我的单词拉了好多啦，得赶紧去背啦！晚安！！

讨厌下雨UID: 163095

谢谢大家！真高兴:)
to isthmus ：
both parties是想说“双方”，不知用对没有？查了词典，还是不肯定
你对巴以关系的分析有道理！ 那我另找例子，把巴以这个放到body3吧？
body3是不是离题远了？最近imong批跑题批得我心惊胆战...
我觉得interconnectedness是人类的互通性，其实就是共同点吧，大概文中解释一下就好了。
BTW，别误会，我也是查金山词霸，唉

to billsxw，
我就在找能用什么形容globalizition呢！一直找不到，呵呵，多谢了！
in classes是在课堂上，呵呵，是不是用的不合适，改成in schools就不会误解了

to hatty：咦，你改了好久了啊，别太费力！如果详细修改耽误太多时间，可以直接指结构错误就好！这个方面其实更重要的：）