issue192 More + Conditioning 特训精彩作业

apolloxpUID: 156355

不知道是不是太啰嗦
issue192 "Success in any realm of life comes more often from taking chances or risks than from careful and cautious planning."

The speaker asserts people are more likely to attain success when taking chances or risks than planning carefully and cautiously. However, after comparing the characteristics of careful planning and taking chances, I strongly hold that they are of the same importance in the pursuit of success.

In competitive sports, while making appropriate training plans and effective competition strategies constitute necessary conditions of winning the matches, taking risks is almost inevitable when athletes or their coaches confront a sudden matter that might influence the course of a match and that has not been taken into consideration beforehand. In modern competitive sports, it is widely acknowledged that scientific and effective training contributes to athletes’ better performance during matches. Good competition strategies, on the other hand, resulting in the better allocation of physical force, better use of skills or the higher rate in scoring, also play a vital role. However, when the star players of a soccer team or a basketball team are off the game or fail to implement their chief coach's strategic intention, leaving the whole team in adverseness, the coach faces the choice whether to substitute he/she or not. No doubt substituting a star player with a bench player means taking risk because the bench player may not perform as good as the star player and may make matters worse. If this happens, the substitution will incur discontentment of the players and critique from the team's fans, media and the boss. The capability of the coach may then be suspected and he/she may even be fired. Nevertheless, if the coach dares not to take the risk to substitute a poorly performed star player, his/her team will probably lose the game. Taking chances and risks is reasonable when one is dealing with something that has not been taken into consideration previously. So, in competitive sports, planning and risking are both necessary.

In academic fields, careful and cautious planning is required for large projects and application disciplines while revolutionary scientific breakthroughs are almost impossible without taking chances or risks. Before starting the research project on human genome, scientists had already made plans on the content and method of the research. They did not have to take any chances or risks because all they should do have already been carefully planned. There were no technical obstacles that had not been solved. Therefore, they just followed the plan step by step and accomplished the project in the end. As for significant scientific breakthroughs, they are the important discoveries and theories that disaccord, at least to some extent, with established principles or our intuitions, such as the Theory of Relativity and quantum mechanics. One has no choice but to take chances because established theories may not be applicable on the boundary of what is known and what is unknown. Only after being examined through experiments, practices and observations, can they be confirmed or belied. In a word, planning and taking chances or risks are different means for different levels of academic researches.

In the business world, cautious planning contributes to the long-term development of a company and at the same time, risking is imperative for a company to survive, develop and thrive in the highly competitive society. Planning carefully on inquiring market, training stuff and manufacturing products ensure a company's long-term development by keeping its profit increasing or at least not declining. On the other hand, taking risks, such as incorporating with another company, involving in the market fields that have already been occupied by other enterprises or involving in the market fields that are not considered so profitable, is also necessary because these may save the company from the adversity or help to set foot in new businesses. Clearly, in the business field, planning and risking complement each other.

To conclude, success in any realm of life comes equally from taking chances or risks and from careful and cautious planning. In most cases, they complement each other and pave the way towards success.

讨厌下雨UID: 163095

Conditioning&Contrast  
厉害。我是无论如何都想不到的。

不过有点疑问：

比如body2，既说plan又说risk，但是好像“both necessary”并不是Contrast？
imong说过“both important”不等于“of the same importance”，不知是不是指这个？
指教一下啊 多谢

sarahongUID: 161981

In competitive sports, while making appropriate training plans and effective competition strategies constitute necessary conditions of winning the matches, taking risks is almost inevitable when athletes or their coaches confront a sudden matter that might influence the course of a match and that has not been taken into consideration beforehand如果这个做TS，是不是太长了点？. In modern competitive sports, it is widely acknowledged that scientific and effective training contributes to athletes’ better performance during matches. Good competition strategies, on the other handone hand呢？, resulting in the better allocation of physical force, better use of skills or the higher rate in scoring, also play a vital role. However, when the star players of a soccer team or a basketball team are off the game or fail to implement their chief coach's strategic intention, leaving the whole team in adverseness, the coach faces the choice ofwhether to substitute he/she or not. No doubt substituting a star player with a bench player means taking risk because the bench player may not perform as good as the star player and may make matters worse. If this happens, the substitution will incur discontentment of the players and critique from the team's fans, media and the boss. The capability of the coach may then be suspected and he/she may even be fired. Nevertheless, if the coach dares not to take the risk to substitute a poorly performed star player, his/her team will probably lose the game. Taking chances and risks is reasonable when one is dealing with something that has not been taken into consideration previously. So, in competitive sports, planning and risking are both necessary.

hehe,文章从结构到表达，几乎指不出什么问题来。尤其长句好多呀，值得学习
只是有一点疑惑，正篇文章分三个领域来展开，都是这也行，那也行（necessary,虽然后两个body没有明确这么指出）。所以按照imong特训1.2，contrast做足了吗？因为如果我是一个外行，我想听听你的意见，到底是careful planning 还是take risks好，我从你的文章好象找不到答案啊？
可能我的理解有问题吧？估计只能恳请imong出来解释一下啦！：）

apolloxpUID: 156355

谢谢两位提的意见
我的想法是把两者比成of the same importance
所作的比较其实是想说明两者各自都有一定的适用性
至于两者比较是否已经做足，我也不太肯定
再探讨一下？

imongUID: 140258

issue192 "Success in any realm of life comes more often from taking chances or risks than from careful and cautious planning."

The speaker asserts people are more likely to attain success when taking chances or risks than planning carefully and cautiously. However, after comparing（having compared? 其实这里weigh A against B之类的词汇常用的） the characteristics of careful planning and taking chances, I strongly hold that they are of the same importance in the pursuit of（for? 凭感觉猜的，没把握） success.

In competitive sports（是竞技体育吗？）, while making（establish，arrange，很多词都可以用） appropriate training plans and effective competition strategies constitute necessary conditions of（觉得of winning有点诡异） winning the matches, taking risks is almost inevitable when athletes or（这里是不是来个逗号然后together with呀？） their coaches confront a sudden matter（incidence？你的sudden是不是要表达unexpected？） that might influence the course of a match and that has not been taken into consideration beforehand. （给出一个个人经验：在这里的that...and that...不如写成an unexpected incidence, not taken into consideration beforehand yet ... 习惯一下逗号的妙用，以及词性的转换，在这里把主谓从句修饰改成省略的定语从句修饰，结构上更清晰）In modern competitive sports, it is widely acknowledged that scientific and effective training contributes to athletes’ better performance during matches. （怎么把刚才的话几乎没变又说了一遍？？哪怕来个one need to look no further than或者什么个例子也比完全重复要好啊）Good competition strategies, on the other hand, resulting in the better allocation of physical force, better use of skills or the higher rate in scoring, also play a vital role.（这里的strategy可以具体呢，比如说某个著名战役中A球队的拖拉战术把他们的对手成功弄到全死） However, when the star players of a soccer team or a basketball team are off the game or fail to implement their chief coach's strategic intention, leaving the whole team in adverseness, the coach faces the choice whether to substitute he/she or not（有点诡异的用词）. No doubt substituting a star player with a bench player means taking risk because the bench player may not perform as good as the star player and may make matters worse. If this happens, the substitution will incur discontentment of the players and critique from the team's fans, media and the boss. The capability of the coach may then be suspected and he/she may even be fired. Nevertheless, if the coach dares not to take the risk to substitute a poorly performed star player, his/her team will probably lose the game. Taking chances and risks is reasonable when one is dealing with something that has not been taken into consideration previously. So, in competitive sports, planning and risking are both necessary.这个so的总结显得蛮累赘的....而到了最后我想这个“突出”好像收得不好。

这一段最好使用上实例。而且未必是substitution的问题.......名字忘了，最后一刻的时候不是把球传给了fisher而不是像教练安排的给bryant吗？——结果就3分中了吧！球员完全自己的临场主意呢....多大的risk....issue里面多好的例子.....

In academic fields, careful and cautious planning is required for large projects and application（词性？） disciplines while revolutionary scientific breakthroughs are almost impossible without taking chances or risks. Before starting the research project on human genome, scientists had already made plans on the content and method of the research. They did not have to take any chances or risks because all they should do have already been carefully planned. There were no technical obstacles that had not been solved.（solve obstacle？） Therefore, they just followed the plan step by step and accomplished the project in the end. As for significant scientific breakthroughs, they are the important discoveries and theories that disaccord, at least to some extent, with established principles or our intuitions, such as the Theory of Relativity and quantum mechanics. One has no choice but to take chances because established theories may not be applicable on the boundary of what is known and what is unknown. Only after being（having been？） examined through experiments, practices and observations, can they be confirmed or belied. In a word, planning and taking chances or risks are different means for different levels of academic researches. 不同的success需要不同的态度，大的conditioning里面又做了小的conditioning。把这个“不同”的success突出出来。

还是缺乏实例....or to say, 把你的analysis融入到“实例叙述”中间。如果能做到这一点，人家看完你的叙述也就把你的论证过程接受了90%了，而不是先讲故事然后分析故事——这也是一个经典yet不太爽的popular写法，恐怕6分文章里面没有过这种写法吧。

In the business world, cautious planning contributes to the long-term development of a company and at the same time, risking is imperative for a company to survive, develop and thrive in the highly competitive society. Planning carefully on inquiring market, training stuff and manufacturing products ensure a company's long-term development by keeping its profit increasing or at least not declining. On the other hand, taking risks, such as incorporating（这里倒是应该用tion了） with another company, involving in the market fields that have already been occupied by other enterprises or involving in the market fields that are not considered so profitable, is also necessary because these may save the company from the adversity or help to set foot in new businesses. Clearly, in the business field, planning and risking complement each other.这里的论证充实程度就都不如上面两段了，我想结合着上面两段经验你自己就可以调整了吧？

To conclude, success in any realm of life comes equally from taking chances or risks and from careful and cautious planning. In most cases, they complement each other and pave the way towards success.

菠萝已经在开篇明确的点明了of the same importance

比如body2，既说plan又说risk，但是好像“both necessary”并不是Contrast？

好像除了最后一句话并没有看到both necessary......事实上删掉这句“both necessary”再看的话，大家认为这里的contrast如何呢？

按领域来拆做的相当彪悍，一下子Chapter1.2和1.6的作业都做了。我的感觉这篇文章如果能够把“实例”，或者说，“叙述性论证”给做好的话，基本有机会满分——而现在这样应该不会下5分的说。

apolloxpUID: 156355

按领域分其实因为题目中有Success in any realm of life
顺便问一下
题目里有这种in any realm, in any discipline, in any field是不是都应该按领域来分着写

imongUID: 140258

最初由 apolloxp 发布
[B]都应该 [/B]

我想不应该是说"应该"
只是一个特定思路而已吧......或者我们就去查查其它人的作文（例如192），我觉得应该有这样的帖子：不用拆any，照样写出来.....

needleUID: 158900

issue192 追星特训之more
不知道是不是太啰嗦
issue192 "Success in any realm of life comes more often from taking chances or risks than from careful and cautious planning."

The speaker asserts people are more likely to attain success when taking chances or risks than planning carefully and cautiously. However, after comparing the characteristics of careful planning and taking chances, I strongly hold that they are of the same importance in the pursuit of success.[很清晰的观点，用same弱化了做比较“more”的困难。首句对原文的改写也很到位。]

In competitive sports[分领域论述吗？看看先], while making appropriate training plans and effective competition strategies constitute necessary conditions of winning the matches, taking risks is almost inevitable when athletes or their coaches confront a sudden matter that might influence the course of a match and that has not been taken into consideration beforehand[嗯，从body1的TS就紧紧依靠着全篇的TS，分述二者的作用。不过while有让步嫌疑。]. In modern competitive sports, it is widely acknowledged that scientific and effective training contributes to athletes’ better performance during matches[将本段TS分角度论述]. Good competition strategies, on the other hand[:confused:], resulting in the better allocation of physical force, better use of skills or the higher rate in scoring, also[:confused:] play a vital role[从这之前似乎讲的是TS中while部分，也就是plan部分。但是我不明白为什么有那么多有让步意味的词。]. However, when the star players of a soccer team or a basketball team are off the game or fail to implement their chief coach's strategic intention, leaving the whole team in adverseness, the coach faces the choice whether to substitute he/she or not[substitute sb.是说用sb.来替换！而不是替换掉sb.!]. No doubt [that] substituting a star player[问题同上] with a bench player means taking risk because the bench player may not perform as good as the star player [在已经说了star表现不好的情况下，说板凳表现的一样“好”，有点奇怪。应当从技术本身来说，板凳技术不如star，所以担心worse] and may make matters worse. If this happens, the substitution will incur discontentment of the players and critique from the team's fans, media and the boss. The capability of the coach may then be suspected and he/she may even be fired. Nevertheless, if the coach dares not[用了第3人称单数，应当是does not dare或者dare not] to take the risk to substitute a poorly performed star player, his/her team will probably lose the game. Taking chances and risks is reasonable when one is dealing with something that has not been taken into consideration previously. So, in competitive sports, planning and risking are both necessary.[从体育的领域说明二者皆重要。开头部分感觉有点混乱。A、B等重的时候，我想，不应该把其中一个放在让步的位置上。后面用具体例子说明，很形象，也很充实。]

In academic fields[第二个领域], careful and cautious planning is required for large projects and application [of?] disciplines while revolutionary scientific breakthroughs are almost impossible without taking chances or risks. Before starting the research project on human genome, scientists had [上一个body都是用现在时态，这里有必要用过去时态吗？都一样说的是一般状态啊！时态问题下同] already made plans on the content and method of the research. They did not have to take any chances or risks because all [that似乎不可省略] they should do have already been carefully planned. There were no technical obstacles that had not been solved. Therefore, they just followed the plan step by step and accomplished the project in the end. As for significant scientific breakthroughs, they are the important discoveries and theories that disaccord, at least to some extent, with established principles or our intuitions, such as the Theory of Relativity and quantum mechanics.[似乎前面用的是基因工程举例，它跟相对论、量子力学有冲突吗？] One has no choice but to take chances because established theories may not be applicable on the boundary of what is known and what is unknown. Only after being examined through experiments, practices and observations, can they be confirmed or belied. In a word, planning and taking chances or risks are different means for different levels of academic researches.[很清晰的一段]

In the business world, cautious planning contributes to the long-term development of a company and at the same time, risking is imperative for a company to survive, develop and thrive in the highly competitive society. Planning carefully on inquiring market, training stuff and manufacturing products ensure a company's long-term development by keeping its profit increasing or at least not declining. On the other hand, taking risks, such as incorporating with another company, involving in the market fields that have already been occupied by other enterprises or involving in the market fields that are not considered so profitable, is also necessary because these may save the company from the adversity or help to set foot in new businesses. Clearly, in the business field, planning and risking complement each other.[漂亮的结尾总结句]

To conclude, success in any realm of life comes equally from taking chances or risks and from careful and cautious planning. In most cases, they complement each other and pave the way towards success.[结尾也很干净简洁]

[原题中有realm这样的字眼，故而划分领域是非常自然而且可行的。3个方面的分析都还是很不错的，除了第一段的让步让我有点迷惑以外。

学习之:p]

apolloxpUID: 156355

download下来先

lovebrianUID: 157127

1.1略
1．2
两个都好不等于两个一样好（1。2）
人家既然提出more来了，你不可能不去对比。至于比出来是不是把more给比成equal了，人家无所谓也不管——只要比了就行（1。2）

菠萝的特训作业
issue192 "Success in any realm of life comes more often from taking chances or risks than from careful and cautious planning."

The speaker asserts people are more likely to attain success when taking chances or risks than planning carefully and cautiously. However, after comparing the characteristics of careful planning and taking chances, I strongly hold that they are of the same importance in the pursuit of success.(很清晰而且概括性很强的简练开头 但就全面性考虑，所比较的characteristics是否能和body中做比较的各方面的加和作为全等，这也就和我做的280解析之一的处处呼应，等同之处产生了小问题。)

In competitive sports（方面1）, while making appropriate training plans and effective competition strategies constitute necessary conditions of winning the matches, taking risks is almost inevitable when athletes or their coaches confront a sudden matter that might influence the course of a match and that has not been taken into consideration beforehand.（两者等同重要。那么其中有一个问题：a sudden matter出现的概率要小的多，那么如何能够比较出等同重要来？所以狒狒认为，这里的sudden matter用得不好。竞技体育的出乎意料性并非是突发事件的结果。可以改换一下） In modern competitive sports, it is widely acknowledged that scientific and effective training contributes to athletes’ better performance during matches. Good competition strategies, on the other hand, resulting in the better allocation of physical force, better use of skills or the higher rate in scoring, also play a vital role. However, when the star players of a soccer team or a basketball team are off the game or fail to implement their chief coach's strategic intention, leaving the whole team in adverseness, the coach faces the choice whether to substitute he/she or not. No doubt substituting a star player with a bench player means taking risk because the bench player may not perform as good as the star player and may make matters worse. If this happens, the substitution will incur discontentment of the players and critique from the team's fans, media and the boss（罗嗦了）. The capability of the coach may then be suspected and he/she may even be fired. Nevertheless, if the coach dares not to take the risk to substitute a poorly performed star player, his/her team will probably lose the game. Taking chances and risks is reasonable when one is dealing with something that has not been taken into consideration previously. So, in competitive sports, planning and risking are both necessary.（狒狒认为，例子给的不好。教练不可能总是换下明星队员，那么概率问题又产生了，不冒险赢十场，冒险赢一场，那么两者就作用一样了吗？很难得出结论来。）

In academic fields（方面2）, careful and cautious planning is required for large projects and application disciplines while revolutionary scientific breakthroughs are almost impossible without taking chances or risks（狒狒感觉方面2比方面1选取的好）. Before starting the research project on human genome, scientists had already made plans on the content and method of the research（比较方之一）. They did not have to take any chances or risks because all they should do have already been carefully planned（不敢苟同）. There were no technical obstacles that had not been solved. Therefore, they just followed the plan step by step and accomplished the project in the end（我晕。。有这么顺利吗？尽管例子要做到为我所用，但也不能这样写吧~）. As for significant scientific breakthroughs, they are the important discoveries and theories that disaccord, at least to some extent, with established principles or our intuitions, such as the Theory of Relativity and quantum mechanics. One has no choice but to take chances because established theories may not be applicable on the boundary of what is known and what is unknown. Only after being examined through experiments, practices and observations, can they be confirmed or belied. In a word, planning and taking chances or risks are different means for different levels of academic researches.（结论得出来了，但是否符合thesis所说的of the same importance呢？显而易见，两者是不全等的）

In the business world（比较方面3）, cautious planning contributes to the long-term development of a company and at the same time, risking is imperative for a company to survive, develop and thrive in the highly competitive society. Planning carefully on inquiring market, training stuff and manufacturing products ensure a company's long-term development by keeping its profit increasing or at least not declining. On the other hand, taking risks, such as incorporating with another company, involving in the market fields that have already been occupied by other enterprises or involving in the market fields that are not considered so profitable, is also necessary because these may save the company from the adversity or help to set foot in new businesses. Clearly, in the business field, planning and risking complement each other.（问题同body2）

To conclude, success in any realm of life comes equally from taking chances or risks and from careful and cautious planning. In most cases, they complement each other and pave the way towards success.

（从菠萝的文章看imong的特训1。2，感觉不是很成功。比较了两者，那么得出等同重要这个结论之前还缺少了一些东西。换言之：做了比较，为什么，如何，他们就同等重要了呢？这个问题狒狒认为只是回避了，而没有确切实际的讨论。另外，几乎三个body的结论都不直接支持thesis，也就是说，没有达到3者加起来就是thesis的要求，另外，any realm是否可以就这三个realm来作为充分的代表？狒狒不得不再次质疑。）

（针对imong特训报告之1）

nightsky2004UID: 155946

对于菠萝斑竹的文章，各位高手们都已经批改过了，我就不再现眼了，只简单说一点自己的看法吧。这几个领域选的还是不错的，都是大家熟悉的，这样写起来也比较方便，至少在找素材上。但是个人认为菠萝使用的例子不太的当，破坏了本该是精彩的文章，首先，在第一段，如狒狒斑竹所说的。教练在关键时刻换下star并不能很好的说明问题，打不好了就是要下场，star和一般的球员应该一视同仁，至少是对教练来说。In my opinion,这个冒险是说在紧急关头，采用非常规的方法来克敌制胜，例如imong举的例子就好一点。另外，taking chances你没有论述，记得马明宇曾经说过，赢球就是要抓住机会，这里的机会是指对方防守失误，是不是也可应用于此。在学术方面上感觉也有此类问题。个人的愚见，不知正确与否。
这个分领域论述给我的启发挺大，原来我并不清楚什么时候要用分领域，现在有点明白了。

对于Lovebrain斑竹 关于分领域提出的质疑我说说我的看法。诚然，三个领域是不可以代表所有的领域，但是在我们这种45分钟写出的文章上来说似乎可以以偏概全，我在听新东方的课上修锐曾经这样说，而且在老外280上也看见有类似的范文出现，当然你可以对新东方的老师和老外的范文提出质疑。但是它们至少说明了这种方法在美国人眼里来看具有其可行性，因为在如此短的时间内写出一篇处处都无懈可击的文章是比较困难的，甚至是不可能的，尤其是issue题库中很多问题至今仍在hot debating。所以这样分领域写应该是可以的，不知众位网友有什么看法，大家讨论一下。
p.s 这是我第一次参与讨论，真是差呀。

apolloxpUID: 156355

说得很好呀
嘿嘿，有了第一次就会有第二次第三次，第N次的 （这话好像有歧义—_—b）
欢迎继续参与版上的讨论