issue第6类同主题写作 8月22-23日

tesolchinaUID：2191404

8月22-23日重点练习第6类issue  

6)    Disagreement and argument (34<76,79,118,146>, 60<151>,  49 )  


进入同主题写作活动的第八次练习。总结前段时间的经验和教训，我打算加强对参与同学作文的批改和反馈。这两天的主题是

如何有效地同伴互改

8月22-23日两天的任务
1. 从上面的题目中选一道写开头段、提纲和其中一个中间段。
2. 下载和学习我对前6次作业的批改点评。
3. 按照本帖的指引给楼上的同学反馈。


介绍一下新的作文批改安排。原则上我会重点关注一直以来积极参与和支持同主题写作活动的版友。以下这20位同学在第一次到第六次练习中参与了五次或全勤，因此我已经将他们的回帖收集到一个Word文档（链接）里并作为个案比较全面和仔细的评估。

• 遠子w
• youzi42
• LYnnHan
• 卿本悠悠
• flhope
• Joker—XYZ
• justicekl
• wanghaitao19939
• Dover999
• powerfulbean
• MaggieLLLLLL
• huan19880122
• GoldenString
• 深井冰233
• Keaixiaotang
• Mzlgjg
• bio-L
• 天地1沙鸥
• Fitness-Gu
• 战G进行时
  

新增了以下15位版友的作业到Word文档，估计要到星期五才能全部改完。其他同学如果达到要求（不多于3次缺席），可以自行将回帖整理成word文档发到链接里指定的邮箱，我会统一更新。

21 Angelyyy
22 TaylorW
23 A.E.extrovert
24 HelloC424
25 Herio_HKeKe
26 芥弥
27 bigheiniu
28 心玉夕颜
29 露葵.
30 ChiuChiKwan
31 SylviaMengyaya
32 Ibelieving
33 telepathyivan
34 Morfire
35 丽丽酱香饼

之后每次练习结束后，寄托的工作人员会更新以上版友的记录（将他们最新的回帖复制粘贴到Word文档里）。与此同时，凡是缺勤在3次或以下的同学的习作也会陆续更新到Word文档里。如果上述版友缺席3次或以上也会从上述名单中除名。
接下来谈一下我批阅作文和给反馈的思路，供大家参考。今天各位在点评楼上的习作时可以尝试用我这里的框架和思路，或许能改善反馈的效率和效果。

我们给同学习作的反馈可以分为思路内容和语言表达两类

思路内容

思路和内容显然是GRE作文备考首要关注的问题。同学在评阅版友习作时可以选取以下的各项反馈点（已涂成蓝色并加重可直接复制粘贴），然后再结合具体的习作内容用汉语稍作解释。我在word文档里的评语也会重复使用以下反馈点，大家可以在文档里搜索相关字串即可查看更多实例。

Issue
improve the thesis statement by clarifying your position
在开头段的主旨句提出清晰的立场是很重要的。有些同学写完了开头段，却没有清晰回应原命题，这种情况需要指出。
improve the thesis statement by summarizing your main points
一般建议大家在主旨句概括出后面要讨论的几个分论点，虽然这不是唯一的方案，但还是应该鼓励同学们尝试。
revise your topic sentence to address the keywords in the issue statement
主题句里也应该有对原命题关键词的回应，如果没有就可能偏题。revise the topic sentence to better summarize the body paragraph
主题句应对中间段的内容全面的概括
choose a better position or point
针对issue选取一个靠谱、能支持的论点是关键；有些时候我们并不能按照自己的真实想法来写作，因为真实的想法可能过于复杂无法用英语表达或者没有合适的例子来支持。如果你发现你的同伴立论的思路有问题，需要重新选取论点或角度，请及时指出。
need more appropriate examples
同学在写中间段时通常会举例，但是例子时候合适，是否支持论点，需要同伴仔细评估。
Strengthen the argument with better reasoning
按照PIE模型，除了要有论点(P)和例子(I)，还要有理由解释为什么例子支持论点。如果缺少了E，也需要提醒。


Argument
improve the summary of the argument
我在视频中讲过，开头段要概括argument，包括指出结论和主要的论据。有些同学这个动作做得不太好，太过冗长或者论据不全面，需要指出。

do not assume that the argument is flawed
视频里讲过的-我们不要认为argument是错的，而是要收集更多证据、提出更多问题、检验更多假设或考虑其他的解释来决定argument是否合理或可信。因此，如果习作里讲argument是flawed或出现类似的说法，需要提醒。

revise the topic sentence to better summarize the body paragraph
中间段开头应该概括后面的内容，也包括对相关写作指引的回应（如question, evidence, assumption或explanation）

Inappropriate alternative scenario
我在视频里讲过，argument的中间段探讨其他的可能性是必选动作，但是有些同学想象力太丰富，提出的其他可能性并不靠谱，这是需要警惕的。当然，同学间互改时，很难肯定某个可能性是否靠谱，这种情况可以拿到微信群里进一步讨论。
Use hedging appropriately
由于在写作argument的时候经常要讨论其他的可能性，因此我们并不确定哪一种可能性是真实的。在讨论时，需要使用could, might, maybe, perhaps, it is possible that 这类降低肯定程度的词语。这类词语的使用在语言学里称为hedging。如果同伴的argument中间段对于各种可能性的讨论语气过于肯定，则需要提醒他（她）使用hedging。

语言表达

在我批改的Word文档里会大量使用下面的代码，可以通过搜索这些代码，查阅相关错误的实例。  同学在反馈时可以写出错误代码并复制粘贴相关的句子。

Codes	Issues	Remarks
WC	Word choice/ diction	The word is not  appropriate here; please try a different word   这里主要涉及选词不恰当的问题
RP	rephrase	The sentence or  expression makes little sense and needs to be rephrased  整句话看不懂作者在说啥，需要修改
SS	Sentence structure	The whole sentence is  grammatically problematic and needs to be revised 整句话有句子结构的问题
VR	Vague reference	It is not clear what  the pronouns (e.g. it, they, which) refer to   代词或名词的指代不清晰
MM	Misplaced modifier	The modifier does not  fit with the subject or object being modified 修饰语错位  例如 Eagerly awaiting her birthday, Mary's presents were all picked up and admired by Mary many times throughout the course of the day.
POS	Part of speech	The part of speech of  the word is incorrect in the grammatical context  词性错误，要么是不小心，要么是基础太差
WF	Word form (sometimes  verb form)	The word form is  incorrect- verb forms or plural/singular for nouns   动词形式错误（很严重的语法问题）
SV	Subject-verb agreement	The subject and verb  do not agree in number   主谓一致
RS	Run-on sentence	The sentence needs to  be revised by separating into two or changing one clause into a dependent  clause   断句有问题，需要将这个句子分作两句或者变为主句从句
SF	Sentence fragment	The sentence is  incomplete   句子片段，不是完整的句子
MI	Need more information	More information  should be added here to clarify or expand the sentence 此处需要添加更多信息才清楚（这个不是严格意义上的语言表达问题，但是通常发生在句子层面）
CS	Choppy sentence	Sentences are too  short and could be joined together 太短的句子建议与其他句子合并

这个语言表达的反馈代码体系还在不断完善中，欢迎大家提出回帖提出问题或修改意见。

tesolchinaUID：2191404

这次练习的关注重点是如何评阅版友的习作和修改自己的习作

芥弥UID：3802147

issue 60/151
Politicians should pursue common ground and reasonable consensus rather than elusive ideals.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

Given the complexity of foreign and domestic policies, politicians are always looking for the best way to reach a balance between short-term consensus and long-term ideals. Some even argue that in order to win public support, public officials should seek common ground and tangible benefits instead of evasive ideals which are far from practical. In my opinion, whether priority should be given to temporary consensus or high-minded ideals depends on the cost-benefit analysis of these two goals. When the benefits of reasonable consensus far outweigh that of long-term ideals, current cooperation should be the focus of politicians. However, when merely maintaining a common ground clearly brings more harm than pursuing the ideals, politicians should stick to ideal goals instead of compromising with the current situation. Some might challenge this position by claiming that blindly chasing elusive ideals might lose the trust and support of the public. Yet, time and history will justify their deeds by recognition and accolades.

TS1
To begin with, when reasonable consensus is more beneficial to carry out cooperation between nations and to address international issues than a vague framework of ideals without a concrete plan, achieving a consensus should be put in the first place for politicians instead of evasive ideals.
   Climate Change e.g. consensus "Kyoto Protocol"
                  e.g. consensus same but differentiated responsibilities
   instead of achieving no green house gas emission all at once

TS2
However, when simply sticking to current harmony would bring more invidious harms, leaders should hold on to high ideals instead of concession to the common ground simply for the sake of safety.
   Climate Change e.g. Trump withdrew from Paris Pact Initiative
                  reasoning: for the sake of current benefits, less regulation, while ignore long-term impact on environment protection

TS3
While some might argue that if politicians pay less attention to reach concords, they would receive less public support, thus more likely to leave their office. Time and history will finally justify their high-minded ideals by rendering them recognition.
   e.g. Woodrow Wilson, the League of Nations, originally receive opposition from both the public and other countries, now the prototype of United Nations
建议修改后
While some might argue that if politicians pay less attention to reach currnet concords, less public support triggering more likelihood to leave their office would prove this as a wrong move. Yet, time and history will finally justify their high-minded ideals as a right choice by rendering their recognition.


Practice paragraph

While some might argue that if politicians pay less attention to reach concords, they would receive less public support thus more likely to leave their office. Time and history will finally justify their high-minded ideals by rendering them public recognition. For example, Woodrow Wilson, the president of the United States during the first World War have proposed to establish the League of Nations in order to curb unjustified conflicts and wars between nations. Instead of seeking current spoils and benefits from those defeated countries with other defeating countries, Wilson maintained his high ideals of seeking a solution to ending the war. Although his insistence of setting up a League of Nations did not obtain Senate approval, his ideals later became the prototype of the United Nations which serves as an effective mediator in international disputes. His ideal blueprint, though seemed elusive at that time, finally gained international recoginition as time went by.

点评 4楼 东扯扯：

Intro
When it comes to discussion, conflicts from different opinion-holders are inevitable and it is solving these conflict situations after debating and analyzing that progress can be made. Given the complexity and importance of politic issues, discussion among people holing inconsistent views is key to take a full consideration and make a sagacious decision finally. Similarly, scientific examinations and cultural comments which require discussions among scholars with different opinions are inner-forces to promote their respective prosperous developments. Therefore, I agree that discussion of contrasting views plays an indispensable role in progress making.
improve the thesis statement by clarifying your position
最后一句最好提前，放到第二句的位置，另外politics, science, culture在原文二三句中不够明显

Ts1
In order to formulate and implement policy, rounds of meetings and votes are inevitable steps where people discuss from different perspectives to reach a consensus with the careful consideration.
e.g. family planning in China; international affairs in UN
revise your topic sentence to address the keywords in the issue statement
Progress没有提到(if you assume “reach a consensus” is a sort of progress, then say it)
Ts2
In addition to politic issues, discussions are required to challenge and examine scientific theories and only well-founded ones can make progress and boost the development. 
e.g. wave theory and quantum theory; trans-genetic technology;
revise the topic sentence to better summarize the body paragraph
明白你的意思，但是only well founded ones感觉和题目没有很大联系，还是要着重突出conflicting views对scientific improvement的联系
Ts3
Similarly, discussion from different factions is the catalyzer for culture prosperity, which guarantees the diversity and pluralism.
e.g. critical literature; Jazz fusion is a new music faction combining Jazz and rock

Ts2
In addition to politic issues, discussions are required to challenge and examine scientific theories and only well-founded ones can make progress boost the development. It is universally acknowledged that science builds and organizes knowledge in the form of testable explanations and predictions about the universe. That is to say, there are diverse theories accounting for mysterious natural phenomena, while only those well-supported and tenable ones after being questioned and examined by contrasting views can be accepted and make a valuable contribution to the scientific development. A current example involves the ultimate significance of two opposing theories of physics—wave theory and quantum theory. Intriguingly, an emerging so-called "string" theory which is the product of debating between the previous classic theories can mathematically reconcile the two opposing theories, though it has not been confirmed empirically yet. Obviously, it is the discussion of contrasting theories that make us get closer to the scientific truth.
Strengthen the argument with better reasoning
例子很好，但引入太晚了，前三句都是大段的说理，建议二三句缩减成一句，例子部分elaboration相应可以多一些

东扯扯UID：3763369

34) In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


Intro
When it comes to discussion, conflicts from different opinion-holders are inevitable and it is solving these conflict situations after debating and analyzing that progress can be made. Given the complexity and importance of politic issues, discussion among people holing inconsistent views is key to take a full consideration and make a sagacious decision finally. Similarly, scientific examinations and cultural comments which require discussions among scholars with different opinions are inner-forces to promote their respective prosperous developments. Therefore, I agree that discussion of contrasting views plays an indispensable role in progress making.

Ts1
In order to formulate and implement policy, rounds of meetings and votes are inevitable steps where people discuss from different perspectives to reach a consensus with the careful consideration.
e.g. family planning in China; international affairs in UN
Ts2
In addition to politic issues, discussions are required to challenge and examine scientific theories and only well-founded ones can make progress and boost the development.
(建议修改)In addition to politic issues, discussions which are required to challenge and examine exsiting theories also make progress and boost scientific development.
e.g. wave theory and quantum theory; trans-genetic technology;
Ts3
Similarly, discussion from different factions is the catalyzer for culture prosperity, which guarantees the diversity and pluralism.
e.g. critical literature; Jazz fusion is a new music faction combining Jazz and rock

Ts2
In addition to politic issues, discussions which are required to challenge and examine existing theories also make progress and boost scientific development. It is universally acknowledged that science builds and organizes knowledge in the form of testable explanations and predictions about the universe. That is to say, there are diverse theories accounting for mysterious natural phenomena, while only those well-supported and tenable ones after being questioned and examined by contrasting views can be accepted and make a valuable contribution to the scientific development. A current example involves the ultimate significance of two opposing theories of physics—wave theory and quantum theory. Intriguingly, an emerging so-called "string" theory which is the product of debating between the previous classic theories can mathematically reconcile the two opposing theories, though it has not been confirmed empirically yet. Obviously, it is the discussion of contrasting theories that make us get closer to the scientific truth.

点评楼上 芥弥
1.        开头段写得流畅清楚，逻辑性和条理性好。小细节，最后一句讲ts3时用了blindly修饰，导致你这个点有点前后矛盾了，个人觉得换成insistently可能会更合适。 typo：evasive—elusive
2.        Ts1的例子没明白是如何支持分论点，大概是我不太懂这方面的资讯没有展开解释没能理解吧。
3.        Ts3你想表达的点没有问题，但是具体展现的思路上我觉得不太合理。Challenging point说选择ideal可能会失去现在的群众信任导致下台。你反驳说历史会证明，但是这个没有直接反驳到点上，因为失去群众信任导致下台还是成立没有改变。我觉得可以延伸到正确性的点子上，即失去群众信任不被认可当下大家认为他是错误的，历史证明他没有错误终被认可。


感谢 芥弥 和 wanghaitao19939 指出问题和建议。关于ts2里的well-founded theories我想说的是需要经过讨论去检验理论，最后经得住检验的就是well--founded  ones，这些经过讨论和考验的well--founded theories的确立就是进步的体现。可以自己写的时候还真没意识到这些问题，大概是自己心里知道思路是如何，真正让读者去看才能发现问题的存在。谢谢！

wanghaitao199391UID：3704441

issue 60/151
Politicians should pursue common ground and reasonable consensus rather than elusive ideals.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

开头段：
What is the goal of politicians supposed to be? There are two contradictory views on this question. One argues that the politicians should pursue common ground and reasonable consensus while the other regards that officials should chase after political ideals. I support the latter view because it is derived from the nature of politics, and I subject the former one since it would result in many backfires.
提纲：
第一段：
It is reasonable for politicians to pursue people’s ideals. That is to say, promoting the right of citizens is the ultimate goal of any politicians, since the official privilege comes from people’s faith in them.
Eg: According to Enlightenment movement thinkers, politics rose from a contract between government and citizens, in which people authorized the governors to serve people, improve the well-being of them and if the elected governors cannot comply with their duty, citizens would overthrow them.
第二段；
What’s more, it is dangerous if a pursuing of common ground and reasonable consensus neglect the importance of ideals. When there is no ideals to guide our behavior, our moral becomes shaky.
Eg: Colonists from European massacred thousands of natives brutally in North America, for the purpose of increasing domestic income. From a humanitarian perspective the result is undeniably tragic.
第三段：
Admittedly, finding common ground and reasonable consensus are still important in politics, because pursuing ideals zealously may lead to bad consequences.
Eg: Blind cult of personality has already alarmed us the harm of lacking  compromise and consensus.
完整的第一段：
Promoting the right of citizens is the ultimate goal of any politicians, since the official privilege comes from people’s faith in them. That is to say, It is reasonable for politicians to pursue citizen’s ideals. This is relate to the origination of politics. According to Enlightenment movement thinkers, politics rose from a contract between government and citizens, in which people authorized a government to serve them, improve the well-being of them and if the elected governors cannot comply with these duty, citizens would overthrow it. Politicians has inherited this contract and should strive to constructing an ideal world in which people can fulfill their dreams by utilizing their talents freely.
点评楼上东扯扯：语言流畅，逻辑清楚下面只说缺点。
1.improve the thesis statement by clarifying your position
开头段的立场最后出来，感觉已经被前面两个事例绕晕了，放在靠前一点比较好。
2.Strengthen the argument with better reasoning
TS1陈述事实，可是没有体现出一个很具有说服力的原因，选举投票为什么好呢？
3.choose a better position or point
TS2里的well-founded theories是完美的吗？那岂不是不需要再对它们进行讨论了？我不太懂这个词的意思，感觉上好像削弱了你的观点。
4.TS2完整段也是3的疑问。

ChiuChiKwanUID：3828648

Politicians should pursue common ground and reasonable consensus rather than elusive ideals.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

开头：
   The society and politics are so complex that politicians need to seek methods to balance ideals and reality. Some argue that politicians should pursue common ground and reasonable consensus rather than elusive ideals while others believe that politicians ought to struggle for ideals. In my views, policies should be implemented according to the circumstance without neglecting ideals. Whether should politicians pursue common ground and reasonable consensus rather than elusive ideals depends on the long term or the short term.


TS1
   To begin with, in the short term, politicians should be down to earth and pursue common ground and reasonable consensus owning to the flaws of society.
   e.g.  The ten-year cultural revolution in China aimed to pursue communism while it were actually a catastrophe. And the Chinese leaders realized that it was unrealistic thus that is why reform and opening occurred. To some extent, reform and opening in China in 1979 is a kind of capitalistic policy but it could promote Chinese economy. It contrasts communism ideals but it fits for common ground and reasonable consensus.




TS2
    However, in the short term, simply sticking to current harmony would blind and confuse politicians. The guidance of elusive ideals in the short term is in need as well. Otherwise, politicians would forget initially aims and the social system of the society may change. Furthermore, the might of the politicians may not be stable, which does harm to the reign of the society.
   e.g.
   After the era of Caesar perishing, the feudal factors still remained and a communistic republic couldn’t be founded completely. Thus, leaders took reforming, such as wartime communism and so on, according to the elusive ideals to build a capitalistic republic.


TS3
   The guidance of elusive ideals is in need not only in the short term, but also in the long term.
   e.g.
   The communistic party in China realize that it is impossible to build communistic society in a short time so they make a blueprint to achieve the goal.


中间段 TS3
     The guidance of elusive ideals is in need not only in the short term, but also in the long term. Elusive ideals for politicians is like a lighthouse for a lost ship in the sea. Take the development of PRC as an illustration, there is no denying that a flawless society can be made at one stroke and there are must be lots of barricades in the way. Therefore, Chinese leaders and politicians make a blueprint which might last centuries to build communistic society completely.   It is elusive ideals that give politicians and people firm beliefs, courage and strength. That is why politicians won’t cower or give up during hardship and they could make and carry out proper policy in time. Because they firmly believe the promising goal will be achieved in the future although it might take a long time!



评价板凳：
总体架构还是比较清楚比较好的，运用了PIE模型，举的例子比较恰当。但是有一点小想法，一个是开头如果再精简一点会不会更加好呢？第二个是特朗普的例子，感觉会不会比较敏感，如果特朗普退位了再举这个例子也许会更好？

AngelyyyUID：3625119

49.Claim: We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from those whose views contradict our own.
Reason: Disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

TS:The way of critical thinking is a debatable topic,as for me,I would defend the idea that the premise of thinking is receiving the ideas contradictory to yours,even though not for all the situations,almostly covered.Especially in the fields of academic,policy,the contradictory communication is welcomed.However,when it comes to the area of  education,the disagreement usually lead to stress and inhibit students' learning ability.Thus,I partly agree with the reason but reject the claim.

ts1:In the academical area,the contradictory debates could be regarded as a tradition.Most of the findings today got through so much debates,some widespread findings might even be totally upended in the long history of researches.Indeed,the academical views need to be questioned and experimented again and again,the purpose of most researchers is to find the truth,so the contradictory debates is inevitable and valuable.
-Hawking's theory was overturned by himself.But the upheaval of his theory pushed him further.

ts2:In the political area,conflicts and stress is commonplace desert for the politists.They use the agreements and disagreements to serve for their own benefits,there’re no so-called true or false,debates are inevitable.Sharing the views would not bring benefits but for most of time,leads to danger.In this extent,political area is used to the contradictory views,and only by questioning and critical thinking could balance the loss and profits.
-For example,the draft resolution of conferences of United Union always suffer consistent arguments and debates,the negotiation between countries behind.

ts3:When it comes to the education,I should admit that the disagreement can cause bad emotions like stress,and sometimes inhibit students’ ability to learning,especially for the children who are diffident and shy.In order to help students learn better,teachers should balance the extent of their disagreements of students’ errors.In deed,you need to point them out,but not to express fiercely contradictions.For example,try to agree the relatively right part,and let them understand.

主题段1
In the academical area,the contradictory debates could be regarded as a tradition.Most of the findings today got through so much debates,some widespread findings might even be totally upended in the long history of researches.Indeed,the academical views need to be questioned and experimented again and again.The work scholars are doing almost looking at the shortcomings of the previous and try to revise them and put forward their concerns.Theories in psychology should be re-experimented,the calculation method needs to be recalculated,and the chemistry mixture should be remade for millions of times to ensure the validity.For example,Steve Hawking always rethink his theories and as a result found the deficiency of his own and he revised it,totally unended it,he put forward the brand new theory,and hit the physics again.Actually,the purpose of most researchers is to find the truth,so the contradictory debates and experiments are really very inevitable and also valuable.

感谢战G进行时网友的点评，否则我都不会发现自己的那么多错误，再一次表示感谢。这一篇是我修改过的文章，欢迎拍砖。当然原因我自己消化，确实写的仓促，自我检讨

卿本悠悠UID：3817355

8、Claim: We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from those whose views contradict our own.
Reason: Disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning.（49）

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第2种，by considering an issue from different perspectives or in different contexts。按照题目给定的内容，从students (learn from share)和businessmen and scientists(learn from contradict)。

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
As long as there exists human being, there are disagreements appearing in every aspect of human life. Disagreement, which reflects an opposite opinion or thoroughly refutation towards our cognition, would cause a stressful feeling and discourage the learning desire naturally. However, we can't hold the point that we could usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from those whose view contract our own. For students, their teachers or classmates who share close opinions would benefit them a lot; while for businessmen and scientists, who faces a much fierce and complex situation respectively, their competitors who often hold contradict views would facilitate their careers more deeply.

主题句1
Students could build and form their knowledge system through learn from and discuss with those teachers and classmates whose views they share, so it’s better for them to learn from people whose views they share.
具体例子或细节
--vulnerable and easily be influenced
--encourage help to be confident and make progress

主题句2
Differ from students, businessmen can learn more from people whose views contradict theirs because the competitors could provide ways for them to make progress and keep them staying active to prepare to any possible situation.
具体例子或细节
--provide the way to make progress
--stay active towards any possible situation

主题句3
Like businessmen, scientists need more opposite opinions toward their research to forming more discussion and revising their former research to obtain a more perfect result, so they can learn much more from the opposite than the favorable.
具体例子或细节
--different opinion leads to more discussion and further research
--oppose viewpoint can help revise the former research and obtain a more perfect result

中间段（第2段）

Students could build and form their knowledge system through learn from and discuss with those teachers and classmates whose views they share. Mostly, students are in a learning stage and tend to accept anything their surrounding people tell them. Thus, they are vulnerable and would easily be influenced by outer factors. Lacking of adequate judgment and mature mind, students would easily feel over stressed and unwilling to continue studying, eventually lost their direction and be trapped in a spiritual confusion when they confront a disagreement. With encouraging and help by people who have similar views will largely strengthen their confident and forming a free learning environment for them to make progress. Therefore, students usually learn much more from those views they share than from those views contradict theirs as disagreement would destroy their passion in study.

关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑
再根据老师之前的意见以及网友的意见后续对其进行修改。

我来点评其他网友
楼层：17楼

1）sweepyou网友提纲的框架是否合理？
很合理。整个框架自成体系，相互照应，让人看了就觉得思路很清晰。感觉作者化繁为简，条理清楚。而且从开头段到后面的每一段中心句，都紧扣题目，重点突出。
2）sweepyou网友提纲所用的例子是否合适？
ts1，无神论和有神论这个例子放在belief system里面很恰当，非常有说服力。
ts2，理想派和现实派在价值观中的矛盾具有说服力，但是左右翼这属于政治问题，政治问题与learn from的主题不是很切合，这是由政治立场决定的，而且不是一成不变的。
ts3，理性与感性又是很好的一对矛盾体，作者的例子大部分都很切合，且贴近生活，易于理解，这是很值得学习的地方。
3）sweepyou网友开头段语言方面有哪些问题？  
开篇明义，重点很突出。语言很棒，用法多变灵活，“there will be no common grounds on”、“free from”、“let alone”这些用法都很值得学习（我就想不到这些）。就是ts1中有个拼写错误whey，还有transcendental感觉有点费解。ts2中，stand属于不及物动词，后面不应直接接宾语，要加个介词。
4）中间段
属于完整的PIE模型。但是具体的论证中，选举时左右翼的立场不同，相互辩论，相互不认可对方，这是可以理解的，但是这与主题中的learn from还是有一定区别。理想派和现实派是个很好的切入点，但是左右翼这个例子感觉不是很适合。

芥弥UID：3802147

ChiuChiKwan 发表于 2017-8-22 13:54
Politicians should pursue common ground and reasonable consensus rather than elusive ideals.

Writ ...

hhhh 谢谢 毕竟也不想搞一个大新闻

游离雨UID：3816551

34) In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Intro
Discussions, especially those among people bearing contrasting ideas, act as an important element promoting the development of various aspects of society. Even if I admit the numerous benefits brought by listening to different voices, I doubt if this kind of discussion is a necessarily required one for progress in any situation. I have to point out that there are occasions when discussion is dominated by sentiment or even need to be replaced by emotional appeal and thus weakening the necessity of existence of discussion with distinct views.

Ts1
First of all, there is no denying that discussion among people with contrasting views enable us to inspect the ideas of ours and further enhance our understanding of the question.
Eg. In political realm, officials of different political parties would try to reach consensus through discussion and maximize the benefits of public.

Ts2
However, the discussion could possibly become a disaster due to the lack of the base on rational argument and dispassionate attitude.
Eg. Discussion would become meaningless once people intend to impose their opinions upon others.

Ts3
In addition, this discussion is not always conducive to the unity within certain groups.
Eg. the solidarity of religion is mainly based on the indisputable belief.

Ts2
However, the discussion could possibly become a disaster due to the lack of the base on rational argument and dispassionate attitude. As we know, an effective discussion is formed from the premise that both the sides  
are either

mzlgjgUID：3804664

118.We can learn much more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Frame: introducing new concepts--consensus facilitates learning; contradicted view provides complements

TS: The implicit rational behind the statement seems to be that contradiction may arouse stress and inhibiting learning. It’s undoubtedly agreeable that people do learn fast when their view identifies with each other’ s. However, under the reasonable frame discussion, it’s probably more conducive to learn when one’s view contradicts with one another. Because the opposite view usually complements your horizon.

TS1: People facilitates their study when they have reached consensus.
The studying process has an implicit assumption that people have to agree to learn, in other words reaching a consensus with the education and knowledge. Almost all top students are positive and active learners. They find the new knowledge consistent with what they know. While the counter-intuitive knowledge is really troublesome.

TS2: Even though people may find contradiction of views induces stress, under the frame of reasonable talking, they still can get complemented from the opposite view.
The first decade after quantum theory came to being well illustrated this point.

TS3: Apart from science, the business men also learn to make their ideas rigorous from different view.
When a new proposal is put forward, for example, the one who advocates may not be able to consider all the impediment and disadvantages of carrying out the plan, which is more likely to be taken into consideration by those who opposes it.

Even though people may find contradiction of views induces stress, under the frame of reasonable talking, they still can get complemented from the opposite view. In the field of science, the first decade after quantum theory came to being well illustrated this point. Debates were hotly carried out in the meetings and scientists’ private correspondences. Several famous thought experiments, like the Schrodinger’s cat, were legacy of their communication. By defending and avidly pointing out the opposite side’s omission, both got their knowledge reinforced from other’ s questioning, therefore they understood the theory better and the initial framework of quantum theory was continuously complemented and gradually became widely acknowledged. The above example vividly demonstrates the importance of complement of knowledge from opposite views on the individual learning about progress of science.

感想：这篇例子感觉选的不是很好，也不太好选...

点评ChiuChiKwan的文章
开头：
   The society and politics are so complex that politicians need to seek methods to balance ideals and reality. Some argue that politicians should pursue common ground and reasonable consensus rather than elusive ideals while others believe that politicians ought to struggle for ideals. In my views, policies should be implemented according to the circumstance without neglecting ideals. Whether should politicians pursue common ground and reasonable consensus rather than elusive ideals depends on the long term or the short term.
SS最后一句注意应该是Whether politicians should....开头很好

TS1
   To begin with, in the short term, politicians should be down to earth and pursue common ground and reasonable consensus owning to the flaws of society.
   e.g.  The ten-year cultural revolution in China aimed to pursue communism while it were actually a catastrophe. And the Chinese leaders realized that it was unrealistic thus that is why reform and opening occurred. To some extent, reform and opening in China in 1979 is a kind of capitalistic policy but it could promote Chinese economy. It contrasts communism ideals but it fits for common ground and reasonable consensus.
need more appropriate examples 改革开放我觉得是一个长远规划，你这里讲的是要解决短期问题，放在这里我觉得有一些不合适...

TS2
    However, in the short term, simply sticking to current harmony would blind and confuse politicians. The guidance of elusive ideals in the short term is in need as well. Otherwise, politicians would forget initially aims and the social system of the society may change. Furthermore, the might of the politicians may not be stable, which does harm to the reign of the society.
   e.g.
   After the era of Caesar perishing, the feudal factors still remained and a communistic republic couldn’t be founded completely. Thus, leaders took reforming, such as wartime communism and so on, according to the elusive ideals to build a capitalistic republic.
标记一下是沙俄和苏联....Caesar我还以为是凯撒...还有啊，capitalistic republic是资本主义共和国吗，苏联不是共产主义吗？

TS3
   The guidance of elusive ideals is in need not only in the short term, but also in the long term.
   e.g.
   The communistic party in China realize that it is impossible to build communistic society in a short time so they make a blueprint to achieve the goal.
OK这个例子就很贴切。

中间段 TS3
     The guidance of elusive ideals is in need not only in the short term, but also in the long term. Elusive ideals for politicians is like a lighthouse for a lost ship in the sea. Take the development of PRC as an illustration, there is no denying that a flawless society can be made at one stroke and there are must be lots of barricades in the way. Therefore, Chinese leaders and politicians make a blueprint which might last centuries to build communistic society completely. It is elusive ideals that give politicians and people firm beliefs, courage and strength. That is why politicians won’t cower or give up during hardship and they could make and carry out proper policy in time. Because they firmly believe the promising goal will be achieved in the future although it might take a long time!
这个也没问题。

丽丽酱香饼UID：3764419

issue 79/34/49/76/146/118

34) In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第2种分类，具体来说，将situation分为government, science, and individual进行讨论

开头段全文：
Every coin has two sides, every person has distinct ideas. When people hold one point, it is hard to see the opposite part, which will lead to rash or even wrong decision. So, I strongly support that people should listen to objections from others in order to make much more progress. For government agent and science research, counterview is necessary to be taken into consideration. However, for individuals, sometimes skeptic can make a person diffidence or give rise to unnecessary indecision.  
TS1
Because government are responsible for people, they should balance pros and corns carefully for purpose of sensible policy.
Eg1: holding election debate to show public information as comprehensive as possible for better decision
Eg2: public hearing before legislation to collect different opinion

TS2
Doubt and skepticism are original motivation for science research. No challenge, no scientific progress.
Eg1 after found of evidence against geocentric theory, Copernicus made a large amount of calculation to verify his renovation of universe theory
Eg2 Newton’s classic mechanics is not applicable to high-speed movement, but it is the basic of the theory of relativity.
the idea of the question is significant to science development.

TS3
Nevertheless, the contrast point cannot always benefit an individual, especially for someone who are self-abasement or when a person face the personal choice.
Eg1 Students follow others in group but be creative on their own
introspective people try to avoid conflicts or tend to give up their own thought in it
Eg2 many students choose their major in college because their own interests were against by their parents
every man is best known to himself, and others cannot get the full view of a person, so some objections just don't make sense.

中间段P3：
Nevertheless, the contrast point cannot always benefit an individual, especially for someone who are self-abasement or sometime when a person faces their personal choice. Introspective people tend to be too shy to express their thought, and they will try to avoid conflicts. Discussing opposite opinion may make them give up their own thought. For example, in every class, we could find some students talk little in group and follow other students to do ordinary job, but when they are finishing their task on their own, they show much more creative and accomplish an excellent work. These students need encourage instead of opposite sounds diminish their passion. The same logic are also applicable when people make their big decision of life. Every man is best known to himself, and others can never get the full view of a person, so some objections from others just do not make sense. Just think about how many students choose their major because the yield in discussions with their parents who disagree with choosing their own interests. Some of them have to suffer the disgust of the class they don’t like, and struggled so hard as to get average grades. In that situation, different opinion from others lead no progress of a person.

困惑和疑问：
1. 根据这个题目，要谈到反方观点，每段都要提到还是只要提到就好？反面论证需要多少篇幅呢？
2. 列框架的时候，example只提到具体事例吗？还是要把reason也提到呢？构思框架的时候只考虑P和I, 写全文的时候再补充E吗？

点评21楼
的小豆豆
1.绿山墙        思路内容
T1太绝对，也有不争辩就产生的进步，比如直接给出strong evidence或者是考古发现
T2没有提到progress
2.        语言表达：
Word choice/ diction : healthy discussion——Active/positive discussion
Rephrase：However, the premise should the healthy and constructive discussion.
Sentence structure：otherwise instead turbulence——but turbulence
Sentence structure：whether progress or not depends on different situation. 缺主语

建议：
to bbs：过段时间就要登录一下，很不方便啊；编辑界面不是很友好，希望有改进Thanks♪(･ω･)ﾉ
To Mr Wang：看了老师点评pdf里提到的TED演讲，有得！如果能在范文后附注一些相关的背景知识，或者每节课增加一些外延的拓展，让我们学习语言的同时长些见识，就更好啦~~~
版友们~~~我还木有被点评~~~

战G进行时UID：3727585

Disagreement and argument
No. 34 In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

开头段全文：
As an independent individual, everyone has the right to freely express their own view. Due to different background and circumstances, different people have different views. In my opinion, it is the collision of different opinions that engenders the progress in every situation. No matter in politics or in academy, discussion of contrasting points of view is conducive to achieve progress.

主题句1 When making a policy in the government, it is necessary for the president to consider different opinions.
具体例子或细节
Example 1: Three Gorges Dam.

主题句2 The development of academy cannot escape from the discussion of people with contrasting views.
具体例子或细节
Example 1: Whether to learn from the West in modern China.


中间段写作
When making a policy in the government, it is necessary for the president to consider different opinions. For instance, when considering whether to build Three Gorges Dam in China, local government convene a plenty of experts in different fields to evaluate the possible outcome of the Dam. Environmentalists believe that the construction of the Dam will severely damage the surrounding circumstances and may cause prevailing impact on the whole ecology. On the contrary, some socialists propose that the program is helpful to the development of Chinese economy, satisfying the continuously increasing demand for electricity. By considering these opposite opinions, the decision-makers aver that the pros of the Dam outweigh the cons and decide to sanction the construction of Three Gorges Dam. In this case, keeping the opposite point of views in consideration is helpful to prepare for some possible aftermath in advance.

评价7楼
首先，没有按首层的写作要求来写框架。
语言表达：所有的标点符号后面都没有空一格；语法错误较多，在不确定从句正确的情况下建议少用过于复杂的从句；存在大小写错误，或断句错误；存在拼写错误。

写作思路
TS:The ways of critical thinking is a debatable topic,as for me,I would defend the idea that the premise of thinking is receive the ideas contradict to yours,even though not for all the situations,almost covered.Especially in the fields of academic,policy as well as education.The contradictory communication is welcomed.Thus,I partly agree with the reason but reject the claim.
improve the thesis statement by clarifying your position
主题段点明了自己的立场
improve the thesis statement by summarizing your main points
这个也做到了。
revise your topic sentence to address the keywords in the issue statement
做到了
revise the topic sentence to better summarize the body paragraph
不到位，因为观点是partly agree with the reason，首段只给出赞同的部分，没有点出不赞同的部分。


ts1:In the academical area,not to mention the findings today got through so much debates,some widespread findings might even be totally upended in the long history of researches.Indeed,the academical views need to be questioned and experimented again and again,the purpose of most researchers is to find the truth,so the contradictory debates is inevitable and valuable.
need more appropriate examples
例子呢？

ts2:In the political area,conflicts and stress is commonplace desert for the politists.They use the agreements and disagreements to serve for their own benefits,there’s no so-called true or false,debates are inevitable.Sharing the views would not bring benefits but for most of time,leads to danger.In this extent,political area are used to the contradictory views,and only by questioning and critical thinking could balance the loss and profits.

ts3:When it comes to the education,I should admit that the disagreement can cause bad emotions like stress,and sometions inhibit students’ ability to learning,especially to the child who are diffident and shy.In order to help students learn better,teachers should balance the extent of disagreement of students’ errors.In deed,you need to point it out,but not to express fiercely contradictions.For example,try to agree the relatively right part,and let them understand.
Strengthen the argument with better reasoning
这点没有做到，PIE模型做的不够，Elaboration不够，论证缺乏说服力，例子也不够鲜明。而且academic area跟education有重合，削弱了说服力。

主题段1
In the academical area,not to mention the findings today got through so much debates,some widespread findings might even be totally upended in the long history of researches.Indeed,the academical views need to be questioned and experimented again and again.The work scholars are doing almost look at the shortcomings of the previous and try to revise them and put forward their concerns.Theories in psychology should be reexperimented,the calculation method needs to be recalculated,and the mixture should be remade for millians of times to ensure the validity.Actually,the purpose of most researchers is to find the truth,so the contradictory debates and experiments are really very inevitable and also, valuable.

bio-LUID：3788600

34) In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

framework：condition  
      in general, in emergency, in special condition
开头
While it is true that people had better to convey their opinons with the opponents, i don't believe that everyone should discuss a progress with them in any condition, due to the complexation of different conditions. For example, the emergency condition and the validity to contact with opponents.

t1
In general, we'd better to discuss with not only friends, but also opponents to have a comprehensive understanding and then, decide if to set up with a progress.

t2
However，if the problem is not so serious but is in emergency, then we certainly could start the process.
ep 比如战场上，再不发起进攻就gg了，我们必须快速自行做出决定，不用让different directors to scrutinize it.
这时候显然apparently ，因为

t3
Moreover， in some conditions others would object us from the root. then, there is no need to consult with them because no conclusion would be made.

段落
In general, we'd better to discuss with not only our friends, but also opponents to have a comprehensive understanding and then, decide if to set up with a progress.Take emperor qing for example. While in early time he manifested an ability to govern ancient china, he gradually listened only to supporters' words and spend lots of money on his private garden while give little money to his ministry. Eventually, he lost his empire because of their attack.As this example clearly illustrates, we often cannot  consider a thing in multiple angles, so we need to hear opponents' instruction as they have a greater possibility to delve some further domains which we couldn't realize. If the emperor could realize the danger that refuse his objectors and cannot know his conditions clearly in every time, i bet he won't make  forever.


点评g同学的：
Frame: introducing new concepts--consensus facilitates learning; contradicted view provides complements

TS: The implicit rational（这个单词应该没有名词格式哦） behind the statement seems to be that contradiction may arouse stress and inhibit（这个单词全是动词形式的哦 learning. It’s undoubtedly agreeable that people do learn fast when their view identifies with each other’ s in the desirable atmosphere between them who have reached consensus. （这句没理解……）However, under the reasonable frame（这个也不知道是什么意思呐） of calm communication, it’s probably more profitable to learn when one’s view contradicts with one another. Because the opposite view usually complements a wider area of what you don’t know or ever think about to your own idea.
开头是扣了题的，但是使用的单词取的是不常见的含义，这让我想起了og练习一的5分作文（那个没看懂），但是我建议还是用普通但准确的单词较好。

TS1: People do learn very fast when they have reached consensus. （没有facilitates 这一关键词哦）
The compulsory education of China has an implicit assumption that students have to agree to learn, thus reaching a consensus with their teachers. Almost all the prominent students with good grade are positive and active learners. Those who fail during several years of early education probably never find it meaningful to study, therefore their attitudes contradict with their teachers’ purposes. fast when they have reached consensus.
例子基本合适的，但是写作的时候要注意扣住从“达成一致”的老师那里学习。

TS2: Even though people may find contradiction of views induces stress, under the frame of reasonable talking, they still can much more than expected.（句子片段，缺谓语）（这个句子也没有扣complement）
The first decade after quantum theory came to being well illustrated this point.
例子需要更换，因为它强调了contradiction而没有强调complement

TS3: Apart from science, the business men also learn a great deal of solutions when they carry out a new plan.（这个“carry out a new plan ”偏了哦）
When a new proposal is put forward, for example, the one who advocates may not be able to consider all the impediment and disadvantages of carrying out the plan, which is more likely to be taken into consideration by those who opposes it.
例子很合适，扣题。

前意识的斑点UID：3383834

Politicians should pursue common ground and reasonable consensus rather than elusive ideals.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

Politics, one of the most important area in societies nowadays, is closely related to individuals’ daily lives. In fact, the polices implemented by politicians have deep influence on every individual in the society. Thus, it is important to pick sagacious politicians with smart policies. Some individuals state that politicians with quixotic ideals might be good candidates, while from my perspective, politicians chase common ground are more meaningful because they could solve the problem, deeply rooted in policy and social structure of a society.

First of all, the politicians, who hold practical ideas, can improve the social structure more efficiently. Abraham Lincoln, one of the most preeminent leaders, realized the problem of slavery. After encountering all the sad stories about African American being treated unequally, he realized that is the real issue in the American society. Hence, he stood up and fought for equality of every individual inside this country. He helped individuals to pick up the true meaning of liberty. He, the chain breaker, tried his best to change the society transform the society into better place.

What’s more, with practical ideas and deep understanding of the underlying problems, politicians could improve the economics more effectively. For instance, Xiaoping Deng, one of the wisest leader in China, improved the stagnant economy of China by implementing practical policies. After the great cultural revolution, China’s GDP was declining. Meanwhile, mundane individuals could not gain enough food because everyone was poor back then. Understanding the needs of improving individuals’ living conditions, Xiaoping Deng implemented open door policy which helped energize the economy of China. As a result, Chinese individuals were being saved from poverty.

Admittedly, some individuals might argue that great revolution starts with quixotic ideas. However, if political ideas are groundless, it could never be implemented successfully. French Revolution, for example would never happen if the individuals were satisfied with the current policies. The thoughtful politicians, who lead the revolution, saw the problem and started the revolution based on the need of the public.

In conclusion, it is necessary for sagacious leaders to implement practical policies because it could build better society and economics system in a long run.  To some politicians, politics might be purely a game. However, individuals want politicians’ ideas change their living conditions alongside with the social problem.