Issue93 问题文章详细点评 by imong

hattyUID：141246

Issue93"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making."

The concept of ‘individual responsibility’ has been emphasized by our society, and has even become an indication of people’s maturation. Ever since childhood, to adolescence, to adulthood, people have been taken all kinds of individual responsibilities. The speaker assert that the concept of ‘individual responsibility’ is a nessary fiction, however, I believe though there do exist lots of restraints that can influence people’s behavior, people’s actions are primarily determined by themselves, according to their individual responsibilities, which are necessary to every single human being and the whole society. 2:45

It is human’s nature to lead a unserious life and treat things at one’s pleasure. That is why ‘individual responsibility’ is a necessity concept which involves both the liability to be acquired to give account, as of one’s action or of the discharge of a duty or trust and the answerableness for one’s behavior. The absence of either part in people’s deep heart will reduce them to deal with their work with ease. Moreover, when they encounter some difficulties, they will give up the unsolved problems and turn to something easier. As a result, without ‘individual responsibility’ people will become aimless and the society will come into a state of chaos. So the society should emphasize the concept and hold individuals accoutable for their own actions.

Obviously,(Admittedly?) our goal can not always be obtained merely with full consciousness of individual responsibility. Another thing has to be taken into consideration, that is the exterior situation. Exterior situations, among which some even appear as preconditions, can strongly influence people’s deed. For one example, poverty is a crucial factor that may keep many poor children from school, and may lead to their loss of the opportunity of getting formal education, which is a disvantage for their future career. For another example, a good hearing ability is almost essential to a composure who exerts his/her talent to produce pieces of pleasant melody. Such forces may often influence people’s behavior and need to be taken into consideration when people carry on everyday agendas.

However, while exterior situations can wield some influence, with many people following their inclinations, there also exist lots of people who behave regardless of the outsides. And many of them even become very successful. What are their secret weapons? Individual responsibility. Individual responsibilities serve as impetus and motivations  for people to carve out, to conquer the possible difficulties and make progress. Moreover, it is people’s ‘individual responsibility’ that determines people’s behavior. Due to their diverse extent of individual responsibilities held in their hearts, different people may act variously when facing the same conditions. Forces from outside which seem strong can only give mediocrities the excuse for ordinary life and cover up the kernal of the issue. Does poverty can impede all people from accomplishment in their future ? Lincoln, who only received up to one year’s school education because of poverty, hold individual responsibility himself and taught himself knowledge. He had led the civil way of the war between the states to emamcipate the slave, and at last become the 16th President of the United State.  Beethoven, the famous composure, even after lost of his precious hearing ability, had conquered many difficulties and created the glorious and outstanding symphonies of the Hero, Fate. So there is no such insurmountable difficultity and so called forces that determine people’s behavior. The way ahead looks so winding, the circumstances seems so complex, even intricate, that one can only be determined by the individual responsibility, not only in oneself, but also in the meaning and importance of one’s career.

In sum, forces for outside can exert influence on people’s behavior, but it is individual responsibility that determines it. The concept of individual responsibility is necessary for the progress of oneself and the whole society, and should be propagandized throughout the world.

各位看官多给意见建议，任何写的不好和想的不恰当的地方，望大家狠狠的拍～～

另外，谁有什么现成的翻译好的语言也好的例子，可以往文章中直接用的呢？我实在是对着小山似的中文例子没有办法翻译了。。。

谢谢各位xdjm！～

hattyUID：141246

终于,我的第三篇问世了,呵呵,一个月一篇的速度,让不少xdjm替偶捏把汗…而我自己倒是不慌不忙,昨天下午和晚上出去疯玩到夜里12点50才到宿舍,又bbs上水了一把,才在2点钟收拾停当,睡觉…

然而，心理压力却大的很,毕竟,这次是最后的机会,如果我不想浪费一年时间毕业以后还考GRE的话。我不能拿自己的青春和在学校很好的机会当玩笑。但是,我玩起来还是什么都不想,而且对于玩,基本来者不拒.矛盾~~疑惑~~可能真是好朋友说的那样吧,自己喜欢搞科研,却耐不住寂寞,真是很大的矛盾。。。

hatty努力想办法调和矛盾～～

anyway，第三篇还是写的很认真，从8月31日开题，想提纲，不断的改，今天上午10点半起来后把例子加进去，过了十几天了。其实，我不太会写例子，这几个例子因为找不到合适的语言，所以一直没有把文章写好发上来，又借机多玩了几天。今天不管了，随便涂几笔，凑上例子。again，各位看官多给意见建议，还有有没有什么现成的翻译好的语言也好的例子，可以往文章中直接用的呢？我实在是对着小山似的中文例子没有办法翻译了。。。

另外，上一次，关于文章逻辑，行文和论述重点的问题，我又仔细想了很久imong和鬼谷子等等的意见，感觉收获很大，这次这方面我很努力的改了改，不知道现在怎么样了？

不多说了，先看文章吧～～～ :p

poohUID：146994

Issue93"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making."

The concept of ‘individual responsibility’ has been emphasized by our society, and has even become an indication of people’s maturation. Ever since childhood, to adolescence, to adulthood, people have been taken all kinds of individual responsibilities. The speaker assert that the concept of ‘individual responsibility’ is a nessary fiction, however, I believe though there do exist lots of restraints that can influence influence这个词很vague,因为它有很多方向，negative, positive or others, 所以最好用circumscribe 之类确切些的词 people’s behavior, people’s actions are primarily determined by themselves, according to their individual responsibilities,according to ...这半句感觉什么也没说，逻辑上也不通，因为并不是因为他们有责任所以他们要自己determine，要知道according to之后的内容相当于一个理由。 which are necessary to every single human being and the whole society. 2:45

It is human’s nature to lead a unserious life and treat things at one’s pleasure.这个结论泰武断了吧，没人说过人类的本性是过放荡的生活。你用unserious life让人想到玩弄感情的人，treat things at one's pleasure也没见过这种用法，即使你想用treat...as...后面的one's pleasure的表达叶欠妥当，不地道。 That is why ‘individual responsibility’ is a necessity注意词的形态 concept which involves both the liability liability是指债务的责任，难道你想表达还债的责任吗？to be acquired to give account这里give accounta就不理解了, as of one’s action or of the discharge of a duty dicharge one's duty不要加of 了 or trust dicharge 后面跟trust似乎不合适吧这整句话我都看得晕晕乎乎的and the answerableness for one’s behavior. The absence of either part in people’s deep heart will reduce them to deal with their work with ease. Moreover, when they encounter some difficulties, they will give up the unsolved problems and turn to something easier. As a result, without ‘individual responsibility’ people will become aimless and the society will come into a state of chaos. So the society should emphasize the concept and hold individuals accoutable for their own actions.这段缺少实例，整篇晦涩的解释，不如加一个确切的例子说明你的意思。我认为如果你把重点放在个人不负责任导致的社会不安上更好

Obviously,(Admittedly?) 应该用admittedly,但是没见过把转折段放在中间的！！！你这样body2跟body1构成转折，body3再来houwever再转，整片文章的思路很混乱。所以建议你调整一下段之间的顺序，把这段放在最后our goal can not always be obtained merely with full consciousness of individual responsibility. Another thing has to be taken into consideration, that is the exterior situation.这是两句话，要用句号，或有连词 Exterior situations, among which some even appear as preconditions, can strongly influence people’s deed. For one example, poverty is a crucial factor that may keep many poor children from school, and may lead to their loss of the opportunity of getting formal education前面两句重复, which is a disvantage for their future career.不要为了举例子而举例子，时刻清楚你到底为了证明什么，你这里重点是要证明因为外界条件的约束不能履行义务，但是你这个上学的例子说明了这点了吗？ For another example, a good hearing ability is almost essential to a composure who exerts his/her talent to produce pieces of pleasant melody.这个例子也不合适，也不跟责任义务有关系 Such forces may often influence people’s behavior and need to be taken into consideration when people carry on everyday agendas.

However, while exterior situations can wield some influence, with many people following their inclinations, there also exist lots of people who behave regardless of the outsides. And many of them even become very successful.这段成了用individual responsibility去证明如何success了，我认为你应该证明人能够履行责任，只要他有这个意志力 What are their secret weapons? Individual responsibility. Individual responsibilities serve as impetus and motivations for people to carve out, to conquer the possible difficulties and make progress. Moreover, it is people’s ‘individual responsibility’ that determines people’s behavior. Due to their diverse extent of individual responsibilities held in their hearts, different people may act variously when facing the same conditions. Forces from outside which seem strong can only give mediocrities the excuse for ordinary life and cover up the kernal of the issue. Does poverty can impede all people from accomplishment in their future ? Lincoln, who only received up to one year’s school education because of poverty, hold individual responsibility himself and taught himself knowledge. He had led the civil way of the war between the states to emamcipate the slave, and at last become the 16th President of the United State. Beethoven, the famous composure, even after lost of his precious hearing ability, had conquered many difficulties and created the glorious and outstanding symphonies of the Hero, Fate.很难说beethoven是为了履行什么义务而成功的 So there is no such insurmountable difficultity and so called forces that determine people’s behavior. The way ahead looks so winding,and the circumstances seems seem so complex, even intricate, that one can only be determined by the individual responsibility, not only in oneself, but also in the meaning and importance of one’s career.这段看起来写了不少，但是扣题不紧，一个例子不恰当，最后一句别扭。so...that one can only be determined by the individual responsibility, not only in oneself, but also in the meaning and importance of one's career.这句问题很多. 一是逻辑不严密，什么叫一个人只能由他的责任决定， 不在于他自身，but also后面的也vague, 不明白为什么要加介词in,前面是be determined by,后面怎么都成了in.总之，逻辑跟语法上都不通

In sum, forces for改成from吧 outside can exert influence on people’s behavior, but it is individual responsibility that determines it. The concept of individual responsibility is necessary for the progress of oneself and the whole society, and should be propagandized throughout the world.结尾段不要只陈述你的观点，一定要加上你的理由

要求严了点，呵呵，对什么人什么要求啊，对你的期望大就批的狠一点喽:)

lakeqianUID：157560

你的观点我不同意。b1pleasure是个小facet而已，从人的社会性，个人性谈起吧。
语言问题我没发言权哦。
习作区是有习作，我看过，但是我觉得我的思路还算不错。

lakeqianUID：157560

It is human’s nature to lead a unserious life and treat things at one’s pleasure
In the very nature of human, we are lazy creatures??pleasure只是个小点。（而且个人认为可以从社会限制个人的动物的行为谈起。）
That is why ‘individual responsibility’。。。why?????
‘individual responsibility’ people will become aimless and the society will come into a state of chaos.那么个人责任到底是谁发明的呢？个人or社会？？

our goal can not always be obtained merely with full consciousness of individual responsibility。。。个人认为责任不是为了激励而是为了限制。责任不是成功的一种手段。

responsibilities serve as impetus and motivations for people to carve out, to conquer the possible difficulties and make progress.
Moreover, it is people’s ‘individual responsibility’ that determines people’s behavior.
这两句意思不同啊。哪个是TS？

看来你是同意原题前半句做个基础，再来论述个人责任决定人们行为？？
我对这道题的理解是：后半句是原因，前半句是结论。即：人们的行为是社会决定的-->个人责任虚幻。
因此，我认为应该讨论什么决定人的行为在此基础上来讨论个人责任问题。因此决定整个反了。

hattyUID：141246

先谢谢pooh和lake的仔细批改！～

我先把提纲放上来吧——
观点：部分同意，个人责任是necessary的，但是不是fiction。个人责任可以决定个人行为。

b1，是必须的，人在社会上必须有责任感。对个人，对社会。
b2，外力太大，所以现实条件下实现不了，所以seem  一个fiction， 比如贫穷，比如一些外界的条件某种程度上影响人们的行为。
b3，人是很强的，不应该屈服外力。本质上，根本上不是由于外力大，而是由于我们自身弱小。所以个人责任可以决定个人行为。面对贫穷，贫穷也可以成就坚韧的个性，塑造伟人。。。

结论，我们应该结合实际，让条件为我所用，充分发挥责任。（但是，我实在写不下去了，所以结尾没有怎么写）


讨论：pooh，1，according to 我想表述的“根据”这样的意思，或者说我的观点就是个人责任可以决定个人行为，那么这样用可以么？
2 b1开始，我想说‘不负责任，随心所欲干事情’，于是查字典， at one’s pleasure＝随心所欲。。。而下一句liability以后都是抄金山糍粑的定义，汗～～
3

这段缺少实例，整篇晦涩的解释，不如加一个确切的例子说明你的意思。我认为如果你把重点放在个人不负责任导致的社会不安上更好

我就是愁举例子,sigh~~怎么解决呢?pooh有没有好点的办法?
4 后面的贝多芬什么的例子,我凑出来的,汗again~~开始还想同b2形成照应的那种很cool的结果...但是写出来就变了味

lake:
个人认为责任不是为了激励而是为了限制。责任不是成功的一种手段。
你这个理解...我开始没有想清楚,好像的确比我的好很多啊!
2 moreover以后是TS,你看这样好么?
3 看来你是同意原题前半句做个基础，再来论述个人责任决定人们行为？？
是的,我开始想这样写的,提纲见上.
4 如果你的作文在习作区里有的话,我搜着看看~~

again,谢谢pooh和lake!~

lakeqianUID：157560

觉得思维和我很不同。。。无语中。。。我的习作刚发上来，就在第一页。

nittanyUID：174712

我写过这一篇，但是当时的纲不是很好，后来改成这样：

1。人有能力也有责任决定自己的行为以及对其负责，因为受到了教化，拥有自己的道德价值观，知识，经验等等，能够分辨好坏是非。例子太多了，小到拾金不昧，大到见义勇为，捐助希望工程什么的都是自己愿意的，随便举几个就行。

2。外部环境对人行为的影响和限制也是很大的，这里的外部环境不但包括法律条文，规章制度，还包括社会氛围，文化取向。法律是为了维护社会的安定和公正，没有法律的约束整个社会就乱了套了；社会氛围可以举古代中国，暴君当政不准人民发表意见的时候大家就只好“道路以目”，开明君主的时候就“日进千言”还生怕自己有好点子没说出来受不到奖赏。

3。人的行为受到个人意愿和外部压力交叉作用，很难界定到底是谁占主导地位；只要人们能不断提高自己的道德知识水平，同时清楚分辨外在环境的正负面影响，行为就会尽可能的理智合理。

一起加油！

鬼谷子UID：159645

Issue93"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making."
我的想法，题目说个人的行为largely由外力决定，但是没有否定个人对行为的责任。那么，应该是要比较行为是由自己决定的多还是外力决定的多。而题目的第一句就应该是一个结论。如果个人对于自己行为的责任很少很少，那么就可以说个人责任的概念是fiction，反之则不是fiction。这样我认为就应当先确定个人的行为是由谁来决定的，或者说受谁的影响更多，然后才能确定个人责任是否是fiction。我想到的写法大概有三种，个人决定的多——不是fiction；外力决定的多——是fiction；不同情况不同结果——不一定是不是fiction。

The concept of ‘individual responsibility’ has been emphasized by our society,(which has been emphasized by our society has become....我觉得好一点） and has even become an indication（标志？） of people’s maturation. Ever since childhood, to adolescence, to adulthood, people have been taken all kinds of individual responsibilities. The speaker assert that the concept of ‘individual responsibility’ is a nessary fiction, however, I believe though there do exist lots of restraints that can influence people’s behavior(我觉得应该是比较由谁决定的多一点，那么这里的表达似乎不够直接）, people’s actions are primarily determined by themselves, according to their individual responsibilities, which are necessary to every single human being and the whole society. 2:45(按我对题目的理解，应该是先解决谁决定行为的问题再说是否有个人责任的问题，而不是according to个人责任个人才能决定行为。那么你的观点应该是承认外力有影响，但是个人决定行为更多，所以个人责任不是fiction。)

It is human’s nature to lead a unserious life and treat things at one’s pleasure.(为什么呢？应该论证一下的，这样抛出一个比较绝对的论述说服力不够） That is why ‘individual responsibility’ is a necessity（necessary） concept which involves both the liability to be acquired to give account, as of one’s action or of the discharge of a duty or trust and the answerableness for one’s behavior.说实话这句话不是很懂：P The absence of either part in people’s deep heart will reduce them to deal with their work with ease. Moreover, when they encounter some（some去掉比较好） difficulties, they will give up the unsolved problems and turn to something easier.（看到这里明白你的意思了，你是想说人的本性就是趋乐避苦的吧，有了“个人责任”才能使人们对自己的行为更负责任。但是我觉得应该是反过来的：人们能对自己的行为负责任，人们能够决定自己的行为之后才能证明“个人责任”的存在） As a result, without ‘individual responsibility’ people will become aimless and the society will come into a state of chaos. （为什么呢？我觉得你的结论都是说出来的，不是论证出来的。如果没有责任人们会怎么样，社会会怎么样？交代一下再得出结论更好一点）So the society should emphasize the concept and hold individuals accoutable for their own actions.（我觉得你归结到这样的结论有一点偏了，仔细看题目，题目其实已经承认must hold individuals accountable for their own actions了。而且你这段论证的是个人责任的重要性，而题目让你论证的应该是个人责任是否存在的问题吧。我觉得你第一段应该是说个人责任取决于什么，取决于个人行为是由个人决定更多还是外力决定更多，然后下面再两方面展开）

Obviously,(Admittedly?) our goal can not always be obtained merely with full consciousness of individual responsibility. Another thing has to be taken into consideration, that is the exterior situation.（说到外力影响的问题了，但是，为什么要外力是我们obtain goal的因素呢？goal又是什么呢？我觉得你应该说的是在一些情况下外力对人们行为的作用和影响） Exterior situations, among which some even appear as preconditions, can strongly influence people’s deed（加上个sometimes或者under某些circumstances比较好一点吧，毕竟你的观点是个人决定行为为主的啊）. For one example, poverty is a crucial factor that may keep many poor children from school, and may lead to their loss of the opportunity of getting formal education,罗嗦，合成一句就行....school where they can get formal education） which is a disvantage for their future career.（影响到行为了吗？？？ ）For another example, a good hearing ability is almost essential to a composure who exerts his/her talent to produce pieces of pleasant melody. Such forces may often influence people’s behavior and need to be taken into consideration when people carry on everyday agendas.（这个例子不明白你是什么意思。跟你的观点没什么关系啊。要说外力对个人行为的影响可以说一些社会规范，法律，道德因素影响我们的行为，有一些我们本想做，但是外力迫使我们不能做，有一些我们不愿意做，但是外力迫使我们去做。大概这样的例子会好一点吧）

However, while exterior situations can wield some influence, with many people following their inclinations, there also exist lots of people who behave regardless of the outsides.（ 首先要说，你这样写，实际上把不受外力影响的情况说成了少数，背离你的观点了。而且，B2B3是分两方面写的，那么回头看看B1的论述就更不合适了）And many of them even become very successful. What are their secret weapons（觉得有点汉语的感觉secret of their success？）? Individual responsibility.（还是我开始的观点，个人责任是论证了两方面以后才能证明存在的东西，不应该这样拿来用的。这一段你应该证明个人的行为很大程度是由个人来决定的，然后综合两方面得出结论，行为是个人负责任而不是社会负责任，所以个人责任是存在的） Individual responsibilities serve as impetus and motivations for people to carve out, to conquer the possible difficulties and make progress. Moreover, it is people’s ‘individual responsibility’ that determines people’s behavior.（这样说就更不对了，是个人能决定行为才有的个人责任） Due to their diverse extent of individual responsibilities held in their hearts, different people may act variously when facing the same conditions. Forces from outside which seem strong can only give mediocrities（越说越是特例了，mediocrity是大多数，是普遍情况吧） the excuse for ordinary life and cover up the kernal（kernel） of the issue. Does poverty can impede （Can poverty impede...?汗。。。）all people from accomplishment in their future ? （怎么说着说着成了影响成功了？？研究的是行为啊！）Lincoln, who only received up to one year’s school education because of poverty, hold individual responsibility himself and taught himself knowledge. He had led the civil way of the war between the states to emamcipate the slave, and at last become the 16th President of the United State.（林肯的行为受什么决定和影响的啊？？） Beethoven, the famous composure（composer，汗）, even after lost of his precious hearing ability, had conquered many difficulties and created the glorious and outstanding symphonies of the Hero, Fate.（突然看出来你这两个例子呼应上段的两个例子，呵呵，贫穷，听力） So there is no such insurmountable difficultity and so called forces that determine people’s behavior. （从你的上文实在是得不出这样的结论啊）The way ahead looks so winding, the circumstances seems so complex, even intricate, that one can only be determined by the individual responsibility, not only in oneself, but also in the meaning and importance of one’s career.（后面有点越说越乱了，感觉你自己的思路不是很清晰的）

In sum, forces for（from？） outside can exert influence on people’s behavior, but it is individual responsibility that determines it. The concept of individual responsibility is necessary for the progress of oneself and the whole society, and should be propagandized throughout the world.
我觉得文章的思路有问题，对题目把握的不是太清楚
我对题目的理解就是要比较谁决定个人行为更largely一点，不知道你注意到largely这个词，和作者although那半句的意思没有。
然后第一句的个人责任是在个人行为由谁决定的基础上得出的一个结论。作者认为外力的决定作用更大，所以个人对行为的责任就是虚构的不存在的fiction了
而你整篇文章都没提到fiction的问题。这应该是另一个题眼我觉得。

而且B1的作用很不清楚
B2B3的例子是不符合题目的，论述的也有点偏离了题目

语言上面有些词不需要用的太难，表达清楚就好

我觉得这篇你写的不太成功，再体会一下题目，看看别人的习作。还有你的速度要提高啊！尽早限时才行啊！
加油哦！

另外，批的太严了:D别怪我哦

imongUID：140258

The concept of ‘individual responsibility’ has been emphasized by our society, and has even become an indication of people’s maturation（？）. Ever since childhood, to adolescence, to adulthood, people have been taken all kinds of individual responsibilities. The speaker assert that the concept of ‘individual responsibility’ is a nessary fiction（你要是反对fiction的话你这里干脆就别写necessary）, however, I believe though there do exist lots of restraints that can influence people’s behavior, people’s actions are primarily determined by themselves, according to their individual responsibilities, which are necessary to every single human being and the whole society. 2:45（according to... which are...看得赘余。开头就写的绕嘴。）

It is human’s nature to lead a unserious life and treat things at one’s pleasure. That is why ‘individual responsibility’ is a necessity（？） concept（在这里就应该强调"不是fiction"或者"是..."，necessary这个词反倒可以尽量不写，免得和原题纠缠不清） which involves both the liability（what liability） to be acquired to give account, as of one’s action or of the discharge of a duty or trust and the answerableness for one’s behavior.（看不懂） The absence of either part in people’s deep heart will reduce them to deal with their work with ease. Moreover, when they encounter some difficulties, they will give up the unsolved problems and turn to something easier. As a result, without ‘individual responsibility’ people will become aimless and the society will come into a state of chaos. So the society should emphasize the concept and hold individuals accoutable for their own actions.（请问 究竟你要论证的是society should emphasize the concept of individual responsibility，还是individual responsibility itself is a concept rather than fiction？我认为前者并不切题。就算前者蜻蜓点水提到了individual responsibility as a concept，但却没有深入——至少在这里没有。这样子又回到is和should的差别上面去了）

Obviously,(Admittedly?) our goal can not always be obtained merely with（？） full consciousness of individual responsibility.（整句费解。Realizing one's individual responsibility alone cannot guarantee success in....） Another thing has to be taken into consideration, that is the exterior situation. Exterior situations, among which some even appear as preconditions, can strongly influence people’s deed. For one example, poverty is a crucial factor that may keep many poor children from school, and may lead to their loss of the opportunity of getting formal education, which is a disvantage for their future career. For another example, a good hearing ability is almost essential to a composure who exerts his/her talent to produce pieces of pleasant melody. Such forces may often influence people’s behavior and need to be taken into consideration when people carry on everyday agendas.（Taken into consideration.... so what? Where is your conclusion or thesis statement？You started off the topic on "exterior confinements"，so what is your conclusion? Is these exterior things the validation of individual responsibility or rather, they serve to deny its existence? 自己提出个Exterior却又支吾其词，这就是跑题。）

However, while exterior situations can wield some influence, with many people following their inclinations, there also exist lots of people who behave regardless of the outsides. And many of them even become very successful. What are their secret weapons? Individual responsibility. （不切题。这部分可以用来支持对individual responsibility的存在的分析 但是这部分内容放在段落开始太不合适了吧。而且 individual responsibility战胜exterior conf? 太夸张了吧。）Individual responsibilities serve as impetus and motivations for people to carve out, to conquer the possible difficulties and make progress. Moreover, it is people’s ‘individual responsibility’ that determines people’s behavior. Due to their diverse extent of individual responsibilities held in their hearts, different people may act variously when facing the same conditions. Forces from outside which seem strong can only give mediocrities the excuse for ordinary life and cover up the kernal of the issue. Does poverty can impede all people from accomplishment in their future ? Lincoln, who only received up to one year’s school education because of poverty, hold individual responsibility（牵强——你又没界定你自己这种"individual responsibility"） himself and taught himself knowledge. He had led the civil way of the war between the states to emamcipate the slave, and at last become the 16th President of the United State. Beethoven, the famous composure, even after lost of his precious hearing ability, had conquered many difficulties and created the glorious and outstanding symphonies of the Hero, Fate. So there is no such insurmountable difficultity and so called forces that determine people’s behavior. The way ahead looks so winding, the circumstances seems so complex, even intricate, that one can only be determined by the individual responsibility, not only in oneself, but also in the meaning and importance of one’s career.（这都是些什么乱七八糟的例子啊）

In sum, forces for outside can exert influence on people’s behavior, but it is individual responsibility that determines it. The concept of individual responsibility is necessary for the progress of oneself and the whole society, and should be propagandized throughout the world.

（别看这篇文章写了这么长 要我说 4分基本没戏 拿到3分就不错了 自己好好反省反省）

imongUID：140258

8楼那个"提纲"
作为思路素材引子还能算合适
作为"提纲"的话 这篇"文章"就要出问题了 看看那三段 尤其是b3 光顾着自说自话了 回应题目呢？

yeyedogUID：125746

Issue93"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making."
The concept of ‘individual responsibility’ has been emphasized by our society, and has even become an indication of people’s maturation. Ever since childhood, to adolescence, to adulthood, people have been taken all kinds of individual responsibilities. The speaker assert that the concept of ‘individual responsibility’ is a necessary fiction, however, I believe though there do exist lots of restraints that can influencerestrict people’s behavior, people’s actions are primarily determined by themselves, according to their individual responsibilities, which are necessary to every single human being and the whole society.个人觉得最后这句话很累赘，拗口。还不如解释一下具体的individual responsibilities,什么叫'individual responsibility'就是你能不能把你做的事不管是好事坏都归咎到人的原因而不是非人的外因，可以说这是个哲学的命题—唯心 VS 唯物。 事实上，统观全文题目在问一个问题你是否同意'individual responsibility'是虚构的？下面我就“不同意”来说明我对这个题目的看法，in personal view（因为我有点唯心） 对于‘同意’可以vice versa。
1，        说明'individual responsibility'不是虚构，人们能够决定很多事以他们的意志，而且这个世界上有许多成就是因为有强大的责任感才得以实现的，一个很极端的例子— Helen, keller. God help those who helps themselves.反过来说，如果人们不能为他们的行为负责，那么人的价值何在。人存在因为他的选择，他不是别人不是机器不是无生命的东西在于他能够自己做选择，而不是submit to外因。他能够为自己的选择负责
2，        像很多人说‘Man proposes and God disposes’ 是错误的。即使在相同的条件下不同的人们用不同的方式去做事。即使在很多不能改变的外因下人们还是能够去选择怎样去面对这些可能很challenge的条件。Beethoven, Lincoln的例子。人们仍然能为他们做的事负责，能为他们的选择负责。
It is human’s nature to lead an unserious life and treat things at one’s pleasure. That is why ‘individual responsibility’ is a necessity concept which involves both the liability to be acquired to give account, as of one’s action or of the discharge of a duty or trust and the answerableness for one’s behavior. The absence of either part in people’s deep heart will reduce感觉这么用不行吧？deteriorate, degenerate them to deal with their work with ease. Moreover, when they encounter some difficulties, they will give up the unsolved problems and turn to something easier. As a result, without ‘individual responsibility’ people will become aimless and the society will come into a state of chaos. So Thus\Therefore the society should emphasize the conceptwhat concept? and hold individuals accoutable for their own actions.

hatty，后面我就不帮你改词法了，上面只是说了个人的看法，不一定对。不好意思！另外我觉得你的定于从句用的太多了，一个好的句子应该有力，就像一个高手出拳应该有力一般而不能拖泥带水。想象一下你一句话说出去了，结果中间，后面跟着一堆的限定，修饰那这句话还有力吗？这一拳还有力吗？当然我不是说定于从句不好，而是不必要的说明（看起来罗嗦的限定）不要有！简单的举个例：there is a flat which has four room. there is a four-room flat.
in the last,最近在实验室被奴役，所以回的有点迟，生怕赶不上你考试的日期。sorry

yeyedogUID：125746

哈，老鬼你也回来了。呵呵！
准备笔试郁闷吧？哈哈。

可以多吃吃这个“天王养心丹”喔。要不‘读书丸’也很不错就是我一直看不到有卖。  

不开你玩笑了。加油阿！

hattyUID：141246

555~~我上来了。。。

要不是大家的提醒，我还觉得这篇写的不错呢。。。

sigh～～研究研究。。。希望来得及 :p