issue 241 天才儿童教育 反对 我的瓶颈篇，希望大家帮助

slsUID: 175311

issue 214

Society should identify those children who have special talents and abilities and begin training them at an early age so that they can eventually excel in their areas of ability. Otherwise, these talents are likely to remain undeveloped

提纲 ：不同意
1 在 intellect
  a   标准 +现象
  b   导致他们急功近利
  c   性格缺陷
2 在 physical
  a  例子
  b  不是天生的，是后天的
   c  这种训练导致他们的身体和心理伤害

备注：我把我觉得不好的地方标出来了，请大家帮忙看下。当然其他地方又很多缺点，也希望大家不吝啬地一一指出 (特别是在语言和句子结构上) 这篇我写了好久。

In a ferociously competitive world, people are always eager to identify some gifted children .Since in their minds , those children's extraordinary abilities are the fortune of the society . Carefully educating , those children will eventually contribute greatly to the society .The author think so , but I can't help suspecting towards it . Are all so-called gifted children really gifted ? Will the special designed education do good to them ? I strongly disagree with the author on this point until both questions above are soundly solved.

We can begin with the intellect aspect, which refers to people's ability in reasoning and logic thinking . First , it is difficult to for our authority of education to  establish a uniform settled standard for identifying gifted children , Many schools rely on Intelligence Tests and such tests vary from state to state .  Does not say the various situations caused by the differences with the areas , let's only look into the examine itself ----Does gifted children can be determined just by scores ? According to some reliable statistics ,thirty-two states in America reported them providing specialized education services to 2.4 million gifted students in 1990,even some states indentified more than 10 percent of students are gifted .If so ,those prodigious students are surely the bless of America .But  till now 15 years has past , where are they ? They may be among millions of ordinary people now .Moreover , a lot of social problems arise resulting from the gifted recruit system as well as the special designed education. The child being trained at an early age in some specific areas are hoped to work in society early .People are eager to see their over night fame , the child is also hasty to demonstrate their intelligence . 想表达急功近利，诶～～～

And special designed courses doesn't ensure a all-rounded development ,the child is too young to know what is worthy for them .After stepping into the society ,he or she may lack communication skills and worse ,personally flaw. Then come to the physical field . A telling example is LeBron Jones , who used to be good at basketball and skip college for it .He got his fame at a rather early age---became a professional player in NBA ,but at last he ends up with nothing at all .Cause in my mind, In this field , many gifted skills are learned skills which means skills ,competence ,strategies and behaviors techniques can be required cultivated and practiced .Parents who want fame often push their 4-and 5-year-old children into competitive sports training .Such training indeed help young children develop earlier and fast.However ,children under such intensive pressure may lead to emotional problems or physical harm .Say one person from sports marketing firm ,there are plenty of kids showed promise at an early age ,but burned out and disappeared .Recently ,according to the Newsweek ,a fourteen-year-old soccer player Freddy Adus made his debut in the football playground as a professional player .I wish him good luck ,don't fall into a next LeBron Janes.

Admittedly , we do have prodigious children in our real life . Like Guass who shows his talent in mathematics ,carefully educated by his teacher , became a great mathematist in history; Tiger Wood ,I think we all are familiar with him , at a young age he has already gains much fame. 这整个一段结尾我不知道怎样写才好了，特别是结尾

To sum up, identifying gifted children and giving them education exclusively are always counter playing our original goals .Children are the future of our society they are entitled to be carefully attended . We really must take caution to apply any identifying method and training towards the gifted ,especially before we have already find out effective ways .

dezhiUID: 156141

先提个小问题，标点符号前不要加空格，而是在其后加一个空格，考试时也是如此，呵呵

dezhiUID: 156141

issue 214

Society should identify those children who have special talents and abilities and begin training them at an early age so that they can eventually excel in their areas of ability. Otherwise, these talents are likely to remain undeveloped

提纲 ：不同意
1 在 intellect
a 标准 +现象
b 导致他们急功近利
c 性格缺陷
2 在 physical
a 例子
b 不是天生的，是后天的
c 这种训练导致他们的身体和心理伤害

备注：我把我觉得不好的地方标出来了，请大家帮忙看下。当然其他地方又很多缺点，也希望大家不吝啬地一一指出 (特别是在语言和句子结构上) 这篇我写了好久。

In a ferociously competitive world, people are always eager to identify some gifted children .Since in their minds, those children's extraordinary abilities are the fortune of the society. Carefully educating被教育,应该用被动语态吧;另外,题目涉及的是对天才儿童的早期教育,这里光Carefully educated就行了吗?, those children will eventually contribute greatly to the society. The author think时态? so, but I can't help suspecting towardssuspect及物 it. Are all so-called gifted children really gifted? Will the special用副词如何? designed education do good to them? I strongly disagree with the author on this point until both questions above are soundly solvedanswer a question/solve a problem.整篇文章是大正小负,既然如此开头最后一句为何不作个小小的让步呢?另外我觉得用了until也就不算明确表明作者态度了,是不是不太好?.

We can->Let’s如何 begin with the intellect aspect, which refers to people's ability in reasoning and logic->logical? thinking. First, it is difficult to多余 for our authority of education to establish a uniform settled standard for identifying gifted children ,标点错,考试时要注意 Many schools rely on Intelligence Tests and such tests vary from state to state谈到智力测试各有不同,显然有些跑题;一定要围绕中心. Does not sayChinglish! the various situations caused by the differences with the areas , let's only look into the examine这是动词哇 itself前面用了”不用说(not to mention,不过这个短语好像一般放在句子后面)”,中间用了only,后边又用了itself,是否有重复之嫌? ----Does单复错 gifted children canDoes…can? be determined just by scores ? According to some reliable statistics ,thirty-two states in America reported them providing specialized education services to 2.4 million gifted students in 1990,even some states indentified->identified more than 10 percent of students are->as注意句子结构 gifted.If so和后面有因果联系吗?天才儿童多能说明什么问题?请尽一步说明, those prodigious students are surely the bless of America. But till now 15 years has past->passed, where are they说”他们还成功吗”不是更让人明白?而”他们在哪里”又有什么关系吗?这里又是汉语思维,有些隐含意义在里面,我不知道是否适合给外国人看? They may be among millions of ordinary people now .Moreover , a lot of social problems arise resulting去掉 from the gifted recruit system as well as the special designed education. The child单复错 being去掉 trained at an early age in some specific areas are hoped->wished to work in society early. People are eager to see their over night fame仅仅是名誉问题吗?, the child is单复错 also hasty to demonstrate their intelligence这是两个句子,中间又没有用连词,怎么可以这么写呢?. 想表达急功近利，诶～～～ 这里姑且不谈如何表达急功近利,只要你知道是什么意思,然后用大白话说出来不就行了?考试时重要的是你能否用英文表达出你想表达的意思,而不是找出确切的说法;另外,急功近利如何表现在Intellect层面上?要进一步分析

And special designed courses doesn't单复问题很严重哦 ensure a去掉 all-rounded development ,the child为何特指? is too young to know what is worthy for them段首句最后点明此段中心,不要这么含糊;另外,这又是一个没有连词的句子. After stepping into the society, he or she may lack communication skills and worse ,personally->personal flaw->lack communication skills and, what is worse, personal flaws. Then come to the physical field这是个怪句子哟. A telling example is LeBron Jones , who used to be good at basketball and skip时态错 college for it .He got his fame at a rather early age---最好少用拿不准的标点became a professional player in NBA ,but at last he ends时态错 up with nothing at all .Cause in my mind,这个分句是干嘛呢?不要依赖汉语写句子 In this field , many gifted skills are learned skills which means单复错 skills ,competence ,strategies and behaviors techniquesbehaviors techniques? can be required->acquired, cultivated and practiced .Parents who want fame often push their 4-and 5-year-old children4-and 5-year-old children可以这么用吗? into competitive sports training .Such training indeed help单复错 young children develop earlier and fast一个比较级一个原级,你想干嘛呢?. However, children under such intensive pressure may lead to前后根本不是因果!如果intensive pressure作主语还行 emotional problems or physical harm .Say这是要干嘛? one person from sports marketing firm ,there are plenty of kids showed promise at an early age这个There be句子有问题,你能看出来吗?意思也表达的不清楚,but burned out and disappeared消失?搞笑啊,怎么说也要加个限定吧,比如在球场上消失等 .Recently ,according to the Newsweek ,a fourteen-year-old soccer player Freddy Adus made his debut in the football playground as a professional player .I wish him good luck ,don't fall into a next LeBron Janes这里又跑了,你是在写议论文,wish him good luck有什么用?而且这个句子又是Chinglish!.
这一段写得不行,比如最后这个例子,你要分析一下啊,不能光举出来就完事了,怎么用这个例子来论证这一段的中心?而不要去wish him good luck!

Admittedly , we do have prodigious children in our real life . Like Guass who shows his talent in mathematics ,carefully educated by his teacher ,大声问一句,主语呢?became a great mathematist in history; Tiger Wood ,I think we all are familiar with him , at a young age he has already gains much fame这个句子写废了. 这整个一段结尾我不知道怎样写才好了，特别是结尾这一段说了半天,我也没明白你想表达什么意思

To sum up, identifying gifted children and giving them education exclusively are always太绝对了 counter playing our original goals .Children are the future of our society they are entitled to be carefully attended. We really去掉 must take caution to apply any identifying method and training towards the gifted ,especially before we have already find->found out effective ways.我认为结尾也没有很好的总结全文,而略显罗嗦

dezhiUID: 156141

这篇文章问题很多.
首先是思路上,各个段落的组织并不是很好;我比较倾向于在段首点明中心,也避免跑掉;
其次是论证不够充分,只是为了举例子而举例子,而没有作进一步的阐述以论证段落中心;
再次是语言上表意不清,汉语思维严重,很多句子不通或者语法有问题.

GRE作文首先是思路问题,其次是语言,不过这两方面你都需要加强.
加油啊!

slsUID: 175311

Carefully educating被教育,应该用被动语态吧;另外,题目涉及的是对天才儿童的早期教育,这里光Carefully educated就行了吗

这句话我是受老。time permitting，will go out . 的影响。用错了 汗～～

Does not sayChinglish! the various situations caused by the differences with the areas

Do not say 是我查的联通及时翻译 ，看来有错。

their 4-and 5-year-old children4-and 5-year-old children可以这么用吗?

我是看到一本newsweek上这么写的，就没有犹豫了。

Say这是要干嘛? one person from sports marketing firm ,there are plenty of kids showed promise at an early age这个There be句子有问题,你能看出来吗?意思也表达的不清楚,but burned out and disappeared消失?搞笑啊,怎么说也要加个限定吧,比如在球场上消失等

这句话是这个person from sports maketing firm 说的原话 我一个字都没改，看来也是有歧异的。 :(

还有我的第四段是想让步，说我们对天才的早期培养还是有成功的

:)  不管怎么说，真的真的真的很感谢denzi的修改，这么仔细亚！希望你这么早起来看到我这篇奇烂的文章后不要影响你一天的心情～～～
我自己一个人写的时候总是觉得还不错，汗～～。背的好句子满意为自己还不错。看到今天你的修改是又高兴又难过，高兴不说了难过在我怎么这么差～～快一个月的努力亚～～～

我下去使劲改，也希望大家有什么建议使劲提。嘿嘿 我脸皮厚的说。

slsUID: 175311

此外我的论证方面有什问题吗？

huahunUID: 111552

我昏，写了一大堆，结果没有发送成功，而且都没有了！！！！
再写！不过就简单很多了。

楼上的兄弟改了你的文笔，我对你的思路提点意见

你的论证有大问题，你故意歪曲的题目的意思。题目说的是，Society should identify those children who have special talents and abilities and begin training them at an early age so that they can eventually excel in their areas of ability. Otherwise, these talents are likely to remain undeveloped

你第一段说的是，一，是否这些人才是真正的人才，二，是否这些训练对他们有效。

第二段说的是........，就是告诉了我一件事情，现在鉴别人才的方法不成熟。可是，你能告诉我因为现在鉴别人才的方法不成熟，就等于社会不朝这个方向努力吗？就等于社会朝这个方向的努力是错误的吗？

第三段，错误是，一，在同一段内表达好几个观点，明显相互之间缺乏紧密联系，二，论据不充分，没有展开。

总的来说， 按你的思路，不如写成，有限赞同这个题目，但是要从这个东西的目前的现实性去分析。如果采取完全反对题目观点的话，你的这个思路肯定是不行的。

dezhiUID: 156141

把我名字写错了哟，嘿嘿
我忘记提了，你的词汇量蛮丰富，而且应该读过不少书，能举出有确切数字的例子，这是很大的优势哦
至于我帮你改的，可能有错误，也可能是我理解能力有限，希望有更多的人能参与讨论

dezhiUID: 156141

最初由 huahun 发布
[B]我昏，写了一大堆，结果没有发送成功，而且都没有了！！！！
再写！不过就简单很多了。

楼上的兄弟改了你的文笔，我对你的思路提点意见

你的论证有大问题，你故意歪..

以下省略...... [/B]

先在WORD里写，随时保存，再贴过来，就不会出现你说的问题了 ;)

slsUID: 175311

把我名字写错了哟，嘿嘿

嘿嘿 thanx dezhi 才上完一早上的课，有点不清醒了，莫见怪哟

我忘记提了，你的词汇量蛮丰富，而且应该读过不少书，能举出有确切数字的例子，这是很大的优势哦

谢谢你的鼓励 :)  我现在很需要这个！！！谢谢谢谢谢谢

你第一段说的是，一，是否这些人才是真正的人才，二，是否这些训练对他们有效。

我认为既然一种方法从开始到结尾都存在着这么大的问题，是应该摒弃的说。 然后我就按照这种思路把它写下去了～～～ 不过我的水平这样写确实 ￥％※％ 我现在也在想没有必要一定要追求不好写的观点，捡个便宜的可能更适合自己  :p  :eek:   

谢谢你的修改，你们的建议对我来说都宝贝的很。希望以后能常看看我的三等文章调剂下，嘿嘿，我就受益了～～   :D  :cool:  :cool: