issue2 改正篇劳烦赐教

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

[B]issue 2 请指正，多谢[/B]
[B]“Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society”[/B] [/SIZE]

With the development of human beings, the era, which we now live, is filled of competition. Competition is the essential motive power to drive our society ahead. We can find nearly all sports practiced are competitive. You play to win, and the game has little meaning unless you do your utmost to win. It is the same to society, because we also want to be the winner of the world. For this belief, human being compete with nature and other animals, and at last become the most advanced species in the earth. Human being can exist for so long time firstly thanks to competition.

Competition is indispensable to society, not only to our countries, but also to all single of us. If the country did not have competitory system, it would have been to dangerous station. If a person lost feeling of competition, he would be eliminated by society generally. Twenty years ago, in China, a lot of people didn't realize the importance of competition, who used to do everything under plan. For the absence of competition, the distance between our country and developed country is more and more far, and people have no passion to work or study hard. But now China is developing in a quick speed, because the government and the people acknowledge the necessary of competition step by step. Competition is the efficient way to estimate the fittest and best one. People have become more and more diligent and country have been active, all of these for competition.      

On the other hand, competition must be fair and reasonable. Only under a open and impartial environment, people may deeply realize its benefits to our society. However, there are many unfair competitions that let people lose the confidence to it. Many groups and individuals, in order to acquire some benefits, use some illegal ways that make competition lose its efficiency. So we must guarantee the fairness of competition, it can be more beneficial to us.
  
Meanwhile, we should be brave to face the challenge of fair competition. Nowadays, a lot of persons feel all kinds of pressure, mainly coming from competition. Even when we are in childhood, we have to participate in competition, such as exams. Someone would be depressed if they failed, to our surprise, many of whom choose to commit a suicide in order to escape the pressure. It is not the fault of competition. We should learn to release ourselves and forgive our defeats in competition, and at the same time we should realize only if bravely to face the competition, we would find the success that we can't meet in common hours.

Although today competition bring benefits and problems to us, we still believe it is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society, only if we can treat it with right aptitude, and set up a perfect and impartial organization of competition.

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

不知这样，格式是否正确？
另，ISSUE 和ARGUMENT在准备上是否有先后次序，齐头并进呢，还是谁先谁后？

mack1983UID: 183345

“Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society” [/SIZE]

With the development of human beings, the era, which we now live,(改为 the current era) is filled of competition. Competition is the essential motive power to drive our society ahead. We can find nearly all sports practiced are competitive. You play to win, and the game has little meaning unless you do your utmost to win. It is the same to society, because we also want to be the winner of the world. For this belief, human being compete with nature and other animals, and at last become the most advanced species in the earth. Human being can exist for so long time firstly thanks to competition.
开头太罗嗦了，其实这些例子都可以到下面论证时用。
Competition is indispensable to society, not only to our countries, but also to all single of us （individuals 不就行了？）. If the country did not have competitory system, it would have been to dangerous station （改为there might be dangerous situations，原句不通，是chilish）. If a person lost feeling of competition, he would be eliminated by society generally. Twenty years ago, in China, a lot of people didn't realize the importance of competition, who used to do everything under plan. For the absence of competition, the distance between our country and developed country is more and more far, and people have no passion to work or study hard. But now China is developing in a quick speed, because the government and the people acknowledge the necessary of competition step by step. Competition is the efficient way to estimate the fittest and best one. People have become more and more diligent and country have been active, all of these for competition.
该段对competition的重要性的论述逻辑性不强。

On the other hand, competition must be fair and reasonable. Only under a open and impartial environment, people may deeply realize its benefits to our society. However, there are many unfair competitions that let people lose the confidence to it. Many groups and individuals, in order to acquire some benefits, use some illegal ways that make competition lose its efficiency. So we must guarantee the fairness of competition, it can be more beneficial to us.
这段跑了，同题目所须要你说的不搭边，下段也一样。

Meanwhile, we should be brave to face the challenge of fair competition. Nowadays, a lot of persons feel all kinds of pressure, mainly coming from competition. Even when we are in childhood, we have to participate in competition, such as exams. Someone would be depressed if they failed, to our surprise, many of whom choose to commit a suicide in order to escape the pressure. It is not the fault of competition. We should learn to release ourselves and forgive our defeats in competition, and at the same time we should realize only if bravely to face the competition, we would find the success that we can't meet in common hours.

Although today competition bring benefits and problems to us, we still believe it is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society, only if we can treat it with right aptitude, and set up a perfect and impartial organization of competition.

语言还须多加练习。后面还有很多问题没有列出来。

题目的重点在于more,需要将比较的部分写出来。但是这篇文章没有说明detrimental在那里，跟不要提比较了，很

容易被判跑题，很惨的。。。。。。
努力，加油！！！！！:-)
个人意见仅供参考

mack1983UID: 183345

顺便问一下大家，回帖子有格式要求吗？

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

多谢mack，其实我后两段想说的就是因为unfair所以competition变得detrimentai, 大概是我还是不能很有逻辑的把我想说的用英文来表示吧，对我来说，怎么说和说什么都需要好好加强啊！！
对了，我们是同一天考作文哦！我看了你的作文，语言不错哦：）

mack1983UID: 183345

真是不好意思了,我那个也写跑了,大家加油吧!!!!
你怎么知道我什么时候考作文?

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

哈哈，我厉害了。
我这几天又想了下，找到了一个不错的想法，足够有效的竞争可以足够充分地抑止权利，那么反过来，是不是就是如果竞争不够有效那么就放纵了权利呢，可否算是detrimental 的一种呢？但是英文怎么说，我还是拿捏不好。

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

请注意~~~

不要直接引用新概念的文章内容,很危险的行为!
"We can find nearly all sports practiced are competitive. You play to win, and the game has little meaning unless you do your utmost to win."

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

呵呵，我知道了，只是一开始想看看自己记不记得住这句话，那不全句引用是不是可以呢？