ISSUE40，请指教，谢谢！

xiliuUID：185279

40. “Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interest, however unusual or idiosyncratic those interest may seem.”

I fundamentally agree with the statement that scholars and researchers should not only be concerned with their works, but also other things about them. However, it does not indicate that it is more important that they pursue their individual interests, regardless whether their work makes a contribution to the society, and how unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seen.

I strongly agree that people should also pay attention to other things about the scholars and researchers, but not only focus on their work contribution to the society for three reasons.

First, the success they have achieved will encourage other people, especially the youth to work and learn hard, and also do not give up when we confront with difficult problems. For example, Marie Curie who was awarded Nobel Prize is famous for the merit such as adhering to what she pursued and insisting on working hard. Her merits will incentive thousands of people to endeavor for their dreams.

Secondly, the spirit of the scholars such as Copernicus who dare to challenge experts, even risk their lives to protect the truth will countenance people to fight for the thing which is worth to protect.

Thirdly, people always can be affected by the researchers who can pursue their interests and dreams, and then go after what they like. For instance, both of Magellan who was interested in certify that the earth is round finally and sailed around the earth to improve that his thought was right and Darwin who indulge in the biology collected ceriman of animals and plants in five years traveling across the America, Africa and Oceania continent then wrote down The Origination of the had achieved success. Their success and merit will buoy people to perform their interests.

I disagree with the assertion that it is more important that they pursue their individual interests, regardless whether their work makes a contribution to the society, and how unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seen for three reasons.

At first, it is possible that the works and researches the scholar contributed to the society developed and propels the society better than other aspects of them. So we should not go to extreme to indicate assert that we must concentrate on every scholars about how they pursue their interests and dreams.

Secondly, some works and inventions the scholar had done did harm to the society such as DDT, even though the inventor of it had got the Nobel Prize. We should get lessons from these things, but do not go after whatever the scholar had done and had told us.

Thirdly, we should remind ourselves not to follow the scholars whose merits and the methods to achieve success are not rightful.

In sum, scholars and researchers should not be only concerned with their works and researches, but also be focused on other thing about them such as their merits and inspirits. We should learn what they correct, and remember not to follow what they did wrong, The most important thing is that we must think by our heads.

fhxyweiUID：157384

你等，我来帮你看看

fhxyweiUID：157384

Issue40
Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interest, however unusual or idiosyncratic those interest may seem.”
我们不应该仅仅关注学者和研究者的工作能否对社会做出贡献。更重要的是关注他们如何追求实现自己的兴趣，无论那些兴趣显得是多么的非同寻常和特殊。

I fundamentally agree with the statement that scholars and researchers should not only be concerned with their works, but also other things about them. However, it does not indicate that it is more important that they pursue their individual interests, regardless whether their work makes a contribution to the society, and how unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seen.（中和立场，但不太明确，好像是同意论题的前半句，否定后半句，对题目的语句进行了一下改编）

I strongly agree that people should also pay attention to other things about the scholars and researchers, but not only focus on their work contribution to the society for three reasons. 你的TS是应当关注学者和研究者的工作对社会贡献以外的东西

First, the success they have achieved will encourage other people, especially the youth to work and learn hard, and also do not give up when we（are） confront with difficult problems. For example, Marie Curie who was awarded Nobel Prize is famous for the merit such as adhering to what she pursued and insisting on working hard. Her merits will incentive (不能用作动词)thousands of people to endeavor for their dreams. 这段还不是关注的他们的工作对社会的贡献（对别人的激励也是对社会的贡献），和立场自相矛盾

Secondly, the spirit of the scholars such as Copernicus who dare to challenge experts, even risk their lives to protect the truth will countenance people to fight for the thing which is worth to protect.

Thirdly, people always can be affected by the researchers who can pursue their interests and dreams, and then go after what they like.（都是和第二段写的意思一样，对他们的激励作用，没有必要来个secondly, thirdly） For instance, both of Magellan who was interested in certify that the earth is round finally and sailed around the earth to improve that his thought was right and Darwin who indulge in the biology collected ceriman of animals and plants in five years traveling across the America, Africa and Oceania continent then wrote down The Origination of the had achieved success. Their success and merit will buoy people to perform their interests.

I disagree with the assertion that it is more important that they pursue their individual interests, regardless whether their work makes a contribution to the society, and how unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seen for three reasons.这段TS是追求个人兴趣不是最重要的，不能不考虑他们的工作对社会的贡献
接着再看你的论证：

At first, it is possible that the works and researches the scholar contributed to the society developed and propels the society better than other aspects of them（other aspects是哪些说出来啊）. So we should not go to extreme to indicate assert that we must concentrate on every scholars [scholar] about how they pursue their interests and dreams.明白你的意思是说，他们的工作和研究可能推动社会比纯粹追求兴趣重要

Secondly, some works and inventions the scholar had done did harm to the society such as DDT, even though the inventor of it had got the Nobel Prize. We should get lessons from these things, but do not go after whatever the scholar had done and had told us.（这个地方终于和题目挂钩了，回应了一下，但也没有展开，科学家是怎样光顾自己的兴趣开发出有害社会东西）

Thirdly, we should remind ourselves not to follow the scholars whose merits and the methods to achieve success are not rightful. 光写这么一个论点，不展开有啥用？而且和你的第二段TS关系不大

In sum, scholars and researchers should not be only concerned with their works and researches, but also be focused on other thing about them such as their merits and inspirits. We should learn what they correct, and remember not to follow what they did wrong. The most important thing is that we must think by our heads.
总结一下：
1，        文笔通顺，语言不错。
2，        要对题目要有很好的理解，特别是关键词“concern””more important”我把题目翻译贴了上去，仔细揣摩一下。
3，        文章有严重的离题倾向，根本没有很好的回应题目，这个issue题目可以归为比较more类，重点是为什么“it is more important”你的全文没有对比contrast，建议看看仔细看看imong的特训 https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=201072
4，        一个topic sentence下面只要讲一个意思，不要再来一些无关的secondly, thirdly。有多中心之嫌。
5，        最好不要将一些无关痛痒的例子罗列，要进行什么深入的分析；譬如为什么追求个人兴趣与他们的工作的社会的贡献有什么矛盾啊？很多这样的问题

个人意见，仅供参考，建议多看看范文， 一起加油哦，：）

九月爱上乒乓球UID：151821

I fundamentally agree with the statement that scholars and researchers should not only be concerned with their works, but also other things about them. However, it does not indicate that it is more important that they pursue their individual interests, regardless whether their work makes a contribution to the society, and how unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seen.

I strongly agree that people should also pay attention to other things about the scholars and researchers, but not only focus on their work contribution to the society for three reasons.

表达观点要简单清晰一点比较好,既然"fundamentally"后面又是"but",再后面又是"however" 实在让人费解.