Issue197所有国家的物质进步和安定是紧密相关的?请砸，俺不怕疼哦

flyingwindUID: 189320

197. "The material progress and well-being of one country are necessarily connected to the material progress and well-being of all other countries." 一个国家的物质进步和安定和其他所有国家的物质进步和安定是紧密相关的

The modern world is a world of unprecedented interdependence and interplay, which present a seamless web to embrace the material progress and well-being of one country with that of another altogether. Evidences involving the realms of economy, academe and politics, strongly support the point, as discussed below.

In the realm of economy, one need no further turn on TV to see the rhetoric bouts and shouting bouts about the trade regulations or laws to know that the economy of one country correlate firmly to that of another. One primary theme of the market economy is the style of free trade, not only in the country itself but also in the other country as well. One country, through economic actions, such as financial input or output, sale or purchase, learning experience or instill it, exert the influence to the economy of other countries. Some evidences can show these economic connection of one country to another: the toys marked "made in china" can easily be seen in the American continent or Europe; the American cars are competing with those of Japanese throughout the world and the trend tends to be more rigorous; even the stadium of the famous NBA team of America--Houston Rocket, is named "TOYOTA" center; the two brands, Nokia, Motorola, amount to almost seventy percent of the mobile-phone market of China. Furthermore, any deviations tend to have a ripple effect throughout the economy of the world as a whole, only taking a scrutiny on the 1999 financial storms of Asia can one reach the point. All those illustrate the fact that the economy of the world is an inseparably integral.

Turning next to the realm of academe. The academe play a key role for both training the citizen to their career or nurturing the future leaders of a country in all fields. Take one iota part of the academe-research as an example. Research can take not only immediate favorite and lasting benefits to a country but also provide possible method or precaution to the problems which maybe come into being in the future. And most of these researches, if difficult and hard-pressing, often need the most outstanding researchers in the world, who come form different countries. Maximizing the resources-including scientists, engineers, money and energy, so as for the world maximize the revenue from the research for our humans. The exploration of the outer space, which can serve us human beings a possible refuge when earth is at stake for whatever reasons, is such a systematical and huge program that needs the endeavor of hosts of generations of all the world. To this aim, the participants stand for the earth--all the countries more than their respective country.

When it comes to the realm of politics, the necessarily connection of nations can show its predominance over a solely country. To the pressing or enduring affairs especially in the international territory, the progress and well-being of all the countries need the involving of diplomatism. Though there is communication in the private areas of academe and economy, majority of the budgets of intercommunion between countries in all areas are dictated by the diplomatic of nations. Also, the enemy of all the countries in the world--the tough on crime, drugs and terrorism, which threaten the security of all countries, need more countries’ involving and striving.

In sum, modern countries are chained as the dominos, one material progress and well-being of one country are necessarily connected to the material progress and well-being of all other countries. What we should do is to foster the dominos and not to render it fall one by one.

flyingwindUID: 189320

怎么没有人看啊，555

poohUID: 146994

变色前的文字。例如：<br>
A good tool.不如改为A useful/helpful tool."The material progress and well-being of one country are necessarily connected to the material progress and well-being of all other countries." 一个国家的物质进步和安定和其他所有国家的物质进步和安定是紧密相关的

The modern world is a world of unprecedented interdependence and interplay, which present a seamless web to embrace the material progress and well-being of one country with that of another altogether. Evidences involving the realms of economy, academe and politics, strongly support the point, as discussed below.

In the realm of economy, one need no further turn on TV need no futher do 是指说不需要做...吗？但是似乎这句话没说完，后面应该说“就应该知道...“，而你后面只有to know...。你觉得这样通顺吗。就像我说“你不需要学习而去获得知识“，显然是不完整的。to see the rhetoric bouts rhetoric bouts and shouting bouts怎么理解？ and shouting bouts about the trade regulations or laws to know that the economy of one country correlate firmly to that of another. One primary theme of the market economy is the style of free trade, not only in the country itself but also in the other country as well. One country, through economic actionsactions不合适，改成activity, such as financial input or output, sale or purchase, learning learning是不是应该是learn啊experience or instill it, exert the influence to the economy of other countries. Some evidences evidence不可数 can show these economic connection of one country to another: the toys marked "made in china" can easily be seen in the American continent or Europe; the American cars are competing with those of Japanese throughout the world and the trend tends to be more rigorous; even the stadium of the famous NBA team of America--Houston Rocket, is named "TOYOTA" center; the two brands, Nokia, Motorola, amount to almost seventy percent of the mobile-phone market of China. Furthermore, any deviations tend to have a ripple effect throughout the economy of the world as a whole, only taking a scrutiny on the 1999 financial storms of Asia can one reach the point. All those illustrate the fact that the economy of the world is an inseparably integral.例子很丰富啊，不错，连丰田中心也扯上了，最后一个例子最为切题，我认为应该花些笔墨在最后一个例子上

Turning next to the realm of academe. The academe play a key role for both training the citizen to their career or nurturing the future leaders of a country in all fields.这句不太好，因为放在这个位置的句子应该起到topic sentense的作用，但是你却只说了academe的作用，这跟整篇文章的中心偏离比较远。这里要讨论的是一国跟他国之间的关系，而不是academe对本国的影响。 Take one iota part of the academe-research as an example. Research can take not only immediate favorite and lasting benefits to a country but also provide possible methodmethod to the problems不搭配，改成solution  or precaution to the problems which maybe come into being in the future.这句都是在说research的作用，跟本文关系不大 And most of these researches, if difficult and hard-pressing, often need the most outstanding researchers in the world, who come form different countries. Maximizing the resources-including scientists, engineers, money and energy, so as for the world maximize the revenue from the research for our humans. so as for 后面不太通顺The exploration of the outer space, which can serve us human beings a possible refuge when earth is at stake for whatever reasons, is such a systematical and huge program that needs the endeavor of hosts of generations of all the world. To this aim, the participants stand for the earth--all the countries more than their respective country.最后这句中more than ...用得不太规范吧，more than 是用来比较的，我只见过no more than表示只是时可以不接比较级，建议这里将more than改成rather than .本段正题切入太慢，前面大篇罗嗦的描述，语言的运用没有上段好 本段的另一个问题是，你总是站在世界的角度上，总是在努力论述各个国家一起合作才可以怎样怎样，而我认为你应该将重点放在各国的相互影响上。比如美国科研上的进步，eg 艾滋病防治上的突破使非洲很多国家的人重获新生。从而提高了非洲人民的welfare

When it comes to the realm of politics, the necessarily 怎么用副词？connection of nations can show its predominance over a solely 又是副词？country. To the pressing or enduring affairs especially in the international territory, the progress and well-being of all the countries need the involving of diplomatism. Though there is communication in the private areas of academe and economy, majority of the budgets of intercommunion between countries in all areas are dictated by the diplomatic of nations. Also, the enemy of all the countries in the world--the tough on crime, drugs and terrorism, which threaten the security of all countries, need more countries’ involving and striving. 缺少实例，分析也很牵强。你举个世界大战的例子不是很好吗？

In sum, modern countries are chained as the dominos, one material progress and well-being of one country are necessarily connected to the material progress and well-being of all other countries. What we should do is to foster the dominos and not to render it fall one by one.正片文章基本没怎么分析一国的well-being和progress跟其他国的相互影响的关系，而过多地从整体上来讨论。

你的词汇量比较丰富，文章选取得三个角度也很不错，大的框架很清晰，但是每个body的逻辑和论证上还需要多下功夫。

flyingwindUID: 189320

我仔细研究一下哈

flyingwindUID: 189320

the rhetoric bouts and shouting bouts   应该是shouting match 整个是“唇枪舌战”意思吧

“问题是，你总是站在世界的角度上，总是在努力论述各个国家一起合作才可以怎样怎样，而我认为你应该将重点放在各国的相互影响上”    right,  应该重点放在相互的影响上面来体现“紧密相关”。毕竟一起合作固然相关，但是很难说不合作就不成，还是相互影响更加切题目。从这个意思上来看，toyota中心以及手机的市场占有率的例子是不是也可以看成对别国的影响？经济？生活质量？pooh认为呢？

body3  世界大战的例子可以用来说明负面的紧密相关,政治协调等等给各个方面带来便利。。