Issue163 第5篇 今日血战到底！

glassfrogUID: 170569

Issue163  第5篇 今日血战到底！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分1秒     481 words
从2004年11月29日20时49分到2004年11月29日21时45分
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Most people live, whether physically or morally, in a very restricted circle. They make use of a very limited portion of the resources available to them until they face a great problem or crisis.
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Every human being has a limited consuming capability. As a result, one can only live in a very restricted circle comparing to the circle of the world. Even the leader of a nation, who seems to be controlling the resource of the state, can only eat limited food every day.

Living is actually quite simple for animals, who only want to be fed up. Man is animal in the first place. But as a human being, one also needs moral consuming. Reading makes man wise, calculating precise, and loving emotional.

However, the resource is far more than one can make use of. The information on the internet is countless. I can access to millions of database on the planet. In the library, there are books concerning every field of science, art, literacy, etc. When I go to the grocery store, various foods filled all the shelves. It is horrible if I want to consume them all. It would take me 81 years to finish reading one billion words if I could look through one word per second. And take a look at those professors, who has spent his whole life time to be devoted to one specific domain. I have heard a quite interesting saying: an expert is someone who knows more and more by knowing less and less. The never-present fast development of society enriches the content of every aspect of itself.

But it still makes sense for those available but out-of-use resources. When a great problem or crisis comes, they are the hope. It would be quite useful to clarify what a crisis is. In my opinion, it is just the situation where the amount of available resources reduced. When the dead wave in Asia makes the death toll surge, blows away the house these days, the residents faces the crisis of lacking of food, medical care, labor, and a place to live. The world over then has supported them with resources of what they need. The consuming quantity is the same or probably decreased, while they are making use of resources in a relatively larger circle. From the instance we can see that broader circle of utility doesn't mean greater amount of consuming.

It is still worth figuring out that the quality of resource usage. Admittedly we can only use stuff within a restricted circle, but few of us know how much value are there within that circle. I had been once worn out by the calculation of matrix when I was freshman. One year later I learned that Excel could do that job a lot easier and preciser. Surely computer is available one year ago, but the ignorance of the software makes the low efficiency. I strongly feel that the necessity of learning about what you already have. You needn't do much to enlarge the resources available, but you can still possibly take a great step forward.

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

Every human being has a limited [B]consuming[/B]  capability. As a result, one can only live in a very restricted circle comparing to the circle of the world. Even the leader of a nation, who seems to be controlling the resource of the state, [U]can only eat limited food every day.[/U]  类比到吃上,让人觉得有点怪异呢,还有首句你把原因归结consuming capability 有待商榷,且看你下文怎么写哦

Living is actually quite simple for animals, who only want to be fed up. Man is animal in the first place. But as a human being, one also needs moral consuming. Reading makes man wise, calculating precise, and loving emotional. 意思我是看明白了,是不是有个中心句更好呢?

However这个转折好象有点跳,中间还需要解释., the resource is far more than one can make use of. The information on the internet is countless. I can access to millions of database on the planet. In the library, there are books concerning every field of science, art, literacy, etc. When I go to the grocery store, various foods filled all the shelves. It is horrible if I want to [B]consume[/B]  them all. It would take me 81 years to finish reading one billion words if I could look through one word per second. And take a look at those professors, who has spent his whole life time to be devoted to one specific domain. I have heard a quite interesting saying: an expert is someone who knows more and more by knowing less and less. The never-present fast development of society enriches the content of every aspect of itself.

看到这里我想指出这么两个问题:第一,看题目是有提示,后面那句[B]They make use of a very limited portion of the resources available to them until they face a great problem or crisis. [/B]  实际提示我们前面所谓的limited是指在精神和物质上没有充分利用身边的资源,因而活的很局限.而你说的consume实在有点牵强
第二,看了两段,觉得你缺乏对段落的中心意思的归纳,也就是中心句,虽然有点八股,但是没有总结会让人觉得是散沙一盘.另外语言有点罗嗦,第三段让人觉得是东说一句西来一言,没有主心骨,而且应当简洁.


But it still makes sense for those available but out-of-use resources. 这句话有语法错误When a great problem or crisis comes, they ??are the hope. It would be quite useful to clarify what a crisis is. In my opinion, it is just the situation where the amount of available resources reduced. When the dead wave in Asia makes the death toll surge, blows away the house these days, the residents faces the crisis of lacking of food, medical care, labor, and a place to live. The world over then has supported them with resources of what they need. The consuming quantity is the same or probably decreased, while they are making use of resources in a relatively larger circle. From the instance we can see that broader circle of utility doesn't mean greater amount of consuming.

It is still worth figuring out that the quality of resource usage. Admittedly we can only use stuff within a restricted circle, but few of us know how much value are there within that circle. I had been once worn out by the calculation of matrix when I was freshman. One year later I learned that Excel could do that job a lot easier and preciser. Surely computer is available one year ago, but the ignorance of the software makes the low efficiency. I strongly feel that the necessity of learning about what you already have. You needn't do much to enlarge the resources available, but you can still possibly take a great step forward.

这两段看起来比较费劲:下面是我的理解:一段是说,当在困境中,可利用的资源在减少.因而得到结论:可用的范围越大并不代表消耗的范围越大?   这个我实在不太明白,可否解释一下?

还有一段说:让步一下,在有限的资源里应该学会利用,使效率提高(汗,是这个意思么),  不光要比例也要质量是么？


建议楼主多看看范文,结构要再清晰一点,观点再明确一点,加油.

讨论,讨论,呵呵

还有,发现你这两天写了不少篇了,应该稍微停下来,好好修改自己的文章,毕竟自己的修改印象是最深刻的.同时可以看看别人的文章,互改一下,帮助了别人才有更多机会得到别人的帮助,对不对?

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

我又想了想,觉得这个题目应该是要讨论人和资源的问题.
首先,你是否同意题目的观点?你没有说,虽然你一直在说你的观点,但是对于题目的观点也不要不管不问啊.
然后,个人认为题目有两个层次,第一,人是活在一个很局限的精神和物质的圈子里面.第二,除非面临困难和危机,否则人们对资源的利用是很小的一部分.
这两个层次都是要好好回答和论证的.

npcaUID: 190723

Reading makes man wise, calculating precise, and loving emotional.
应该注明出处否则老外会给你扣个作弊的帽子

glassfrogUID: 170569

谢谢各位的修改和建议
现在正在认真的根据各位的建议，重写一篇文章。

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

小青蛙,不要光看啊,要讨论嘛,我说的难道就是对的拉?你不同意我的可以拿出来说嘛.

还有哦,最近有没有给别人改过文章撒??   :o  :o

glassfrogUID: 170569

呵呵，师姐不瞒你说，我现在开学了，时间有点少。
我今天再次重写了一个ｉｓｓｕｅ，有时间还希望能指教
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=240336