Argument175 习作， 请指教

阳光下的钥匙UID: 190706

Argument175

All students should be required to take the driver's education course at Centerville High School.  In the past two years several accidents in and around Centerville have involved teenage drivers.  Since a number of parents in Centerville have complained that they are too busy to teach their teenagers to drive, some other instruction is necessary to ensure that these teenagers are safe drivers.  Although there are two driving schools in Centerville, parents on a tight budget cannot afford to pay for driving instruction.  Therefore an effective and mandatory program sponsored by the high school is the only solution to this serious problem.
In this argument, the arguer recommends that all students should be required to take the driver’s education course at Centerville(C) high school and this is the only solution to solve the serious problem. To substantiate the recommendation, the arguer points out that in the past two years several accidents in and around C school have involved teenage drivers. The arguer also points out that since parents in C complained that they are busy, some other instructions is necessary to ensure that these teenagers are safe. I find this argument unconvincing for several reasons.

First, The mere fact that in the past two years several accidents in and around C school have involved teenage drivers is insufficient evidence that the teenage drivers are students at C school. It is possible the teenagers involved in the accidents are students in other schools near C school. Without ruling out other possibilities, the conclusion that all students should be required to take the driver’s education course at C is groundless.
Second, the arguer unfairly assumes that parents in C should be applied to parents at C school.  However, the arguer offers no evidence to support the assumption.  It is entirely possible that overall rate of accident result from parents in C is high , but the accidents caused by students in C  school accounts for only a small percent, so parents do not want their children to take drive lessons. It is also possible that parents of students at C school are not busy and they can teach children how to drive themselves.  If it is the case, the conclusion is on the opposite of the fact.

Third, the arguer fails to establish the causal relationship between the fact that parents on a tight budget cannot afford to pay for driving instruction and the conclusion that all students should be required to take the driver’s education course at C school. To substantiate the claim, other possibilities should be considered and eliminated. For example, some teenagers in the C school have taken drivers’ courses in other educatioin institution, so it is unnecessary for then to take the driver’s education course at C school. Another example is that some students are born of first-class family and their family can surely afford the pay in driving schools in C, so it is unreasonable to require all the students to take driver’s course at C school.

Fourth, Even if the effective and mandatory program sponsored by the high school is a method to solve the problem, the conclusion that the method is the only solution is groundless. Perhaps, through announcement of the school and help of society, students themselves can be aware of the importance of  safe driving. Or perhaps the government of C will arrange some teachers to teach students how to drive rather than the school itself.

In sum,  the line of reasoning is unpersuasive.  To strengthen the argument, the arguer should provides the evidence that the increase of the accidents in and around C school was cause by students of C school. The arguer should also without other possibilities that could solve the driving problem about the students of C, such as broadcasting the importance of safe driving at school. Otherwise the line of reasoning is unwarranted in general.

aicUID: 177610

accident 只有several， complain的只是几个家长，所以他们的 representative is questionable

第三条有点罗嗦，应该能该好一点

aicUID: 177610

另外到底有多少家长交不起学费，没提，可能只是少数
那样开课就没必要了

flyingwindUID: 189320

提了建议的人连个感谢都没有，不提也罢~~~

阳光下的钥匙UID: 190706

谢谢大家对于本习作的意见，刚看到呢：） ;)

阳光下的钥匙UID: 190706

第三段的确是复杂了一点，范文的句型也不一定好，可以改成，Although parents on a tight budget cannot afford to pay for driving instruction， other method can also solve the problem of unsafety driving.Such as..............The conclusion that.....is too extreme.