Issue16 社会类，第四篇！

blur13_0UID: 150275

Issue16. "Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals."
尽管许多人认为现代生活的奢华和便利是丝毫没有坏处的，但是这实际上让人们无法成为真正强大和独立的个体。

关键词 luxuries and conveniences，truly strong and independent individuals
       涉及：网络，交通，工作，医疗，交流
提纲 is 1+1 大环conditioning
1决定于如何看待和运用consider utilize  
2如果crutches, glasses, gloves。举例：汽车，网络
3如果eyes，hands，legs as parts of body to do sth. on one's own initiative 相对概念，什么是真正的强壮和独立，就是在于利用工具，挑战极限。汽车旅行，逃离城市进入大自然寻找到大视野；大事业，自己操纵全部世界，用一台电脑在一个房间，汽车，网络，
4每件事都有正反两面，关键积极对待。

3小时
正文
Do the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life undermine the true strength and independence? I agree with the statement above insofar as there are times people rely on the conveniences and luxuries too much to be independent. In my opinion, however, there are both negative points and positive points of the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life to true strength and independence, which are more depends on how do we consider and utilize them in different ways.

Admittedly, to some extent, when people are satisfied of the luxuries and conveniences of modern life in a sedentary mind and passive way, they indirectly do harm to our development into truly strong and independent individuals. In this age of increasingly advanced various technologies emerging everyday, there are less and less things to be done by ourselves than ever before, when we used to walk by our own feet, wash by our own hands, observe by our own eyes etc. Yet now, we ask machines to do almost everything. For instance, my generation was growing up with automobile. Unlike our parents, we tried to drive a car to everywhere we wanted, even to a store nearby in 10 minutes rather than walk there maybe in 5.Cars, a kind of machine, have been looked as our "auto feet". Yet It seems that we do not control "auto feet" but be driven by them while spending more time in such a near place without an enough strong idea. Besides, with the spread of Internet, more and more information becomes available just by typing several keywords in searching programs, with which we would not need looking for something in a pile of books for a long time. But at one time, in front of so much information, we are usually affected and addicted by others' thoughts without our own independent ideas through critically inspecting them.

However, in another sense, if the luxuries and conveniences are considered organic parts of our bodies that can be controlled by our minds, and utilized in an active way by us, they would contribute a lot to our development into truly strong and independent individuals. Actually, it is the proper utilization of conveniences brought by contemporary life that directly enables individuals to accomplish something never done before. To take automobile as an example again, in this holiday, some students of my university drove cars across the whole China in one month. This was a really long and lonely trip. They cooked with water from the near river in the deep forest, repaired cars by themselves in the desert, and slept in crowded cars just for the love of strong and independent feelings by cars outside of cities. Again, conveniences of Internet can also make it possible that a CEO arranges meetings, receives timely market feedback, talking with employees to control his company without any assistants even at home, and give many individual enterprisers chances to work independently. In these cases, the luxuries and conveniences become useful and significant tools and the organic parts of our bodies as eyes to let us view wider, hands to let us do more and feet to let us faster.

In conclusion, the advantages and disadvantages of the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life call for a balance, that is, we should consider and utilize in an active way instead of a sedentary mind and passive way.

jackloveUID: 183611

Do the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life undermine the true strength and independence? I agree with the statement above insofar as there are times people rely on the conveniences and luxuries too much to be independent. In my opinion, however, there are both negative points and positive points of the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life to true strength and independence, which are more depends on how do we consider and utilize them in different ways.

Admittedly, to some extent, when people are satisfied of the luxuries and conveniences of modern life in a sedentary mind and passive way, they indirectly do harm to our development into truly strong and independent individuals. In this age of increasingly advanced various technologies emerging everyday, there are less and less things to be done by ourselves than ever before, when we used to walk by our own feet, wash by our own hands, observe by our own eyes etc. Yet now, we ask machines to do almost everything. For instance, my generation was growing up with automobile. Unlike our parents, we tried to drive a car to everywhere we wanted, even to a store nearby in 10 minutes rather than walk there maybe in 5.Cars, a kind of machine, have been looked as our "auto feet". Yet It seems that we do not control "auto feet" but be driven by them while spending more time in such a near place without an enough strong idea. Besides, with the spread of Internet, more and more information becomes available just by typing several keywords in searching programs, with which we would not need looking for something in a pile of books for a long time. But at one time, in front of so much information, we are usually affected and addicted by others' thoughts without our own independent ideas through critically inspecting them. （例子很好，能很好的说明人处于大量信息的接受，而不能去积极思考。建议：这里你应该再明确地说出对人的思考不利、使人更容易产生惰性，要不显得没有persuasive你的观点）

However, in another sense, if the luxuries and conveniences are considered organic parts of our bodies that can be controlled by our minds, and utilized in an active way by us, they would contribute a lot to our development into truly strong and independent individuals. Actually, it is the proper utilization of conveniences brought by contemporary life that directly enables individuals to accomplish something never done before. To take automobile as an example again, in this holiday, some students of my university drove cars across the whole China in one month. This was a really long and lonely trip. They cooked with water from the near river in the deep forest, repaired cars by themselves in the desert, and slept in crowded cars just for the love of strong and independent feelings by cars outside of cities. Again, conveniences of Internet can also make it possible that a CEO arranges meetings, receives timely market feedback, talking with employees to control his company without any assistants even at home, and give many individual enterprisers chances to work independently. In these cases, the luxuries and conveniences become useful and significant tools and the organic parts of our bodies as eyes to let us view wider, hands to let us do more and feet to let us faster.
（正确积极利用对我们的生活能产生以往所不能达到的进步！不错）
In conclusion, the advantages and disadvantages of the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life call for a balance, that is, we should consider and utilize in an active way instead of a sedentary mind and passive way.

帖子的字体颜色怎么设置呀.///``````

zhangsx_1982UID: 176926

Do the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life undermine the true strength and independence? I agree with the statement above insofar as there are times people rely on the conveniences and luxuries too much to be independent. In my opinion,[from “I agree with with”, you have begin to show you opinion, and “in my opinion”  here seems redundancy ] however, there are both negative points and positive points of the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life to true strength and independence, which are more depends on how do we consider and utilize them in different ways.[be care of  the use of “depend” ]

Admittedly, to some extent, when people are satisfied of the luxuries and conveniences of modern life in a sedentary mind and passive way, they [what dose “they” here refer to, “they” here are to refer people, but it should be people’ mind, right?]indirectly do harm to our development into truly strong and independent individuals[I think “do harm to…into” here is not quite proper, how about “prevent from”]. In this age of increasingly advanced various technologies emerging everyday[how about “various advanced technologies increasingly emerging”, the order needs some change, I think], there are less and less things to be done by ourselves than ever before, when we used to walk by our own feet, wash by our own hands, observe by our own eyes etc[what do you compare ,things and ever before?]. Yet now, we ask machines[can machines answer] to do almost everything. For instance, my generation was growing up with automobile. Unlike our parents, we tried to drive a car to everywhere we wanted[how about “to wherever we want”], even to a store nearby in 10 minutes rather than walk there maybe in 5.Cars, a kind of machine, have been looked as our "auto feet"[there seems some disorder, it needs to be organized.]. Yet It seems that we do not control "auto feet" but be driven by them while spending more time in such a near place without an enough strong idea. Besides, with the spread of Internet, more and more information becomes available just by typing several keywords in searching programs, with which we would not need looking for something in a pile of books [look into a pile of books for something]for a long time. But at one time[I think sometimes is ok here], in front of so much information, we are usually affected and addicted by others' thoughts without our own independent ideas through critically inspecting them.

However, in another sense, if the luxuries and conveniences are considered organic parts of our bodies that can be controlled by our minds, and utilized in an active way by us, they would contribute a lot to our development into truly strong and independent individuals. Actually, it is the proper utilization of conveniences brought by contemporary life that directly enables individuals to accomplish something never done before. To take automobile as an example again, in this holiday, some students of my university drove cars across the whole China in one month. This was a really long and lonely trip. They cooked with water from the near river in the deep forest, repaired cars by themselves in the desert, and slept in crowded cars just for the love of strong and independent feelings by cars outside of cities[“by cars outside of cities”’, I don’t understand that. But the instance is quite strong.]. Again, conveniences of Internet can also make it possible that a CEO arranges meetings, receives timely market feedback, talking with employees to control his company without any assistants even at home, and give many individual enterprisers chances to work independently. In these cases, the luxuries and conveniences become useful and significant tools and the organic parts of our bodies as eyes to let us view wider, hands to let us do more and feet to let us faster.

In conclusion, the advantages and disadvantages of the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life call for a balance, that is, we should consider and utilize in an active way instead of a sedentary mind and passive way.[the conclusion seems a little abrupt, should there be more argumentation?]
你的文章举例不错，优点就不多提了，有点疑问：你的意思应该是body2 重点说明吧,可是body1感觉很多似的，显得body2不是很突出。个别表达标出我个人看法，说得不对还请原谅，呵呵，水平有限吗。顺便一提的是，看了你issue144改后的文章，觉得不错，前途光明，加油干。我的文章就缺少实例支持…….

zhangsx_1982UID: 176926

对不住了，用变色工具没用好，怎么改了颜色也不变？
变色工具就是个网页形式的东东吗？

ZHGsunnyUID: 185312

思路不错，感觉征文第一段的后半部分不是很有力， 同意jacklove的观点， 应该重点写现代生活的奢华和便利如何阻碍了人们成为真正强大和独立的个体。

coolblazeverestUID: 189260

Do the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life undermine the true strength and independence? I agree with the statement above insofar这个词用得很到位，学习！ as there are times people rely on the conveniences and luxuries too much to be independent. In my opinion, however, there are both negative points and positive points of the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life to true strength and independence, which are morelargely depends on how do we consider and utilize them in different ways.

Admittedly, to some extent, when people are satisfied of the luxuries and conveniences of modern life in a sedentary mind and passive way, they indirectly do harm to our development into truly strong and independent individuals. In this age of increasingly advanced variousvarious advanced technologies emerging everydaydays, there are less and less things to be done by ourselves than ever before, when we used to walk by our own feet, wash by our own hands, observe by our own eyes etc. Yet now, we ask machines to do almost everything. For instance, my generation was growing up with automobile. Unlike our parents, we tried to drive a car to everywhere we wanted, even to a store nearby in 10 minutes rather than walk there maybe in 5.Cars, a kind of machine, have been looked as our "auto feet". Yet It seems that we do not control "auto feet" but be driven by them while spending more time in such a near place without an enough strong idea.究竟汽车怎样阻止我们become truly strong and independent individuals没有说清楚 Besides, with the spread of Internet, more and more information becomes available just by typing several keywords in searching programs, with which we would not need looking for something in a pile of books for a long time. But at one time, in front of so much information, we are usually affected and addicted by others' thoughts without our own independent ideas through critically inspecting them.这个例子很好，赞！

However, in another sense, if the luxuries and conveniences are considered organic parts of our bodies that can be controlled by our minds, and utilized in an active way by us, they would contribute a lot to our development into truly strong and independent individuals. Actually, it is the proper utilization of conveniences brought by contemporary life that directly enables individuals to accomplish something never done before. To take automobile as an example again, in this holiday, some students of my university drove cars across the whole China in one month. This was a really long and lonely trip. They cooked with water from the near river in the deep forest, repaired cars by themselves in the desert, and slept in crowded cars just for用for引领这么长一个原因，感觉有些不妥 the love of strong and independent feelings by cars outside of cities. Again, conveniences of Internet can also make it possible that a CEO arranges meetings, receives timely market feedback, talking with employees to control his company without any assistants even at home, and give many individual enterprisers chances to work independently. In these cases, the luxuries and conveniences become useful and significant tools and the organic parts of our bodies as eyes to let us view wider, hands to let us do more and feet to let us faster非常成功的排比！.

In conclusion, the advantages and disadvantages of the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life call for a balance, that is, we should consider and utilize没有宾语 in an active way instead of a sedentary mind and passive way.

总体感觉很不错！建议是，如果是我写，可能会把internet的advantage和dis放在一段，cars的例子放一段，这样对比强烈些吧？

个人卓见，不妥之处，望楼住指出！

pdyhcUID: 177332

Issue16. "Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals."
尽管许多人认为现代生活的奢华和便利是丝毫没有坏处的，但是这实际上让人们无法成为真正强大和独立的个体。

限时完成。可惜字数太少。不过已经找到考场写issue的感觉和信心了。剩的三天要强化这种感觉，做到临阵不慌，还要练一两篇Argu。现在觉得其实45分钟的时间还是差不多够用的，如果不慌乱又有话说的话。我第一篇限时不仅失败，而且一开始写的时候特别慌乱，老是担心时间。结果一塌糊涂。限时失败，作文还一团糟。呵呵。

找到感觉了，还是很高兴啊    和大家共勉！！！

我的作文各位就不要费心细看了，因为限时，写的比较烂，会花大家较多时间。我帖出来主要是给写这个题目的G友也参考参考。

如果大家看的话，提个简单的总体建义，就好了。比如思路，结构啊。什么。细致的东西，由于是限时的，自己都没有去琢磨， 实在不好意思让你们费神

With the rapid development of technology and more and more available materials, people’s lives are greatly enriched than any moment in the past. People do gain great conveniences and take immense advantages from the developed technology. However, attention should be paid on the issue that the luxuries and conveniences of the contemporary life do prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals obviously.

We are really luckier than our ancestors for there are so many luxuries and materials they never can access are available in our everyday life. Internet knit the whole world as a small village and each of us, the villager, can communicate with people who live in the other side of the globe instantly. The developed media enrich our lives greatly by offering all kinds of entertainment. Flight implements human being’s dreaming of flying in the sky. The modern technology does provide much luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life.  

However, for all merits of modern technology and the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life, its positive points that preventing people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals should not be neglected. Internet does provide us abundant information. Nevertheless, the mysterious virtual world it produces, which attracts people’s too much attention, may have people lose valuable opportunities in developing their strong and independent personality. For being exposed to so many ideas, people may lose valuable opportunities to do their independent thinking and analysis. For being drowned in the sea of the abundant information, people may lose their real goals. Living in such virtual world long time, people are likely to increasingly depend on the Internet to search for all things they need instead of create them independently. Some other phenomena demonstrate that this is the case too. For being accustomed with cars, people may be likely abandoned walking and then lose the opportunity to develop their healthy. For being accustomed with developed tools, people may be at a loss someday when such tools are not available.

In one word, the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life do have invaluable merits and meet people’s many needs. However, it really potentially prevents people from constructing and developing their strong and independent personalities in many cases.

blur13_0UID: 150275

With the rapid development of technology and more and more available materials, people’s lives are greatly enriched than any moment in the past. People do gain great conveniences and take immense advantages from the developed technology. However, attention should be paid on the issue that the luxuries and conveniences of the contemporary life do prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals obviously.开头不错，往下看

We are really luckier than our ancestors for there are so many luxuries and materials they never can access are available in our everyday life. Internet knit the whole world as a small village and each of us, the villager, can communicate with people who live in the other side of the globe instantly. The developed media enrich our lives greatly by offering all kinds of entertainment. Flight implements human being’s dreaming of flying in the sky. The modern technology does provide much luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life. 这一段感觉之重复了luckier的事实,但没扣题阿，即conveniences对developing into truly strong and independent individual的advantages啊

However, for all merits of modern technology and the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life, its positive反了！！negative points that preventing people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals should not be neglected. Internet does provide us abundant information. Nevertheless, the mysterious virtual world it produces, which attracts people’s too much attention, may have people lose valuable opportunities in developing their strong and independent personality. For being exposed to so many ideas, people may lose valuable opportunities to do their independent thinking and analysis. For being drowned in the sea of the abundant information, people may lose their real goals.排比好啊 Living in such virtual world long time, people are likely to increasingly depend on the Internet to search for all things they need instead of create them independently. Some other phenomena demonstrate that this is the case too. For being accustomed with cars, For being 太多了people may be likely abandoned walking and then lose the opportunity to develop their healthy. For being accustomed with developed tools, people may be at a loss someday when such tools are not available.这个排比可以换个…result in…..lead to……什么的，这段不错！

In one word, the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life do have invaluable merits and meet people’s many needs. However, it really potentially prevents people from constructing and developing their strong and independent personalities in many cases.感觉还是回避了conveniences对developing into truly strong and independent individual.正片是一边倒的论述，所以第二段看起来多余，不如再写个反面角度

总评：保持状态，坚定信心 ;) ！！！！！

blur13_0UID: 150275

感谢zhangsx_1982，coolblazeverest和jacklove得细心意见！！
我今天来不及照coolblazeverest的意见该了，先把照zhangsx改的法上来阿

第一遍修改：

Do the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life undermine the true strength and independence? I agree with the statement above insofar as there are times people rely on the conveniences and luxuries too much to be independent. For my part, however, there are both negative points and positive points of the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life to true strength and independence, which are more depends on how do we consider and utilize them in different ways.

Admittedly, to some extent, when people are satisfied of the luxuries and conveniences of modern life in a sedentary mind and passive way, the satisfaction indirectly inhabit our development into truly strong and independent individuals. In this age of various advanced technologies increasingly emerging everyday, are there less and less things to be done by ourselves than those we did ever before, when we used to walk by our own feet, wash by our own hands, observe by our own eyes etc. Yet now, we ask for machines to do almost everything. For instance, my generation was growing up with automobile. Unlike our parents, we tried to drive a car to whatever we wanted even to a store nearby in 10 minutes rather than walk there maybe in 5.In a sense, cars, a kind of machine, have been looked as our "auto feet". Yet it seems that we do not control "auto feet" but be driven by them, while we spend more time in such a near place without an enough strong idea. Besides, with the spread of Internet, more and more information becomes available just by our typing several keywords in search programs, with which we would not need looking into a pile of books for something for a long time. But sometime, in front of so much information, we are usually affected and addicted by others' thoughts without our own independent ideas through critically inspecting them.

However, in another sense, if the luxuries and conveniences are considered organic parts of our bodies that can be controlled by our minds, and utilized in an active way by us, they would contribute a lot to our development into truly strong and independent individuals. Actually, it is the proper utilization of conveniences brought by contemporary life that directly enables individuals to accomplish something never done before. To take automobile as an example again, in this holiday, some students of my university drove cars across the whole China in one month. This was a really long and lonely trip. They cooked with water from the near river in the deep forest, repaired cars by themselves in the desert, and slept in crowded cars just for the love of strong and independent feelings brought by cars during the long trip. Again, conveniences of Internet can also make possible that a CEO arranges meetings, receives timely market feedback, talking with employees to control his company without any assistants even at home, and give many individual enterprisers chances to work independently. In these cases, the luxuries and conveniences become useful and significant tools and the organic parts of our bodies as eyes to let us view wider, hands to let us do more and feet to let us faster.

In conclusion, the advantages and disadvantages of the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life call for a balance, that is, we should consider and utilize in an active way instead of a sedentary mind and passive way.


真心感激zhangsx_1982细致入微的指点，惭愧的同时，真是佩服的耐心，俺这才明白上次你说我“文政不是太顺”的深刻含义，这是让我印象深刻的一课，再次感激！！！ ;)
关于你说的“我的文章就缺少实例支持”，我的建议是，例子少或普通并无大碍，真的，最关键是“夹叙夹议”，强烈建议把范文举例的手法花精力研究，太重要了！！
coolblazeverest俺准备对你的文章下手了啊，小心 ;) 。

zhangsx_1982UID: 176926

你都谢的我不好意思了，你的文章很有潜力，结构比较清晰，不好意思的是你改的还有提的哦

呵呵 ，第一段，depend和are还是同时出现depend一个就够使了；drive a car to whatever 【小粗心，是wherever啦】 ；walk there maybe in 5，还是不太明白。是想说“走才用五分钟确开车花十分钟吗”，有点不解。

还有你给我提的意见很好，谢谢你，你给我改的文章我也看过了，提的很好哦，我会重新在整理思路写写，到时你再来拍如何？

beilongzhuhaiUID: 175441

No.1  Issue16 社会类，第四篇！
Issue16. "Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals."
尽管许多人认为现代生活的奢华和便利是丝毫没有坏处的，但是这实际上让人们无法成为真正强大和独立的个体。

关键词 luxuries and conveniences，truly strong and independent individuals
涉及：网络，交通，工作，医疗，交流
提纲 is 1+1 大环conditioning
1决定于如何看待和运用consider utilize
2如果crutches, glasses, gloves。举例：汽车，网络
3如果eyes，hands，legs as parts of body to do sth. on one's own initiative 相对概念，什么是真正的强壮和独立，就是在于利用工具，挑战极限。汽车旅行，逃离城市进入大自然寻找到大视野；大事业，自己操纵全部世界，用一台电脑在一个房间，汽车，网络，
4每件事都有正反两面，关键积极对待。

3小时
正文
Do the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life (to the human being) undermine (people to be )the true strength and independence (individuals)?(觉得这样表达更符合issue 的观点表达) I agree with the statement above insofar as there are times（这里表达有点怪，可以删掉不要） people rely on the conveniences and luxuries too much to be independent.（可以这样说吧：I agree with the statement above insofar as people who are in a special times rely on the convenience too much to be independent.） In my opinion, however, (这里好像没有这么强的转折语气)there are both negative points and positive points of the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life to true strength and independence, which are more depends on how do we consider and utilize them in different ways.（There are both negative and positive effect to the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life affecting the human being to be the true strong and independent individuals.）

Admittedly, to some extent, when people are satisfied of the luxuries and conveniences of modern life in a sedentary mind and passive way(这里是被动关系吗？), they indirectly do harm to our development into truly strong and independent individuals. In this age of increasingly advanced various technologies emerging everyday（句子不通顺）, there are less and less things to be done by ourselves than ever before, when we used to walk by our own feet, wash by our own hands, observe by our own eyes etc. Yet now, we ask machines to do almost everything. For instance, my generation was growing up with automobile. Unlike our parents, we tried to drive a car to everywhere we wanted, even to a store nearby in 10 minutes rather than walk there maybe in 5.Cars, a kind of machine, have been looked as our "auto feet". Yet It seems that we do not control "auto feet" but be driven by them while spending more time in such a near place without an enough strong idea. Besides, with the spread of Internet, more and more information becomes available just by typing several keywords in searching programs, with which we would not need looking for something in a pile of books for a long time. But at one time, in front of so much information, we are usually affected and addicted by others' thoughts without our own independent ideas through critically inspecting them.

However, in another sense, if the luxuries and conveniences are considered organic parts of our bodies that can be controlled by our minds, and utilized in an active way by us, they would contribute a lot to our development into truly strong and independent individuals. Actually, it is the proper utilization of conveniences brought by contemporary life that directly enables individuals to accomplish something never done before. To take automobile as an example again, in this holiday, some students of my university drove cars across the whole China in one month. This was a really long and lonely trip. They cooked with water from the near river in the deep forest, repaired cars by themselves in the desert, and slept in crowded cars just for the love of strong and independent feelings by cars outside of cities. Again, conveniences of Internet can also make it possible that a CEO arranges meetings, receives timely market feedback, talking with employees to control his company without any assistants even at home, and give many individual enterprisers chances to work independently. In these cases, the luxuries and conveniences become useful and significant tools and the organic parts of our bodies as eyes to let us view wider, hands to let us do more and feet to let us faster.

In conclusion, the advantages and disadvantages of the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life call for a balance, that is, we should consider and utilize in an active way instead of a sedentary mind and passive way.



这篇文章立场基本可以表达清楚，中心思想明确，举例通俗易懂。但是有一下几点是本人觉得不够的地方：
1、        文章的论证不够紧凑，辩证不够深入及合理。
2、        语言不够丰富，部分句子表达不是十分恰当。

不过动笔就是进步，比我写的文章好多啦！