issue48 第一篇GRE作文，请大家指导指导，谢谢了！

cynthia420UID: 192137

觉得有点乱套，语言也挺幼稚的，写忘了再看自己都挺伤心的
麻烦大家给指导指导，帮我修改一下。多谢多谢

48.The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten.


When we were studying history in middle school or senior school, teachers always told us that we should remember somebody, who set fire on the invaders or who invented a new machine which can brought about huge changes to the industry. It is true that well-known people are placed too much emphasis, and as a consequent there is a general debate over whether the famous people or the ordinary citizens created the significant events and the trends. As far as I am concerned, I believe that it is the ordinary people and the famed figures that created the history and developed it together.

Admittedly, we cannot deny the significant roles that the great figures played in the making of history. No matter what the activity is and no matter where the events take place, there must be a leader to guide the ordinary nation and take the responsibilities. Without Lincoln's efforts to liberate the black slaves and finish the war between the states, the United States would remain disrupted for a long time; without Mao Zedong's scientific and creative direction, We Chinese would possibly not defeat the Japanese aggressors and set up a whole new country. From the famous individuals, we can learn a period of history amply and learn much excellent characters. That is why the study of history places much emphasis on individuals.

However, it is hardly true to say that history was created by the famed few although they were paid a lot of attention in history books. I am in favor of the opinion that the common people play an even more essential part in the making of history. For a start, the affluent substances, such as food, tools, houses and so on, which were created by the ordinary people, continued to use and innovated again and again, were the basic qualifications for the beginning of human's history and the following improvement of the technology. Secondly, ordinary people also produced the beautiful poems, folks, pictures and literatures, which vastly enriched our daily life and stimulated the development of social science. At the same time, valuable data and experiences of the industry and revolution were well kept, and were not unimportant for the leaders to lead a significant movement. Finally, the majority was the main force in the social reformation, which was the dominant factor in the advancement of human's history.

To sum up, both the leading characters and the ordinary populace made vital contributions in constructing history, in which they complemented each other and took care of each other. As a matter of fact, it is not uncomplicated to introduce the ordinary people in history books, for it will cause many troubles in collecting data and records. Although it is not quite practical to bring in the entire normal group to the history books, we still expect to hear the voice of the forgotten majority.

cynthia420UID: 192137

呜呜哇哇 各位高人帮我指导指导啊
偶实在不怎么会写，，，，，诶 发愁ing

kkytUID: 188814

潜水学习些时间就好了

玉面小狐狸UID: 188981

48.The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten.


When we were studying history in middle school or senior school, teachers always told us that we should remember somebody, who set fire on the invaders or who invented a new machine which can brought about huge changes to the industry. It is true that well-known people are placed too much emphasis, and as a consequent there is a general debate over whether the famous people or the ordinary citizens created the significant events and the trends. As far as I am concerned, I believe that it is the ordinary people and the famed figures that created the history and developed it together.

Admittedly, we cannot deny the significant roles that the great figures played in the making of history. No matter what the activity is and no matter where the events take place, there must be a leader to guide the ordinary nation and take the responsibilities. Without Lincoln's efforts to liberate the black slaves and finish the war between the states, the United States would remain disrupted for a long time; without Mao Zedong's scientific and creative direction, We Chinese would possibly not defeat the Japanese aggressors and set up a whole new country. From the famous individuals, we can learn a period of history amply and learn much excellent characters. That is why the study of history places much emphasis on individuals.

However, it is hardly true to say that history was[加only强调一下] created by the famed few although they were paid a lot of attention in history books. I am in favor of the opinion that the common people play an even more essential part in the making of history. For a start, the affluent substances, such as food, tools, houses and so on, which [which该去掉吧]were created by the ordinary people, continued to use and innovated again and again, were the basic qualifications for the beginning of human's history and the following improvement of the technology. Secondly, ordinary people also produced the beautiful poems, folks, pictures and literatures, which vastly enriched our daily life and stimulated the development of social science. At the same time, valuable data and experiences of the industry and revolution were well kept, and were not unimportant for the leaders to lead a significant movement. Finally, the majority was the main force in the social reformation, which was the dominant factor in the advancement of human's history.

To sum up, both the leading characters and the ordinary populace made vital contributions in constructing history, in which they complemented each other and took care of each other. As a matter of fact, it is not uncomplicated to introduce the ordinary people in history books, for it will cause many troubles in collecting data and records. Although it is not quite practical to bring in the entire normal group to the history books, we still expect to hear the voice of the forgotten majority
主要论述部分有点单薄，人民大众的力量不能忽视也在于：如果只有重要人物的指导思想和命令而没有人民的支持和全体的运作，就都是空的。这部分应作专门论述而不是两句带过。可以说法国大革命如果只有几个先锋人物喊口号而没有全巴黎人民奋不顾身的攻陷巴士底狱不是可能成功的这类的例子反面辅助一下
第一篇已经很了不起了，加油啊

cynthia420UID: 192137

多谢多谢
偶知道了
偶再回去改巴改巴 多向牛牛们学习

zhivagoUID: 192018

wo zhi chi ni

我也是菜鸟。