issue 23 (prepare for 207--3)

LSDUID: 157855

23"Contemporary technology makes available many small pieces of factual information. As a result, people have become so preoccupied with bits of fragmented information that they pay too little attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives."

With the development of technology, everyone can get small pieces of factual information as quickly as possible from Internet, TV programs or others. So some people worry that human beings will become so preoccupied with fragmented information and overlook larger ones. I don't agree with the assertion and I insist that people will not lose large picture.

Such technologies in fact, help people get overall perspectives and larger issues. Take TV programs as an example. In the old days, people live in a relatively close environment, so they can only know what had happened in their own living area, their knowledge about other districts and other countries are from people who travels to that area. It is too difficult for them to realize the large gap between two areas and the important things happened in other's homes. The information they acquire from people bring them are also narrow-minded since it is only few people's opinion. Now, on the contrary, we have TV programs and they can serve perfectly to each one telling you the truth about larger issues happened in the whole world. We can see its successfulness that people nowadays are more concerned with global issues such as global economy, global politics and global environment. TV programs have built a channel between different persons and through the useful channel; every one can enlarge his/her own scope to the whole world noting larger issues with a broad perspective.   

Moreover, contemporary technology does not make people preoccupied with bits of fragment information, the other way round; they are saving people's time so they can pay attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives. For instance, the use of Internet, which is the most popular invention in the 20th century, has make a great contribution to people's daily live. Everyone can search what he/she wants in the network instead of going to the library. To finish a work spending several days in past may cost people only a few seconds now. So people today can get information as generally and quickly as possible and these information can assist people evaluate and analyze their work in a macroscopically and roundly way. People not only care his/her own work but also consider the significant of his/her work to others with the help of Internet. For example he/she can know who needs me? What can I do for others? These can put a person’s responsibility in a larger scope and People can also think over his/her duty in an overall view.

Admittedly, people will also meet some side effects about contemporary technology. It will be a challenge for each one to distinct which piece of information is useful for his/her work, which is not. To some extend, it will make people preoccupied with bits of fragmented information. However, with the growing of knowledge and experience of each person, this problem will be solved in a satisfaction method.

In sum, contemporary technology is a positive production of human being. It helps people pay attention to larger issue and overall perspectives and make us more efficiency.

haiyaUID: 187989

不好意思，我临时有点事，就看到b1。

贴先~~
Such technologies in fact, help people get [more; versus larger]overall perspectives and larger issues. Take TV programs as an example. In the old days, people live in a relatively close environment, so they can only know what had happened in their own living area [around them; better?], their knowledge about other districts and other countries are from people who travels to [passing through; better?] that area [or from word by word]. It is too difficult for them to realize the large gap between two areas and the important things happened [happening] in other's homes [abroad? 一般来说是at home and abroad的用法]. The information they acquire from people [who] bring them are also narrow-minded [little;主语是information]since it is only few people's opinion. Now, on the contrary, we have TV programs and they can serve perfectly to each one telling you the truth about larger issues happened in the whole world. We can see its successfulness [success] that people nowadays are more concerned [supplied? 我觉得了解时事和思考时事还是两个不同的步骤] with global issues such as global economy, global politics and global environment. TV programs have built a channel between different persons and through the useful channel; every one can enlarge his/her own scope to the whole world noting larger issues with a broad perspective.

mack1983UID: 183345

23"Contemporary technology makes available many small pieces of factual information. As a result, people have become so preoccupied with bits of fragmented information that they pay too little attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives."

With the development of technology, everyone can get small pieces of factual information as quickly as possible from Internet, TV programs or others. So some people worry that human beings will become so preoccupied with fragmented information and overlook larger ones. I don't agree with the assertion and I 去掉 Iinsist that people will not lose large picture倒不如直接用 perspective.

Such technologies in fact, help people get overall perspectives and larger issues. Take TV programs as an example. In the old days, people live in a relatively close limiting environment, so they can only know what had have happened in their own living area, their knowledge about other districts and other countries are is from people who travels to that area. It is too difficult for them to realize the large gap between two areas and the important things happened in other's homes. The information they acquire from people bring them去掉 bring them areis also narrow-minded since it is only few people's opinion. Now, on the contrary, we have TV programs and they can serve perfectly to each one telling to each one telling ？晕了，呵呵 you the truth about larger issues happened in the whole world 这个 to the contrary前后没有必然的因果关系，因为除了TV外，像radio，internet之类的都可以serve as instrumentalities timely providing us information taking place around the world，因此，倒不如不写TV sets，而直接写contemporary technology，然后再such as TV, internet, radio, blabla . We can see its successfulness success that people nowadays are more concerned with global issues such as global economy这句话没读懂，是想说因为大家想关心实施政治，环境所以电视的成功吗？这两个之间的因果关系貌似不是很强, global politics and global environment. TV programs have built a channel between different persons and through the useful channel through the useful channel 一句没读懂; everyone can enlarge his/her own scope to the whole world noting larger issues with a broad perspective.

Moreover, contemporary technology does not make people preoccupied with bits of fragment information, the other way round; they are saving people's time so they can pay attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives. For instance, the use of Internet, which is the most popular invention in the 20th century, has make a great contribution to people's daily live. Everyone can search what he/she wants in the network instead of going to the library. To finish a work spending several days in past may cost people only a few seconds now. So people today can get information as generally and quickly as possible and these information can assist people evaluate and analyze their work in a macroscopically and roundly way. 缺少连接词People not only care his/her their own work but also consider the significant of his/hertheir work to others with the help of Internet. For example he/she何不用we之类的词？ can know who needs me? What can I do for others? These can put a person’s responsibility in a larger scope and People can also think over his/her duty in an overall view.最后这个论据有些牵强

Admittedly, people will also meet some side effects about contemporary technology. It will be a challenge for each one to distinct which piece of information is useful for his/her work, which is not while the other is not. To some extend, it will make people preoccupied with bits of fragmented information. However, with the growing of knowledge and experience of each person, this problem will be solved in a satisfaction satisfactory method.
最后这句的论述没有依据
In sum, contemporary technology is a positive production of human being. It helps people pay attention to larger issue and overall perspectives and make us more efficiency.
整体结果清晰，段落层次分明，不足之处是论录还显得不够严密，同时，语言还的联系，特别是在第三段有很多his/her，我觉得改称第一、三人称复数行时比较好；并且，句式的变化还须加强
个人观点，仅供参考，呵呵，一块进步

LSDUID: 157855

十分感谢楼上两位的认真评改，意见正在仔细考虑。

LSDUID: 157855

仔细思考了上面两位的评改，觉得自己的遣词造句确实比较粗糙，因为限时，有些地方欠考虑了。再次感谢！

coolblazeverestUID: 189260

23"Contemporary technology makes available many small pieces of factual information. As a result, people have become so preoccupied with bits of fragmented information that they pay too little attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives."

对于这个题目，偶认为有几个概念必须要搞清楚，并且concrete化，否则很容易vague.
什么是small pieces of factual information? 什么是larger issues and overall perspectives? 他们是相对的概念，怎么界定这种概念？

With the development of technology, everyone can get small pieces of factual information as quickly as possible from Internet, TV programs or others.这应该算作contemporary technology的具体化 So some people worry that human beings will become so preoccupied with fragmented information and overlook larger ones. I don't agree with the assertion and I insist that people will not lose large picture.开头没有明确small pieces of factual information 和larger issues and overall perspectives, 看看下文你怎么展开的

Such用such不太好吧，不如there be来的清楚 technologies in fact, help people get overall perspectives and larger issues. Take TV programs as an example. In the old days, people live in a relatively close environment, so they can only know what had happened in their own living area,者应该默认为你对small piece of factual information 的定义，显然，它不全面 their knowledge about other districts and other countries这是对larger issues and overall perspectives的理解，同样问题，它是unilateral are from people who travels to that area. It is too difficult for them to realize the large gap between two areas and the important things happened in other's homes. The information they acquire from people bring them are also narrow-minded since it is only few people's opinion. 整个事例时态有问题Now, on the contrary, we have TV programs and they can serve perfectly to each one telling you the truth about larger issues happened in the whole world. We can see its successfulness that people nowadays are more concerned with global issues such as global economy, global politics and global environment. TV programs have built a channel between different persons and through the useful channel; every one can enlarge his/her own scope to the whole world noting larger issues with a broad perspective.

Moreover, contemporary technology does not make people preoccupied with bits of fragment information, the other way round; they are saving people's time so they can pay attention to the larger issues and overall perspectives. For instance, the use of Internet, which is the most popular invention in the 20th century, has make a great contribution to people's daily live. Everyone can search what he/she wants in the network instead of going to the library. To finish a work spending several days in past may cost people only a few seconds now. So people today can get information as generally and quickly as possible and these information can assist people evaluate and analyze their work in a macroscopically and roundly way. People not only care his/her own work but also consider the significant of his/her work to others with the help of Internet. For example he/she can know who needs me? What can I do for others? These can put a person’s responsibility in a larger scope and People can also think over his/her duty in an overall view.

Admittedly, people will also meet some side effects about contemporary technology. It will be a challenge for each one to distinct which piece of information is useful for his/her work, which is not. To some extend, it will make people preoccupied with bits of fragmented information. However, with the growing of knowledge and experience of each person, this problem will be solved in a satisfaction method.what kind of method?

In sum, contemporary technology is a positive production of human being. It helps people pay attention to larger issue and overall perspectives and make us more efficiency.

文章写得结构和语言还比较清晰，但是缺乏对题目理解的深度，感觉论述得不是非常清楚，语言上还有些小问题。个人意见，共你参考，不对的地方欢迎指出啊

LSDUID: 157855

谢谢楼上

LSDUID: 157855

我觉得整个b2得确概念有点模糊，又想了一下，应该突出people in old days没有many small pieces of factual information他们仍然不能 pay attention to larger issues and overall perspectives contemporary people 虽然有了many small pieces of factual information 但是他们还是能够pay attention to larger issues and overall perspectives
这里的many small pieces of factual information 指的是其他地区的见闻和消息。这里的larger issues and overall perspectives 指的是全球的共同问题。
不知楼上有何高见？