issue 48 (prepare for 207--8)

LSDUID: 157855

48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

For the lack of accurate information, it is true that the study of history has placed too much emphasis on individuals not on groups of people. I concede that though learning from history, some significant events and trends were made by famous few, however, the majority of them were due to the endeavor of groups of people, not individual.

Individual ability is of limitation, so when certain events or trends have lasting significance, it must be the contribution of group of people, even the endeavor from one generation to another. For example, Harvard university, which is the most famous and welcomed university in the world, have cultivated enormous elites since its was built up. This university is named after its founder--John Harvard, who has got high appreciation and reputation. So, when people talk about Harvard and its significance, many people will attribute its success to John Harvard's endeavor. Nevertheless, we cannot forget the more important facts which bring Harvard's prosperity today, that is its chancellors, teachers, students' endeavor whose identities have long been forgotten, not only one person. Without chancellors' innovation Harvard will not find the best route to today's success, without teachers' great effort to promote the level of course, Harvard will not be one of the best universities in the world, without students' hard working Harvard will not as popular as today. From above, we should draw the conclusion that most significant events and trends in history were made by group of people not only famous few, and when we consider them, we should broad our keens, and find more suitable point of view.

Today, with the rapid development of science, it is even more difficult for only one or few people to make significant events and trends and what we need is group working. So, when people consider the significant events and trends of latter-day history, we should obviously emphasis the function of group of people, not a single one. For instance, the most important event for the 20th century--Human Genome Project, has involved lots of scientists from five countries. For the complexity and difficulties of the project, it is impossible for few people to finish it and it needs the endeavor of the whole world. So people should keep in mind that the great events which benefit human beings a lot should be the achievement of large group of scientists and governments of the whole world, not only be the famous few.

Admittedly, we cannot deny individual achievements. Some contributions, are the results of famous few due to their beyond and outstanding abilities and insights. Copernicus is a good example, at that time, people's mind were controlled by church and divinity, no one could betray their governor except Copernicus who insisted geocentric theory. Although he was unable to change people's minds then, his work and theory was of great significant in human history. Similarly, Einstein who brought forward theory of relativity was also an evidence to support individual contribution to great events in history. Both of them have been remembered by their posterities as giant in our history.

In sum, when we study history, we should not only focus on famous few, since lots of significant events and trends are achieved by group of people. Meanwhile, some giant's contribution also should be remembered as individual success.

AutoseaUID: 192045

48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

For the lack of accurate information, it is true that the study of history has placed too much emphasis on individuals not on groups of people. I concede that though learning from history, some significant events and trends were made by famous few, however, the majority of them were due to the endeavor of groups of people, not individual.[这句话看着有些别扭，分两句可能要好一点]

Individual ability is of limitation, so when certain events or trends have lasting significance, it must be the contribution of group of people, even the endeavor from one generation to another. For example, Harvard university, which is the most famous and welcomed university in the world, have[has] cultivated enormous elites since its[it] was built up. This university is named after its founder--John Harvard, who has got high appreciation and reputation. So, when people talk about Harvard and its significance[改成when talking about... 这样简练一点], many people will attribute its success to John Harvard's endeavor. Nevertheless, we cannot forget the more important facts which bring Harvard's prosperity today[bring用的不好,give rise to不知道行不行], that is[are] its chancellors, teachers, students' endeavor whose identities have long been forgotten, not only one person. Without chancellors' innovation Harvard will not find the best route to today's success,[这里不该用将来时，用would虚拟语气可能好一点, 逗号该换成分号，下同] without teachers' great effort to promote the level of course, Harvard will not be one of the best universities in the world, without students' hard working Harvard will not as popular as today. From above, we should draw the conclusion that most significant events and trends in history were made by group of people not only famous few, and when we consider them, we should broad our keens, and find more suitable point of view.

Today, with the rapid development of science, it is even more difficult for only one or few people to make significant events and trends and what we need is group working. So, when people consider the significant events and trends of latter-day history, we should obviously emphasis the function of group of people, not a single one. For instance, the most important event for the 20th century--Human Genome Project, has involved lots of scientists from five countries. For the complexity and difficulties of the project,[For换成because of或due to] it is impossible for few people to finish[accomplish可能好一点] it and it needs the endeavor of the whole world. So people should keep in mind that the great events which benefit human beings a lot should be the achievement of large group of scientists and governments of the whole world, not only be the famous few.

Admittedly, we cannot deny individual achievements. Some contributions, are the results of famous few due to their beyond and outstanding abilities and insights. Copernicus is a good example, at that time, people's mind[minds] were controlled by church and divinity, no one could betray their governor except Copernicus who insisted geocentric theory. Although he was unable to change people's minds then, his work and theory was of great significant[significance] in human history. Similarly, Einstein who brought forward theory of relativity was also an evidence to support individual contribution to great events in history. Both of them have been remembered by their posterities as giant in our history.

In sum, when we study history, we should not only focus on famous few, since lots of significant events and trends are achieved by group of people. Meanwhile, some giant's contribution also should be remembered as individual success.

例子还不错，还可以深化一下，比如Human Genome Project
说理少了点。
我感觉这个题目可以借鉴一下中国革命史的内容，好像里面讲过群众和个人的辨证关系，可惜记不大清楚了。
最后我也是新手，意见仅供参考。

LSDUID: 157855

谢谢！
同意楼上观点，基因组计划应该再深入说一下集体劳动的重大意义，所以应该强调group.

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

[U]For the lack of accurate information,[/U]  不该用for 应该是with 前后没有因果关系it is true that the study of history has placed too much emphasis on individuals not on groups of people. I concede that [U]though[/U] concede已经表达了一种让步了,though删去比较好 learning from history, some significant events and trends were made by famous few,搭配不当,cause比较好 however, the majoritymost of them were due to the endeavors of groups of people, not individuals.

Individual ability is of limitation, [U]so when certain events or trends have lasting significance, it must be the contribution of group of people, even the endeavor from one generation to another.[/U] 表达欠妥 修改意见后 [U]For example, Harvard university, which is the most famous and welcomed university in the world, have cultivated enormous elites since its was built up. This university is named after its founder--John Harvard, who has got high appreciation and reputation. So, when people talk about Harvard and its significance, many people will attribute its success to John Harvard's endeavor.[/U] 背景的东西其实一句话就够了 Nevertheless, we cannot forget the more important facts which bring Harvard's prosperity today, that is its chancellors, teachers, students' endeavor whose identities have long been forgotten, not only one person. Without chancellors' innovation Harvard will not find the best route to today's success, without teachers' great effort to promote the level of course, Harvard will not be one of the best universities in the world, without students' hard working Harvard will not as popular as today. From above, we should draw the conclusion that most significant events and trends in history were made by group of people not only famous few, [U]and when we consider them, we should broad our keens, and find more suitable point of view.[/U] 没必要写的这么绕.
这一段说服力不足,一个哈佛大学的例子实在无法让人信服,而且除了例子没有任何的论证,比如limitation of individual ability的应该在解释一下.

Today, 题目说的是history,你这么快就跑道现在了?后面完全可以算跑了,且看你后面怎么写的[U]with the rapid development of science,[/U]  it is even more difficult for only one or few people to make significant events and trends and what we need is group working. So, when people consider the significant events and trends of latter-day history, we should obviously emphasis the function of group of people, not a single one. For instance, [U]the most important event [/U]  for the 20th century--Human Genome Project, has involved lots of scientists from five countries. For the complexity and difficulties of the project, it is impossible for few people to finish it and it needs the endeavor of the whole [U]world.[/U] 不至于这么大groups就好拉 So people should keep in mind that the great events [U]which benefit human beings a lot [/U]是不是小好处都是个人做的?汗,取反的话意思就不伦不类了  should be the achievement of large group of scientists and governments of the whole world, not only be the famous few.
后面基本说的还算切题,可是中心句一个today很可能让人误以为你要说如今如何如何呢,很危险啊.
提醒:语句中的限定词和限定语句要慎用!!! 我在写作的过程中往往倾向于加一些限定词和从句去增加字数,但是对于阅卷的洋人来说，除了让他们感觉语言比较拖沓以外,实在功效不大哦~~我画线的词你看看是不是有点突兀呢?

Admittedly, we cannot deny individual achievements. Some contributions, are the results of famous few due to their beyond and outstanding abilities and insights. Copernicus is a good example, at that time, people's mind were controlled by church and divinity, no one could betray their governor except Copernicus who insisted geocentric theory. Although he was unable to change people's minds then, his work and theory was of great significant in human history. Similarly, Einstein who brought forward theory of relativity was also an evidence to support individual contribution to great events in history. Both of them have been remembered by their posterities as giant in our history.

In sum, when we study history, we should not only focus on famous few, since lots of significant events and trends are achieved by group of people. Meanwhile, some giant's contribution also should be remembered as individual success.

语言上还要再简练一点,练习的时候要下意识的想想怎么样用最简单语言表达自己的意思,(majority不见得就比most要高呵呵)
你看这一句,我实在忍不住想改改 :D
Individual ability is of limitation, so when certain events or trends have lasting 为为虾米是lasting？significance, it must be the contribution of group of people, even the endeavor from one generation to another

Events or trends of significance must be the contributions of groups of people even more than one generation， not individuals of limited ability.



再就是支持观点得两个论点似乎没有什么联系，意思也差不离哦，让步段倒说得蛮多得，其实大可不需要让步，俺始终认为说好自己得观点就够了，自己不支持的范不着为了完满去让步。论点需要丰富

以上意见仅供参考，继续讨论，加油，你是不是去年6g的，怎么这么眼熟，汗

naiba369UID: 131655

呵呵，开始review 好好研读

LSDUID: 157855

谢谢九月的认真评改：）6g惨不忍睹，只好重新来过喽！
For the lack of accurate information, 不该用for 应该是with 前后没有因果关系it is true that the study of history has placed too much emphasis on individuals not on groups of people.
正是因为没有充分的资料来记述大多数人的功绩，所以才会导致emphasis on individuals not on groups of people.我想还是有因果关系的阿。
Individual ability is of limitation, so when certain events or trends have lasting 为为虾米是lasting？significance, it must be the contribution of group of people, even the endeavor from one generation to another
这里的却应该仔细解释Individual ability is of limitation 说明他虽然可以短时间的影响，但是lasting significant 还是要group of people,甚至是more than one generation 才行，这样是不是就比较明确了？

For example, Harvard university, which is the most famous and welcomed university in the world, have cultivated enormous elites since its was built up. This university is named after its founder--John Harvard, who has got high appreciation and reputation. So, when people talk about Harvard and its significance, many people will attribute its success to John Harvard's endeavor. 背景的东西其实一句话就够了
的确罗嗦了，This university is named after its founder--John Harvard, who has got high appreciation and reputation. So, when people talk about Harvard and its significance, many people will attribute its success to John Harvard's endeavor.这句能突出中心的保留。
Today, 题目说的是history,你这么快就跑道现在了
当时没有注意阿，应该是latter-day history
the most important event
这个去掉
So people should keep in mind that the great events which benefit human beings a lot 是不是小好处都是个人做的?汗,取反的话意思就不伦不类了

提议非常好！改：So people should keep in mind that group working has replaced individual working, the achievement of large group of scientists and governments should be remembered, not only famous few.

再次感谢！

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

哦,我的确理解错了,赫赫.

但是,如果这样的话,你又多出一个让人误以为你要讨论的话题呢,就是为什么会有这种偏向云云. 而后面似乎没有一句提到 让人觉得有点多余呢,你觉得呢

LSDUID: 157855

恩，的确有点多余了，还是去掉好了。
:p

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

从新列一下题纲吧 我觉得论点还是比较浅得

LSDUID: 157855

1.历史让我们记住了伟人的事迹，但是没有群体的支持，光靠几个伟人不能成就significant events and trends。
2.近代社会更加强调了集体劳动，所以significant events and trends亦是group of people 的努力结果。
3.应该承认有些的确是个人努力的结果。

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

最初由 LSD 发布
[B]1.历史让我们记住了伟人的事迹，但是没有群体的支持，光靠几个伟人不能成就significant events and trends。
2.近代社会更加强调了集体劳动，所以significant events and ..

以下省略...... [/B]

一个一个讨论：
1。想要强调群体，我觉得“但是没有群体的支持，光靠几个伟人不能成就significant events and trends。”
这个只是一个方面（是否可以这样理解？）：支持作用 其实这个还是不是核心得原因还可以讨究呢。
这是这样一想 应该还有很多其他论点呢！

LSDUID: 157855

这个只是一个方面（是否可以这样理解？）：支持作用 其实这个还是不是核心得原因还可以讨究呢。 这是这样一想 应该还有很多其他论点呢！
我有点晕了！

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

汗 我错了～～

LSDUID: 157855

呵呵，九月说的什么话！
我要谢谢你呢！

九月爱上乒乓球UID: 151821

http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthr ... ;highlight=issue+48

学习中 呼~~