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[i习作temp] issue128 昨天停产一天,教育类general题,限时 [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-1-20 20:31:22 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
第一次用限时完成提纲也写作,原来一直是提纲想一半个多小时,想得很成熟再限时写,到底感觉不一样,开始有点紧张,后来写完b2才过了15分钟就不慌了。可是写了400+就好象没得话说,一看时间还多,就又写。。。。最主要感觉还是提纲不深刻,再取取经去。希望大家从语言和思路上评评。

Issue128  教育类比较general的题目
------摘要------
作者:寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间:45分4秒     532 words
从2005年0月20日19时37分到2005年0月20日20时45分
------题目------
It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.
------正文------
In the era of rapid development of society and technology, the style of formal education is not suitable for the demands of the human. While it has contribute much in the history for the progress of the society, it should explore some new way to reform due to it restrain our minds and spirits.
Whether in history or today, the ultimate aim of education does not alter- to realize the true freedom of human's mind and spirit. In other world, the students obtain not only knowledge but also life skills, such as logical analysis, critical thinking and creative problem-solving from the education. The knowledge help us to know the world outside while the life-skill ensure us to creative the universe. These make us possible to imagine and reach the dream. To some extent, our mind and spirits are freed.
Unfortunately, the formal education in which the students learn in classroom and guided by teachers seems somewhat lag the development and value of human themselves. On the one hand, the monotonous and invarious teaching methods limit the creativity and imagination of students. Teachers give students knowledge in one direction and do not communicate with them reciprotally. The students are accustomed to swallow the thoughts of teachers without degestion. As a result, it will dilute the effect of education because the students' voice represent their will. On the other hand, the content of education are almost defined by the material, which doesn't closely link with the updated information in the world. Both studying in the classroom and the outdated world of material can't arouse the interest of students even is helpless for their understanding of the more and more complicated world. There mingt form a gap between the students and the society if the students are isolated in such pigeon hole. Thus, it is very essential to take measure to adapt the system of education in some details to cultivate the persons who will contribute their endeavor to the society and become thinkful and noble individuals in the future.
Admittedly, the formal education still play an momentous role in teaching the tradition, value system and other disciplines. However, its flaw will result in student with narrow minded and unsensitive thoughts, which betrays the aim of education.
For the unsuitalbe points in the formal education, some elements should be introduced to make for its disavantage. For example, to encourage the students to take part in the social activity and provide them with such chances can train their ability to improve themselves. As Golgi , a famous Russia writer once said (and I paraphrase)," I haven't  entered the formal university. But fortunately,  I study in the Social University to gain much experience, thoughts and spirits. These give me boons which the formal university lacks.  So just let the youth to have a class in this special university, they will find the need of their life."
To sum up, the education should keep the step of the society to creativity fine situation for students to pursuit the freedom of mind and spirit. The quality of the students links with the properous of the society and the equallity of the education itself as well in the future.
最后冲刺了,回砖攒着考完一定还。希望大家多多给以指正。:)
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沙发
发表于 2005-1-20 22:00:11 |只看该作者
In the era of rapid development of society and technology, the style of formal education is not suitable for the demands of the human. While it has contribute much in the history for the progress of the society, it should explore some new way to reform 缺宾语due to it restrain our minds and spirits.

Whether in history or today, the ultimate aim of education does not alter- to realize the true freedom of human's mind and spirit. In other world, word!the students obtain not only knowledge but also life skills, such as logical analysis, critical thinking and creative problem-solving from the education. The knowledge help us to know the world outside while the life-skill ensure us to creative the universe. These make us possible to imagine and reach the dream. To some extent, our mind and spirits are freed.

Unfortunately, the formal education in which the students learnlearn the education似乎不通,用acquire吧
in classroom and guided by teachers seems somewhat lag the development and value of human themselves. On the one hand, the monotonous and invarious teaching methods limit the creativity and imagination of students. Teachers give students knowledge in one direction and do not communicate with them reciprotally. reciprocallyThe students are accustomed to swallow the thoughts of teachers without degestion. As a result, it will dilute the effect of education because the students' voice represent their will. 这句话有点突然,你要表达什么意思呢?On the other hand, the content of education are almost defined by the material, which doesn't closely link with the updated information in the world. Both studying in the classroom and the outdated world of material can't arouse the interest of students even is helpless for their understanding of the more and more complicated world. There mingt these might?form a gap between the students and the society if the students are isolated in such pigeon hole. 用ivory tower也可以吧?Thus, it is very essential to take measure to adapt the system of education in some details to cultivate the persons who will contribute their endeavor to the society and become thinkful and noble individuals in the future.

Admittedly, the formal education still play an momentous role in teaching the tradition, value system and other disciplines. However, its flaw will result in student with narrow minded and unsensitive thoughts, which betrays the aim of education.For the unsuitalbe points in the formal education, some elements should be introduced to make for its disavantage. For example, to encourage the students to take part in the social activity and provide them with such chances can train their ability to improve themselves. As Golgi , a famous Russia Russianwriter once said (and I paraphrase)," I haven't entered the formal university. But fortunately, I study in the Social University to gain much moreexperience, thoughts and spirits. These give me boons which the formal university lacks. So just let the youth to have a class in this special university, they will find the need of their life."

To sum up, the education should keep the step of the society to creativity create fine situation for students to pursuit the freedom of mind and spirit. The quality of the students links with the properous of the society and the equallity of the education itself as well in the future.
45min内写完的文章,没有修改,写成这样,很不错的。需要注意的还是,拼写!!!别因小失大。猪头,记住啊。这篇文章主题不难确定,逻辑上没问题,挺好的。题个小建议吧,在讲模式教育的弊端时,再举个实际碰到的例子更好些。比如说,自己的学长毕业后进入社会发现缺少很多skills,不得不学,然后她说自己在工作后几个月学到的skills比大学四年都学得多。

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板凳
发表于 2005-1-20 23:22:55 |只看该作者
谢谢猪在第一时间回复了。
我已经会word查过一回错了,没想到还有这么多病。。。。
继续努力,觉得我的词怎么老是这些,要多看书才行!!
最后冲刺了,回砖攒着考完一定还。希望大家多多给以指正。:)

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地板
发表于 2005-1-20 23:25:20 |只看该作者
另外,我是觉得这道好象没什么例子可以举
最后冲刺了,回砖攒着考完一定还。希望大家多多给以指正。:)

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发表于 2005-1-20 23:37:01 |只看该作者
没什么实际的例子,不过可以编造一个丫,像我说的那个,我觉得挺有代表意义的
呵呵,对于用词有罪恶感啦?没必要的,考试时就写两篇呀,相信自己!

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发表于 2005-2-8 12:13:01 |只看该作者
Issue128 教育类比较general的题目
------摘要------
作者:寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间:45分4秒 532 words
从2005年0月20日19时37分到2005年0月20日20时45分
------题目------
It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.
------正文------
In the era of rapid development of society and technology, the style of formal education is not suitable for the demands of the human. While it has contribute much in the history for the progress of the society, it should explore some new way to reform due to it restrain our minds and spirits [its restraint to our。。。]

Whether in history or today, the ultimate aim of education does not alter- to realize the true freedom of human's mind and spirit. In other world, the students obtain not only knowledge but also life skills, such as logical analysis, critical thinking and creative problem-solving from the education [我觉得这个that is to say 和前面表达的意思不是很一致]. The knowledge help us to know the world outside while the life-skill ensure us to creative the universe [create,这个说得太大了吧]. These make us possible to imagine and reach the dream. To some extent, our mind and spirits are freed.

[这段的用意是肯定教育的目标是。。吧,我觉得论证不是很到位,而且你这一段的论证其实反驳了你自己的观点,难道现在的教育没有教我们knowledge和life skill,这段还是free 到下面就不承认人家了?或者你想说说怎么样才是free mind,但是你说了些比较空泛的话,整段都没有到底什么才是free mind]

Unfortunately, the formal education in which the students learn in classroom and guided by teachers seems somewhat lag the development and value of human themselves[这句有语病,lag the value?]. On the one hand, the monotonous and invarious teaching methods limit the creativity and imagination of students. Teachers give students knowledge in one direction and do not communicate with them reciprotally [??]. The students are accustomed to swallow the thoughts of teachers without degestion [??]. As a result, it will dilute the effect of education because the students' voice represent their will [这个因果好奇怪,因为学生的话代表他们的意愿所以教育质量降低?]. On the other hand, the content of education are almost defined by the material, which doesn't closely link with the updated information in the world. Both studying in the classroom and the outdated world of material [and链接的两个成分不对等,去掉把地点状语移后吧] can't arouse the interest of students even is helpless for their understanding of the more and more [还可以用increasingly]complicated world [这个句子似乎有错,考虑下用neither nor吧]. There mingt form a gap between the students and the society if the students are isolated in such pigeon hole . Thus, it is very essential to take measure to adapt the system of education [education system] in some details to cultivate the persons who will contribute their endeavor to the society and become thinkful and noble individuals in the future. [这句的逻辑顺序应该是措施to thinkalbe individual 再to contribution,不应该是and,是递进的,而且这样更点题一点]

[这段的逻辑比较清晰,不过我觉得你应该在比较关键的句子上多点题一点,比如第一点的“limit”就很好,对应restrain,第而个分论点应该点出,现在的教育容易让学生“僵化”在过时的知识中类似的,我觉得这样可能更好一点]

Admittedly, the formal education still play an momentous role in teaching the tradition, value system and other disciplines. However, its flaw will result in student with narrow minded [mind] and unsensitive [??] thoughts, which betrays the aim of education.

For the unsuitalbe [/??undesirable] points in the formal education, some elements should be introduced to make for its disavantage . For example, to encourage the students to take part in the social activity and provide them with such chances[罗嗦,删了吧] can train their ability to improve themselves. [你的建议应该是针对上面所提出的缺点而提出的,感觉这个不太好,至少你的文章中要有参加社会活动能解放思想这样的前提,提这个才合适] As Golgi , a famous Russia writer once said (and I paraphrase)," I haven't entered the formal university. But fortunately, I study in the Social University to gain much experience, thoughts and spirits. These give me boons which the formal university lacks. So just let the youth to have a class in this special university, they will find the need of their life."

To sum up, the education should keep the step of the society to creativity fine situation for students to pursuit the freedom of mind and spirit. The quality of the students links with the properous [??] of the society and the equallity of the education itself as well in the future[怎么又到教育的平等?]

[限时写提纲的确难度很大,写成这样已经很不容易了,我写的时候,简直一团糟,呵呵。]

[过年了,haiya新年快乐,呵呵]

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Aquarius水瓶座 荣誉版主

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发表于 2005-2-8 16:08:57 |只看该作者
------正文------
In the era of rapid development of society and technology, the style of formal education is not suitable for the demands of the human. While it has contribute  【contributed]】much in the history for the progress of the society, it should explore some new way to reform due to it restrain 【its restraining】our minds and spirits.【介绍背景入手,很特别哦】
Whether in history or today, the ultimate aim of education does not alter- to realize the true freedom of human's mind and spirit.【是不是该用复数】 In other world【word】, the students【是不是该加个should】 obtain not only knowledge but also life skills, such as logical analysis, critical thinking and creative problem-solving 【methods加】from the education. The knowledge help us to know the world outside while the life-skill ensure us to creative the universe【creative the universe是什么意思?】. These make us possible to imagine and reach the dream. To some extent, our mind and spirits are freed.
Unfortunately, the formal education in which the students learn in classroom and guided by teachers seems somewhat lag the development and value of human themselves.【转折不错】 On the one hand, the monotonous and invarious teaching methods limit the creativity and imagination of students. Teachers give students knowledge in one direction 【单方面的好像不是这么说得吧不过我忘了】and do not communicate with them reciprotally. The students are accustomed to swallow the thoughts of teachers without degestion. As a result, it will dilute【这个词好】 the effect of education because the students' voice represent their will. On the other hand, the content of education are almost defined by the material, which doesn't closely link with the updated information in the world. Both studying in the classroom and the outdated world of material can't arouse the interest of students even is helpless for their understanding of the more and more complicated world. There mingt form a gap between the students and the society if the students are isolated in such pigeon hole. Thus, it is very essential to take measure to adapt the system of education in some details to cultivate the persons who will contribute their endeavor to the society and become thinkful and noble individuals in the future.【论证很充分:)】
Admittedly, the formal education still play an momentous role in teaching the tradition, value system and other disciplines. However, its flaw will result in student【加s】 with narrow minded and unsensitive thoughts, which betrays the aim of education.
For the unsuitalbe points in the formal education, some elements should be introduced to make for its disavantage.【加s】  For example, to encourage the students to take part in the social activity and provide them with such chances can train their ability to improve themselves. As Golgi , a famous Russia writer once said (and I paraphrase)," I haven't entered the formal university. But fortunately, I study in the Social University to gain much experience, thoughts and spirits. These give me boons which the formal university lacks. So just let the youth to have a class in this special university, they will find the need of their life." 【好厉害,限时还能想起这个】
To sum up, the education should keep the step of the society to creativity 【creat】fine situation for students to pursuit the freedom of mind and spirit. The quality of the students links with the properous of the society and the equallity of the education itself as well in the future.【结尾单薄了些】

觉得要是再进一步论证现在的教育制度的确restrain了更好,因为这个题目是论述现实的而不是说should怎么样的吧
总的来说很不错啊,我还没有在一个小时内写完过呢:(恭喜haiya

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RE: issue128 昨天停产一天,教育类general题,限时 [修改]

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issue128 昨天停产一天,教育类general题,限时
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