issue 43 帮忙改改吧

eustaciaUID: 175283

Issue43  第4篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：41分16秒     615 words
从2005年0月25日8时28分到2005年0月25日9时41分
------题目------
To be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards.
------正文------
     I agree with the speaker insofar as a public official must maintain a higher ethical and moral standard than normal people dose.  However, it is very hard, even impossible for the leader to achieve the highest ethical and moral level.

     Firstly, I concede that being a public official the most important thing is to maintain a high ethical and moral standard.  Sometimes, this standard should be higher than that of other ordinary people.  After all, we cannot stand a leader who cheats his or her followers for his or her own interest--for money, fame, or power.  We cannot bare a public official who commit a sin of humanity such as children or animals abuse, involving in violent attack, and so forth.  In a word, if a public official dose not maintain even a basic level of ethical and moral standards, he or she would not be trusted and respected by his or her followers and would not remain long for his or her leader life.

     In addition, people select an individual, give him power to control them, give him fame to represent them, give him fortune to serve the whole country or district as well as himself.  In return, this selected individual is supposed to take on responsibility, to bare his or her follow companions in mind all the time, and then, do good for them.  To this extent, this very individual, namely, a public official or leader should have a higher ethical and moral standard than other ordinary people dose because he or she should take more responsibilities than other ordinary people dose.

     Moreover, every famous leader in human history is regarded as maintaining a significant high ethical and moral standard.  For that reason, those famous leaders can devote themselves to their career and make fortune for their people.  Take Mahatma Gandhi as an illustration, if he dose not maintain the significantly high ethical and moral standard, why he even bother to lead his follow Indians to fight for freedom rather than spend his whole life peacefully and enjoy his status.

     However, it is very hard and even impossible to require a public leader to have the highest ethical and moral standard, sometimes this would be unfair for the individual who is being chosen as a leader.  For one thing, in reality, ethical and moral standard changes every time in every place. Maybe in this time of this region, one husband with several wives is considered as moral and may be regarded as a great virtue in some religions, but in most other states or in a different time, this would probably be regarded as a sin.  For that matter, it is impossible for an individual to tell which one he or she should chose in order to be considered as moral by all of the people.

     For another, it is unnecessary to require a leader being a saint. The leader has his or her merit and drawbacks as a human being, which drawbacks, if not troubling the career he or she is undertaking, should be allowed.  After all, some other people can be a saint, too. Not necessarily a leader or public officer.

     In sum, I concede it is vital for a public officer to maintain the basic level of ethical and moral standard in order to be chosen as a leader and survive in his or her career.  Moreover, to be a good leader and thrive in his or her career, he or she must maintain a higher level of ethical and moral standard than other ordinary people do.  However, it is unfair and even impossible to require every leader to maintain the highest ethical and moral standard.

eustaciaUID: 175283

沉得真够快，汗死！！

everyupUID: 178819

我三月份就要考了，时间紧呀，没改过文章，水平有限，修改意见仅提供一点参考。

I agree with the speaker insofar as a public official must maintain a higher ethical and moral standard than normal people dose. However, it is very hard, even impossible for the leader to achieve the highest ethical and moral level.

Firstly, I concede that being a public official the most important thing is to maintain a high ethical and moral standard. Sometimes, this standard should be higher than that of other ordinary people. After all, we cannot stand stand by a leader who cheats his or her followers for his or her own interest--for money, fame, or power. We cannot bare a public official who commit a sin of humanity such as children or animals abuse, involving in violent attack, and so forth. In a word, if a public official dose not maintain even a basic level of ethical and moral standards, he or she would not be trusted and respected by his or her followers and would not remain long for his or her leader life.

In addition, people select an individual, give him power to control guide them, give him fame to represent them, give him fortune to serve the whole country or district as well as himself. In return, this selected individual is supposed to take on responsibility, to bare his or her follow companions in mind all the time, and then, do good for them. To this extent, this very individual, namely, a public official or leader should have a higher ethical and moral standard than other ordinary people dose because he or she should take more responsibilities than other ordinary people dose.

Moreover, every famous leader in human history is regarded as maintaining a significant high ethical and moral standard. For that reason, those famous leaders can devote themselves to their career and make fortune for their people. Take Mahatma Gandhi as an illustration, if he dose not maintain the significantly high ethical and moral standard, why he even bother to lead his follow Indians to fight for freedom rather than spend his whole life peacefully and enjoy his status.

However, it is very hard and even impossible to require a public leader to have the highest ethical and moral standard, sometimes this would be unfair for the individual who is being chosen as a leader. For one thing, in reality, ethical and moral standard changes every time in every place. Maybe in this time of this region, one husband with several wives is considered as moral and may be regarded as a great virtue in some religions, but in most other states or in a different time, this would probably be regarded as a sin. For that matter, it is impossible for an individual to tell which one one是不是指代不明确，请查考 he or she should chose in order to be considered as moral by all of the people.

For another, it is unnecessary to require a leader being a saint. The leader has his or her merit and drawbacks as a human being, which drawbacks, if not troubling the career he or she is undertaking, should be allowed. After all, some other people can be a saint, too.?? Not necessarily a leader or public officer. 后一句不通，前一句和本段表达意思有点相悖

In sum, I concede it is vital for a public officer to maintain the basic level of ethical and moral standard in order to be chosen as a leader and survive in his or her career. Moreover, to be a good leader and thrive in his or her career, he or she must maintain a higher level of ethical and moral standard than other ordinary people do. However, it is unfair and even impossible to require every leader to maintain the highest ethical and moral standard.

mack1983UID: 183345

Issue43 第4篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：41分16秒 615 words
从2005年0月25日8时28分到2005年0月25日9时41分
------题目------
To be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards.
------正文------
I agree with the speaker insofar as a public official must maintain a higher ethical and moral standard than normal people dose [do]. However, it is very hard, even impossible for the leader to achieve the highest ethical and moral level.
[看到第一段你的论点后，我觉得似乎这样写并不是个很好的破题点，毕竟，所谓的higher和highest的定义是个很抽象的问题]
Firstly, I concede that being a public official the most important thing is to maintain a high ethical and moral standard. Sometimes, this standard should be higher than that of other ordinary people. After all, we cannot stand a leader who cheats his or her followers for his or her own interest—for [for可以去掉] money, fame, or power. We cannot bare [是bear吧] a public official who commit a sin of humanity such as children or animals abuse, involving in[为什么要加in] violent attack, and so forth. In a word, if a public official dose not maintain even a basic level of ethical and moral standards, he or she would not be trusted and respected by his or her followers and would not remain long for his or her leader life.
[貌似姐姐所有的does都写成dose了，活活]
[还有就是涉及到he／she的时候，倒不如全用称第三人称复数，这样读者看起来也没这么累]
In addition, people select an individual, give him power to control them, give him fame to represent them, give him fortune to serve the whole country or district as well as himself [后两个并列觉得不是太好，首先是没太弄懂什么意思，然手就是觉得有堆砌之感]. In return, this selected individual is supposed to take on [不需要on] responsibility, to bare [bare … in mind不知道这种用法] his or her follow companions in mind all the time, and then, do good for them. To this extent, this very individual, namely, a public official or leader should have a higher ethical and moral standard than other ordinary people dose because he or she should take more responsibilities than other ordinary people dose.
[道理不是很明确]
[Moreover, every famous leader in human history is regarded as maintaining a significant high ethical and moral standard，觉得这只是一个事实，并不能得出所有effective leader都该maintain a high moral status的结论]. For that reason [for what reason?], those famous leaders can devote themselves to their career and make fortune for their people. Take Mahatma Gandhi as an illustration, if he dose not maintain the significantly high ethical and moral standard, why he even bother to lead his follow Indians to fight for freedom rather than spend his whole life peacefully and enjoy his status.
[觉得例子不是太好，为什么说甘地一定要有很高的。。。才能成为一个领袖呢？]
However, it is very hard and even impossible to require a public leader to have the highest ethical and moral standard, sometimes this would be unfair for the individual who is being chosen as a leader. For one thing, in reality, ethical and moral standard changes every time in every place. Maybe in this time of this region, one husband with several wives is considered as moral and may be regarded as a great virtue in some religions, but in most other states or in a different time, this would probably be regarded as a sin. For that matter, it is impossible for an individual to tell which one he or she should chose in order to be considered as moral by all of the people.

For another, it is unnecessary to require a leader being a saint. The leader has his or her merit and drawbacks as a human being, which drawbacks, if not troubling the career he or she is undertaking, should be allowed. After all, some other people can be a saint, too. Not necessarily a leader or public officer.
[觉得这段的切入点很好，但后面两句读晕了]
In sum, I concede it is vital for a public officer to maintain the basic level of ethical and moral standard in order to be chosen as a leader and survive in his or her career. Moreover, to be a good leader and thrive in his or her career, he or she must maintain a higher level of ethical and moral standard than other ordinary people do. However, it is unfair and even impossible to require every leader to maintain the highest ethical and moral standard.
[从内容讲，如果按照最后结论的这段来展开，觉得是篇不错的文章，但整篇文章好似道理不是太明确，特别是2，3，4段的层次不是太清晰
个人意见，仅供参考，欢迎讨论]

fengboallanUID: 157405

mack1983

对你说你的第一段极是！
最好不要开始就来什么同意不同意
尽量用历史的观点，科学的观点，或者，辩证的观点，引出文章。不要上来就肯定或者否定