issue 1 (prepare for 207--13)

LSDUID: 157855

斑竹对开头和三个body的建议很好，我深受启发！
至于文法错误，虽然不是一天两天就能进步，但是我会尽我努力做到最好！
再次感谢！
:p

xjfromszUID: 157530

1、"We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own; disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning."

When referring to opposite ideas to our own, many people agree that they are hampers for the both sides learning, I conceded if the two sides' opinions are based on different background of knowledge the debate between them maybe(may be) a waste of time while for other conditions, disagreement plays an important part in people's learning and progress.

can help people take a serious consideration of his/her views and make better ones finally. For example, a local government discusses about whether they should permit an investor's recommendation to build a new factory in the (a) city. Some officials agree the recommendation since they think the new factory will boost the economic development of the city and release the pressure of unemployment. To the contrary, others disagree with the plan in that they consider that although there maybe some benefits, the new factory will undoubtedly bring contamination of what?. After several days discussion the government decide that they will agree the recommendation if the investor can make a clear plan for the solution of pollution, which is the best way to the problem. Hence, we can see that opponents’ ideas are important for ones grow and progress. If there is no disagreements, in the foregoing case, people who welcome the recommendation will not recognize the significance of environmental protection, and damage the city's benefits, similarly, for the other side also will not learn the necessary of industry evolution.

Moreover, people who hold the opposite opinions must be the one who has thought over our own opinions and we therefore can learn much more from them than from people who share the same view with us. Best example is that in the realm of business, the most loyalty and enthusiastic staff is the one who is not cater the leader's opinion and gutty enough to bring forward his/her own assertion. As to the executives, opinions from these staffs are more advanced and helpful than those who just listen to their order or have the same ideas, since they can see their flaws and deficiencies clearly through the eyes of ordinary staffs and avoid making mistakes. More importantly, they can learn how to be an efficient leader ???and make as much profits as they can.

Admittedly, the opposite opinions which from people who share no common background with us are of no conspicuous significance. A student whose major is western medicine may not be able to get useful information from student who learns Chinese traditional medicine. The former is based his/her medical knowledge on anatomy and pathology while the latter's system of medicine is build up on the theory such as Wuxing and Yinyang so it is impossible for one to understood the treatment of the other and it is obviously that they also cannot learn from each other.

In sum, except the situation that we cannot learn from people who don't agree with us have no common knowledge or value system, we can find our own disadvantages and make progress with the help of people who has different ideas and suggestions.

还是那句话，逻辑结构太松散，第1、3段论点上有重复，其实是说的一个意思；第2段loyalty and enthusiastic与提出自己的观点是否一定冲突，也值得商榷。

ally00lingUID: 178366

跟楼主学会了一种举例子的方法－讲故事，受益！：）
我的建议：
１我觉得body 2的分论点“因为给我们提出相对观点的人思考过我们的观点，所以我们更受益 ”不够convincing。
和我们观点相同的人就没有经过深思熟虑吗？
我也不知道怎么说，只是觉得如果分论点如此，楼主决不能以一个简单例子代替说理。
  我再想想~~
2 Admittedly一段，例子说和我们专业不同的人的建议可以不与理会，个人觉得也不够convincing。
  比如白居易爷爷写了诗先念给没什么文化老奶奶们听，让他们提意见；中西医虽然方法上有很大分歧，但不同的意见很可能就是中西合璧的好方法。我记得老外280里举的一个例子说没学过evolution 的人和宗教信仰上排斥evolution的家伙争没有有益结果，这个就比较有力了：）

LSDUID: 157855

谢谢楼上：）
对于第一点建议我再想一下！
第二点我觉得很有道理，我想要是写成一个学西医的学生如果从根本观点上认为中医是伪科学那即使再好的老师给他讲课他也不会有什么收获。这样是不是好点呢？

flyingwindUID: 189320

语言的问题就不说了，小的错误比较多。读起来有点别扭
我认为你让步段的例子举的不太成功的原因是你的论点就不是很严密
的却现在中药在西方还是得到了承认的，还有老外在学习。西药和中药在我国更是都在利用
比如cancer的治疗上面。
“based on different background of knowledge the debate between them maybe(may be) a waste of time”这样是不严密
应该是一些基本的前提，或者出发点，或者threshold，还是应该一样的。才有了argu后提高的基础。

body2 people who hold the opposite opinions must be the one who has thought over our own opinions and we therefore can learn much more from them than from people
has thought over our own opinions
你是不是想说比自己的高明的思想？不一定吧，别人有一点好的地方就可以学习的，不一定要比自己高明才可以吧。所谓吸取别人disagreement中的对的成分，不一定别人over自己的了。那完了，完全用别人的算了。
或者你是说对我们的观点有想法的。。好的想法？坏的想法？  怎么后面就说可以学到东西了？又考虑到前面是opposite opinion，似乎therefore不出来啊。“thought over our own opinions ”改为想要改善我们的观点中的不足之处，或者提出中肯的意见。
这段的例子好象是说反对的比一味迎合的作用大。不如观点就是这个得了。

实际上第1，2个body意思是有重合的。但是并没有错！比如这个如果要生硬的分割开来2个body2个分论点，如：
1。 可以使得自己做更深入的考虑，研究（无则加勉）
2。通过借鉴别人的disagreement，使得提高自己（有则改之）
论点1和2就基本没有重合了，这样似乎也可以。
但是其实大可不必要这样做，完全可以body2分析（基本是结合上面的1，2意思，本身就是有联系的，没必要做fastidious分割），在一起说，紧结说一个例子。分析例子
body2再来一个例子。。。分析例子。总结2个例子
body3  让步。
分领域完全可以的!ets的范文专家那篇5分的范文就是这样的。主题是2个例子!
但是你的body2肯定是有问题的，哪里体现moreover了？

LSDUID: 157855

谢谢楼上：）
这篇讨论之后给我的启发很大，我再好好想想各段之间的联系，恩，分领域说的话应该是个比较好的选择