issue33，我的第一篇，请大家带我入门呀，谢谢咯！

will_foreverUID: 193568

第一篇issue，请大家用力拍砖，多谢！
33、"Creating an appealing image has become more important in contemporary society than is the reality or truth behind that image."


In this era of rapid social and technological development leading to the change of people's views and life patterns, Has creating an appealing image become more important in contemporary society than the reality or truth behind that image? When it comes to this controversial topic, different people hold different views. some  holds that we should create an charming phenomena to attract people's eyes and the superficial image is more important than the internality. others hold that we should develop a good inherence other than the beautiful exterior. Were I left to offer my opinion, I would not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. that The following are the reasons for my personal inclination.

First, in our daily life, while it is true that we may be captured by the goods with charming appearance, but it does not mean that we will buy these goods home. What we will choose are the goods with nice characteristics. Only an inviting appearance could go nowhere but deceive people some while, when they debunk the beautiful surface with poor reality behind it, they will be discarded away immediately. For example, One day, I went to supermarket to buy some apples. One of the apples appeared to be very attractive and I can not help myself buying it. But, when I pared it with a knife, the core was decomposed. This illustrated the point that even the apple had a very fascinating appearance, but the truth is that it was rotten.

Besides, in the realm of our life, including the media and the politics, the true reality is more important than the inviting appearance. Admittedly, we do not deny the fact that many actors and actresses have very inviting look, but this is not to say that their success depend on their exterior look .In fact, their success always attributes to the real content behind their good look, just like their diligence in studying. In political circles, we all want to choose our leader with genuine ability and learning , who can improve the condition of the society and make people live better. At this time , people take no account of the leader's appearance. Most important of all, the friends we need to company us in our life are their hearts and sincerity. It is a big shock to one man who knows that his beautiful girlfriend approach him just for his money.

Through above analysis, I believe that the reality behind the image outweighs the appealing image. Appearance is not only one part of the whole thing, but it is also one approach to make things more convenient to success. Of course, we should create an inviting appearance to make things more attractive, while to cover the really good quality and perfect content behind the imagine is our real task.

clausiusUID: 147331

In this era of rapid social and technological development leading to the change of people's views and life patterns, Has creating an appealing image become more important in contemporary society than the reality （or truth最好删）behind that image? When it comes to this controversial topic, different people hold different views. some ( Some) holds (hold) that we should create an charming phenomena to attract people's eyes and the superficial image is more important than the internality. others  (Some others) hold that we should develop a good inherence other than the beautiful exterior. Were I left to offer my opinion, I would not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. that (That) The (the) following are the reasons for my personal inclination.

First, in our daily life, while it is true that we may be captured by the goods with charming ( 还是认为attractive较好) appearance, [U]but [/U]  (删了) it does not mean that we will buy these goods [U]home[/U]  (删了) . What we will ( should) choose are the goods (those)  with nice characteristics. [U]Only an inviting appearance could go nowhere but deceive people some while,( 小弟我这句实在没看懂 ) [/U]  when they debunk the beautiful surface with poor reality behind it ( belying the poor content ), they will [U]be[/U]  (删了) [U] discarded [/U]  （discard it ）[U]away( 删了)[/U] immediately. For example, One day, I went to （a）  supermarket to buy some apples. One of the apples appeared to be very attractive and I can not help [U]myself( 删了) [/U]  buying it. But, when I pared it with a knife, the core was decomposed. This illustrated[U] the point [/U]  （删了）  that even the apple had a very fascinating appearance, but the truth is that it was rotten. （这个例子举的真有创意）

Besides, in the realm of our life, including the media and the politics, the true reality is more important than the inviting appearance. Admittedly, we do not deny the fact that many actors and actresses have very inviting look, but this is not to say that their success depend on their exterior look .In fact, their success always attributes to the real content behind their good look[U], just like their diligence in studying[/U] . （删了） In political circles, we all want to choose our leader with genuine ability and learning , who can improve the condition of the society and make people live better. At this time , people take no account of the leader's appearance. Most important of all, the friends we need to [U]company us [/U]  （ consort with）in our life [U]are [/U]  ( should be)[U] their hearts and sincerity. ( ??????????????)  [/U]  It is ( must be)  a big shock to one man ( a boy) who knows that his beautiful girlfriend approach him just for his money.(这个例子更有创意)

Through above analysis, I believe that the reality behind the image outweighs (这个词用的好，受教了)the appealing image. [I]Appearance is not only one part of the whole thing, but it is also one approach to make things more convenient to success. [/I]  ( 这句话的意思有点不通)Of course, we should create an inviting appearance to make things more attractive, while to cover the really good quality and perfect content behind the imagine is our real task.

1．文章结构出来了，但是分析的好象不好。第二段是要说有attractive appearance的东西不一定有好的content吧。那在第二段的开头一句就直接写。第三段说最重要的是content，第一句也是写的太卖关子了。
2．两个例子还是换换吧。
3．有的词最好别用，我也不敢改，不知道对否。别边写边查词霸，除非十分肯定查到的是对的。
4．句意表达要加强。
小弟愚见，仅供参考。第一篇写这样，很好了，比我前段时间写第一篇要好多了．

G猫UID: 192988

第一篇就写这样，很不错呀。感觉你的词汇很丰富，句式也有变化。我就写不出来，所以迟迟没有动笔。不过感觉第二段的ts不太适合做ts，它更适合做论据，我觉得你的ts应该说外表漂亮商品不一定质量就好。

我现在还处在幼稚园阶段，所以没能力改，听听前辈的意见吧。

will_foreverUID: 193568

Only an inviting appearance could go nowhere but deceive people some while,( 小弟我这句实在没看懂 ) when they debunk the beautiful surface with poor reality behind it ( belying the poor content ), they will be (删了) discarded （discard it ）away( 删了) immediately.
Only an inviting appearance could go nowhere but trick people for a while, when they debunk the beautiful surface with poor reality behind it, they will be discarded away  immediately. 我的意思是说只有迷人的外表是只能在一段时间蒙蔽大家的眼睛但却不会长久的。当揭开它们美丽的外壳却发现里面令人失望的内在，它们会被立刻抛弃的（呵呵，翻译的不好）

will_foreverUID: 193568

其实写这个issue前一直没有outline，是凭感觉往下写的，所以写完后一直不敢再看！
第一段写的比较顺，因为考四六级时一直用这种类型的模板，觉得最差的就是中间部分的论证，总是想到哪就写哪，没有逻辑性可言，结尾也比较没力度。

will_foreverUID: 193568

Appearance is not only one part of the whole thing, but it is also one approach to make things more convenient to success这句话我是想表达，外表只是整体的一部分，而且美丽的外表也只是事物接近成功的一块敲门砖（不知有没有大虾能够帮忙修改一下！谢）

ElliotUID: 190548

In this era of rapid social and technological development leading to the change of people's views and life patterns, Has creating an appealing image become more important in contemporary society than the reality or truth behind that image? When it comes to this controversial topic, different people hold different views. (我个人感觉这种一开始用一个反问句重复一遍题目的做法比较啰唆，而且楼主这句实在是看起来怪怪的。我试着改写了一下：This is an era of rapid social and technological development, which leads to corresponding rapid change of people's views and life patterns; and to a growing emphasis of outer image.仅供参考) some (只用一个some显得比较口语化，最好写全Some people) holds(hold注意单复数问题。而且我觉得hold也比较口语化，最好用believe) that we should create an charming phenomena(这词……我从未见过这样用的) to attract people's eyes(people's eyes似乎很Chinglish，不妨直接写eyeballs) and the superficial(感觉此词微贬，说别人则可，没见过有说自己的) image is more important than the internality(没见过用the internality的，不过我一时也想不起来用什么合适，如果在考场上我就写beautiful soul :D ). others(Others) hold that we should develop a good inherence other than(应该是rather than?) the beautiful exterior. Were I left to offer my opinion, I would not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. that(去掉) The following are the reasons for my personal inclination.

First, in our daily life, while it is true that we may be captured by the goods with charming appearance, but it does not mean that we will buy these goods home. What we will choose are the goods with nice characteristics. Only an inviting appearance could go nowhere but deceive people some while, when they debunk the beautiful surface with poor reality behind it, they will be discarded away immediately. For example, One day, I went to supermarket to buy some apples. One of the apples appeared to be very attractive and I can not help myself buying it. But, when I pared it with a knife, the core was decomposed. This illustrated the point that even the apple had a very fascinating appearance, but the truth is that it was rotten. (这个例子……汗……肯定是个MM举的例子)

sorry，有点儿急事儿，后面的只好粗粗看看了。

Besides, in the realm of our life, including the media and the politics, the true reality is more important than the inviting appearance. Admittedly, we do not deny the fact that many actors and actresses have very inviting look, but this is not to say that their success depend on their exterior look .In fact, their success always attributes to the real content behind their good look, just like their diligence in studying. In political circles, we all want to choose our leader with genuine ability and learning , who can improve the condition of the society and make people live better. At this time , people take no account of the leader's appearance. Most important of all, the friends we need to company us in our life are their hearts and sincerity. It is a big shock to one man who knows that his beautiful girlfriend approach him just for his money. (这段感觉不太coherent)

Through above analysis, I believe that the reality behind the image outweighs the appealing image. Appearance is not only one part of the whole thing, but it is also one approach to make things more convenient to success. Of course, we should create an inviting appearance to make things more attractive, while to cover the really good quality and perfect content behind the imagine is our real task.

总体感觉这个题目还是写的折衷一些好，一边倒的论点不太好证。
楼主第一篇习作很不错，文字运用比较有新意。
逻辑上还应该下大功夫。平常多写提纲，多理解别人的推理方式。
不知楼主是不是限时写完的，如果不是，那语法和文字上错误太多，要加强。

ElliotUID: 190548

最初由 will_forever 发布
[B]Appearance is not only one part of the whole thing, but it is also one approach to make things more convenient to success这句话我是想表达，外表只是整体的一部分?.

以下省略...... [/B]

我来调侃一下，不妨这样写：
As merely part of the whole, appearance will only show you the door, which you have to walk through under the guide of your soul.

呵呵，不好意思，我看Matrix过头了。

will_foreverUID: 193568

to Elliot:非常感谢噢，我也觉得自己现在最差的就是逻辑，是要多多加强，以后请继续拍砖噢。
那个APPLE的例子，呵呵，不好意思呀

will_foreverUID: 193568

最初由 Elliot 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 will_forever 发布
[B]Appearance is not only one part of the whole thing, but it is also one approach to make things more convenient to suc..

以下省略...... [/B]

哈哈，比我写得好呀，谢咯

ElliotUID: 190548

不客气。如果是在规定时间内完成的，这很棒了，比我强多了。
我40分钟内写出来的average word length<4 ...  :(

鬼谷子UID: 159645

In this era of rapid social and technological development leading to the change of people's views and life patterns,通才专才范文里面的句子，很好的句子，但是要注意用的人多了可能就会被认为雷同的 Has小写 creating an appealing image become more important in contemporary society than the reality or truth behind that image? restate不是很好的开头方法，When it comes to this controversial topic, different people hold different views.标点错误啊！ some holds 【hold】！that we should create an【a】！ charming phenomena to attract people's eyes and the superficial image is more important than the internality.我觉得创造引人的现象和重表明轻内在这两个并不是能够等同的，尤其你phenomena的使用不是很好的。 others 大写！hold that we should develop a good inherence other than the beautiful exterior. Were I left to offer my opinion, I would not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter.标点！ that The大小写！ following are the reasons for my personal inclination.给出了你的观点，外表和内在你选择内在，算是你对于image跟reality or truth两者区别的解释，但是我认为这两方面的区别不仅仅是外表和内在的矛盾。先看了你后面的论述再说吧。  第一段暴露了两个问题，一个是restate的问题，其实这样的开头不会讨好的，有这样的篇幅不如多在强化你的观点上面着墨，开篇就让自己的观点鲜明一点岂不是更好。另一个问题是，打的时候肯定没用心，也没用word检查，低级的错误太多了，要注意的。


First, in our daily life, while it is true that we may be captured by the goods with charming appearance, but it does not mean that we will buy these goods home.我觉得这句话不适合放在段首，应该总结出一个论点放在这里才好。 What we will choose are the goods with nice characteristics是否应该说quality才对啊. Only an inviting appearance could go nowhere but deceive people some while, when they debunk the beautiful surface with poor reality behind it, they will be discarded away immediately. For example, One day, I went to supermarket to buy some apples. One of the apples appeared to be very attractive and I can not help myself buying it. But, when I pared it with a knife, the core was decomposed. This illustrated the point that even the apple had a very fascinating appearance, but the truth is that it was rotten.用生活中的例子说明内在比外表重要。但是，我对于题目的理解是，重点在于creating，就是说，创造外表还是创造内在，所以我觉得如果用商品来说明的话，应该说若我们是商家的话，创造好的外表重要还是提高质量重要，然后得出结论，内在质量更重要。

Besides, in the realm of our life, including the media and the politics, the true reality 这样表达不妥吧is more important than the inviting appearance. Admittedly, we do not【cannot】 deny the fact that many actors and actresses have very inviting look, but this is not to say that their success depend on their exterior look .In fact, their success always attributes to the real content behind their good look, just like their diligence in studying. 这个算是演艺界的例子，不是media的啊，而且我觉得你说的说服力不强的，很多演员就是靠外表成功的。应该这样说，一个演员要想获得真正的成功，内在的实力更重要。In political circles, we all want to choose our leader with genuine ability and learning , who can improve the condition of the society and make people live better. At this time , people take no account of the leader's appearance. 这里我觉得就不能研究外表了，应该研究他表露在外的言行和真正的能力的对比。Most important of all, the friends we need to company 【accompany】？us in our life are their hearts and sincerity. 又突然转到了朋友的问题It is a big shock to one man who knows that his beautiful girlfriend approach him just for his money. 越说越远了，这两句写的散了。
这段是从演艺界和政界举例说明的，我觉得最好要举出更具体的例子来

Through above analysis, I believe that the reality behind the image outweighs the appealing image. Appearance is not only one part of the whole thing, but it is also one approach to make things more convenient to success.你的意思是？是在强调外表吗？？？ Of course, we should create an inviting appearance to make things more attractive, while to cover为什么用cover啊？不太明白 the really good quality and perfect content behind the imagine is our real task.

有不少的地方需要提高的，但是作为第一篇文章还算是可以的。
希望你继续努力！
加油！

will_foreverUID: 193568

to：鬼谷子
第一句话是我将通才专才中作了些修改的，这样也算抄袭吗？

will_foreverUID: 193568

明天我打算将这一篇再rewrite一下，总结大家的意见，希望大家到时候继续拍噢

thinking in GTUID: 195028

师姐的第一篇……太谦虚了
汗，向你学习！