Issue第一篇,常规写法,套用模板,大量使用了NCF的语句,请各位斧正.thanks ,bricks !

hymlavenderUID: 193164

题目:Over the past century ,tthe most significant contribution of technology has been to make people's lives more comfortable .
文章
The issue of whether the most significant contribution of technology has been to make people's lives more comfortable is a complex and controversial one .On the one hand,some people advocate that the contribution of technology dovotes much to the mordern life; on the another hand ,others probably stand the opposite side .The complex nature ofthe above issue requires us to consider it on a case-by-case basis.In my point of view,whether one has advantages over the other depends on the specific circumstances .In the following analysis,i would like to reason and provide evidence buttressing the former one .

In the first place,the important reason that can be presented to develop my position is that new inventions make people enjoy more efficient lives. Convincing examples may be found in the cases as follows.In 12 century, it took Marco Polo, a Italian explorer, seventeen years to take a return journey from Europe to China; and Columbus, who was bolstered by portuguese regime ,also spent six months exploring the newland .Surprisingly , however ,owing to space shuttles, several hours is quite enough for us , if will ,to circle the globe.Moreover ,the development of technology has greatly chanced the functions of communication .In the pioneering days, people resorted oral messages, post houses,wolf smoke and even flying pigeons to communicating with each other .But today ,this is not the case at all .It even makes he or her shudders at the thought that one suffers the life  without telephone ,fax, and express e.g. That is rather tedious,isn't it?

In addition ,there is another reason for me to prop the former statement, that technology has penetrate into every aspect of mordern life and improve the function of life. About five thousands years ago in the Middle East , where people first learned to write ,the only way that they can preserve their history is to recount it sa sagas--legends handed down from one generation of storyteller to another.But the first people who were like ourselves lived so long ago that even their sagas,if any ,were forgotten,contrasting that now people are customed to recording the history taking advantage of many sorts of advanced instruments .So it is impossible for our precursors,as if they were suburban creatrues, in some sense , contrary to us cosmic beings in wiolent and lovely, to make more than the wildest guess at how life goes no nowadays .

Admittedly, while one enjoys the comfort and banal luxury dwelling,favored by technology , the modern city consists of monstrous edifices and of dark ,narrow streents full of petrol fumes and toxic gases,torn by the noise of the taxicabs, lorries and buses, and thronged ceaselessly by great crowds.Besides, lacking of exercise gives birth to beer belly and mang chronic diseases. Nevertheless, these alone ,when the advantage and disadvantage of the contribution of the technology are carefully compared, do not constitute a sufficient support to the concept that the technology does any harm to the community.

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, which sometimes correlate with each other to generate an integrate whole and thus become more convincing than any single one of them , we may safely draw the conclusion that over the past century, the most significant contribution of technology has been to make people's lives more comfortable .

haiyaUID: 187989

The issue of whether the most significant contribution of technology has been to make people's lives more comfortable is a complex and controversial onea & one去掉吧，看起来有点重复，不舒服 .On the one hand,some people advocate that the contribution of technology dovotes devote much to the modernmodernlife; on the another hand ,others probably stand the opposite side 这句话前后半句好象是在讲同一个意思，后面这句再括一下.The complex nature of the above issue requires us to consider it on a case-by-case basis.In my point of view,whether one has advantages over the other depends on the specific circumstances .In the following analysis,i would like to reason and provide evidence buttressing the former one .标点符号后都要空一格喔，不帮你改了，太多了。。

In the first place,the important reason that can be presented to develop my position is that new inventions make people enjoy more efficient liveslive？. Convincing examples may be found in the cases as follows.In 12 century, it took Marco Polo, a an Italian explorer, seventeen years to take a return journey from Europe to China; and Columbus, who was bolstered by portuguese regime ,also spent six months exploring the newland .Surprisingly , however ,owing to space shuttles, several hours is quite enough for us , if will ,to circle the globe.Moreover ,the development of technology has greatly chanced the functions of communication .In the pioneering days, people resorted oral messages, post houses,wolf smoke and even flying pigeons to communicating with each other .But today ,this is not the case at all .It even makes he him or her shudders at the thought that one suffers the life without telephone ,fax, and express e.g. That is rather tedious,isn't it? 这里有两个主题，一般在ts里都要表述清楚再分开说明

In addition ,there is another reason for me to prop the former statement, that technology has penetrate into every aspect of mordern modernlife and improve the function of life. About five thousands years ago in the Middle East , where people first learned to write ,the only way that they can preserve their history is to recount it sa sagas--legends handed down from one generation of storyteller to another.But the first people who were like ourselves lived so long ago that even their sagas,if any ,were forgotten,contrasting大写 that now people are customed to recording the history taking advantage of many sorts of advanced instruments .So it is impossible for our precursors,as if they were suburban creatrues, in some sense , contrary to us cosmic beings in wiolent  and lovely, to make more than the wildest guess at how life goes no nowadays .

Admittedly, while one enjoys the comfort and banal luxury dwelling,favored by technology , the modern city consists of monstrous edifices and of dark ,narrow streents streets full of petrol fumes and toxic gases,torn by the noise of the taxicabs, lorries and buses, and thronged ceaselessly by great crowds.Besides, lacking of exercise gives birth to beer belly and mang chronic diseases. Nevertheless, these alone ,when the advantage and disadvantage of the contribution of the technology are carefully compared, do not constitute a sufficient support to the concept that the technology does any harm to the community.

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, which sometimes correlate with each other to generate an integrated whole and thus become more convincing than any single one of them , we may safely draw the conclusion that over the past century, the most significant contribution of technology has been to make people's lives more comfortable .
从结构上，挺好的。而且很多描述都很具体。可是能否再解释一下b2呢？我看得不是特别明白：）
加油！

tracy320cnUID: 186612

The issue of whether the most significant contribution of technology has been to make people's lives more comfortable is a complex and controversial one .On the one hand,some people advocate that the contribution of technology dovotes much to the mordern life; on the another hand ,others probably stand the opposite side .The complex nature ofthe above issue requires us to consider it on a case-by-case basis.In my point of view,whether one has advantages over the other depends on the specific circumstances .首段如果能概括说明下文涉及到哪些方面就概括一下，否则下面的句子可以省略吧？没有什么用，只是充数。In the following analysis,i would like to reason and provide evidence buttressing the former one .
第一段看来有点啰嗦，什么是the other hand的情况？如果是你的观点，应该解释一下。

In the first place,the important reason that can be presented to develop my position 都知道，不用 is that new inventions make people enjoy more efficient lives. Convincing examples may be found in the cases as follows.也多余　In 12 century, it took Marco Polo, a Italian explorer, seventeen years to take a return journey from Europe to China; and Columbus, who was bolstered by portuguese regime ,also spent six months exploring the newland .Surprisingly 没觉得，可省, however ,owing to space shuttles, several hours is quite enough for us , if will ,to circle the globe.Moreover ,the development of technology has greatly chancedchanged the functions of communication .In the pioneering days, people resorted oral messages, post houses,wolf smoke and even flying pigeons to communicating with each other 改成 for communication to exchange messages .But today ,this is not the case at all .It even makes he or her shudders at the thought that one suffers the life without telephone ,fax, and express e.g. That is rather tedious,isn't it?应该将论述的重点放在现在人们生活有多便利的例子上，会更有说服力！

In addition ,there is another reason for me to prop the former statement, that technology has penetrate into every aspect of mordern life and improve the function of life. About five thousands years ago in the Middle East , where people first learned to write ,the only way that they can preserve their history is to recount it sa sagas--legends handed down from one generation of storyteller to another.But the first people who were like ourselves lived so long ago that even their sagas,if any ,were forgotten,contrasting that now people are customed to recording the history taking advantage of many sorts of advanced instruments .So it is impossible for our precursors,as if they were suburban creatrues, in some sense , contrary to us cosmic beings in wiolent and lovely, to make more than the wildest guess at how life goes no nowadays .语序好像不很清晰哦

Admittedly 另外？还是Although?　, while one enjoys the comfort and banal luxury dwelling,favored by technology , the modern city consists of monstrous edifices and of dark ,narrow streents full of petrol fumes and toxic gases,torn by the noise of the taxicabs, lorries and buses, and thronged ceaselessly by great crowds.Besides, lacking of exercise gives birth to beer belly and mang chronic diseases. Nevertheless,尽管如此Notwithstanding, these alone ,when the advantage and disadvantage of the contribution of the technology are carefully compared, do not constitute a sufficient support to the concept that the technology does any harm to the community.

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, which sometimes correlate with each other to generate an integrate whole and thus become more convincing than any single one of them , we may safely draw the conclusion that over the past century, the most significant contribution of technology has been to make people's lives more comfortable .
你的问题在行文中TS句与下面的文章配合得不是很好。TS句简单明了，论述分层次，下次试一下吧！加油！

poohUID: 146994

请回这个帖子 :)https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=208286

hymlavenderUID: 193164

很感谢haiya,因为我根本不知道在标点后要空一个格，谢谢．另外对于Ｂ１的两个分论点我将其分开，没有将其按美国人的思维开门见山，确实是有欠考虑．您让我解释Ｂ２，其实就是通过一个方面的对比来体现古今人们生活方式的改变．

hymlavenderUID: 193164

很感谢 tracy320cn！
我套用模板过于僵死，对于一些很累赘的语句我没有删除，主要是对于字数的顾忌＾＾我会注意的．
对于ＴＳ的表述上我过于的模糊，没有直接去描述，下次注意．呵呵
我大量的采用例证，却在对过去和现在的描述上均分笔墨，甚至是颠倒轻重，是很有问题，谢谢提醒！！！