argument65 (prepare for 207-1)

LSDUID: 157855

65The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.
"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

Merely based on unfounded assumption and dubious evidence, the arguer recommends that the cheese stores should discontinue stocking many varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. In order to support his/her argument, the arguer cites several evidences. However, the arguer ignores certain important concerns, which must be addressed to prove.

To begin with, sale data from the newest store cannot represent the conditions of all cheese stores, maybe in other stores which have practiced longer, the imported cheese also welcomed and sold well. It is entirely possible that in order to inspire sale, the newest store has reduced the price of domestic cheese so the five best-selling chesses there were all domestic cheddar cheeses form Wisconsin. Moreover, the arguer only tells us that the condition of last year which is unwarranted to draw the conclusion that the store should not continue to stocking imported cheese, since we cannot predict that the imported cheeses will not occupy the market in the future. It is well known that when tired with one routine kind of food, customers will try a new flavor so it is likely that the imported cheese will be accepted in the future. Failed to consider the foregoing factors, we cannot simply agree with the arguer's assertion.

What's more, the arguer based on his/her recommendation on a survey, while when we scrutiny the results of the survey, we can find it is unbelievable. First, the survey didn't informed us that how many people joined the survey, if only small group of people subscribed the magazine and some of the readers responded to the survey, the information cannot represents the whole nation's opinions. Secondly, we are not informed whether the survey has obeyed the principle of random sampling, if not, any conclusion based on the survey is less convictive. Without considering the factors I stated above, the arguer's recommendation is scant.

Last but not least, even assuming that the imported cheese are not as popular as the domestic cheese, the arguer doesn't make a clear compare between the cost of stocking imported cheese and purchasing domestic cheese. Maybe the cost of purchasing domestic cheese is largely exceeding the money spent on stocking imported cheese. Hence, the arguer's recommendation will not as profitable as he/she predicts.

In sum, though the argument seems acceptable, in reality, it is neither persuasive nor credible. To strengthen the argument, the arguer should provide more evidence to prove the credibility of the survey and make an accurate budget of the cheese.

冥界星灿UID: 184746

No.1 argument65 (prepare for 207-1)
65The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.
"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

Merely based on unfounded assumption and dubious evidence这个开头很棒，逗号之前没看见author 和argument artical一类，爽啊, the arguer recommends that the cheese stores should discontinue stocking many varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. In order to support his/her argument, the arguer cites several evidences. However, the arguer ignores certain important concerns, which must be addressed to prove.没有文章间架结构的概述，但感觉很新颖，句式很漂亮

To begin with, sale data from the newest store cannot represent the conditions of all cheese stores, 感觉用句号好。1，分开论点论据；2，中心句太长没力度。你怎么看？ maybe in other stores which have practiced longer, the imported cheese also welcomed and sold well. It is entirely possible that in order to inspire sale, the newest store has reduced the price of domestic cheese so the five best-selling chesses there were all domestic cheddar cheeses form Wisconsin. Moreover, the arguer only tells us that the condition of last year which is unwarranted to draw the conclusion that the store should not continue to stocking imported cheese, since we cannot predict that the imported cheeses will not occupy the market in the future. It is well known that when tiredtied? with one routine kind of food, customers will try a new flavor so it is likely that the imported cheese will be accepted in the future. Failed to consider the foregoing factors, we cannot simply agree with the arguer's assertion.

What's more, the arguer based on his/her recommendation on a survey, while when we scrutiny the results of the survey, we can find it is unbelievable. First, the survey didn't informed us that how many people joined the survey, if only small group of people subscribed the magazine and some of the readers responded to the survey, the information cannot represents the whole nation's opinions. Secondly, we are not informed whether the survey has obeyed the principle of random sampling, if not, any conclusion based on the survey is less convictive. Without considering the factors I stated above, the arguer's recommendation is scant.

Last but not least, even assuming that the imported cheese are not as popular as the domestic cheese, the arguer doesn't make a clear compare between the cost of stocking imported cheese and purchasing domestic cheese. Maybe the cost of purchasing domestic cheese is largely exceeding the money spent on stocking imported cheese. Hence, the arguer's recommendation will not as profitable as he/she predicts.这段，换个角度，结论大方向的错误是：concentrating stocking domestic cheeses does not mean stoping stocking imported ones. 获利可以捎带说一下。

In sum, though the argument seems acceptable, in reality, it is neither persuasive nor credible. To strengthen the argument, the arguer should provide more evidence to prove the credibility of the survey and make an accurate budget of the cheese.


很难改的样子，头很大。

结构很丰满，只是倒数第二段略闲薄弱

句式、用词太漂亮了！

姐姐多长时间写完的？告诉我好吗？拜托！如果一小时内，我就跳楼去了（一楼）

改的不细，我要上课去了，五点校车，来不及了，明天有问题再细改，姐姐见谅！！

flyingwindUID: 189320

I RATE 3.5 OR 4.0 AT THE MOST
共同进步!

argument65 (prepare for 207-1)
65The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.
"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

1首先新开的几家商店的情况不能说明所有商店，也许他们开在W，或是那儿的人们与W的联系特别紧密。一个地方人的口味也不能代表全部的人。
2其次卖得最好不能说明利润最高，因为有可能是它们价格特别低，
3另外新开业卖得好不代表以后也会好，可能这几个牌子最近在做促销活动，这样势头不会保持。
4 关于杂志的调查。首先杂志的订阅人数是多少，如果看的人少这份调查就没有代表性。另外什么人订这份杂志，如果它的主要客户不是顾客而是研究之士制造或是销售的人，那么也不能说明顾客中有偏爱国产之士。第三，调查是否公正，我们不排除偏爱进口奶酪的订者没有寄回问卷，或者就没有订这份杂志。
5提高利润的办法还有很多，论者没有提供资料证明这个就比别的好。


2其次卖得最好不能说明利润最高，因为有可能是它们价格特别低。这条你每讲，卖的多不一定赚钱啊，也许本来sale的量差的也不多。比如利润率差不多，但是外来price高，sale虽然略少，比如排在6，7，8，9，10。。名，但是还是很有的赚啊。。。。


Merely based on unfounded assumption and dubious evidence, the arguer recommends that the cheese stores should discontinue stocking many varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. In order to support his/her argument, the arguer cites several evidences.这句可以去掉，前面有了based on unfounded assumption and dubious evidence However, the arguer ignores certain important concerns, which must be addressed to prove.

To begin with, sale data from the newest store cannot represent the conditions of all cheese stores, maybe in other stores which have practiced longer, the imported cheese also welcomed and sold well. It is entirely possible that in order to inspire sale, the newest store has reduced the price of domestic cheese so the five best-selling chesses there were句子不通 all domestic cheddar cheeses form Wisconsin. 还要讲几句，要么这是个临时的策略，以后还要提高，所以以后不一定sale的很好；又或者只是个意外，商家就在促sale，那我们卖这个的当然也便宜了，人们来买，但以后要恢复原价钱。Moreover, the arguer only tells us that the condition of last year which is unwarranted to draw the conclusion that the store should not continue to stocking？ imported cheese, since we cannot predict that the imported cheeses will not occupy the market in the future不通！. It is well known that when tired with one routine kind of food, customers will try a new flavor so it is likely that the imported cheese will be accepted in the future. Failed to consider the foregoing factors, we cannot simply agree with the arguer's assertion.我们失败去考虑。。。？是arguer失败吧？

What's more, the arguer based on去掉on his/her recommendation on a survey, while when we scrutinyn。！！scrutinize the results of the survey, we can find it is去掉is罗嗦 unbelievable. First, the survey didn't informed us that how many people joined the survey, if only small group of people subscribed the magazine and someenen less of the readers responded to the survey, the information cannot represents the whole nation's opinions. Secondly, we are not informed whether the survey has obeyed the principle of random sampling, if not, any conclusion based on the survey is less convictive. Without considering the factors I stated above, the arguer's recommendation is scant. 4关于调查你的body2还可以再补充

Last but not least, even assuming that the imported cheese are not as popular as the domestic cheese, the arguer doesn't make a clear compare between the cost of stocking imported cheese and purchasing domestic cheese. Maybe the cost of purchasing domestic cheese is largely exceeding the money spent on stocking imported cheese. Hence, the arguer's recommendation will not as profitable as he/she predicts.这一段不知道你在批驳社么，省下来的钱不足以买国类产品？没谁期望吧，这个arguer没这么想吧  5提高利润的办法还有很多，论者没有提供资料证明这个就比别的好。


In sum, though the argument seems acceptable, in reality, it is neither persuasive nor credible. To strengthen the argument, the arguer should provide more evidence to prove the credibility of the survey and make an accurate budget of the cheese.

haiyaUID: 187989

我明天开始写argu，到时再来改：）

LSDUID: 157855

谢谢楼上几位，意见正在认真思考:p

LSDUID: 157855

To冥界星灿 可爱的DD:p

[这段，换个角度，结论大方向的错误是：concentrating stocking domestic cheeses does not mean stoping stocking imported ones. 获利可以捎带说一下。]
这段我其实是想论述关于profit的问题，不过没有写清楚。Arguer说全都买国产cheese 而不进口因为储存用的钱可能会被省下来，从而提高profit。我想说的是arguer没有认真的计算和比较这两项开支，所以不能盲目地得出能够提高profit的结论。
按照你的思路也很好，说储存国产的并不意味着要停止进口，还有其他方式来提高profit.


[姐姐多长时间写完的？告诉我好吗？拜托！如果一小时内，我就跳楼去了（一楼）]
这篇写得不怎么顺，将近一个小时，前段时间没怎么练argument. Arg的考试时间是很紧的，一定要锻炼自己在30分钟内写完。


再次感谢！！

LSDUID: 157855

To flyingwind:

[2其次卖得最好不能说明利润最高，因为有可能是它们价格特别低。这条你每讲，卖的多不一定赚钱啊，也许本来sale的量差的也不多。比如利润率差不多，但是外来price高，sale虽然略少，比如排在6，7，8，9，10。。名，但是还是很有的赚啊。。。。]
呵呵，这点提得很好啊，的确是我b1应该提到的内容。


[Failed to consider the foregoing factors, we cannot simply agree with the arguer's assertion.我们失败去考虑。。。？是arguer失败吧？]
nod


[4关于调查你的body2还可以再补充]
这段的确写得简单了点，关于survey可写的内容还很多，你提的：另外什么人订这份杂志，如果它的主要客户不是顾客而是研究之士制造或是销售的人，那么也不能说明顾客中有偏爱国产之士。第三，调查是否公正，我们不排除偏爱进口奶酪的订者没有寄回问卷，或者就没有订这份杂志。不错！


[这一段不知道你在批驳社么，省下来的钱不足以买国类产品？没谁期望吧，这个arguer没这么想吧 5提高利润的办法还有很多，论者没有提供资料证明这个就比别的好。
这个你提的和冥界星灿一样，我的修改在上贴。


再次感谢flyingwind的认真修改