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[i习作temp] Issue94 第1篇 请大家指点 [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-2-3 20:52:16 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Issue94  第1篇
挤了老半天终于挤出第一篇了,问题肯定一大堆,请大家帮忙看看,感激不禁!
------题目------
Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study because acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.
------提纲------
观点:赞成学生应该多学专业以外的课程,但必须以学好本专业知识为前提
1、        当今社会要求人们具有各方面的知识
2、        专业外的知识能帮助学生学习和提高本专业知识
3、        学习专业外的知识可能让人会发现自己的真正兴趣所在
4、        不能没有侧重点的学习,应当以本专业知识为本
------正文------
Should universities require students to take courses outside their major fields of study? I strongly agree with the speaker that students should be encouraged to take a variety of courses beyond their majors in order to become "truly educated". Nevertheless, I concede that students should strive to excel in their specific majors before exploring subjects outside their fields.

The first reason why I agree with the speaker is that the contemporary society requires university graduates to have a broad scope of knowledge. In order to take advantage of future career, students should not only gain the ability to excel in one's major but also find the meaning of life and appreciate the world. As British Philosopher Francis Bacon once said, " Histories make men wise; poem witty; the mathematics subtle; natural philosophy deep; moral grave; logic and rhetoric able to contend." All these subjects cited above together make one a better understanding of the society and provide insights of the world. Thus, students majoring in any of these fields cannot be regarded as truly educated until they get general knowledge of all kinds of subjects.

Students would not be able to master their specific majors without knowledge of others. For example, a physics-major student can completely understand the General Relativity only after learning non-Euclidean geometry, which is a branch of modern mathematics. Similarly, an electrical engineer cannot do well in his area without understanding the principles of physics and mathematics. Moreover, since various academic disciplines are interacted, the study of courses outside one's own field may also benefit the study of his major.

By exploring subjects outside their own majors, students may also find new academic fields in which they are really interested. A paradigmatic example involves British physicist and Nobel laureate Dirac, who is renowned for his prediction of the existence of the positron and his research in quantum theory. When educated as an undergraduate student at university, he was engineering major. Yet as reading books outside his major, Dirac found many physics problems so interesting and challengeable that he then decided to devote all his life to this new field and thus made great contribution to the development of quantum theory.

However, acquiring knowledge of various subjects does not mean students should learn without special emphasis on any of these areas. If so, they would not be able to master useful skills for them to contribute anything meaningful to society in their latter life because of lack of sufficient knowledge in a single area. Therefore, students should give priority to their major courses of study.

All in all, to become truly educated one should pursuit a broad scope of knowledge as well as a deep understand about his/her major field of study.
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沙发
发表于 2005-2-3 21:47:17 |只看该作者
Should universities require students to take courses outside their major fields of study? I strongly agree with the speaker that students should be encouraged to take a variety of courses beyond their majors in order to become "truly educated". Nevertheless, I concede that students should strive to excel in their specific majors before exploring subjects outside their fields.

The first reason why I agree with the speaker is that the contemporary society requires university graduates to have a broad scope of knowledge. In order to [U]take advantage of (be adapted to) 应该不是利用的意思吧[/U] future career, students should not only gain the ability to excel in one's major [U]but also find the meaning of life and appreciate the world. (这句话和TS严重不搭调,一看就是为了凑字数,恕我直言,与其为了凑字数,不如紧紧围绕TS来写,字数少一些不会有大影响,但跑题就是个大问题了)[/U] As British Philosopher Francis Bacon once said, " Histories make men wise; poem witty; the mathematics subtle; natural philosophy deep; moral grave; logic and rhetoric able to contend." All these subjects cited above together make one a better understanding of the society and provide insights of the world. Thus, students majoring in any of these fields cannot be regarded as truly educated until they get general knowledge of all kinds of subjects.(这一段没有很好地绕着TS来写,可以说离题.我觉得应该说只有一种技能的人在现代社会中难以生存等等来阐述TS,然后再举些需要多种技能的工作为离子)

Students would not be able to master their specific majors without knowledge of others. For example, a physics-major student can completely understand the General Relativity only after learning non-Euclidean geometry, which is a branch of modern mathematics. Similarly, an electrical engineer cannot do well in his area without understanding the principles of physics and mathematics. Moreover, since various academic disciplines are interacted, the study of courses outside one's own field may also benefit the study of his major.  (不会是学数学的吧,例子举得牛啊,这臆断可和上段合并,并有重点写的必要,建议扩展)

By exploring subjects outside their own majors, students may also find new academic fields in which they are really interested. [U]A (An) [/U]   [U]paradigmatic (删了,这种词还是少用)[/U] example involves British physicist and Nobel laureate Dirac, who is renowned for his prediction of the existence of the positron and his research in quantum theory. When educated as an undergraduate student at university, he was [U](an) [/U]  engineering major. Yet as reading books outside his major, Dirac found many physics problems so interesting and challengeable that he then decided to devote all his life to this new field [U]and thus ( and then这里不是因果关系,不是因为他要献身就有成就的,那诺贝尔奖也太好拿了吧.看来应该是学物理的了)[/U] made great contribution to the development of quantum theory.

However, acquiring knowledge of various subjects does not mean students should learn [U]without special emphasis on any of these areas(all courses on these areas without any emphasis). [/U]  If so, they would not be able to master useful skills for them to contribute anything meaningful to society in their latter life because of lack of sufficient knowledge in a single area. Therefore, students should give priority to their major courses of study. ( 这段分析得不透)

All in all, to become truly educated one should [U]pursuit( pursue pursuit是名词)[/U]  a broad scope of knowledge as well as a deep understand about his/her major field of study.

1.  文笔好
2. 千万不要再跑题了.词用错没大碍,句子不地道没大碍,但是跑题就严重了.
3.其实完全可以分两面派来写.先写是有必要的,再写但是我没不能因为这些而影响自己主要的课.完全可以把跑题的那一段的时间拿来扩展倒数二段.
平生不识武藤兰, 看尽a片也枉然

我看a片纯粹是为了艺术

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板凳
发表于 2005-2-3 21:56:16 |只看该作者
The first reason why I agree with the speaker is that the contemporary society requires university graduates to have a broad scope of knowledge. In order to take advantage of future career, students should not only gain the ability to excel in one's major but also find the meaning of life and appreciate the world. As British Philosopher Francis Bacon once said, " Histories make men wise; poem witty; the mathematics subtle; natural philosophy deep; moral grave; logic and rhetoric able to contend." All these subjects cited above together make one a better understanding of the society and provide insights of the world. Thus, students majoring in any of these fields cannot be regarded as truly educated until they get general knowledge of all kinds of subjects.句子写的太简单,可适当加一些adj,adv来修饰,多加一些同位语,补足语,定语从句来扩大句子长度和难度,The first reason why I agree with the speaker is that the contemporary society requires university graduates to have a broad scope of knowledge including marketing, skill in computer, brilliant spoken English which absolutely facilitate our communication,  in order to take advantage of future career for not only gaining the basic ability to excel apparently in one's major but also finding the very meaning of life and appreciating the world itself.另本文例子有一些牵强我理解不好

Students would not be able to master their specific majors without knowledge of others. 可以增加一些表现形式的变化 Students failed to be able to master their specific majors without knowledge of others. For example, a physics-major student can completely understand the General Relativity only after learning non-Euclidean geometry, which is a branch of modern mathematics. Similarly, an electrical engineer cannot do well in his area without understanding the principles of physics and mathematics. Moreover, since various academic disciplines are interacted, the study of courses outside one's own field may also benefit the study of his major.

先写这莫多

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地板
发表于 2005-2-3 22:05:43 |只看该作者
多谢批改!
跑题的问题以后一定多加注意。
关于倒数第二段的如何展开分析,还不是很清楚,能否在点拨一下?

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发表于 2005-2-3 22:17:50 |只看该作者
倒数第二段要展开就比必需在两面的写法下.这一段就说"虽然要学习课外的,但是不能太占用主要的.接下来啪啪分析一下,说说什么我们不能丢西瓜捡芝麻之类的,这个意思就行了.然后举个例子,就随便找a classmate of yours 来开刀,说她因为花太多时间在课外上导致主课几乎全部都挂啦.之后找工作因为不专自己的课没怎么学好找不到工作.怎么惨怎么写.虽然骗人是不好的,可能说服人就好啦.
平生不识武藤兰, 看尽a片也枉然

我看a片纯粹是为了艺术

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发表于 2005-2-4 17:05:29 |只看该作者
多谢大家的意见,我一定好好修改:)

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RE: Issue94 第1篇 请大家指点 [修改]

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Issue94 第1篇 请大家指点
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