issue30 使劲打，偶会以牙还牙地！嘻嘻

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

Issue30. The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

In modern world, technology has significantly affected people's living styles as well as the whole society. The speaker claims that, the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time. However, so far to my concern, the primary goal of technological advancement should be to satisfy human needs, which is also the motive to develop technology.

Looking back on the history, it is the human needs, including both material and spirits needs that motivate people to make significant inventions and progress. Material demand is directly and concretely expressed by the market. From economic knowledge, we learn that marketing actors, from private operator to multinational corporations, consider making profit as much as possible to be their ultimate goal. By updating the technology and creating new equipments, they can vastly increase their efficiency and save a lot of cost so as to guarantee that their products will beat the competitors’ and occupy a large proportion in the market. The spinning machine was invented by a girl Jean, who expected to produce more cotton than other producers at average time. And the following Industrial Revolution also came forth on the purpose of adapting the expanding productivity. At the same time, to meet people's spirits needs, meaning the curiosity and interests in unexplored fields, is also the primary goal and motive of technological advancement. For instant, if the phenomenon that water steam could lift a jug cover up did not attracted Newton's attention so deeply, he would probably not invent the steamer, which spurred another significant industrial revolution; if brother White were not as eager as to know the reason why people could not fly, perhaps the airplane, which was a landmark in transportation improvement, would not appear. These innovations, to some extent, are all created on the purpose to satisfy people's desire on unknown knowledge and rules. Fundamentally, the primary goal of technological advancement should be to appease people's progressively demands.

Although the progress of technology reacts on increasing people’s efficiency, it does not necessarily endow people with more leisure time. Every advance of technology seems to more or less liberate people from laborious work. But in the whole process, people are always tired because of the complicated situation caused by technological development. When new methods and equipments are popularized immediately, people are not content with their current efficiency in that these equipments cannot bring them enough profit any longer, and then they involve themselves to the next advancement of technology, which will make them busier and busier. Turning around to observe modern people, we can discover that almost everyone is wearing a tired face and keeping a tense mentality. Under no circumstance will people enjoy more leisure time unless they are not yearning to pursue their desires.

To sum up, it clearly follows that satisfying human needs is a primary and permanent goal in the advancement of technology, whose influence is the enhancement of efficiency as well as the busyness of people. I strongly feel that by ameliorating the equipment and technology, people are losing more leisure time in terms of succeeding in the fierce competition, money making, job security and so forth.

SuMLuNGUID: 194126

不错

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

FT 刚又看了一眼 忽然觉得结尾似乎不扣题 然后B3说的又不够清楚就结束了
算了 先等大家砸完了，俺再修改

zqimagineUID: 193623

Issue30. The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

In modern world, technology has significantly affected people's living styles as well as the whole society. The speaker claims that, the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time. However, so far to my concern, the primary goal of technological advancement should be to satisfy human needs, which is also the motive to develop technology.

Looking back on the history, it is the human needs, including both material and spirits needs that motivate people to make significant inventions and progress. Material demand is directly and concretely expressed by the market. From economic knowledge, we learn that marketing actors, from private operator to multinational corporations, consider making profit as much as possible to be their ultimate goal. By updating the technology and creating new equipments, they can vastly increase their efficiency and save a lot of cost so as to guarantee that their products will beat the competitors’ and occupy a large proportion in the market. The spinning machine was invented by a girl Jean, who expected to produce more cotton than other producers at average time. And the following Industrial Revolution also came forth on the purpose of adapting the expanding productivity. （说明了技术进步是为了满足生产者追求利润最大化的需要，可是利润最大化就等于满足物质需求吗？我觉得物质需求的满足不仅是生产者方面的，还有消费者方面的）At the same time, to meet people's spirits needs, meaning the curiosity and interests in unexplored fields, is also the primary goal and motive of technological advancement. For [U]instant(instance)[/U] , if the phenomenon that water steam could lift a jug cover up did not attracted [U]Newton（不是牛顿是瓦特吧）[/U] 's attention so deeply, he would probably not invent the steamer, which spurred another significant industrial revolution; if brother White were not as eager as to know the reason why people could not fly, perhaps the airplane, which was a landmark in transportation improvement, would not appear. These innovations, to some extent, are all created on the purpose to satisfy people's desire on unknown knowledge and rules. Fundamentally, the primary goal of technological advancement should be to appease people's progressively demands.（再说一下人类需求可以推动技术进步会不会更好一点？）

Although the progress of technology reacts on increasing people’s efficiency, it does not necessarily endow people with more leisure time. Every advance of technology seems to more or less liberate people from laborious work. But in the whole process, people are always tired because of the complicated situation caused by technological development. When new methods and equipments are popularized immediately, people are not content with their current efficiency in that these equipments cannot bring them enough profit any longer, and then they involve themselves to the next advancement of technology, which will make them busier and busier. Turning around to observe modern people, we can discover that almost everyone is wearing a tired face and keeping a tense mentality. Under no circumstance will people enjoy more leisure time unless they are not yearning to pursue their desires.

To sum up, it clearly follows that satisfying human needs is a primary and permanent goal in the advancement of technology, whose influence is the enhancement of efficiency as well as the busyness of people. I strongly feel that by ameliorating the equipment and technology, people are losing more leisure time in terms of succeeding in the fierce competition, money making, job security and so forth.

语言很漂亮！佩服！

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

FT
我明明脑袋想的瓦特，怎么写出成牛顿了，这下可丢人死了
嗯 那个消费需求的建议很不错，不过一时偶想不出来要怎么说，楼上的可以具体点，给点主意好么？
谢谢楼上 有空去拍你的

ally00lingUID: 178366

我的建议：
1 题目让讨论科技的是否用来提高人的效率，增加休闲时间
你的观点至少应对此作出直接回应
你的波Ｂ１部分只说你认为的科技的主要目的，没有对题目观点的回应，即它的论断有什么问题，你回避了
２即便你想说科技满足人精神物质的需求，我觉得精神方面例　　子不恰当，尽管你试图向满足人的好奇方面解释
　我觉得科技为艺术增添了很多表现形式，这个和精神需求还是　挺近的，你觉得呢？
３你的Ｂ２部分说科技让人闲暇时间少了，也只是泛泛而谈
　没有分析其更深的原因，也没有具体的例证，应该补充

一家之说，希望和大家交流！ :D

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

TO 楼上美眉：TKS！

2，3 建议很好，收之，用来修改。
3的建议正如偶自己在3楼说的，偶也发现这个问题了，会修改。

关于1的建议，偶在写的时候也想过，而且一开始最后一句说到了闲暇时光的问题，后来觉得联系不紧密又换了。偶个人认为，题目重点说科技的目的should be to ？就是说科技的目的是为了干什么。而偶觉得可以首先不同意它提出的科技的目的是为了增加效率，提出自己的观点。而且题目中的增加闲暇时光是由论题的“增加效率”引起的，既然我已经将它的主体否了，后面我觉得不用再说了。

多谢楼上建议。欢迎继续讨论这个问题：）

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Issue30. The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

In modern world, technology has significantly affected people's living styles as well as the whole society. 【as well as前后你接的东西相差的有点太大了，这里的关系应该是even了。】The speaker claims that, the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time. 【这样的restate太明显了，建议换成其他的方式来引出观点】However, so far to my concern, the primary goal of technological advancement should be to satisfy human needs, which is also the motive to develop【for developing】 technology. 【觉得你的观点有一点问题，没有提到more leisure time的问题，你否定了因，那么果自然是不成立的，但是我觉得这里应该表述一下比较好。观点要简洁，但是也要完整】

Looking back on the history, it is the human needs, including both material and spirits needs that motivate people to make significant inventions and progress. Material demand is directly and concretely expressed by the market【觉得说market有点局限，或者这里可以说以market为例】. From economic knowledge, we learn that marketing actors, from private operator to multinational corporations, consider making profit as much as possible to be their ultimate goal. 【觉得这个你举的不好，不是物质需要了，如果说赚钱越多越好应该是贪婪，或者拜金，物质需要应该是基本的或者合理的，比如赚钱养家糊口，应该不是making profit as much as possible这种 】By updating the technology and creating new equipments, they can vastly increase their efficiency and save a lot of cost so as to guarantee that their products will beat the competitors’ and occupy a large proportion in the market. 【同上，这里说的不是普遍意义的需要不符合human needs，我觉得这里的need应该是普遍的，日常生活里面方方面面的需要】The spinning machine was invented by a girl Jean, who expected to produce more cotton than other producers at average time. And the following Industrial Revolution also came forth on the purpose of adapting the expanding productivity. 【我觉得应该解释成为了普遍的对于物质的需要，所以要提高产量。你的说法只是在某种程度上面或者对于某些人是一种需要，不能够证明是科技发展的primary goal，注意primary 啊，一定要非常的重要才能符合primary啊】At the same time, to meet people's spirits needs, meaning the curiosity and interests in unexplored fields, is also the primary goal and motive of technological advancement. 【觉得你把这两个说成是精神上的需求有一点牵强的】For instant【instance啊，仔细啊】, if the phenomenon that water steam could lift a jug cover up did not attracted Newton's【无语。。。】 attention so deeply, he would probably not invent the steamer, which spurred another significant industrial revolution; if brother White were not as eager as to know the reason why people could not fly, perhaps the airplane, which was a landmark in transportation improvement, would not appear. 【好了，看到了你的例子以后看出来你的思路有点偏了，这些，包括你的分论点，都是说明兴趣啊好奇心啊等等个人的因素对于科技发展的影响，换句话说，是科技得到发展的原因。而我们要论述的是科技发展的目的，有点反了不是吗？原因在前，结果在后，结果的目的更在后面啊】These innovations, to some extent, are all created on the purpose to satisfy people's desire on unknown knowledge and rules. 【所以说到这里感觉底气就不是很足了】Fundamentally, 【这样的词语出现在总结性的句子里面不好吧】the primary goal of technological advancement should be to appease people's progressively 【这个词用的突兀了】demands.
【感觉你的思路和布局是可以的。但是具体的如何展开，如何例证方面有不足，第一个分论点的例子有问题，第二个分论点整个都有问题，再好好考虑一下】

Although the progress of technology reacts on increasing people’s efficiency, it does not necessarily endow people with more leisure time. 【看你的论点的时候就有点担心你的布局，会不会写成1＋1，会不会写成argument，果然这里感觉有点硬了，为了回应题目而写出的。觉得你是拆开了两个问题来说的。你前面没有提过reacts on increasing people’s efficiency，这里却用了although，感觉是突然从前一个话题生硬的转折过来的】 Every advance of technology seems to more or less liberate people from laborious work. But in the whole process, people are always tired 【口语化了】because of the complicated situation caused by technological development. 【感觉这个句子没有说到实质性的问题，看了后面又仔细的解释，那这句还不如就删去】When new methods and equipments are popularized immediately, people are not content with their current efficiency in that these equipments cannot bring them enough profit any longer, and then they involve themselves to【in吧】 the next advancement of technology, which will make them busier and busier. Turning around to observe modern people, we can discover that almost everyone is wearing a tired face and keeping a tense mentality. Under no circumstance will people enjoy more leisure time unless they are not yearning to pursue their desires. 【这句话挺好】
【开始觉得衔接有问题，不过这段展开的还算成功的，有进步】

To sum up, it clearly follows that satisfying human needs is a primary and permanent goal in the advancement of technology, whose influence is the enhancement of efficiency as well as the busyness of people. I strongly feel 【不好，换一个词】that by ameliorating the equipment and technology, people are losing more leisure time in terms of succeeding in the fierce competition, money making, job security and so forth.【结尾有点草】

【觉得总体还是有进步的，细节的问题还是有一些的。关于文章整体的思路我给一点建议，按照你的思路展开的话，B1说科技发展主要的目标是满足人们需要。B2可以说提高效率确实也是科技进步的目标之一，但不是主要的目标。B3说效率提高但是空闲的时间没有增加。我个人觉得这样联系能够更紧凑一点。】

victoriazhizhiUID: 163135

谢过鬼谷子
鉴于已经和鬼谷子前辈进行了讨论，偶这里不废话了。
确实明白了不少。
特此感激