Issue10 高频！_第一次发文章_很快要考了_请大家帮忙看看_人批我我必批人！！

gondolierUID: 193827

44min 错别字改过了，自我感觉不好，词汇巨贫乏，重复特多～
Syllabus: 每段首句就是啦
1. Commonsense dictates that in most cases a country's cultural achievements are concentrated in its major cities.
2. small towns and rural areas also breed and preserve a nation's unique cultural tradition.
3. it would be such a heavy financial burden for only government to be responsible for the preservation of national cultural heritage.

Should government ensure that major cities are subsidized to keep them thrive? The speaker claims so, for the reason that it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated. I concede to this statement insofar as major cities contribute a lot to maintain a nation's cultural identity; however, small towns and rural areas can also carry a nation's cultural features. Besides, society should not always rely on government to help in preserving country's heritage.

Commonsense dictates that in most cases a country's cultural achievements are concentrated in its major cities. City came into being when people gradually thronged to a certain place and settled down, and thus made this place a center of population, commerce, and culture. As Florence for Italy, Paris for France, New York for America, the formation of each of these metropolises takes hundreds or thousands of years, during which they were branded with the trace of the development of its nation. So many historical sites were left in the city, each of which demonstrates the long and winding road of its nation’s evolution and reflects the cultural ethos of its people. But for these major cities, societies and people would have a diminished sense of who they are.

On the other hand, small towns and rural areas also breed and preserve a nation's unique cultural tradition. Doubtlessly, globalization has become a unstoppable trend all over the world. Under its influence lots of big cities have evolved into international metropolises, where traditions and cultural featuring this nation are nearly overwhelmed by its power and becoming more and more homogeneous. In these circumstances, many less-developed places, where disturbance from outside are less frequent, have a obvious advantage to generate and preserve a nation's unique culture. For instance, in Italy, many cathedrals dating back to medieval times are best preserved in small towns. In this sense, government should equally support small towns and rural areas to preserve cultural heritage there.

However, it would be such a heavy financial burden for only government to be responsible for the preservation of national cultural heritage. In fact, it is very reasonable for cities to make effort to protect local cultural traditions. For example, revenue from tourism focused on historical and cultural sites can in turn favors its own maintenance and development. Also, patronage from charity organization and individual donation can account for another significant part. Besides, focusing on the preservation of culture in its major cities, government would probably overlook other equally important areas and other pressing social problems, such as increasingly big income gap between cities and countries, improving education conditions in impoverished areas and so forth. This is especially the case in some less developed countries, where urbanization has not gained much nationwide advantage.

In the final analysis, although major cities have a considerable concentration of a nation's traditions and culture, small towns and rural areas help define its nation's cultural uniqueness. Besides, preservation of cultural heritage calls for collaboration of the whole society, which should not be a task solely for the government.

poohUID: 146994

body1 commonsense  tell ...不代表你的观点，也没说出你的理由！所以改改topic sentense
         太空泛，缺少具体的分析，具体的例子
body3是不是跟本题目的关系远了点

注意下次帖题目上来

ilmfampUID: 188503

10"Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated."

Should governmentgovernments ensure that major cities are subsidized to keep them thrive? The speaker claims so, for the reason that it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated. I concede to this statement insofar as major cities contribute a lot to maintain a nation's cultural identity; however, small towns and rural areas can also carry a nation's cultural featurescarry好像不合适. Besides, society should not always rely on government to help in preserving country's heritageto preserve就可以了吧.

Commonsense dictates that in most cases a country's cultural achievements are concentrated in its major citiescommonsense是adj.,dictate是to speak domineering换成tell吧. City came into being when people gradually thronged to a certain place and settled down, and thus made this place a center of population, commerce, and culture. As Florence for Italy, Paris for France, New York for America, the formation of each of these metropolises takes hundreds or thousands of years, during which they were branded with the trace of the development of its nationtheir nations. So many historical sites were left in the city, each of which demonstrates the long and winding road of its nation’s evolution and reflects the cultural ethos of its people. But for these major cities, societies and people would have a diminished sense of who they are.文化成果集中在major city,而historical sites仅是文化的一部分，而且好像也没有突出major city，最后一句太突然了，仅仅是给出了另一个观点而没有论证

On the other hand, small towns and rural areas also breed and preserve a nation's unique cultural tradition.似乎少一个过渡，刚开始在说rural然后就突然到了city Doubtlessly, globalization has become a unstoppable trend all over the world. Under its influence lots of big cities have evolved into international metropolises, where traditions and cultural featuring this nation are nearly overwhelmed by its power and becoming more and more homogeneous. In these circumstances, many less-developed places, where disturbance from outside are less frequent, have aan obvious advantage to generate and preserve a nation's unique culture. For instance, in Italy, many cathedrals dating back to medieval times are best preserved in small towns. In this sense, government should equally support small towns and rural areas to preserve cultural heritage there.

However, it would be such a heavy financial burden for only government to be responsible for the preservation of national cultural heritageonly有点别扭. In fact, it is very reasonable for cities to make effort to protect local cultural traditions. For example, revenue from tourism focused on historical and cultural sites can in turn favors its own maintenance and development. Also, patronage from charity organization and individual donation can account for another significant part. Besides, focusing on the preservation of culture in its major cities, government would probably overlook other equally important areas and other pressing social problems, such as increasingly big income gap between cities and countries, improving education conditions in impoverished areas and so forth. This is especially the case in some less developed countries, where urbanization has not gained much nationwide advantage.Beside之后指出了负面影响很好，是不是应该另起一段，因为与这一段的主题不符

In the final analysis, although major cities have a considerable concentration of a nation's traditions and culture, small towns and rural areas help define itstheir nation's cultural uniqueness. Besides, preservation of cultural heritage calls for collaboration of the whole society, which should not be a task solely for the government.

Generally speaking,感觉思路很清楚，文章结构也有了，但是用词和每一段的展开上还可以做得更好噢，加油哦

gondolierUID: 193827

最初由 pooh 发布
[B]body1 commonsense  tell ...不代表你的观点，也没说出你的理由！所以改改topic sentense
         太空泛，缺少具体的分析，具体的例子
body3是不是跟本题目的关系远了?.

以下省略...... [/B]

谢谢pooh的指点，正是苦于找不到具体的例子才不得不空泛的分析，再次致谢！

gondolierUID: 193827

最初由 ilmfamp 发布
[B]10"Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's..

以下省略...... [/B]

谢谢ilmfamp 的指点，的确问题多多！