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[i习作temp] Issue67 教育类,参与公共服务,第二篇issue, 请砸砖,必回拍,谢谢! [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-2-12 21:56:06 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
呵呵,写了几个小时都不好意思说了,互改互改!
题目:
67"Colleges should require students to engage in public-service activities in order to  assure that each student receives a balanced, well-rounded education."

正文:
The speaker asserts that students in colleges should be required to engage in public-service in order to gain a balanced and well-rounded education. I strongly agree with the speaker, for the reason that as the backbones of future society, college students should obtain a balance of acquirement of knowledge and cultivation of other virtues, and working for public-service can be helpful to it, though cultivating the other virtues such as social responsibility, the social ability for future life. Yet, engaging in public-service should not occupy too much time and energy to avoid distracting students from academic study.

The aim of education is not only instilling scientific, technician, and arts knowledge, but also cultivating many human virtues such as social responsibility, honesty, goodness, integrity, and the basic abilities necessary to social life such as communication. While studying in class play a main role in learning knowledge, working in public-service can serve well to training human virtues and social abilities.

First, students would become increasingly aware of social responsibility as members of society by taking part in public-service activities. They stand to learn more vivid facts about the social problems than that can be found from class and books, and think more about the society, during which they recognize their duty to the society. For example, many students of our university take part in the volunteering-teaching in the suburb special elementary schools, whose pupils are all the children of presents working in Beijing from other districts. There college students are astonished by the scarce of formal educated teachers and teaching equipments, and the poverty of most pupils, and the fact that Those schools just twenty or thirty kilometers away from our university in the entry of capital, exist nearly out of the sight of mainstream, and most of which can not acquire the legal admission of government. Though serving there, most students feel the obligation to help them and more others, they insist on teaching for several years, and even, several students change their major to education or contemporary peasants’ problem. Understandably, engaging in public medical fields, environmental activities, and so on can also benefit to the students. In addition, Such experiences can cultivate us other virtues besides social responsibility. For instance, when helping cleaning the street arduously, college students learn much about the importance to keep public place tidy and would more respect the public cleaners. Indeed, taking part in public-service contribute to students’ virtues as a well-developed social member.

Engaging in public-service also contributes to the social ability of college students, which is necessary to future social work and life. In schools, students are mainly taught knowledge, and have few opportunities to practice in the society, as a result they are often scorned for living in “ivory tower”. Thus, in some sense, most students are lack of the ability to deal with various social problems they encounter, such as the ability to effectively communicate with different individuals having respective personalities. However, taking part in public-service can help serve the problem. During such activities students can work with many different people, learn how to communicate with them, and can easily develop cooperation and tolerance when striving for a mutual goal together, and so forth. In fact, the students who often take part in the public-service tend to find job much easily and work more productively. Accordingly, engaging in public-service activities help much on equipping college students with some abilities essential to their success in future.

Admittedly, although the public-service activities played a great role in college education, the students should not spend too much time and energy on it. Studying knowledge in school is also, or more important to some extent, and undue public-service activities might impede learning by  a distracting students from focusing on studying in school. For example, some students choose stay in the nursing house every day without attending class instead of working on weekends would weaken his major study and might ruin the whole ability he hold at last. Thus, we should require students to engage public-service to a proper extent.

In sum, for providing a well-round education to students, college should require students to engage in public-service to a proper extent., which can cultivate their human virtues such as social responsibility, and their social ability. Also without distracting students from their study in school.

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发表于 2005-2-12 22:57:33 |只看该作者
The speaker asserts that students in colleges should be required to engage in public-service in order to gain a balanced and well-rounded education. I strongly agree with the speaker, for the reason that as the backbones of future society, college students should obtain a balance of acquirement of knowledge and cultivation of other virtues, and working for public-service can be helpful to it, though cultivating the other virtues such as social responsibility,[thogh这一句怎么和上面连接的?] the social ability for future life. Yet, engaging in public-service should not occupy too much time and energy to avoid distracting students from academic study.

The aim of education is not only instilling scientific, technician[->technologic], and arts knowledge, but also cultivating many human virtues such as social responsibility, honesty, goodness, integrity, and the basic abilities necessary to social life such as communication. While studying in class play a main role in learning knowledge, working in public-service can serve well to training human virtues and social abilities. [这段和第一段有很多重复,应合并]

First, students would become increasingly aware of social responsibility as members of society by taking part in public-service activities. They stand to learn more vivid facts about the social problems than that can[加上not] be found from class and books, and think more about the society, during which they recognize their duty to the society. For example, many students of our university take part in the volunteering-teaching in the suburb special elementary schools, whose pupils are all the children of presents working in Beijing from other districts. There college students are astonished by the scarce of formal educated teachers and teaching equipments, and the poverty of most pupils, and the fact that Those[those] schools[are] just twenty or thirty kilometers away from our university in the entry[center] of[the] capital, exist nearly out of the sight of mainstream, and most of which can not acquire the legal admission of government. Though[throgh] serving there, most students feel the obligation to help them and more others, they insist on teaching for several years, and even, several students change their major to education or contemporary peasants’ problem. Understandably, engaging in public medical fields, environmental activities, and so on can also benefit to the students. In addition, Such experiences can cultivate us other virtues besides social responsibility. For instance, when helping cleaning the street arduously, college students learn much about the importance to keep public place tidy and would more respect the public cleaners. Indeed, taking part in public-service contribute to students’ virtues as a well-developed social member[number].

Engaging in public-service also contributes to the social ability of college students, which is necessary to future social work and life. In schools, students are mainly taught knowledge, and have few opportunities to practice in the society, as a result they are often scorned for living in “ivory tower”. Thus, in some sense, most students are lack of the ability to deal with various social problems they encounter, such as the ability to effectively communicate with different individuals having respective personalities. However, taking part in public-service can help serve the problem. During such activities students can work with many different people, learn how to communicate with them, and can easily develop cooperation and tolerance when striving for a mutual goal together, and so forth. In fact, the students who often take part in the public-service tend to find job much easily and work more productively. Accordingly, engaging in public-service activities help much on equipping college students with some abilities essential to their success in future.

Admittedly, although the public-service activities played a great role in college education, the students should not spend too much time and energy on it. Studying knowledge in school is also, or more important to[in] some extent, and undue public-service activities might impede learning by a distracting students from focusing on studying in school. For example, some students choose stay in the nursing house every day without attending class instead of working on weekends [??有点看不明白这句]would weaken his major study and might ruin the whole ability he hold at last. Thus, we should require students to engage public-service to a proper extent.

In sum, for providing a well-round education to students, college should require students to engage in public-service to a proper extent., which can cultivate their human virtues such as social responsibility, and their social ability. Also[alsoh和句号都去掉] without distracting students from their study in school.

[总体感觉不错,思路和结构都挺好,只是语法和拼写错误太多,有些地方我也拿不准,咱们一起努力吧]

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板凳
发表于 2005-2-12 23:29:50 |只看该作者
谢谢zhoulin00001!今天太晚了,刚已经拍了半天,明天再拍你的!呵呵!

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发表于 2005-2-12 23:57:33 |只看该作者
67"Colleges should require students to engage in public-service activities in order to assure that each student receives a balanced, well-rounded education."

正文:
The speaker asserts that students in colleges should be required to engage in public-service in order to gain a balanced and well-rounded education. I strongly agree with the speaker, for the reason that as the backbones of future society, college students should obtain a balance of acquirement of knowledge and cultivation of other virtues, and working for public-service can be helpful to it, though cultivating the other virtues such as social responsibility, the social ability for future life. Yet, engaging in public-service should not occupy too much time and energy to avoid distracting students from academic study.

The aim of education is not only 我觉得这里用不定式好一些to instillinstilling scientific, technician, and arts knowledge, but also to cultivatecultivating many human virtues such as social responsibility, honesty, goodness, integrity, and thebasic abilities necessary to social life 社会生活的基本能力可以称为virtue吗? such as communication. While studying in class play a main role in learning knowledge, working in public-service can serve well to 把training改成mold,或shape,用动词原形,train做及物动词时一般人做宾语,做不及物动词时一般人做主语training human virtues and social abilities.

First, students would become increasingly aware of social responsibility as members of society by taking part in public-service activities. They stand to learn more vivid facts about the social problems than that can be found from class and books, and think more about the society, during which they recognize their duty to the society. For example, many students of our university take part in the volunteering-teaching in the suburb special elementary schools, whose pupils are all the children of 篇parentspresents working in Beijing from other districts. There college students are astonished by the scarce of formal educated teachers and teaching equipments, and the poverty of most pupils, and the fact that Those schools just twenty or thirty kilometers away from our university in the entry of capital, exist nearly out of the sight of mainstream, and most of which can not acquire the legal admission of加个loacal吧,准确一些 government. ThroughThough serving there, most students feel the obligation to help them and more others, they insist on teaching for several years, and even, several students change their major to education or contemporary peasants’ problem. Understandably, engaging in public medical fields, environmental activities, and so on can also benefit to the students. In addition, Such experiences can cultivate us other virtues besides social responsibility. For instance, when helping cleaning the street arduously, college students learn much about the importance to keep public place tidy and would more respect the public cleaners. Indeed, taking part in public-service contribute to students’ virtues as a well-developed social member.
义务教师的例子应该更加深入地说明学生是如何从这个public-service 上获得some virtues,觉得后面那个简洁的清洁工的例子更有说服力
Engaging in public-service also contributes to the social ability of college students, which is necessary to future social work and life. In schools, students are mainly taught knowledge, and have few opportunities to practice in the society, as a result they are often scorned for living in “ivory tower”. Thus, in some sense, most students are lack of the ability to deal with various social problems they encounter, such as the ability to effectively communicate with different differnt形容individuals 感觉不太合适individuals having respective personalities. However, taking part in public-service can help serve the problem. During such activities students can work with many different people, learn how to communicate with them, and can easily develop cooperation and tolerance when striving for a mutual goal together, and so forth. In fact, the students who often take part in the public-service tend to find job much easily and work more productively. Accordingly, engaging in public-service activities help much on equipping college students with some abilities essential to their success in future.

Admittedly, although the public-service activities played 为什么用过去式a great role in college education, the students should not spend too much time and energy on it. Studying knowledge in school is also, or more important to some extent, and undue public-service activities might impede learning by a distracting students from focusing on studying in school. For example, some students choose stay in the nursing house every day without attending class instead of working on weekends would weaken his major study and might ruin the whole ability he hold at last. Thus, we should require students to engage public-service to a proper extent.

In sum, for providing a well-round education to students, college should require students to engage in public-service to a proper extent., which can cultivate their human virtues such as social responsibility, and their social ability. Also without distracting students from their study in school.


思路比较清晰,不过感觉有些浮浅,不知道为什么,觉得不够深入,对issue的复杂性没把握好,还是本来这个issue就是这样。
对于这个issue,我觉得有些问题需要考虑:
1。为什么要是college students而不是high school or elementary school
2。通过public-service,一定能assure each student受到和谐而全面的教育吗?

我帮你改作文,你能帮我回改吗?我3月21号考
PP3模考:
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=256059

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发表于 2005-2-13 00:02:16 |只看该作者
The speaker asserts that students in colleges should be required to engage in public-service in order to gain a balanced and well-rounded education(建议不要换个方式表达). I strongly agree with the speaker, for the reason that as the backbones of future society, college students should obtain a balance of acquirement of knowledge and cultivation of other virtues, and working for public-service can be helpful to it, though(没理解,应该是递进关系吧?) cultivating the other virtues such as social responsibility, the social ability for future life. Yet, engaging in public-service should not occupy too much time and energy to avoid distracting students from academic study.

The aim of education is not only instilling scientific, technician, and arts knowledge, but also cultivating many human virtues such as social responsibility, honesty, goodness, integrity, and the basic abilities necessary to social life such as communication. While studying in class play a main role in learning knowledge, working in public-service can serve well to training human virtues and social abilities.

First, students would become increasingly aware of social responsibility as members of society by taking part in public-service activities. They stand to learn more vivid facts about the social problems than that can be found from class and books, and think more about the society, during which they recognize their duty to the society. For example, many students of our university take part in the volunteering-teaching in the suburb special elementary schools, whose pupils are all the children of presents working in Beijing from other districts. There college students are astonished by the scarce of formal educated teachers and teaching equipments, and the poverty of most pupils, and the fact that Those schools just twenty or thirty kilometers away from our university in the entry of capital, exist nearly out of the sight of mainstream, and most of which can not acquire the legal admission of government. Though serving there, most students feel the obligation to help them and more others, they insist on teaching for several years, and even, several students change their major to education or contemporary peasants’ problem.(建议把这个例子精炼一些) Understandably, engaging in public medical fields, environmental activities, and so on can also benefit to the students. In addition, Such experiences can cultivate us other virtues besides social responsibility. For instance, when helping cleaning the street arduously, college students learn much about the importance to keep public place tidy and would more respect the public cleaners. Indeed, taking part in public-service contribute to students’ virtues as a well-developed social member.(例子挺到位的)

Engaging in public-service also contributes to the social ability of college students, which is necessary to future social work and life. In schools, students are mainly taught knowledge, and have few opportunities to practice in the society, as a result they are often scorned for living in “ivory tower”. Thus, in some sense, most students are lack of the ability to deal with various social problems they encounter, such as the ability to effectively communicate with different individuals having respective personalities. However, taking part in public-service can help serve the problem. During such activities students can work with many different people, learn how to communicate with them, and can easily develop cooperation and tolerance when striving for a mutual goal together, and so forth. In fact, the students who often take part in the public-service tend to find job much easily and work more productively. Accordingly, engaging in public-service activities help much on equipping college students with some abilities essential to their success in future.

Admittedly, although the public-service activities played a great role in college education, the students should not spend too much time and energy on it. Studying knowledge in school is also, or(even) more important to some extent, and undue public-service activities might impede learning by a distracting students from focusing on studying in school. For example, some students choose stay in the nursing house every day without attending class instead of working on weekends would weaken his major study and might ruin the whole ability he hold at last. Thus, we should require students to engage public-service to a proper extent.

In sum, for providing a well-round education to students, college should require students to engage in public-service to a proper extent., which can cultivate their human virtues such as social responsibility, and their social ability. Also without distracting students from their study in school.
(楼主写得蛮好的,body 1 和body 2之间有递进的关系,考虑挺周到的,个人觉得,最后不让步也可以,把body1 分成两段来写,呵呵,个人观点,加油~~~)

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发表于 2005-2-13 22:32:26 |只看该作者
非常感谢zhoulin00001,xiongyicn,nickaaronlee! 辛苦了! 你们的意见都很中肯,受益匪浅!
第一段though,应是though,打错,惭愧!

第一段第二段确实有些重复,考虑二三合并。谢谢!

义务教师的确实太罗嗦了,因为是亲身经历的,所以……呵呵。

至于issue 复杂性的问题,还在考虑中,也希望大家多提意见!

谢谢!

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RE: Issue67 教育类,参与公共服务,第二篇issue, 请砸砖,必回拍,谢谢! [修改]

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Issue67 教育类,参与公共服务,第二篇issue, 请砸砖,必回拍,谢谢!
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